"Listen to your gut, her father was fond of saying, but make up your own damn mind."
― Jeremy Robinson, Flood Rising

The next day was a bit overwhelming. Everyone was outside in the streets with cold beverages, cold! The seventy-three of them were talking and having fun, the kids were playing with the few dogs and men were doing a barbecue, it seemed like a normal day of our old normal lives, but it was so normal that it felt so bizarre now.

I was joined by Chris, Amanda, Wayne and another girl, Jessica, they were extremely happy about it and they were enjoying the festivities while I just stared in disbelief at everyone, this was just out of place, at least in my opinion and apparently in Michonne's opinion, when I turned to look at her I noticed she had a glare on her face.

Then we were all called to gather around, the Governor was going to give a speech, another one of his hypocritical boring speeches of his.

"Alright! The first time we got together, we were nine. Locked in an apartment with spam and saltine crackers Well, look at us now," he said with a proud smile, I just rolled my eyes at him. "We have built a place we can call home. It's ours. So today we celebrate how far we've come. We remember those we have lost. We raise our glass," with that everyone except me raised their glasses. "To us!"
People clapped and cheered after the Governor finished his speech. Chris was clapping quite loudly next to me, he turned to look at me with a smile and I offered him a fake one, he didn't notice, though.

I looked around to look for Michonne but I couldn't find her anywhere. She probably got fed up with his bullshit and went back to our room.

I was invited to join Chris and his family the whole day. They refused to tell me what the big event of tonight was about but they said it was pretty entertaining. I kept wondering what was so great when I saw Merle, getting Andrea and they both walked away quickly. I decided to shrug it off for now, I finished my meal and then excused myself to go to my room but promised Chris I was going to see him later.

I walked back to our room, where Michonne was. I was going to ask her what was wrong now when the door was opened and Andrea walked in.
"We gotta talk," she said to Michonne.
"We gotta go," she said, as she put things inside her bag. It was then when I realized she had her katana back. "The Governor told me what happened." I was going to ask what she did when Andrea kept talking. "Michonne, you can not do things like that. You're freaking people out. You're freaking me out."
"The west wall is guarded by some girl," Michonne told her, ignoring what Andrea said. "We escape there after dark."
Michonne almost threw the bag to Andrea, who had a hard time handling it before letting it fall down on the bed and then Michonne handed me my gun and my knife, I looked at her with a big grin on my face.

"Wow," I exclaimed as I examined my gun. "Thanks!"

"We are not prisoners her," Andrea exclaimed.
"No one who comes here leaves!"
"What are you talking about? It is safe! There's food, there's shelter. There's people for God's sake!"
"That's what they show you," Michonne said, trying to get Andrea back into her senses. "But you can not leave unless they make you."
"You're not making any sense."

"Andrea, I think she's right. Ever since we came here it's excuse after excuse and we can't never leave," I said.
"You need to trust me," Michonne told Andrea.
"And you need to give me more to go on! We got a good thing here."
"I thought this was temporary!" Michonne shot at her.
"And I think we need this!" Andrea shot back. "I want to give this place a real shot!"

"I tried, we tried."
"Breaking in a house? That is not trying. That is sabotaging!"
"This place is not what they say it is," Michonne slowly and patiently said to Andrea.

"Michonne is right, we can't stay here."

"Why do you want to go out there? We are safe here!"

"From walkers, maybe, but not from humans. I agree we need to go."

"Wait, won't you go with Merle back to the farm?"

"I – uh – I haven't decided yet but either way I won't stay here."

We kept arguing for maybe twenty minutes and somehow the three of us walked out with our bags over our shoulders. I hid my gun in the waistband of my jeans and my knife was in my shoe, hidden by the end of my jeans.

