So it goes with saying that only things I own with any connection to MARVEL I bought on Ebay or Etsy. MARVEL COMICS & MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE are their own creatures and I have nothing to do with either of them aside from the fact I enjoy reading or watching them, and am grateful for the ability to play in their world. I claim nothing, and I receive nothing for this, expect the pleasure of putting something out into the world.
You can also find this story on ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN under the same title and pen name along with a place to post suggestions.
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DAY THREE
CHAPTER FORTY ONE
THURSDAY, MAY 3RD 2012
0631 HOURS
SUBTERRANEAN BUNKER
LOCATION UNKNOWN
LOKI
Her confession left my heart swimming in a sea of sour pain. She saw pieces of her broken past and thought that these fragments made her a monster!
She is and has always been counted among rare company in my life. She made me want to be a better person. The only other person who made me feel that, without the chains of need for acknowledgement and acceptance, was Frigga.
Like my mother she had no scheming intentions behind her interactions with me, not like so many others at court, who smiled and saw me as a ladder to climb to further their stations in life. That's what caught my attention about her first. She was born with her feet already on the rungs of that ladder, and while she had every reason and excuse to climb higher I never missed the way she always seemed to look down instead.
She would have been perfectly happy staying right where she was, is long is the choice was hers. All she wanted, in the depths of her heart, was to be in control of her own life for once.
If she climbed that ladder she did it for the wishes of other's, people who wanted her gifts for the realm, and those selfish members of her family who climbed as well by clinging to her skirt. I found that unique about her, something so exotic in a mind that worked like that, among the sea of greed and selfish scheming ambition I encountered at every turn.
They made me want to be a better person, a person deserving of their attention.
I was past the innocence of childhood when I had her, but I wasn't thought of as a wicked trickster yet either. Losing her was only a piece of the puzzle of life events that lead me to being the man I am now, but it was the first wave of pebbles shifting beneath the base of the boulder that started it rolling down hill.
"I was born on the barren plateaus of Jotunheim." I start, smothering the infliction my emotions are trying so hard to stain my tone with. "I was born to be a prince of that realm, the first born of their king, Laufey, son of Jar."
Its a story I loathe, one that's wounds still sting keenly. Odins truth left deep wounds in my heart, ones that haven't even started clotting at the edges and are still hemorrhaging with sorrow and betrayal. I gave so much of my life and my efforts to please that man, all for a lie.
"I was abandoned on the altar of their greatest temple, a sacrifice meant to die of starvation and neglect because Laufey couldn't be bothered to kill me himself, his own son." That tale does not dry her tears as her eyes lift to mine, but the cause of them is different now.
THURSDAY, MAY 3RD 2012
0635 HOURS
SUBTERRANEAN BUNKER
LOCATION UNKNOWN
NORA
I can tell he doesn't like the pity, and I don't blame him for that because I never liked it either when it was me on the receiving end, but how do you hear a story like that, and not feel something? Its why I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked him in the eyes as he told me that tragedy, and its why when his other hand, the one not resting against my back, comes up to cradle my head, his thumb slipping into place behind the shell of my ear, I don't let myself pull away.
"I know monsters my dear." He confesses, his face coming so close I can almost feel his nose brush against mine, his breath teases my lips in what is the closest Loki has actually allowed himself to come to truly kissing me, despite the hunger I can see clearly in his eyes. "And whatever your life has made you do, you are one of the farthest things from it."
THURSDAY, MAY 3RD 2012
0636 HOURS
SUBTERRANEAN BUNKER
LOCATION UNKNOWN
LOKI
I had been considering it a worth while risk. More then six hundred years apart, with no less then an inch between us, with her looking at me like that. I wanted to kiss her, I even told myself the situation would allow it. Except she trembled as my breath rolled over her skin. "You are not a monster my love."
She still wasnt ready, not really. I may have her stubborn determination to cooperate, and her acceptance that her place is with me now, but even if she has reclaimed much of the progress she lost thanks to that attack, her fear is still a deep seated condition and there are still limits to how much contact she can endure. "if you know nothing else you must know that."
