"Emotions can certainly be misleading:

they can fool you into believing stuff that is definitely, demonstrably untrue."

– Francis Spufford

The next day a lady went to our room and knocked. She said she was going to give us a tour of the town, I was still in bed when she came. I grunted when Andrea shook me and made me get up even when I begged for 'five more minutes', which I didn't get.

"I'm up!" I muttered. I didn't change the shirt but I put some jeans on.

Before walking out I grabbed a banana, I was very hungry. Since this kind of apocalypses started I had learnt to eat very, very slowly, tasting every bite.

Andrea walked next to the woman while Michonne and I walked behind them, she chuckled when I finally caught up with them.

"What? I asked.

She said nothing, she just ran her hands through my light golden blonde hair. My hair normally was barely wavy, it wasn't straight either, though. But since I slept with my hair wet the night before my hair had gotten really, really curly and it was all over the place.

It had been months since I had cared about the way I looked. Sometimes I go days without showering, or brushing my teeth, or applying deodorant. All those things are history. I'm lucky if I get to change my clothes every day now, and speaking of them, I've found almost all my clothes in houses, only some of them are from stores, and I really don't have time to choose and try them on, we just grab the first thing we see. I have even worn men clothes, especially during winter. The fashion is also history now.

Michonne kept trying to tame my curls as we got into the main street, which was full of people. Wait... what? So there are actually people here. It was so bizarre, though. It seemed like if they came out of nowhere, last night everything was so quiet.

"You three were out there for a long time," she told us. "While you were, the Governor was doing this."
"How many people do you have here?" Andrea asked as a pregnant blonde woman passed by and waved like if life kept being like it was before, I just stared at her in disbelief, everyone here looked so... cheerful.

"Eileen's about to pop, so her kid will make it seventy-four," the black-haired woman told us. "It's still a work in progress, but Rome wasn't built in a day."
"That's a bold comparison," I muttered.
"I think we've earned it. Walls haven't been breached in well over a month. We haven't suffered a casualty on the inside since early winter."
"How's that possible?" Andrea asked.

"Our Governor set a strict curfew. Nobody out after dark. Noise and light are kept to the bare minimum and armed guards on the fence and patrolling the perimeter to keep the biters away."
"I saw what your patrols do on the way in last night," Andrea commented. "They had a dead one strung up like an ornament." Hmm, I didn't see that.
"I won't make excuses, those men put their lives at risk every day to protect this town. They've lost more than a few friends out there. Everybody copes in their own way," she said as her tone got serious. "But I'll raise it with the Governor," she said before walking away.

We were walking around the town that even had dogs and a pregnant woman when Merle caught up with us and told us we were cordially invited to have breakfast with the Governor. I said nothing, I just followed Merle and as we were on our way, I turned to look at Michonne and she didn't look happy either. She met my eyes and silently we agreed this was too good to be true, we needed to leave.

We got to the Governor's house and were led to the dining room, there was another man already there. We sat down, I was feeling really uncomfortable here, especially with the looks of that other man. He looked at us like if we were new toys on Christmas day and I had the luck to be right next to him.

"Eight months?" the Governor asked as he served us some scrambled eggs. "Hard to believe you ladies lasted so long out there."
"Because we're women?" Andrea asked indignantly.

"Because you were alone," the Governor corrected.
"We had each other," Andrea told him.
"Three against the world. It's long odds."
"We managed."
"We're very impressed," the man next to me said.
"Survival in the wild is tough sledding," the Governor exclaimed. "Wake up every morning on the ground wondering if today is the day. Will it be quick and final or slow and, well, without end? If someone had the good sense to kill my brain or will I come back as one of them?" He sat as he finished his speech, I just looked down at my eggs. That kind of ridiculous words would normally have made me feel like puking but today I was so hungry not even his stupid speech took my appetite away.

"Do you think they remember anything? The person they once were?" the man asked.

"I don't think about it," Andrea exclaimed, getting really uncomfortable.

Both, she and I knew they weren't the people they once were. We saw the animation of what happens to our brains once we are bitten back at the CDC. You die and the virus takes over the brain, the person is long gone by then.
"Milton believes there might be a trace of the person they were still trapped inside," the Governor told us.

"Like an echo," Milton added. "Surely it must have crossed your mind."
I just kept looking at my eggs who seemed really delicious. I didn't want to eat in front of these men but hunger was taking over. How long would I be able to resist it? Apparently not for much, Michonne was way so much stronger than me in that sense, she wasn't even looking at her plate and didn't seem tempted to eat.

