"Being alone never felt right. sometimes it felt good, but it never felt right."

Charles Bukowski, Women

I was woken up by someone yelling, I wasn't sure who was at first but then I realized it was Rick. I really didn't want to see anyone but I was scared the rampage was about Michonne so I forced myself out of bed and rushed to where the yells came from.

"Get out! Get out!"

Right when I was going to walk inside the room, four people I had never seen before were walking out, looking really scared. They barely acknowledged me.

"Just go! Go! Go!"

Hershel and Axel followed them out, Rick stormed away, leaving the rest astonished at his reaction. Beth stood next to me.

"What happened? Who were they?"

"They came in when you were out looking for Maggie and Glenn, we had them locked here and we had kind of agreed we were going to let them stay but then Rick just... he just snap."

"Yeah, I heard."

"Are you hungry? I'm sure you haven't eaten since you came here the first time. I think we have some noodles."

"I'm fine."

To be honest I couldn't remember the last time I ate. I think it was the morning I left with Merle, almost two days ago and I wasn't really hungry but I was very tired even when I had just woken up.

I walked back into the cell where I was and lied down on my stomach, I used to sleep like that when the world was normal, then I would just lie on my side on my sleeping bag.

"Hey," Beth muttered, sitting next to me. "I know you said you weren't hungry but I got you something."

"Thanks," I said smiling a bit at her and taking the bar from her hand.

I sat up and opened the wrapper. I took a bite of it and it was really good, I wasn't hungry but I ate to not hurt Beth's feelings and because I knew I needed it.

"You look good," I told her. "So much better than the last time I saw you."

"Yeah, I just went through a hard time there, I lost it but I got over it. It doesn't make things any easier but at least I can bear them," she told me with a sad look on her face. "I'm so sorry... for leaving you. We all assumed you were dead, there were so many."

"It's okay, if you had come looking for me you would have died, I almost died. I admit it was horrible. We ran all night and all day, killing walkers. I was about to being eaten when Michonne saved us and..."

"Us?" Beth asked.

"Andrea and I, if it wasn't for her I would have killed myself right after I saw all the cars leaving, I never thought I could get out of there alive but she stopped me and she kept telling me to go on until we both ran out of strength and Michonne saved us and took care of us."

"Is she... is Andrea dead?"

"Oh, didn't you hear? Andrea's in Woodbury, she didn't want to leave and based on Merle, she and the Governor are together, I prefer not to think about that."

"I haven't really thanked you," she told me, grabbing my left hand. "For saving my sister. You could have stayed with us, you had just come but you decided to go to help her, so thank you."

"I couldn't leave her and Glenn there," I told her. "How are they, by the way?"

"They are good, a bit traumatized and well, Glenn has a lot of bruises but they are okay, they will be okay."

"Uh, whose room, or should I say cell, is this?" I asked, looking around, I saw stuff all around it.

"It's mine," Beth said with a smile. "I remember when we both were sharing my room back in the farm and I wanted to spend time with you but when I found out about Da... about him and saw how devastated you were I thought it was better to give you space and time alone, but tomorrow you can go and choose your own cell, there are a few empty ones."

"Thank you," I said with a smile on my lips.

"I'll show you around tomorrow but let's sleep, now scoot over!"

"No, you go first, I can't be in between the wall and you," I said with a shrug. "I'm claustrophobic."

"I didn't know that," she said as she lied down on the other side of the small bed.

"We went to the CDC before we met you and the whole thing was underground, I had to get drunk to not think about that, it was awful."

"I would feel claustrophobic in that situation as well."

Then I told her all about what happened at the CDC, what Jenner told us, that we felt safe for a night, I even told her I drunkly kissed Sean, which she squealed about, I told her Jenner locked us there and almost died, told her everything but I left Daryl out of the story, didn't mention we shared a room, didn't mention we barely talked back there, it was mostly arguments, I didn't mention it was the two of us that got drunk two days in a row.

And as if it was a night story for little kids, we both fell asleep right after telling it. Unfortunately that story didn't really have a happy ending. Jacqui died, we went on the road for days and right after that we lost Sophia.

The next morning I was woken up by Beth rolling on top of me to go to the bathroom, I whined still in an asleep state but the damage was done, I couldn't get back to sleep.

I went to the kitchen where I found about half of the group, including my mother and Axel, I hadn't talked to him yet.

