Aelin POV

I used Rhysand's blood to draw the wyrdmarks for the portal to the otherworld-to Nehemia. SI could vividly imagine the anger and disappointment that would be on her face once she saw me. If it was even Nehemiah who answered. Rowan was going to hate me. I already hated myself. If something else came through this portal, Rhysand and the others would hate me too.

When the mist in the portal started swirling, I instructed Rhysand to bring the book closer and my soul called out to Nehemia. I stayed standing there for while, waiting for her to show herself. Hopefully it wasn't something else, someone else, waiting on the other side.

Mor, Feyre, and Azriel were in one corner of the room and Cassian, Dorian, Lysandra, and Aedion were in the other. Rhysand was beside me and Rowan was nowhere to be found.

I silently begged Nehemia to come, and just as I was about to walk away and forget the book and the war and this whole world, I saw her body materialize before my eyes.

"Nehemia," I breathed as my tears spilled over.

"Aelin, I told you not to contact me again. It is too dangerous for you," she blinked and looked deep into my eyes, sadness clearly on her face, "and your child. Elentiya, why would you ever do this?"

"I wouldn't have if I hadn't thought it worth the danger. There is a great threat in this world and I desperately need your help," I grabbed the book from Rhysand and showed it to Nehemia, "do you think you could translate this?"

She looked around nervously and reached out to touch the book. I heard her hiss as smoke rose from the spot where her fingers made contact with it, "there is dark magic at work here, and danger is coming fast," her gaze met mine and she said, "open the book."

I quickly flipped through pages as Nehemia instructed. I silently thanked the gods that she could read this forsaken language. After a few minutes, she hastily said, "kill the king and the one he resurrected with the Cauldron. Then throw this horrible book in the Cauldron and it will tell you how it can be destroyed. Aelin, know that it will seem as if you can't carry out what needs to be done to destroy it, but you must remember that Mala favors you and will provide for you. I must go. Close the portal as soon as you can no longer see the whites of my eyes or you will face great danger."

Her body started to fade and I sobbed, "Nehemia, wait! I miss you." I tried to convey everything I wanted to say before she died, but I didn't have to. She already seemed to know what I was feeling. "I'm sorry, about everything I said before-before your death-"

I could see her transparent face smile and a tear roll down her cheek as she said, "I miss you too, Elentiya." Tears were streaming down my face. I thought back to all of the horrible things I did when Nehemia died, and I couldn't feel anything but regret. I was going through such a dark period when she died, it was Rowan who helped me through it. It was always Rowan. That's why I'm doing this, I reminded myself. I'm doing this for Rowan.

Once she had fully disappeared and I was about to close the portal, grateful that nothing went wrong, I turned in time to see Rowan burst through the door. I had barely registered the look of fear on his face when I felt something cold and hard grip my wrist and pull me into the portal.

Time slowed down and all my senses fled. It felt like going through the portal with Amren the first time I met her. I tried to fight the thing holding me when my mind started to go foggy.

I could feel my consciousness being ripped from me. Stuck in a haze, I faintly heard that frail beating-the one that I'd heard constantly for a while-stop. A sob racked my body as I started going deeper and deeper into unconsciousness. Just before I closed my eyes for the last time, I heard Rowan scream in pain and saw him rip through the thing that held me. Rowan never cried out in pain.

He must have jumped into the portal to save me, I realized distantly.

The last thing I felt before I lost consciousness was being lurched back through the portal and onto the floor.

I opened my eyes to see Dorian closing the portal and various faces looming over me. My head was pounding in somebody's lap but I sat straight up and put a protective hand over my stomach when I remembered the baby. It was gone, I'd heard it's heart stop beating. I knew it was a possibility but I thought I had the situation under control. This couldn't possibly be happening.

I clutched my stomach and held back a sob, but Mor knelt in front of me and said, "Aelin, it's okay. I can hear it's heart beating."

I silenced myself for a moment and, sure enough, there it was-a small beating, just below my own heart. I cried out in relief and pulled Mor into a hug. I couldn't believe it, everything was okay.

We had translated the book and my child was still alive and Rowan-

My eyes widened and I let go of Mor only to turn around and see Rowan laying on the floor, almost unconscious. He had three large slashes across his chest and he was bleeding out fast. He was convulsing scarily and he had a hint of blood in his mouth. I hurried to his side and placed his head on my lap, holding his hand in my own. I started to rock back and forth, shaking my head over and over.

"No, no no no, nononono," I choked out repeatedly. "Please, please, if you love me, stay. Don't go. Gods, Rowan, don't go," my voice cracked on every word.

I barely heard someone yelling to get a healer, but I knew it would take too long and I couldn't focus on anything other than Rowan's raspy breaths. I could see the poison from that things claws sizzling on the surface of his bare chest. It all felt as if it were in slow motion, suddenly it was just me and Rowan. This was my fault, I did this. I couldn't let this happen to him, he wasn't suppose to have gone into the portal.

"Rowan, the baby's okay, you're going to be okay. Please be okay," I choked. Tears fell from my face and onto his but I could only look at the cuts across his body. For a while, they were all I could see. I was cut off from the rest of the world. My brain didn't register the people running around on the sides of me. I thought of all the moments we had with each other. All the times we laughed, fought, cried. I would do anything to see him smile again, to hear his laugh just one more time.

His weak voice snapped me back to reality, "Fireheart," he whispered, "I'm so sorry. You're going to be an amazing mother," he said as he raised a hand to my face. His eyes started to close again.