"Hey, hey, hey, girls!" I heard Merle's voice say to us, he was running after us. "Where are you all off to in such a hurry? Huh? Eh? Hey, come on, now!" He had caught up with us by now. "All of you are breaking my heart running away like that."
"We're leaving," Michonne told him.
"It's almost curfew. I would have to arrange an escort," he said and I just took a deep sigh, if Andrea couldn't see that there was always something stopping us then she was blind. "I mean, the party is still going on."

Michonne said nothing else to him, she just lifted her head and looked straight at him, I was sure she was thinking the same as me, just more excuses.

"All right, wait here a second." Merle approached a man that that was on the scaffold and said something to him, we couldn't hear him so Andrea approached him.
"The Governor told us we were free to come and go whenever we wanted," Andrea told him.

"Sweetheart, nothing personal here, but you have to step back," Merle told her, Andrea just looked confused as she walked back to us.
"See? There is always a reason why we can not leave yet," Michonne told her.
"Clear!" We heard a man shout.
"Now, if I were you, I would find some shelter before nightfall," Merle told us, opening the gate. Michonne and I just looked at each other, confused.
"They knew we were coming. This was all for show," Michonne said as she looked at the doors in disbelief.
"Do you hear yourself? How can you know that? And why would they bother?" Andrea asked, because of this she wasn't believing us that no one can leave this place.

"Ladies," Merle exclaimed.

"Close the gate!" Andrea told him, obviously she was fed up with our 'bullshit'.
"No!" Michonne exclaimed quickly.
"I practically begged the Governor to let you stay," Andrea told him, as they once again argued, Merle motioned me to approach him. I took a deep breath and did.
"What?" I asked him, my arms crossed in front of my chest.

"Thought you and I were going back to that farm."

"I can't leave Michonne now."

"I promise you we will leave first thing tomorrow."

"Why do you want me to go, anyway?"

"Well, you know exactly where the farm is and it would be better to have some company, and well we can keep each other warm during the night, if you know what I mean," he said with a wink, I just hardened my glare at him, feeling like punching him. "But the question here is, why you want to go? Because I know you do."

"I want to see them again, I miss them."

"Well, just wait one more night and we will drive to that farm and look for our blood, I want my brother, you want your mother. If we find nothing at least we know we tried."

I said nothing to him, I wanted so bad to go with Merle. I wanted so bad to not separate from Michonne, from Andrea. Merle sighed, then he leaned down and looked me straight in my eyes, his eyes were very similar to Daryl's but a shade or two lighter.

"Don't go, please," Merle whispered in my ear.

"Why not?" I asked as I moved my head a bit back so I could look into his eyes again, which painfully reminded me of Daryl so much.

"I can't tell you, just don't go," he said, his voice still low, which made chills run up and down my spine, in a bad way, not because of how close he was to me but for what he was saying to me. "I'll explain tomorrow, I promise. But don't go now."

"Promise me this is not a trick or another excuse to not let us go, promise me on... Daryl."

"I promise on my little brother, little Blondie, please, just listen to me this one time. Trust me."

Our conversation was interrupted as Andrea shouted Michonne's name, who was walking away from Andrea, then she stopped in front of me with an emotionless face.

"I assume you will stay too," she said coldly, I hesitated as I bit my lip.

"I need to do this, Mich, I need to," I desperately told her. "I promise I will catch up with you, just give me two days and I'll join you again, I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"But I will, I'll just go to that farm and then I'll look for you," I told her and then gave her a hug so I could whisper in her ear, she probably knew what I was doing because I never hug people and she doesn't either, and she didn't push me away or even tensed. "I don't trust the Governor but I trust Merle and I think something's up, be careful." She nodded at me but barely so the other's around us couldn't see.

"I will," she whispered and then pulled away. "I'm better off alone, anyway," she told me and I won't deny her words hurt me, whether if they were true or not.

Then she walked past me and went through the gate. I looked at her, wishing to go after her but I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing I had the chance to look for my mother and the group, so I stayed.