"At one time, yeah," Andrea said to Milton. "Right before it tried to bite me."
"And then you killed it?"

"We don't like talking about it!" I snap, speaking for the first time ever in front of the Governor, who looked surprised I finally spoke. But I couldn't take it anymore, this conversation was bringing bad memories of Sophia and I was sure Andrea was thinking about Amy.

"I apologize," he said but he seemed like he had more question for us. He couldn't resist the urge to keep asking us, this time he focused on Michonne. "The two you had in chains, who were they? The way you controlled them, used them to your benefit. You did know them, didn't you?"

We all looked really uncomfortable by this talk but now Michonne's whole body tensed. We didn't know if those walkers Michonne had were relatives, or friends, or neighbours or whatever, we asked her once but never again, we didn't get a verbal reply from her that time but by her expression we could only assume she did know them and quite well, even her expression now told us she did in fact knew them.

"Let them eat," the Governor told Milton.
"My apologies."

So what you have here, you expect it to hold? What if a herd comes through?" Andrea asked, breaking the awkward silence.

"It'll hold."
"What's your secret?" Andrea asked.

"Really big walls," the Governor told her.
"That soldier had walls too and we all know how that turned out," Andrea said, referring to the survivor of the helicopter crash.
"The real secret is what goes on within these walls. It's about getting back to who we were, who we really are. They're just waiting to be saved and people here have homes, medical care, kids go to school, adults have jobs to do," he said. "There's a sense of purpose. We're a community."
"With a lot of guns and ammunition," Milton added.
"And really big walls," Andrea said, with a smile.
"And men willing to risk everything to defend them. Compromise our safety, destroy our community, I'll die before I'll let that happen," he told us.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him but none of them noticed, only Michonne. I looked down at the eggs again and that's when I couldn't take it anymore, I grabbed the fork and put some in my mouth, I had never loved eggs as much as now. I hadn't eaten something warm and just made in months.
"Looks like you're sitting pretty at the end of the world," Andrea told him.
"Do I strike you as the kind of man that sits pretty? You reap what you sow, we're the seed," the Governor said. "Now winter has passed, it's time to harvest."
"Time to hope?" Andrea asked.

"We're going out there and we're taking back what's ours," he said. "Civilization. We will rise again. Only this time we won't be eating each other."
"To civilization, then," Andrea exclaimed, raising her cup of tea, then there was a knock on the door. It was Bowman, from the woods, I still hadn't learnt his name. He whispered something to the Governor and then the latter turned to us.
"Sorry to cut breakfast short, but this can't wait," he told us.
"We want our weapons," Michonne exclaimed, standing up.
"Well, we can make these meals to go and your weapons will be waiting outside but you should take time to relax. Get your strength back," he said. Not again, why couldn't we just leave? "Have a look around. Who knows? You might like what you see."

Without another word, the three of us walked out, to the street. Andrea seemed alright, Michonne was beyond pissed and I was very frustrated.

"I don't trust him," Michonne admitted.
"Why not?" Andrea asked. "Have you ever trusted anybody?"

"Yeah," she muttered.

I looked around the place and noticed Bowman looking at us. Maybe Andrea couldn't see but people here were watching our every move. This was bad, I just knew it.

"To be honest I'm with Michonne on this," I told Andrea and for once Michonne looked satisfied.
"Oh come on! Let's give this a day or two, that's all I'm asking," she told us. "Some time to get our shit together."
"My shit never stopped being together," Michonne exclaimed.
"Didn't look that way when Milton asked about your walkers," Andrea commented.
"I'm surprised he didn't get a fork in his eye," I added with a small chuckle, Michonne just gave me a look. "What? I was talking about me! He was so annoying."
"It was none of his damn business," Michonne told us.
"I guess it's none of mine, either," Andrea said and I just knew where this was going. "Eight months together, all we've been through, I still feel like I hardly know you." Michonne said nothing. "I'm sorry, it's the truth. You know everything about me, about us and I..."

"You know enough," Michonne interrupted her.
"Those walkers were with us all winter long, protecting us, and you took them out without any hesitation and that had..."

"It was easier than you think," Andrea said, her voice breaking a bit.

"Andrea, I think we should stop talking about this," I said.
After that Andrea walked in one direction and Michonne walked in the opposite one. I just stayed there, wondering if I should go after Andrea or Michonne or leave the two of them alone and explore by myself.

I decided to go on my own, maybe that way Mr. Bowman wouldn't be sure who to follow. I looked at him and held his gaze, letting him know I wasn't intimidated by him.

I turned around and walked away. It was so weird to be around so many people. Back at the farm we were nineteen before Dale died. And all this time it had only been the three of us and those two walkers, no one else.

