this is one of my most favorite songs, and one of my more adored chapters. I hope you like it too.

Thank you to my friend Willow, for her edit which is the cover image of this story. Thank you, babe! It's beautiful.

Enjoy!

Chapter Fourteen

I love you goodbye

"Leaving someone when you love someone, is the hardest thing to do, when you love someone as much as I love you"

She loves Robin.

Her mind is running hundred miles per minute at the moment, and there are so many things she isn't sure about, but if there is one thing she is sure of: it is that she is completely in love with Robin Locksley.

It is also why she cannot stay.

She cannot stay because she loves him and that sounds fucked up even to her ears, but it's the best thing for them right now, because right now, her heart is too broken for her to be able to give it to him.

Maybe she's the one who needs to heal this time.

Maybe, their relationship is too broken and it's beyond repair.

Beyond repair.

Well that should be the title of her autobiography.

She shakes her head at her own thoughts before she rolls over and climbs out of the bed she's just shared with Robin. She pulls the sheet tight across her chest, watching for a while as Robin stirs, but falls back to sleep, looking tired, but at peace. Tears gather at her eyes and she sniffs, trying to dispel them.

She cannot fall apart now. What she needs is to get dressed, get her belongings out of the hotel room, check out and get a cab to the airport, all without waking Robin up and letting herself fall apart.

It is a task, but she somehow manages to do all that, and less than half an hour later, she's in a taxi on her way to Heathrow, leaving the man she loves behind.

It is for the best, she tells herself even as her heart tells her that she is about to commit the biggest mistake in her life. She's done this once, walking out on him, pushing him away, and it has so far only ended up disastrously. But her heart and her whole being have been clobbered too much, too many times and she cannot take it anymore.

She just needs to start letting go, let her heart fall into pieces and hope to god that she has enough pieces of them left in her to stitch it back together. It will take time to heal, she realizes, but it will still be a heart, and somehow, after some time, she will learn to get used to not having all of its pieces.

"Miss, we're here now," the taxi driver says, effectively waking her from her reverie.

She looks up at him, startled, before she jumps back and takes control of her wandering mind. She digs through her purse for a few bills, handing it to the driver, who has the car door opened and has all of her luggage at the side of the car by the trunk.

"Thanks," she murmurs as she climbs out of the taxi.

"He'll find you," the driver says, ominously though not in a creepy way which she just pins down to the accent. She throws him a look, unsure whether she's amused or annoyed, to which he only tips his imaginary hat at her before he's rushing to the driver's side and driving away.

If that isn't weird that she isn't entirely sure what is.

Well, she does, what's weird is that she's here, in the airport, walking through the gates to board a flight back to the United States, to New York, with all the memories she isn't even sure anymore if she wants to burn from her mind or remember for the rest of her life, when all she wants is to be right by Robin's side, back to side of the man she loves.

Only, that isn't even weird anymore, it's painful.

Monotonously, and as if an automaton, she walks around the airport searching for her gate. She checks herself in, handing her boarding pass and passport to the attendant without a word and a blank stare on her eyes.

She finds a seat and waits for the announcement that the plane is boarding. She doesn't know if it's been hours, or just minutes, or maybe even just seconds, but agitation and anxiety creep up to her and suddenly her feet want to run away, away from here and right into Robin's arms where she has been so sure she belonged.

Stamping down the urge, she gets up from her chair and heaves her carryon bag on her shoulder and takes her purse. She takes a walk down the aisles, thinking that surely, it won't be long till they start boarding. She just needs to pass the time.

"Calling all passengers of Flight 892 to New York, gate G14 is already open for boarding," she hears over the noise of all people crowding the airport.

With a grateful sigh, and a mental pat on the back for not running away and going to Robin, she walks over to her gate, and that is when she hears it.

"Regina!" she hears someone shout from behind her, and it paralyzes her, makes her stand on stick legs that won't move, not away or towards him.

She bites her lips and closes her eyes, trying to remind herself that she can still breathe, and that she should.

"Regina," she hears him pant and her heart breaks.

She tries not to turn, to just walk straight, but her heart betrays her mind, and she turns, looking at him with glassy eyes.

Or are those actually tears that are now running down her cheeks?

"Robin," she whispers on a breath she barely has.

"Regina," he says, walking straight to her. He is panting, heaving, beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

"What are you—how did you get through?" she asks, painfully aware of how her words seem to have deserted her.

"I bought a ticket to Ireland," he says with a shrug, as though it isn't a big deal.

Well it's a big fucking deal, alright.

"Why am I getting a sense of deja vu?" she asks ironically, trying to get him to leave with her look but so failing miserably.

"Don't go," he says and she only looks at him like he has grown two heads, which is infinitely better than what he's suggesting.

"I can't not go," she somehow finds herself answering. "I need to…my flight's boarding."

"Then miss it," he suggests, taking a step forward and making her take two steps backwards. "Miss it and stay right here with me. We can have a fresh start."

"I—I ca—Don't think that-," she stammers as he takes another step, and she takes another two, "don't think—I can't."

He takes a step and before she can do it, too, he cups her face in his hands and kisses her. Talk about a three-hundred and sixty turn—now he's asking her to stay.

"Stay," he whispers when he pulls away and touches their forehead together.

She lifts her chin and takes his lips in hers, pulling away when her lungs burn, her lips falling onto the tip of his nose, his breath bouncing against her skin.

"I love you," he says. "And I'm an idiot because I keep trying to figure things out when really, there is nothing to figure out…I have already figured it out, I love you."

Her heart clenches and then breaks. She sucks in a deep breath. "And I love you, too," she whispers because it's the only truth she knows.

"Then stay," he begs.

"But I cannot stay," she tells him as she pushes herself away from his hold. She can barely look him in the eyes, but try she does. "I cannot stay because this time I'm the one who needs fixing. I'm broken." She shrugs. "And I'm not going to lie to you and say that it isn't because of you, because it is, partially. But I'm broken because of me too, because I don't think I completely healed." She shakes her head. "You loved me completely, and you healed parts of me, but I…I only loved the good parts that you've made out of me…the broken part I just completely shoved it out of memory, and I think…I think I need to…no, I want to fix me, heal me, before I even try to make this work."

He doesn't speak, and somehow, his silence is louder than the sound of the people around them.

"I don't even know if that makes sense anymore…." She trails off and then looks away, reaching up and brushing away her tears. "All I know is I cannot be here right now, and I cannot stay."

"We have been trying to heal ourselves, trying to fix parts of us, but what if…what if we heal better together?" he asks, and for once, she doesn't have answer to that.

He might have a point.

And he does, actually.

Only, she doesn't want the together part if she's not even able to keep herself together.

"Robin," she whispers, just as the last call for her flight goes off.

"Regina," he breathes out, looking at her pleadingly.

She bridges the distance between herself and him, this time cupping his face in her hands and kissing him. "I'm sorry, but I have to do this, okay? You wanted to fix yourself once before, and now I want that too." She smiles through her tears. "I love you, but I'm letting you go."

"But I…" he tries to say but she shushes him, knowing exactly what he wants to say. She is certain she won't even have a heart to stitch back together if she hears him say it.

"I know…" she tells him with a nod. She touches their forehead together. "Love again."

And with that she lets him go and walks away, going through the gates without looking back. She won't be able to handle it, and she isn't exactly sure she can say goodbye one more time.

This time, she's letting him go. She's letting it all go.

This time it's goodbye.

A/N: don't hate me and don't send me death threats just yet, the course of true love never did run smooth. Let me know what you think (okay, cursing is allowed, but mildly, please).