Merle closed the gate quickly and then walked away, Andrea and I pressed our bodies against it, finding a space where we could see her, the two of us had tears in our eyes. I had a reason to stay and maybe Andrea thought this was safe but safe or not, she shouldn't have abandoned her.

"Cici, I..."

"You are blinded, Andrea, Michonne told me some stuff about this place and I believed her. This is not what you think it is."

"Then why did you stay?" Andrea snap at me.

"I won't stay forever. I will leave tomorrow with Merle and after the farm we'll go our separate ways, I will find Michonne again and join her!" I exclaimed. "Just don't doubt her, she saved our lives all those months ago, took care of us when we got sick, I think she has earned our trust, Andrea, don't you think?"

"Don't you think it kills me to see her go like this? I just wanted this to work for all of us! This is what we wanted, wasn't it? I don't know about you but I can't live another year out there, eating next to nothing and freeze at night and be scared of walkers twenty-four seven, I can't do that anymore, Cici, maybe it's because I'm older, but I can't."

"I would give anything to stay here or find somewhere like this but I know this place isn't safe, and I prefer to be out there than here and if you want to stay, then fine, stay, but I won't."

I just shook my head at here and walked past her, straight to our room. I left my bag on my bed as I kept trying to tell myself that this wasn't a mistake, that I was going to find peace of mind by going to that farm and that I will eventually find Michonne again and we will survive together.

A couple of hours later I walked out of my room and went to Chris' house. The big entertainment of the night was going to start in just fifteen minutes or so and I promised Chris I was going to go with him.

When he and his family were ready, Chris intertwined our arms together and I had no choice but allowed him to do it at first but as soon as we were out of the house I pretended I needed to tie my shoelaces and after I was done I kept my distance and whenever he tried to grab my hand or get my arm I just accelerated my pace or pointed at something to stop him. We headed to an arena that was on a place I had never been before, almost everyone was already there.

We got on the stands, in one of the rows of the front. I sat in between Chris and Wayne, who looked really excited about what was about to happen, there was even music here.

A few minutes later I spotted Andrea coming here with the Governor, arms linked. I stared at her in disbelief. It seemed like she had been comforted because her tears were now gone and replaced by a big smile. Traitor.

As soon as she found me in the crowd she avoided my gaze, while I kept looking at her with a disappointing look on my face. Instead of allowing her to ruin my night I refocused on Chris and his family, who were thrilled.

Soon after that, the show started. The lights in the arena were turned on, revealing six chained walkers. My eyes went wide with shock and I gasped, they were only a few feet away from me. I looked around me and all the people in here cheered louder when they saw them, even Chris whistled and kept clapping.

One of the men I saw back in the woods when they brought us here jumped into the stage and none other than Merle Dixon came through the other corner. They jumped around and waved at the people.

"Merle! Merle! Merle!" People cheered for him, while I said nothing, I was still in shock. Was this funny for them?

"I'm gonna kick his ass one-handed!" I could barely hear what Merle was saying, the people kept cheering for him, all I knew was that he started to do push-ups, doing a show for the people and they loved it.

I heard a whistle and the fight started. Merle kicked the other man in the jaw, making him fall to the ground. He stood up and Merle just kicked him again, he landed just in front of a walker, he crawled away quickly before it could get him.

"I want to go!" I exclaimed to Chris.

"What? Why?" Chris asked confused.

At that moment I heard another whistle and saw how the walkers were allowed to get closer to Merle and the other guy. Merle threw the other one to a walker, who had him in its grip and I panicked, thinking he was going to be bit or scratched.

I couldn't take it anymore, I started to walk away from there and out of the corner of my eyes I could see Andrea was as upset as me.

"Hey! Cici, wait! Where are you going?" Chris asked me, going after me. He grabbed my wrist and turned me around.

"This is sick, Chris!" I exclaimed as I jerked my hand away from his. "I can't watch this! You have no idea what I have been through out there, how can you guys have fun using those things?"

"They are controlled, no one here is in danger! It's just for fun! Chill!"