"Sweetheart," my mother said as she stood up and walker over me, embracing me. "How are you? Are you hungry? I could make you something to eat."

I only nodded at her with a smile, I sat on a table and saw as my mother made me some breakfast, like old times.

"Didn't know you had a daughter," Axel said as he looked from me to my mum.

"Actually I had two but I'm very lucky to reunite with Cecilia," she told him. Many months had passed since Sophia died but it still hurts to talk about her.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. "But it's a miracle she found you."

When my mum got me the food, Teresa and Sean joined me in the table, sitting in front of me and my mum. They tried to have a conversation to me, I made an effort but I usually just answered with a word or two.

"You have to tell us what happened to you," Teresa said after I was done with my breakfast and was standing up.

"She's not ready yet," my mum told her as she grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I offered her a smile before letting go of her and walked outside, where I saw Michonne. It made me happy to notice that she wasn't locked up like some kind of criminal anymore.

"Feels good, huh? Fresh air." I heard Beth saying to me, who had just joined me.

"Yeah."

I turned around and saw her carrying Rick's baby, I smiled at the baby, who was drinking her formula.

"She has Lori's eyes, you know?" Beth told me. "I think she does."

I honestly didn't remember Lori's face that well but I leant down anyway and looked at the baby closely, who just looked back at me with her big blueish eyes. Somehow she managed to reach out for my hand and grab one of my fingers, which made my heart warm up.

"What's her name?" I asked.

"Little Ass-Kicker, well, it's not her real name, Carl hasn't decided yet, Rick let him choose it, you know, so Daryl named her that for now," Beth told me and I felt sorrow again.

"Well, it suits her," I said, pretending that hearing his name didn't affect me and she didn't seem to notice. "Do you always take care of her?"

"Most of the time, yeah. Rick has been... well, he didn't take it well. He has been unstable since he found out about Lori. He disappeared into the prison and didn't get out for a few days after it happened, we had to take care of her, you know? Oliver also helps a lot, it's mostly the two of us and now that we found Carol, she has helped a lot as well."

"Carl told me about his dad the other day but I'm glad Rick has finally come around."

"Not entirely yet but he will soon," Beth said sadly as the baby finally finished her bottle. "I'll take her inside and have breakfast, I'll show you around when I finish."

"Sure," I said with a smile and went back inside.

Beth handed the baby to Teresa while she ate while I went back into the cell and lied down again. I didn't even know why I was feeling so tired and so unmotivated. I just wanted to go back to sleep.

Minutes later Carl stood by the door, looking at me, I offered him a smile and he smiled back at me, he looked nervous but he eventually walked to me and sat next to me on the bed. I had my back against a wall and my legs stretched, one on top of the other.

And then, without warming, Carl wrapped my torso with his small arms and rested his head on my chest. I was so shocked. I didn't expect that, not after everything he told me the day before. Astonishingly I wrapped my arms around him and ran my hand up and down his back.

"Hey," I said. "What did I do to earn this?"

"It's what I should have done as soon as I saw you, I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. You were upset, I get it. I was gone when you needed me, you had to get it out of your chest. I just hoped that you could forgive me."

"I already did," Carl told me, pulling away and looking at me with a big smile but then his expression turned serious. "We can't have the luxury of being mad at someone anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"I wasn't talking to my mum when she died and now I can't take it back, I can't go back in time and fix that but I got a second chance with you and I'm not wasting it by being upset by something that wasn't even your fault," Carl told me, completely baffling me. "I wanted to tell you that before you left yesterday, I didn't want you to go thinking that I was mad at you but I didn't know how to tell you and I'm extremely happy that you are back because I feared that you wouldn't get back and I wouldn't be able to tell you this."

"Carl," I muttered, embracing him once again, but this time tighter. I didn't join Merle and Daryl mostly for this boy and now I know that I took the right choice by coming back. He needed me and now I needed him. "When did you grow up?"

I couldn't believe his words, he had gotten so mature over these last months. It was like I wasn't even talking to a little boy.

"It's what happens when you live in a world like this, you grow up," he said to me, pulling away from me again and looked back at me.

"I'm sorry about that, you shouldn't be worrying about all these stuff. You should be playing and worrying about school not about things that want to eat you, you shouldn't even know how to shoot. I'm sorry this happened to you."