I awkwardly walked around the streets with my arms crossed in front of my chest. The people here looked so neat, and well, like cared of. Their hair looked good, their clothes were in good shape, they seemed clean and most of all they looked happy and like if they had been enjoying life, like if nothing bad was happening.

While I still had my curls all over the place, my shirt was clean but my jeans and tennis shoes weren't. I was clean now but I still felt dirty, especially compared to them, who seemed like they had been showering and brushing their teeth every day for the last months.

Surprisingly enough it didn't take long for a person to approach me and greet me, I turned to look at the person. It was a young man, he probably was twenty-five. He had red, short hair and striking grey eyes.

"Hi, are you new?" he asked me.

"Yeah, came here last night," I told him.

"Well, welcome to Woodbury!"

"Thanks but I'm not staying." His smile dropped.

"Why not?"

"It sounds crazy but I need to find my mother." That was mostly a lie, I knew it was next to impossible to find her if she was still alive but I just couldn't tell him I didn't trust this Governor guy. "We got separated a while ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I lost my mother when it all started but I still have my brother, sister and my dad," he said and he smiled again. "How rude of me! My name is Chris."

"I'm Cici," I said, shaking his big hand.

"Cici?" he asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Short for Cecilia," I explained.

"Oh okay, cool!" He smiled again. "I could show you around if you want, could introduce you to my family. I think my sister is the same age as you, how old are you anyway?"

"I suppose I'm twenty now," I said with a shrug. "How old are you?"

"I'm twenty-five, my sister is eighteen so you might get along with her," Chris told me. "My brother is twenty-two, you might like him as well."

"Yeah, I might."

"Uh so, you want to walk around? I can introduce you to people and show you around."

"Sure, why not?"

Chris and I walked all around town, he introduced me to about twenty people in here. Including his brother, who looked exactly like him but younger and less muscular. I guess it was nice to walk around without fearing to be eaten alive but I felt so insecure and empty without my guns and my knife.

As we were walking back into the main street of the town, I saw two cars coming in and everyone gathered around, so I joined them, I was curious. And Andrea was also in the crowd, I could see Michonne as well, except she was sat on a chair a bit away from everyone.

Merle got out of one of the cars and went straight to the Governor and Milton, they exchanged a few words before the Governor got on top of one Jeep.

"We brought in four new people yesterday. One was a helicopter pilot with a National Guard outfit. Even though he's clinging to life, he told us about his convoy on the highway, his men. I promised I'd bring them back here alive. But they didn't have our walls or our fences, biters got there before we did."

All the people here looked really sad about it. I turned to look at Michonne and I could tell she was not buying anything of his bullshit and I wasn't either.

"Now, the men had trucks, the trucks had weapons, food, medicines, things we need. Now, we didn't know them, but we'll honour their sacrifice by not taking what we have here for granted. It won't be long before dark, so go on home, be thankful for what you have. Watch out for each other."
"Hard world out there," Chris said to me. "How did you survive?"

"Weapons and a lot of luck," I told him. "Have you ever killed one?"

"No, and I hope I never have to, I guess you have had, am I right?"

"I lost count a long time ago," I said.

"Must have been hard," he commented.

"You have no idea how bad is out there, this may sound harsh, Chris but I have to tell you that these walls won't last forever. You think somewhere is safe only to be reminded that nowhere is safe. I'm just saying you should learn to defend yourself, keep your siblings safe," I told him as I looked right in his eyes.

"You really don't think we are safe here?"

""Maybe for now but you have no idea how bad is out there and every day it just gets worse."

With that I walked away from him and joined Michonne, she was looking at the trees that were beyond the gate. I sat next to her and looked at the trees as well.

"I want to leave," she said not bothering to look at me.

"I know, me too."

"Hmm, really?" she said sarcastically. "Thought you just had gotten yourself a boyfriend."

"Ha, like if I would get a boyfriend looking like this," I said pointing at my curls. "I must look like a homeless girl."

"Uh, Cici, we are homeless," she pointed out, I took a deep breath, knowing she was right. "But I think it was your curls that made him fall into your trap."

"I guess we are," I said sadly. "And what trap?"

"Come on! That boy was practically drooling over you!"

"He was just being nice."

Michonne just gave me a look, I sighed. The world was too complicated to worry about relationships. The one time I was close to liking someone after the apocalypses started, a massive herd ambushed us, separating me from the rest.

"You can't have relationships anymore, Michonne," I told her simply.

"That woman over there," she pointed to the pregnant woman who was walking hand in hand with a brunet guy. "Wants to disagree."