"I can't believe you are okay with this! This is barbaric!"

"Have some fun, Cici!"

As he said that I heard the cheers going louder and I saw why. The man was lying on the floor, Merle had his foot on his chest and his left arm was raised as he counted, "Uno, dos, tres!" and like that Merle won the fight.

"I can't find this funny, Chris, because those things killed and ate most of my father, one of those things bit my sister, making her turn, she was just twelve," I told him as tears threatened to fall down my face. "A friend of mine, Andrea's sister, got bitten in the neck and she turned as well. A herd of them made me get separated from my group, from my mother, from people I love and I almost died. They are dangerous and I think every person here is a fool and stupid."

I walked away before he could see the tears falling down my face. He called for me but I didn't even turn around to look at him or stopped to give him a chance to catch up with me. I just kept walking until I got to my room.

These people were crazy and sick and I would never support that kind of things. Who even came up with an idea like that? No wonder why the world was so fucked up before this.

I almost laughed as I imagined what Michonne would have done if she was here to witness that. She would have grabbed her sword, beheaded the six walkers and people would scream as they ran away like if she was the real threat there. It would be hilarious, though!

I had a hard time falling asleep that night but when I did, I dreamt with Michonne and how she would have killed those walkers and then go after the sick bastard that came with the idea and then go after the Governor.

The next morning I woke up quite early, even before Andrea. I changed, grabbed a banana and walked out of the room and I did just in time because I found Merle with three other men and they looked like if they going somewhere.

"Were you going to leave without me?" I asked, making him stop in his tracks.

"I got a mission," he said simply. "We'll go later."

"I could go with you and then head to the farm, it will be faster that way." He sighed.

"You can come but the Governor can't know and you do as I say, alright Blondie?"

"Alright."

I ran up the stairs to grab my packed bag, Andrea was still sleeping so I just walked out without saying a good-bye, not being sure if I was going to see her again.

As I followed Merle out of Woodbury, I heard the other guys asking Merle why the hell I came with them, they weren't happy with me around and they didn't even try to whisper it, assholes.

"She will just slow us down!"

"Seriously Merle, why did you even bring her along? We're not babysitters!"

"You have no idea how good she is with a gun," Merle told them. "And I assume she's with the knives as well. All of you would be dead before you could blink if she wanted to kill you."

Wow, thanks Merle. I had no idea he thought so high of me and he was even stepping up for me, again.

As we walked further into the woods, I realized Merle and I were at the front and he was tracking something, the other guys just looked around us in case there was some kind of danger, but that's all they did besides following Merle.

"Where are we going?" I whispered after I looked behind me to make sure the other men were out of earshot.

"This is why I asked you not to go with that girl," he whispered back and that's when my blood froze.

"Are you – are you tracking her?"

"Yes."

As he said that we came across walkers' body parts. Someone had arranged them to make a message, a guy with curls deciphered it.

"Go back!"

"What?" Merle asked him.

"The arms are a G. The legs make an O and that's a back," the man said. "It says, "Go back."

Merle chuckled and clapped. "This is too good!"

I couldn't help but smile that she got my little warming, she wasn't a fool. She was going to be alright even if Merle was tracking her.

"Look at this!" Merle exclaimed. "She sent us a biter-gram, y'all!"

I couldn't help but chuckle at Merle, this was a serious situation, but come on! That was funny! Merle chuckled at his own joke and the other men couldn't help but smile or laugh as well.
Then the curly guy said something, I wasn't even sure what but Merle ran to him, grabbed him by the collar and started to scold him really bad. I didn't even know what he did.

"Now how do you say your last name?" Merle asked.

"Gargulio."
"Well, I'm gonna keep calling you Neil. All right?"

Then we heard twigs snapping and we saw a figure walking by, the guys took out their guns, I couldn't took out mine because as far as they knew, I didn't have any weapon on me.

