Three weeks now that Logan had been on Serenity.

Three weeks that he'd been able to keep his secrets to himself – well, with the exception of River. She knew every thought that went through his damn head.

That had been somewhat embarrassing the night before. He had been up for almost twenty-four hours straight, piloting Serenity through some bizarre sort of ion storm, and had let his mental guards down.

At dinner, he had found himself tiredly staring at Kaylee Frye – and before he realized it, he had found himself wondering what she looked like naked. Then, he'd started creating mental imagery –

Just before he realized that River was staring directly at him. She had let out a little giggle and an amused smirk appeared on her face. She opened her mouth to say something, but Logan just pointed and gave her a dirty look.

And now, Logan was awake after eight hours of blissful sleep. He was headed for the cockpit to relieve River – although she usually stuck around the cockpit for a couple of hours. Despite the fact that she could read every single thought that went through Logan's head, she did enjoy talking, and as loath as Logan was to admit it, she made pretty good conversation.

But this morning, he wasn't exactly looking forward to sitting and speaking with River. He was quite certain that the night before was going to come up, and that just wasn't something he really wanted to talk about right at the moment.

Interestingly enough, River didn't say a thing when he walked into the cockpit. She just let a little sort of half smile play over her lips as Logan came in and took his seat at the pilot's station. "Morning, Logan."

"Good morning, River."

"We'll reach Greenleaf in three hours."

"Good to know."

Silence. Logan concentrated on the pilot's display as if it were the most important thing in the world, pausing to move a plastic dinosaur out of the way of the position indicator.

"River, shouldn't we have reached Greenleaf an hour ago?"

"Engines are having problems."

"What kind of problems?"

River smiled at him. "Maybe you should talk to Kaylee."

Logan threw his hands up in the air. "And there it is," he said sarcastically. "I was wondering how long it was going to take for her to come up."

River sighed in exasperation. "Logan. She likes you, and I know you like her."

Logan shook his head. "I can't let myse-"

River cut him off. "Don't bullshit me, Logan," she said, rolling her eyes. "Every time we make planetfall and she wants something, whether it's for the engines, whether it's for her room, whether it's a box of strawberries, you buy it for her."

"So I'm being nice," Logan growled. "So sue me. I've got a few million credits rolling around, I can spare a few on Kaylee."

River smiled and cocked her head to one side. "Oh, Logan. I saw your thoughts last night. They were, as Shepherd Book would've said, 'impure'."

Logan raised an eyebrow. "And you've never had impure thoughts?"

River shrugged. "Not about Kaylee Frye."

Logan blew his breath out. "Look. We're not having this conversation, okay?"

She nodded. "Okay."

Then, without warning, River turned to the navigator's panel and pushed a button, activating the intercom. "Kaylee!" she called. "Logan Echolls thinks you're pretty, he wonders what you look like naked, and he wants to chur ni-duh."

Logan stood up so fast that he rammed a knee into the underside of the pilot's station, knocking the plastic dinosaurs off onto the floor. "Tah mah duh hwoon DAHN!" he swore, shooting a filthy look at River. "I cannot believe you would pull that kind of gos se on me! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

River had a serene look on her face, but Logan was getting pretty worked up. He was about to go on a second shouting jag when Mal Reynolds popped his head into the cockpit. He took one look at Logan's bright red face and quickly interposed himself between the two.

"Okay, okay, ee-chee shung-hoo-shee," Mal said soothingly. "No reason to be havin' a shoutin' match up here."

"We wouldn't be having a shouting match if this tah-shr suo-yo dee-yure duh biao-tze duh mah hadn't announced to the general public that I may or may not have something of an interest in Kaylee!" Logan growled.

Mal raised an eyebrow at Logan's insult, and then he heard River's breathing getting faster. He turned around, and saw that she looked just about ready to attack Logan. "Okay, okay, little albatross, I think you need to just take a seat and cool your jets a bit."

He turned to Logan. "And I think you need to kwai chur hun-rien duh di fahng."

Logan threw his hands up in the air in disbelief. "Fine. You know what, fine. She can pilot the ship the rest of the way to Greenleaf. She can pilot it all the way to hell, as far as I'm concerned. I'm gonna go blow myself out an airlock."