"I've got you now," he said with a shrug.

"You do," I said nodding. "And I've got you."

I then looked thoroughly at him. I saw his freckles that looked really similar to mine, except I didn't have as many as him and they were quite faint so many people didn't even noticed them, unlike Sophia's. I also noticed his eyes were not as empty as the first time I saw him when I came here and they were a bit softer and then I saw his medium brown hair, it had gotten longer and it actually looked good.

"I like your hair," I said to him, grabbing one strand of it. "It has grown so much, it suits you."

"Thank you, I like it too," he told me with a smile. "Your hair has grown too."

"Not as much as yours."

Back at the farm my hair barely reached my mid-back, now it almost reached my bellybutton when I stretch it to its full length. My hair hadn't been as wavy as before so that also had made it look longer.

"I'm sorry about Daryl," he said out of nowhere. "I know you liked him a lot, he was your favourite of the group."

"That's not true," I said, touching the tip of his nose. "You are my favourite, Daryl's my second favourite and I know you liked him too."

"He's really cool."

"Remember when I got lost?" I said with a deep breath, this was going to be hard to talk about.

"Yeah," he said nodding.

"That first night, Sophia and I found a house, we stayed there all night and I remember our last conversation, the last words we said to each other. She told me that you and her thought Daryl and I were together and that you actually wanted us to be together. It really surprised me," I said with a chuckle.

"She told you?" he asked me with a shy smile.

"Yeah, she was very disappointed when I said we weren't and will never be together."

"Well, we really thought that the two of you kind of like fit together, you two looked cute and we actually made a plan to get you two together if you weren't already, we couldn't do much, tough," he said to me, making me even more shocked. "Back at the CDC, we eavesdropped your argument with him, he wanted a room for himself, right?" I nodded. "Well, I made Dale to get that room before him while Sophia made Andrea to get the other empty room so he wouldn't have a choice but stay with you."

"You did what? Are you serious?" Carl just nodded with a smirk. "She never told me about that."

"And when we had to dump some cars because of the gasoline? We almost succeeded to get you to ride with him but your mum ruined it by saying she didn't want you in a motorcycle."

"I remember that," I said with a smile. "I had to go with her and you, so I didn't mind."

"And back at camp we were always trying to get you two to be around each other, sometimes it worked and when we thought you were, you know, like together together, we would hear you two arguing so we just kept planning."

"How come I never noticed any of that?" I asked in disbelief.

"Because we were good." Carl shrugged. "But then Sophia and you got lost, I got shot. I couldn't go back to the mission and.."

"Mission?"

"Yeah, it was our mission. We called it Cupid's Arrow Mission. Because we were like cupid and Daryl's weapon is arrows, you know? It kind of made sense," Carl said with a small chuckle, his cheeks flushed at that. "Stupid name I know."

"Perfect name, actually."

"I guess the mission failed," Carl said, now looking sad, almost like Sophia looked when I told her I wasn't dating Daryl.

"Why?"

"Because you two were getting closer, you spent a lot of time with him, so I decided to not interfere but I kept watching you two, just in case." I just shook my head at him and ruffled his hair. "And then I thought you were dead and now that you are back, he's gone. The two of you ruined the C.A. Mission."

"C.A.?"

"We used to call it that to not be obvious." He shrugged again.

"That's smart, I'm sorry I made your mission fail," I said sincerely.

"You have some of the fault, Daryl's is guilty as well and I guess I'm a bit to blame because I could have done more."

"Who came with the idea of that mission?"

"Sophia started saying stuff about the two of you and I came up with the idea of trying to get you two together and then somehow, it became a whole mission. It was fun to do it, especially when it worked."

"You sneaky things! I never even suspected anything."

"Daryl didn't either, or anyone else." Then his expression turned into a concentrated one, like he was contemplating something. "Except Merle, he heard us once, that's why we started calling it mission C.A. and we used to call you 'G' for girl and Daryl 'B' for boy. Don't worry though, Merle wasn't sure his brother was part of our mission, but he suspected, he said he heard us saying his name and all but we never admitted it and he never told Daryl."

"How can you be so sure?" I asked, getting nervous just by thinking Merle knew and told Daryl about it.

"If he had been told, Daryl wouldn't have let you sleep in his tent anymore and he would have avoided you like the pest and probably tell me and Sophia something like to stop doing stupid things like that. Don't worry, Daryl doesn't know anything and now that I think about it, I shouldn't have told you anything," Carl exclaimed.