THURSDAY, MAY 3RD 2012
0637 HOURS
SUBTERRANEAN BUNKER
LOCATION UNKNOWN
NORA
I thought for sure he was going to go through with it, then the look in his eyes seemed to shake itself away even if his expression barely changed and he leaned back, letting his affection show instead by the way he tucks some of my hair back behind my ear.
That only makes the situation even more confusing and distressing because I think I'm disappointed. I think I wanted him to just do kiss me already, and let us move past that hurdle so I can stop building the situation up in my head.
Its why when his fingers cradle my chin again to still my head as I shake it in obvious distress I quickly focus on the other topic that bothers me just as much. "Did he really leave you to die?"
His face drifts into neutrality when he answers, and I can tell its somewhat forced for my benefit. His eyes close as a shield over his emotions as he nods his head in a yes. "Odds are Laufey was more a coward then even that." He offers before opening his eyes again, whatever fire he houses is successfully buried behind a practiced exterior. "History says he led the fight against Asgards armies, and was the very last to be defeated. He must have sent one of his men to do his dirty work for him."
"And your mother?" I expected that question to bother him too, even if I pushed ahead and asked it anyways. But at the word mother he actually shows a bit of a smile. "I know only one mother, and her name is Frigga." Though the smile does wane for the rest. "But as for the Jotun that bore me, I know not if she defended me. I only know that Laufey's queen was named Farbauti."
"Frigga" once again my memory dregs up Erik's voice, and that name is spoken in it, bringing up the image of a gentle smile and a crown of intricate blond curls. "That's a name I know, she's the Goddess of..."
He finishes for me, the smile returning and more in the form of a grin as I call his mother a goddess. "Child birth and prophesy, according to the myths at least, but to us she is the benevolent All-Mother and Queen of Asgard." So that means, if Loki calls Frigga his mother, then his 'brother' would be...
"That's why you got angry when I mentioned Thor." ...and his 'father' would be... "It was Odin, the one who rescued you?" The shield over his eyes fails, and the darkness shows in their depths before he dampens it for my sake.
"Yes, my clever girl, you're right. Odin did take me in is his own, an act which let me be alive today. But 'rescue' implies a certain altruism to his intentions that as it turns out he is incapable of."
That look of pain and self hatred is back in his eyes as he lets them fall to his hand. It makes the message pretty clear. I figured out most of it already, but this gives me a name to go with the crime.
"Tell me, what did he do to you?" Its oddly fitting to me really, because even though Erik always sung the praises of Odin, king of the Gods, I never could bring myself to have higher than a neutral view of him, and more often than not I couldn't even manage that! All we have is stories, but in our stories he takes the souls of men who already died, and brings them to his hall where he offers them food and wine, as if that's payment enough for the fact they must spend the rest of eternity fighting to the death every night for his entertainment, only to start over with the sun rise, until the day of the apocalypse where they will have the 'honor' of doing it one last time.
And I do acknowledge that stories evolve, and change, but if Loki and Thor are real, then the inspiration for Odin is real to, and if even a fraction of those stories remain true to that man I could never bring myself to endure him.
"Because I was only an infant, and too young to recall the truth Odin took the opportunity to raise me believing I was his own flesh and blood, he wasted no opportunity to instill the concepts of family loyalty and obligation in me, or to sow seeds of hatred toward the Jotun race. Thor, the golden son, even once stood beside me and vowed to kill every last Jotun, just as Odin had done, and he said nothing."
I don't how he says that with a straight face, but Loki is a master of illusions, and nothing proves that more to me then the fact he isn't crying right know. Even as I cradle his face in my hands and search his eyes for something, he keeps it hidden from me.
"I believe in judging people by what they do to me Loki, not what they've done to others or others says of them. I try very hard to stick to that rule and form my own opinions." I offer him in explanation before I get to my point. "But I never liked Odin and I think I hate him now, for you. I don't believe in them, but he is the worst kind of monster I've ever heard of."
NOTES FOR THE READERS:
I took some minor creative liberty with Loki's biological family tree. Both the comics, and actual Norse mythology don't seem to give names for Laufey's parents, however in mythology I have heard the surname Laufeyjarson plenty of times, so because I don't think Jotuns are dropped of by a stork I decided to name Laufey's father Jar, hence Laufey Jarson (or son of Jar).