He stomped out of the cockpit. Mal watched him go for a moment, and then turned. Picking up the dinosaurs, he put them back on the pilot's station, and then sat down in Logan's seat.

Mal turned his chair and looked at River. "Alright, little one," he said, shaking his head. "You can't be doin' that kind of thing to a man. It's humiliatin'."

River shrugged. "He wasn't going to tell her."

"And that's his right," Mal replied.

"I'll be sure to ask Inara about that," River grumped. Mal narrowed his eyes.

"Yeah, you… uh, you do that," he spat out, unable to find a comeback. Dammit!

Logan made himself very scarce. Hiding in the portside shuttle, the one NOT occupied by Inara Serra, he simply sat there in the dark for nearly an hour and a half, before somebody knocked on the door.

A moment later, it slid open, and Inara poked her head in. "Logan?" she asked. "Are you in here?"

He was tempted to stay silent and just let her think he wasn't, but she brought the lights up a little, revealing him sulking in the corner. "Yeah, I'm here," he muttered.

"Are you alright?" Inara sat down in a chair, turning it to face him. "I heard that you and River had a little blowup in the cockpit earlier."

Logan snorted. "Didn't you hear the P.A. announcement that preceded it?"

Inara nodded slowly. "I did," she said, "but Kaylee didn't. She was asleep, and had the general comm off. She doesn't know what River said, and everybody else has kind of agreed to keep it that way."

She paused for a moment. "Although I did have to threaten Jayne with permanent damage to get him to keep his mouth shut."

Logan smiled grimly. "Okay, but still. River can read my thoughts, and it's not like what she was saying was a lie."

"I could tell," Inara replied. "It's been obvious since the day you bought Kaylee all those engine parts. You like her, but you're conflicted."

He laughed bitterly. "Not me," he muttered sarcastically. "Who could imagine that I would be CONFLICTED?"

"Do you want to talk about it?" Inara asked.

"Are you gonna charge me?" Logan shot back.

A hurt look crossed Inara's face, but just as quickly disappeared. "No, Logan," she replied. "I may be a Companion, but I'm also somebody who has learned how to help a person through emotional problems. It's part of what being a Companion is all about."

Logan sighed, and then was silent for a moment. When he finally spoke, his voice was very small and quiet. "Did you know Lilly Kane?"

Inara took a moment to reply. "I met her a few times," she said slowly, "but I never really knew her. What I knew of her was that she was a prodigy of sorts, the only woman we had ever seen to go into Companion training at eighteen and do as well as she did. She took to it as though she had been raised in a Companion house."

Logan sighed again, but it sounded almost as though he was choking back a sob. "She… she was my first girlfriend," he said softly. "When she left to go become a wh… Companion, it just about tore my heart out. It was as though I wasn't good enough for her, as though Londinium wasn't good enough for her anymore."

He sniffed, and ran a hand across his face. "I always hoped, held out hope that she would leave the Madrassa House and come back home. Come back to me. So when she was found…"

That's when his voice broke, a sob escaping. He buried his head in his arms, his shoulders silently heaving up and down. Inara laid a hand on the back of his neck and gently rubbed it, trying to soothe him a little.

After a moment, he sat up and took a deep breath. Wiping his nose, he said, "It got worse, though. After Lilly left, there was a friend of hers – a friend of mine, too, I guess. Her name is Veronica, and…"

A smile started to play itself across Logan's lips. "I really thought the whole 'verse revolved around her. I don't know how it happened, but I fell head over heels for her."

He sighed. "The problem was, she had been through some rough times in her life. Her childhood sweetheart, Lilly's brother Duncan, had been shipped off to some academy when Veronica was thirteen. Then, her mom left her and her dad when she was sixteen. She had a really hard time trusting people."

Logan leaned his head back until it touched the wall behind him. "And I didn't help. I was so angry at the world about Lilly that I kept screwing things up with her."

He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, almost like a small child would. "And then Lilly died. Veronica's dad was the chief of the federal police on Londinium, and he thought that Lilly's father, Jake Kane, had done it."

Logan shook his head. "I couldn't believe that he would do that. We all knew there was no way that Mister Kane would've done that, and I stayed loyal to the Kane family. I told Veronica she had to choose between her father or me."