"He's not even here anymore, don't worry about it," I said with a small chuckle.

"My dad and Sean told me a bit of what happened yesterday, Sean kind of mentioned something," Carl said casually, too casually. "He said the two of you hugged and he kissed you, now that I think about it, Sean sounded quite angry about it."

"On the top of my head," I exclaimed quickly. "What's your point?"

"Have you ever seen Daryl kissing someone? Have you ever seen him just having some kind of physical interaction with someone? He's not like that. He doesn't even shake hands," he said with a big smile. "Which means that if he comes back, the mission can be not a complete failure."

"You really have a big imagination, Carl. That kiss didn't even mean anything of what you are thinking, I'm sorry to be like this but it's just the way it is."

"Alright," he said shrugging but he was still smiling. "Whatever you say."

He gave me one last hug and stood up, walking to the door, where he stood a second or two before turning around to look at me.

"What do you think of the name Judith?" he asked me.

"I like it, it's pretty," I tell him. "Why you ask?"

"That's the name of my sister, I chose that name. My dad liked it and just wanted to know what you think."

"I think it's just perfect for her."

"Great!" he exclaimed with a smile before he turned around and this time actually leaving me.

I stood up minutes later, I really wanted to check on Glenn. I walked in front of the cells, trying to find him inside of one, and I eventually did. He was sat on the edge of it with his elbows on his knees and his face on his hands.

"How are you feeling?" I ask him, making him jerk his head on my direction. It pained me to see him so beaten up, seeing that bruise around his eyes. It just made my blood boil with anger.

"I don't even know," he muttered. "I feel really happy to see you again, though. Only good thing that has happened lately and thanks for going for us as well."

"Don't even mention it," I said to him. "We always have each other's back, don't we?"

"Yeah, and how are you feeling?"

"I'm just... hanging on, you know?"

"What happened to you?" he asked, pointing to the stitches on my right arm that now were exposed.

"Got shot," I told him, making his eyes wide in shock.

"Don't tell me it was yesterday when you went for us beca..."

"It wasn't!" I said quickly. "The day when you were kidnapped, I was running away from Woodbury, one of their man shot me or at least tried to. Merle shot Michonne in the leg."

"What?"

I took a deep breath and sat next to him. I really didn't want to tell him everything because I didn't want him to think it was my fault he was taken or think that I didn't try to save him because I already feel guilty enough about that, but I told him everything, how Andrea, Michonne and I ended up there, told him about Merle and I planning to go to the farm and told him how I ended up with Michonne again and how we found the prison, I even told him that Merle kind of warned me about it.

Glenn said nothing to me when I finished, he didn't even look at me. He just stood up and started to walk out of the cell.

"Are you angry at me?" I asked him, making him stop.

"No," he said after a short pause. "But I need to do something."

Minutes later all of us, except Rick, were in the kitchen, even Michonne was there. Glenn was drawing the prison on the floor, trying to know where the group of people got in.

"The whole front of the prison is un-secure," Glenn said after checking where those people came in. "If walkers just strolled in, then it's going to be cake for a group of armed men."
"Why are we even so sure he's going to attack? Maybe you scared him off," Beth said.
"He had fish tanks full of heads," Michonne said in a slow tone. "Walkers and humans. Trophies."

"What are you talking about?" I asked her in shock.

"When I went missing that night I went for him, went to his apartment. Remember the guy from the National Guard that was rescued with us?" I nodded. "His head was there, he was still human when he was killed and my two walkers were in there too. I told you he killed all the men of the National Guard, that head was more proof of it. And now he's coming for us."
"We should hit him now," Glenn suddenly said. "He won't be expecting it. We'll sneak back in and put a bullet in his head."
"We're not assassins," my mother told him.
"You know where his apartment is," Glenn said walking towards me and Michonne. "The two of you and I could end this tonight. I'll do it myself."
After what he did to Maggie and Glenn, after that he did to Daryl and Merle, after what Michonne said about the heads and the National Guard I admit I did want to go and kill him, to get rid of him but apparently I was the only one thinking straight here. We were just too few, there were around thirty armed men in that place, we lost Oscar last night, we almost lost Daryl and Glenn and Maggie, we couldn't do it like this. So as Glenn looked directly at us, I shook my head at him but Michonne nodded.
"He didn't know you were coming last time and look what happened," Hershel said, speaking my thoughts. "You were almost killed, Daryl was captured and you and Maggie were almost executed."
"You can't stop me!" Glenn exclaimed as he took a few steps towards the old man.
"Rick would never allow this."
"You really think he's in any position to make that choice?" Glenn asked, I had noticed Rick was not here but I didn't know why, apparently he wasn't still that well mentally.

