"... It's a blessed thing to love and feel loved in return."
― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly

Daryl's POV

Rick, Michonne and Carl had come back the day before with several weapons and ammunition, including a brand new crossbow and arrows, which made my day. I felt like a kid on Christmas but I barely let them see that, I just smiled and admired it. I wanted to try it right away, but I had to keep watch, so I was going to try this beauty later.

I was thinking about giving my old crossbow to Cecilia, I started teaching her how to use it yesterday and what would be the use of learning if she wasn't going to put it into practice out there, it was just the right thing to do.

Speaking of her, we had gotten even closer than before, closer than I could have ever imagined and to be honest, it scared me. This wasn't me, this wasn't something I would normally do with someone but I couldn't help it, and that was the scariest part of it. I couldn't control it.

I just wanted to be around her all day, I wanted to help her, I wanted to be there for her, I just wanted her to need me in some way and I couldn't do anything to stop those feelings or my actions, this girl had changed me and I would like to think the change was for the best.

Merle had been teasing me about it since he got here, telling me I was helplessly in love with Cecilia, that I was just in denial, but I wasn't in denial... or in love. I just let her in, that was it.

"I don't get attached," Merle mocked me, I was next to him on the tower, keeping watch.

Cecilia was outside, below us, talking to Michonne. The blonde girl had a small smile on her lips as the older girl was telling her something. I had been staring at her without really noticing, but Merle did.

He waved a wand in front of my face, I just sighed in frustration and turned to glare at Merle. He looked from me to where I had been looking seconds ago and his lips turned into a smirk.

"I knew you were always the sweet one, baby brother," Merle muttered as he looked at Cecilia.

"Shut up."

I couldn't help but look back at Cecilia, she had a hand on her hip and now she was the one talking, I hadn't realized how expressive she was when she talked. She had her other hand in the air, moving it softly as she talked to make emphasis or something and every once in a while she would use both hands, Michonne told her something and Cecilia just shook her hand as she put her hand over her mouth a bit dramatically.

"No way!" I actually heard Cecilia saying to the other girl. "No!"

"My name is Darylina and I don't get attached," Merle said mockingly, I glared at him once again. "Don't get attached my ass."

"You could try it ya know?" I snapped. "Care for someone, have something to fight for. It's not life to live all lonely."

"So you admit you care now?" He laughed. "I have something to fight for, my life! Isn't that enough for you? Your pitiful life?"

"It gets to a point where that is not enough anymore. And besides, wouldn't you like someone to care about you as well? To worry about you, to fight for you?"

"If you think like that you won't last much in this shit world. We were alone before this, it's the way we are, it is the way we will always be. You don't have to like it, it's just the way things work."

"But I can change that."

"You don't have the balls to do it," he told me harshly. "And even if you change things, you won't change yourself. Sooner or later everything will go to shit."

"Fuck you!"

I stood up, more upset than I should be for some reason. Merle kept mocking me about my sensitive new side but I had had enough of him.

"Maybe I already changed," I murmured before opening the door and going down the stairs of the tower. I walked past Cecilia and Michonne, who just looked at me oddly, they probably noticed how upset I was.

And the thing was that I wasn't even that upset at Merle for the things he said, I had known him all my life and I had learnt to stand him and ignore some of his comments.

As I was walking back inside the prison I realized that I was mostly upset because Merle was a bit right, I was getting attached and a lot and my mind was in conflict. A part of me wanted to give up my old life and for once feel loved by someone and enjoy their company and the other part was hanging on to my old me, the Daryl that pushed everyone away, the Daryl that didn't enjoy hugs or any kind of physical interaction, the Daryl that was alone, and Merle unconsciously fed that last part, the one that wanted to keep being alone and Cecilia fed the other one.

I just wanted everything to be simple. I wanted Merle to be happy for me, because I found some kind of happiness I never knew before, because I had fitted in with this group, because not only Cecilia cared but all of them did. I was important, somehow, I had earned an important place in this group and all I wanted was some recognition, a pat on my back or at least a nod of acknowledge.

I knew he told me back in the woods he likes Cecilia, he approves of her because she's pretty similar to us but he doesn't believe in loving someone else, doesn't believe in happy endings but at least he doesn't hate her as he hates everyone else, she's actually in his good people list and that's saying a lot of her.

Cecilia was unique, she never needed anyone to save her, she could do that herself if she ever put herself in that kind of situations, but mostly she didn't. She shot walkers, she had a hell of accuracy and she had a tough past that made her stronger instead of breaking her, pretty much like Merle and me, more like Merle. Because I have been broken all this time but only realized it.

By now I had reached my cell, the two crossbows were lying on the bed since I took a rifle to the tower. I stared at them and the need to give one to Cecilia came back. I sighed and grabbed the old one, going back outside.

Michonne and Cecilia were still there, I looked up and noticed Merle was still there. I built up my courage and walked to the girls, Cecilia turn to look at me with a smile and Michonne raised on of her eyebrows at me.

"Hi," I said awkwardly.

"Hey," Cecilia said, quite cheerful.

"I think I'll borrow her for a bit," I said to Michonne as I grabbed Cecilia by her arm and pulled her with me. She shrugged and waved at the other girl.