Inara sighed and shook her head as well. "That was probably not the wisest choice, Logan."

He looked up, his eyes suddenly ablaze with anger. "You think I don't know that?!" he spat. "It was probably the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life!"

Most women would've recoiled at Logan's outburst, but Inara had seen much, much worse in her time. She just continued to look at Logan, unfazed.

He seemed to deflate almost immediately. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "That was uncalled for."

"It's alright, Logan," Inara replied. "Go on."

Logan breathed deeply. "Anyway, about four months after Lilly died, I found these video recordings of my dad having sex with Lilly – and they were dated long before she was a Companion. That's when I knew – I just knew – it had to have been him that killed her. If those had gotten out, it would've ruined him."

He smiled bitterly. "And one would think that's the worst of it, right?" Logan shook his head. "But no. Because two months after that, a cadet from the federal police academy got commissioned as a Parliamentary Operative. Guess who."

"Veronica?" Inara asked.

"Right in one," Logan sighed. "And that's when I knew I had to leave. I couldn't, I wouldn't watch as the woman I used to love tore my family apart. Even though I know my dad's guilty as sin, I just don't think I could bear to see the look in her eyes when she finds out."

Inara shook her head. "Logan, what your father did is not your fault. If Veronica's a good person, I'm sure she'd recognize that."

She stood up. "But for the here and now, a good place for the healing to begin would be for you to stop bottling up how you feel about Kaylee. If you like her, if you want to get to know her better and possibly take it somewhere, you need to go tell her."

"I don't know," Logan said. "I'm a screwed up person –"

"- on a ship FULL of screwups," Inara interrupted him. "Just tell her, please?"

Logan nodded. "Okay," he finally conceded.

Half an hour later, Logan was pacing outside the entrance to the engine room. He had been thinking about going in the entire time, but couldn't bring himself to go. He kept thanking God that Kaylee had been under the K64 drive the entire time, working on it to fix whatever problem River had mentioned –

"Logan?"

Oh, shit. She wasn't under the drive anymore.

He turned to face her. "Kaylee, can we talk?"

She wiped a grease smudge off her forehead with her sleeve. "Sure, Logan, what's up?" she asked, an unmistakable note of hope entering her voice.

"Listen," he said. "I, um, I…"

You're pathetic, Echolls, he heard in his head. Just tell her!

Logan took a deep breath. "Okay, so I like you. You're cute, you're always happy, and, um, I can't help but smile when I see you."

As he spoke, Kaylee's face broke into a huge smile. She didn't say anything for a moment after Logan stopped talking. "You know, I've heard some bad ones in my time, and that was pretty much as far from a bad one as you can get," she finally said.

"Okay," Logan replied slowly. "So…"

"So…" Kaylee said, "I have an engine to fix."

Logan's face fell, and seeing that, Kaylee quickly added, "But why don't I come up to the cockpit when I'm done here?"

A faint smile drew itself on Logan's face. "I think I'd like that."

Kaylee smiled again, then bounced up on her tiptoes and kissed Logan on the cheek. "I'll see you then, Logan."

He watched as she turned back toward the engine room and slid back underneath the space drive. Logan executed a left face and headed toward the cockpit.

He was practically skipping when he reached the front of the ship. Mal turned his head, hearing Logan approaching.

"My, but aren't you in a vastly improved sort of mood," Mal cracked.

"Indeed I am," Logan confirmed.

"Well, we're about an hour out of Greenleaf," Mal said. "You want to take it from here?"

Logan just grinned and nodded. "Alright then!" Mal exclaimed, standing. "Don't crash us, okay?"

"I haven't yet, have I?"

"First time for everything," Mal grumbled on his way out of the cockpit.

River hadn't said a word since Logan entered the cockpit, but out of the corner of his vision, he could see a smile growing on her face. Finally, she just couldn't take it anymore.

"I told you so," she said softly.

Logan rolled his eyes and laughed. "Oh, shut up."

chur ni-duh - screw you
tah mah duh hwoon dahn - mother fucking son of a bitch
gos se - crap
ee-chee shung-hoo-shee - let's all take a deep breath
tah-shr suo-yo dee-yure duh biao-tze duh mah - mother of all whores
kwai chur hun-rien duh di fahng - walk away very quickly