"What are we waiting for? If he's really on his way, we should be out of here by now."
"And go where?" Glenn asked him.

"We lived on the road all winter."
"Back when you had two legs and we didn't have a baby crying for walkers every four hours." Well, Glenn had a point there.
"We can't stay here," Hershel insisted.
"We can't run!"

A short silence followed. Maggie just walked away without a word. She hadn't been so well since we had come back, from what I heard from Teresa she didn't leave her cell all day yesterday, pretty much like me. She had barely said a few words and barely eaten. I didn't know what happened but Maggie was taking it really bad, Glenn too, but on his own way.
"All right. we'll stay put. We're going to defend this place. We're making a stand," Glenn said. "Carl, you and I will go down to the tombs. We need to figure out where the breach is."
"You got it," Carl said, nodding.
"You'll need some help," Michonne said, wanting to go.
"No, in case anything happens, I need you out here," Glenn told her.

"Then I'll go with you," I told him, he wanted to argue but instead he nodded.
"Who's on watch?" Glenn asked, realizing all of us were here, except Rick and Maggie. "Damn it!"
Minutes later Glenn, Carl and I got ready to go to this place they called the tombs. I had my gun and knife with me. My mother tried to persuade me to stay but I needed to do something besides being miserable and lie on a bed, I needed to do this to clear my mind, to stop thinking about stuff and just act.

When we went to the tombs, Glenn went ahead of us, while Carl and I walked right next to each other. If we only saw a few walkers we were going to kill them with knives and if we saw a lot we would use our guns.

I noticed the walls had painted arrows to signal the way out, it didn't look like they were done a while ago so I assumed someone of the group did it.

Only a few minutes later we saw the first walker, Glenn killed it quickly. We saw four more coming to us, I ran to one and killed it quickly, I pushed it out of my way and killed a second one, stabbing him right on the top of its head.

As we kept walking we found more and more walkers, luckily we had just come across small groups of them, so we killed them quickly and kept moving on until we saw there were more, this time it was a group of twelve or so.

I killed one first, then two more, while Glenn and Carl, killed some more. Glenn ordered us to go back, we heard more coming so, we killed these quickly and ran back, Sean quickly opened the gate and locked it again once we were inside.

I had blood all over my body and my clothes and it was not until now that I realized I wasn't scared in there, I was actually feeling some kind of thrill and right now that I had released some stress I was feeling a bit better.

"The tombs outside the boiler room are overrun again," Glenn informed the rest.
"That whole section had been cleared."
"It's a steady stream of walkers," Carl added.
"We're wasting time! The Governor is supposedly on the way and we're stuck in here with walkers. Trapped between a rock and a hard place," Hershel said.
"For the last time, running is not an option!" Glenn exclaimed.
"Glenn, if the tombs have filled up again, it may just be a matter of time before they push in here," my mum said.

"Or until some fence gives way," Beth added.
"What if one of them herds is passing through? Or settled?" Axel asked.

"Can't handle that with just the few of us," my mother said.
"All right, we need- we just need to scout the far side of the prison. Find out what's going on," Glenn said as he panted.
"You're going out there?" Hershel asked him, still in a calm tone but I could tell he didn't like the idea.

"Take a car and make it quick," Glenn said quickly.

"I'll go with you," I told him.
"No, you stay here," he told me. "I need you here. I'll take Maggie."
"You sure she's up to that?" Hershel asked him.

Glenn didn't reply he just walked away, probably to get Maggie and I just stayed there with the rest, being a bit hurt that he rejected me to go with him. It was always the two of us going on runs before, I guess that has changed now.

Hello guys, I know this chapter was a bit boring but I updated twice this week like I promised.

QOTD: When is your birthday? Mine is December 5, any birthday twinie here?

Are you excited/nervous about the Season Finale? I get to watch it until Monday :/ Any death predictions?