"She's just being naïve and maybe stupid as well. I'm not interested in boyfriends Michonne," I told her, looking her straight in the eye. "Especially a boyfriend that can't take care of himself."

"What do you mean?"

"He has never killed a single walker, as soon as he takes a step out of this place he's going to die. Besides," I said, turning to look at her. "I'm not into redheads."

I chuckled and I somehow got a smile from Michonne. I didn't have anything against redheads, they just weren't my type.

"What are you into, then?"

"I don't even know anymore," I said shrugging. "My last boyfriend had blonde hair and green eyes, but the one before him was a brunet with blue eyes, so I don't really know. I guess right now my type is someone who can stay alive."

"You don't have many options then," Michonne said, looking at the clouds above us now. "Why did you break up with your last boyfriend? Or did he turn or...?"

"We just broke up," I muttered, regretting that I allowed the conversation to head this way.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, just normal stuff between couples. Why you ask?"

"Because I think he's the reason you don't believe in love anymore. I saw how your expression changed when you mentioned him. I can tell he hurt you."

"It doesn't matter anymore," I told her. "He must be dead now and I haven't seen him in about two years. I have gotten over him."

"Alright," she muttered.

I looked up at the clouds as well, avoiding Michonne's glance. My ex-boyfriend, Peter, was a sensitive topic and I didn't like to talk about him.

"I knew them," she told me then, I turned to look at her with a confused expression. "The walkers, I knew them."

"I, uh, I..."

"I won't tell you more but I guess you deserved to know that," she told me, looking me into my eyes. "And I also know that you will tell me about this guy when you are ready and when I'm ready I'll tell you more."

"Sounds like a deal," I said with a faint smile.

It was getting dark so we had to get back to our room, stupid curfew. Andrea was already there when we walked in, she was just getting out of the shower.

"Oh, there you are," she said with a smile. "Just on time for dinner."

Andrea got dressed quickly, she looked so much better now. She smiled now and she didn't look like she was going to faint and she wasn't coughing anymore. She even had some colour back in her cheeks, whatever they gave to her it was working.

"You are not sick anymore, are you?" I asked her with a smile.

"My throat still hurts a bit but I'm so much better. I really thought I was going to die."

"I never thought you were going to die," I told her.

"Why? I was bad, pretty bad."

"You just can't leave me as well," I simply said and I could hear her sigh.

"Let's just eat okay?"

The three of us sat at the table, there were cooked vegetables and some meat. It had been so long since I had eaten so well, and I wasn't eating raw or cold or even rotten food. I could at least enjoy these things while they last.

Michonne and I decided to not say anything to Andrea about wanting to leave, Andrea already knew and we didn't want to ruin this nice moment and dinner.

"This is nice," Andrea said with a smile.

"It really is," I agreed.

After that the three of us got into bed, turning the lights off. I rested my hand on the pillow and as usual my mind wandered on memories of the group. I thought of my mother, of Rick, Carl, Lori, Daryl, all of them. It had been almost a year and I still thought about them every night before sleeping and whenever I had time and wasn't in danger I would allow myself to remember them.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed but it was getting late and I wasn't able to fall asleep, for some reason my mind was invaded by bad thoughts.

I opened my eyes every once in a while to stop the bad images. I was seeing all of them being eaten by walkers or being turned.

"We have to get out of here," I heard Michonne whispering. It seemed like I wasn't the only one that couldn't sleep. I was going to reply, thinking she was talking to me, when I heard Andrea's voice.

"This is the best we will find, Michonne," she whispered. "We are safe here, let's stay another day or two, please."
"We need to leave."

"Look, I need this, I almost died out there. I need to recover my strength and Cici." Oh no, was she going to get me into this too? "She's fragile, Michonne. She is strong and is good with a gun but she's fragile mentally. I don't know how long she would have kept it together."

"She wants to leave too."

"I saw her with a boy today, I'm sure that with more time she might give this place a chance."

"Andrea, I know you know Cici more than me but I know her enough to know that she's tough enough to keep her shit together," Michonne told her, and I felt like hugging her. "She might have been fragile before, I don't know, but she might have been but after all we've been through... if she was as fragile as you think, she wouldn't be here. Tomorrow you are going to ask Cici what she wants instead of speculating what she wants or needs, good-night, Andrea."

After that I heard nothing else, I was so shocked and mad that Andrea used me as an excuse to stay here and she called me fragile. I don't know why but that really bothered me.

QOTD: Where are you from? :)

What do you guys think of this chapter and the new guy, Chris? :P