"Please don't leave me. Gods, Rowan please stay. Open your eyes! Open your eyes Rowan or I swear!," I yelled. I could see the life leaving his eyes, the vibrant green that was forever carved into my memory slowly dulling. I had to do something, anything. I couldn't just sit here and watch him die. His hand fell to the ground beside him. "Get me a pitcher of water," I screamed through tears, the others were all staring at me, wide eyed. None of them even moved an inch. They think he's dead, I thought. Before I could let that thought consume me, I bellowed, "now!"

I had an idea-a crazy, stupid idea-but if I was lucky, it might work. I remembered my mother's healing power and begged her to be by my side as I called upon her power to heal him. I ran my bloody fingers-bloody with his blood-through my hair, as I thought back to when Rowan tried to get me to control the small ounce of power I had over water.

Someone ran to my side and placed a bucket of water on the floor. Whoever it was kept saying something to me, telling me it was too late, but I heard it distantly. I had to at least try. I couldn't lose him. I couldn't lose anyone again. I've had my limit. My limit of dead friends, family. No one can die on me, not anymore. Especially Rowan. I deserve this much, don't I?

I straightened my spine and tried to calm my nerves. I called on the small power my mother had given me. I used every ounce of magic within me to summon that power but it wouldn't come. I tried for the longest few minutes of my life until I saw a small amount of water rise up from the bucket. Everyone went silent-I held my breath. I could sense their eyes intently trained on me, I paid them no attention. Sobs threatened to cripple me as I focused on moving the water to Rowan's injuries and as soon as I held it over his chest, I sent all of the power from my soul into that small drop of water and let it drop onto his body.

I repeated that over and over until all of the cuts were closed, but Rowan was still not responding.

I leaned over him, crying and clutching his hand for what felt like eternity. It was when I realized that he'd stopped breathing and that his body had gone still that all the hope I once held in my heart fled.

All of my memories of Rowan came flooding back. The first memory that entered my mind was when I told him about Endovier for hours and when I cried, he wiped the tears away. I remembered when I broke his blood oath to Maeve and he ran to me and fell to his knees, begging me to offer the blood oath to him.

When he brought me chocolate for my birthday and let me kiss his cheek; when he came with me to Sam's grave and gently placed a rock on the stone. I remembered how he told me that his nightmares went away when he met me, and how they came back when I went to Adarlan. I thought of when he called me Fireheart for the first time, just like my mother had once done.

I remembered the day that he prayed to Mala Firebringer to let us be together, and was so happy when he said that it was a fool's wish but it had come true. I remembered how he sat beside me and held my hand for three days while I was unconscious. I thought about the time he reassured me over and over at the Assassin's Keep, so that being near Arobynn wouldn't bother me.

I looked back on when I was so distraught because Chaol kept calling me a monster, and Rowan just held me and told me it would be okay.

He was the only one who saw me for who I truly was. He loved me as a whole. No one else loved me like he did. He wasn't disgusted when I told him all the horrible things I'd done-all the innocent people I'd killed. He didn't care how stained my soul was, he loved me anyway.

I recalled when he had finally arrived in Adarlan and told me how much he'd missed me with only an ocean between us.

He'd told me that if it were death keeping us apart, he would do anything to get the three wyrdkeys and open a portal himself just to find a way back to me. If that was what it would take, I would do it.

"Please Rowan," I whispered, "find a way back to me."

If he died, he would take a part of me with him. He was part of me, of my soul, of my body, of my powers. There was no way I could go on living without him. I would die before I ever recovered from the pain that his death would bring me. I would go find that creature, and I would rip it to shreds.

I quietly sobbed over his lifeless body for the longest time. I even prayed to Mala Firebringer the way Rowan once had, though I knew she wouldn't show us the same favor she had before. I tried to use our carranam bond to bring him back, but that would only strain him more. I didn't want to take away the little life that might possibly remain.

I didn't know what I would do without him-how I would raise our child without him. I knew I would never be able to get rid of the grief that would tear through me every day, every minute, every second until it was my turn to die.

I was ready to give up, ready to go on to that battlefield and die until I felt the smallest movement in his fingers. I stopped breathing and I backed away to look at him, only to see his green eyes already staring at me, silver lining the edges. I covered my mouth with my bloody hands. Tears were still flowing down my face, and I saw a few tears trailing down his face as well.

I hugged his neck as silent sobs ripped through me. I thanked every god I knew of, I thanked my mother, I thanked Mala, I even thanked that godsforsaken Cauldron for bringing him back to me. Relief tore my heart open when I felt Rowan's arms tighten around me, his head buried in my hair.

So only Rowan could hear, I whispered through tears, "please don't ever leave me."

"Never," he answered. That one word made me want to go home and leave all of these people behind to defend themselves.

The breath was knocked out of me and it took all I had to not to fall to the cold floor. Suddenly, I felt invisible ropes bonding together and tying us to each other. It was unlike the carranam bond, this was something older and much, much stronger. If we weren't already bonded together, this confirmed it with such conviction.

Mate. The word reverberated through my head, repeating over and over. It pounded and swirled until I realized-gods, Rowan was my mate. I pulled back to look at him and searched his eyes to see if he had the same feeling, but he showed no sign of it. But how could it be? Lyria was Rowan's mate. Can a person have two mates?

I thought it best not to mention it to him now, so I just stayed glued to Rowan until I didn't have any tears left and his pine and snow smell had been permanently etched into my senses. The scent of my home.

A/N: Sorry I made a mistake last chapter, I accidentally posted two of the same. I've been super busy so I couldn't post for the last two days but hopefully this chapter makes up for it. It's our longest chapter yet. Thank you for all of the amazing reviews! We're so glad that you enjoy this story!

MissGalathyniusWhitetthorn: What we were trying to say was that since everything was so busy, Rowan never had the chance to actually hear or smell Aelin's pregnancy. It's kind of the same thing that happened with Lyria, he didn't know until it was too late. I hope that clears things up. Sorry for the confusion.