"What's the deal, Michonne? Hmm?" Merle shouted. "You gonna leap out of the woods, one against four, all of us armed to the teeth and you with just your little pig-sticker? No, no, no, Michonne."

At that exact moment, Michonne jumped down a tree and landed between the Asian guy and the one with a bandana on his head. He beheaded the bandana guy first with a swift swing of her katana and then stabbed the Asian right in his stomach.

Curly guy looked like he was going to piss himself while Merle pointed his gun at her and shot at her. I ran to him and grabbed his arm as he was going to shot, making him miss. I was sure he would have shot her if I hadn't been there. I think it just grazed her, which was better than actually being shot.

"What the fuck, Blondie?"

"She's my friend, you bastard!" I screamed at him as he started to run after Michonne. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I have no choice, alright? Orders are orders and if you don't follow them, you end up dead! Okay? So now, get out of my fucking way!"

Merle ran after her and I admit he was really fast, it took me a lot of effort to keep up with him. After he couldn't find her, he went back for curly guy, who was an emotional wreck.

"She's hit! It will slow her down!" Merle announced.

"Merle, you don't have to do this, please!" I begged him, I then lowered my voice. "You care, Merle, you do! You wouldn't have warmed me about this if you didn't care! You'd be shooting me as well! She saved my life, please!"

"Like I said, if I don't do this I'll get killed! It's not personal, just that my life is my top priority not hers! Now let's get moving, those shots just pulled every biter in this area our way. We need to move, Neil!"

Curly man kept weeping over the bodies of the two other men, Merle just kicked him to the ground and put his foot on his chest. He was really pathetic to be honest.
"Now you're gonna rise to the occasion, son. Some serious shit's going down. I need you here. You read me, amigo? I don't want you to die."
"Yes," he whispered.
Merle went to the Asian and stabbed him in the head so he wouldn't turn, they apparently had this rule that they don't let their own turn. Curly had a hard time to do it with the head of the other so I took the knife from him and did it myself.

"You can't be weak, you idiot!" I shouted and as I did I grabbed the knife tightly, having no intentions to give it back. Curly didn't notice but Merle did, he kept eyeing me but said nothing.

By now the farm and the group were long gone from my head. All I cared about was saving Michonne and that's why I stuck with Merle even longer. I couldn't track her, he could, and I was going to stop Merle if he tried anything else.

Merle stopped then, making us stop as well. I turned around and saw Michonne walking towards us, I nodded at her and didn't even move so Merle wouldn't hear her but of course he did. He turned around and pushed Curly out of the way just in time, the sword just made a little cut on his torso.
Merle managed to make Michonne dropped her sword and he pushed her to the ground, Michonne kicked him to keep him away but he got on top of her. They were all panting on the ground, I was about to help Michonne up so we could escape when I heard moaning.

I turned around to see walkers, some going to Merle and Michonne, some to me and some to Curly. I raised my hand and killed the first walker using the knife I kept from earlier. I went to the next walker closer to me, kicked him to the ground and stabbed him right between its eyes. Luckily Merle and Curly were busy with more walkers, I grabbed Michonne's hand and pulled her along with me, running as far as we could from them.

Little did I know that Curly had grabbed Merle's gun and was pointing right at me as I ran away, Merle stopped him just on time, though, and luckily there were two more walkers they had to take care of, giving us time to escape.

Hello guys! I decided to update soon, I have a tournament this week so I won't have much time.

And I forgot to tell you about my dream last time, it's TWD related.

So we were still in a normal world, no walkers but we were all together and for some strange reason I was with Shane even when I didn't want to. I remember him kissing me on my dream and I was 'just stop already'. I wanted to be with Daryl and whenever we kissed, Daryl just looked at me with hurt in his eyes, so he liked me too. I don't remember much more than that though.

And Cecilia will reunite with the group soon! :D :D What do you think will happen! :D

And SPOILERS for the last episode

RICHONNE finally happened OMG OMG OMG, who is a Richonne fan here?