Aelin's POV

"You need my what?" I practically yelled. I came here with Rowan to save Feyre and meet Myriam. I even told Aedion that he couldn't tag along when he begged to come. Now they were asking me to bring my practically newborn army here to start a war!

Rhysand ran a hand through his hair and begged, "I know it's a lot to ask, but it could be our only chance." The raw desperation in his voice was heat breaking. This went deeper than just saving Amren. I could tell he never had to ask for help in his life, just the way he carried himself, how he talked, how he walked. He knew he was the best, that he could do anything, that he was powerful.

"Amren said Feyre was your only chance at defeating the king, not my army!"

"That was before Amren and Myriam were taken captive and are probably being tortured right this second," Rhysand shouted at me. I saw Rowan's eyes flash before he stepped in front of me, snarling, a warning directed at Rhysand.

I thought about Myriam and looked at it from Rowan's perspective. If it was my child that was captured, I knew he would sacrifice anything. My child, the words sent a chill down my spine.

I took a deep breath and put a hand on Rowan's shoulder, silently telling him to stand down. "My kingdom is only just putting itself back together. My army has only just materialized. We have thousands of warriors, yes, but some of them just came back from a war, from hiding in their animal forms for centuries. I don't want to put my army at risk yet," I averted my eyes and studied the floor, "but they are some of the most powerful fae." I looked at Feyre and Mor, who still had ghosts of smiles on their faces, "I'll bring them here to rescue Myriam and Amren and to kill the King of Hybern, and then you'll be in my debt. I do not take this lightly. From what you're describing, I'm condemning them to a horrible fate. "

I saw the excitement in everyone's faces. "But," I insisted, holding Feyre and Mor's eyes, "after that will you please let us go back to Adarlan to live our lives and to deal with our own predicaments?" I saw guilt flash across Rhysand's face.

So he knew too; I remembered Rowan telling him something about reading thoughts, maybe he'd already read mine without my knowledge.

"As you wish, queen," Rhysand said and bowed his head. Everyone else did the same, but Rowan just looked at me with pride in his eyes and squeezed my hand. I knew what this meant to him.

"Rowan and I will need to go back to Adarlan to get our forces, where will we send them?" I asked no one in particular.

"Send them to the human village, outside of Prythian," Feyre offered, "before my sisters were turned fae, we had a very large mansion and many houses for the servants. It is very secluded so no one will know they're there."

"Okay," I said and looked to Rowan then back at the others, "we'll see you all soon."

They nodded once as Rowan and I made our way out the door and down the pathway.

Rowan's POV

We walked away from the estate and went a few blocks without talking once; I noticed that Aelin was breathing as little as possible. She was scared of something, but this was a different kind of scared than when there was a threat hanging over her head; she always knew she could find a way out of that, so she was never as scared as she should be.

This was pure fear.

Aelin and I had made it to a private area and she was about to cut her hand again to make a portal when I touched her wrist. When she turned to look up at me, I saw the tears in her eyes threatening to spill over and her bottom lip poking out slightly. I racked my brain trying to figure out what it was I could've said to her. She'd been acting distant since we got here, and it was killing me inside that she would close herself off from me. I thought we were passed this.

"Will you please tell me what's bothering you?" I asked so softly, cupping her face. She didn't say a word, only clung to me and sobbed in my arms. All I could do was stroke her hair and whisper kind words to her until she calmed down.

After a while I was on my knees holding her while her hands clutched my shirt. She started whispering something and at first I didn't understand what she was saying, but I heard the words clearly once. Only once.

"I'm so sorry," she was saying. I didn't know what was wrong with her; I didn't know what to do. The sight of her so helpless made my heart hurt and my eyes burn.

"Fireheart," I whispered, confused, kissing her tear soaked cheeks. She squeezed her eyes together and made an effort to stop her tears, but it only made it run down faster "Do you remember when we first met?"

"We hated each other," she choked out as more tears fell.

"Yes we did," I admitted, "but for different reasons. You were so stubborn and I was so cruel to you. I pushed you too far and I insulted you beyond comprehension. I made you believe that I thought you were so small, so insignificant but Aelin, I cannot tell you how many times I laid down at night and thought about how magnificent you were. Even before I knew about Endovier I could tell how much you had been through and how strong it made you but I never knew why, so I hurt you and I abandoned you because I couldn't come to terms with what I felt because of you. And after I found out what you had gone through, it only made me respect you more and it made me realize that I really did care about you. That night, I swore to protect you from harm and I always will," I said. She only looked at her hands.

"Aelin, that was the night that I knew I loved you and always would, maybe not in a romantic way then, but" I clutched one of her small hands and tilted her chin up to look at me, "nothing you could say or do will ever make me love you less."

"Rowan," she squeezed her lips together and closed her eyes. I rested my forehead on hers and felt our breaths mingling when she choked back a sob and whispered, "listen."

We both held our breaths and I perked my ears, waiting for someone to attack. I could faintly hear the music from the beautiful city and I could hear the wind blowing past us and-

I inhaled sharply and Aelin looked up at me with an apology in her eyes. I could hear it, a small and fragile heart. Beating. I leaned closer to Aelin and smelled her neck.

I straightened my spine and looked at her through tears. She was pregnant. With my child. I didn't know what to say or do, I just looked at her for a while. I should've said something.

Until she started crying again and said, "I'm sorry," time after time. I lifted my hands to her face and wiped her eyes with my thumbs then just held her face between my hands. She went silent, waiting.

This woman, the woman that I loved more than anything was scared that I would resent her for carrying my child. Gods. I kissed her forehead, her eyes, her temples, her cheeks, her jaw, her neck, her lips. I kissed her to show her that this didn't change anything, especially not what I felt for her. Her muscles relaxed and I could sense her relief.

"Fireheart," one of my own tears escaped as I smiled at her, "if anything, I love you even more. Were you afraid that I would be angry?" I asked her.

She nodded timidly.

"Gods, I don't deserve you. But I hope you realize that what I feel for you is bigger and stronger than my past and I will not let that past interfere with our lives now. I want you to know that I would lay down my own life for you, not because of the blood oath, but because I am so completely in love with you that I don't even know what to do with myself."

"I'm so scared, Rowan. We're about to go to war, what are we going to do?" she asked, her voice shaking.

I knew what she was implying and I'd be damned if I let anything happen to her or our child. I'd already made that mistake and I surely wasn't going to make it again.

"I vowed to protect you, didn't I?" I smirked at her and stood, helping her to her feet. "I will protect you and this child," I looked into her blue and gold eyes, "to whatever end, and until my last breath."

"I love you," she said, wrapping her arms around me.

"I love you too, Fireheart," I whispered, kissing the top of her head.