"What are you doing?" she asked me.

"Time to practice."

I took Cecilia to the same spot as yesterday and handed her my crossbow, soon to be hers. She smiled brightly at me and took the weapon in her small hands. She stood straight and raised it almost as I taught her and shoot. She hit the wooden piece but not the target once again.

I approached her after she loaded it again and stood behind her, I put my hands first on her hands, putting them on the right place on the crossbow, then ran them up her arms until I reached her shoulders, I noticed how tense she was, that was obviously affecting her accuracy.

"Relax," I whispered into her ear, massaging a bit her shoulders, she nodded but she barely relaxed. I ran my hands down her body until they reached her waist, I moved her body a bit to a slightly different angle and then moved my arms back to her shoulders."Just relax, keep your arms steady, take a deep breath, and shoot."

Cecilia nodded, she was still tense, but she deeply inhaled and exhaled, kept her arms firm and pulled the trigger. I looked at the wooden thing and the arrow landed only two inches away from the target.

"Yes! Almost got it!" Cecilia cheered, raising her left hand in the air.

"Try again," I told her, I knew she could do it alone but I didn't have the strength to step away from her.

She reloaded the crossbow, raised her arms, keeping them steady and pointed at the target. Before she shot, I put my hands under her elbows and lifted them a little bit, she took a deep breath and pulled the trigger, this time it was me who cheered when I saw the arrow hit the line I drew yesterday, she almost missed the target but she did it, she got it.

She turned around and gave me a quick hug, she had a huge grin on her lips the whole time and she kept repeating that she did it.

"Good shot, Blondie!" I turned to look up and saw Merle with a big smirk on his face, he had been spying on us this whole time.

"Thanks, Merle!" she said happily.

"Aren't you supposed to keep guard?" I yelled and he just gave me the finger, but he turned to look at the woods, instead of us.

She tried about twenty more times and unfortunately she only hit the target three times but it was a start, if she kept practising she would get the hang of it by the end of the week, I was sure of it.

"Here," she said to me, handing me the crossbow. I just shook my head at her, she dropped her hands in front of her, holding the crossbow with both of them. "What?"

"It's yours now," I said simply, pretending this wasn't a big deal. I had never given a gift to anyone and I was feeling a bit awkward.

"What?" she repeated. "Are you giving me your crossbow?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"I just am trying to do something nice and you question it, damn it woman. Can't you just take it without saying anything?" I exclaimed.

"Well, I know this is like your baby, I was just wondering if you are well, mentally, I mean," she said in a teasing tone.

"Well, got a new baby yesterday, it was either giving it to you or throwing it away, I thought you might want it."

"Well, thanks, it's the best thing someone has given to me."

"Right," I said sarcastically. "An used, old crossbow is the best thing you have gotten?"

"It is now. I know how important it is for you, even if you have a new one and in this new world no one gives you anything, you have to have reserves, you know? So, just because you gave this that has a big emotional value and during these times, it means more than anything I have ever gotten and I mean it."

Cecilia put the crossbow on the picnic table with extremely caution and then wrapped her arms around my waist, I instantly wrapped mine around hers. She stayed like that for a while, she even rested her head against my chest, thing she had never done and I felt a little... insecure.

This girl made me do things I had never done, felt things I had never felt and usually pushed me to my own limits, like now, like the day before when she held my hand. I had never held a girl's hand like that, I had never lied down on a bed with a girl in that way, and most importantly, I was allowing her to do those things. I could have pushed her away a long time ago but I hadn't, pushing my own limits as well.

"Thank you," she whispered to me. I moved one of my hands to stroke her head and play with one strand of her long blonde hair.

I closed my eyes as I held her in my arms, trying to memorize everything about this moment, including my emotions. Once again I felt wanted and loved and important. I felt how my heartbeat increased and then felt something I didn't like to feel and I felt them only when I was in these kind of situations around Cecilia. I felt exposed, vulnerable, insecure and like if I had no idea what I was doing. I liked to feel like I was in control and that I know what I'm doing.

"When did we get so close?" I thought but I probably spoke my thoughts because Cecilia replied.

"I don't know, when you found me in the woods, I think, but I don't know why but I'm glad it happened."

"Me too."

My mind wandered to a sad memory, that's probably why I hadn't even remember it until now. It was only minutes after Sophia was found in the barn and I had taken Cecilia away, into the RV. She was devastated but she said something to me that day, something that probably was what changed me most even when I hadn't remembered it until now.

"You have no idea how much you mean to me."

"And you have no idea how much you mean to me."

I hadn't given it too much thought about that moment but I did mean every word and after eight, nine months, those words just meant more now.

That was the first time I felt like someone actually cared about me and one of the first times I actually cared enough about someone. My old me would have let her in Glenn's arms and would have walked away, I was pretty bad myself, I felt awful when I saw that little girl as a walker, I felt like I had failed not only her, but me and Cecilia as well. It was such a huge disappointment I just didn't want to deal with anyone but I pushed those feelings temporarily away and made sure Cecilia was okay, okay given the circumstances. Her mother just ran away and didn't even wait a minute to see her only living daughter was crushed and she needed her.

"Just so you know," I muttered as we finally pulled away. "I'll only give you five arrows."

Cecilia laughed at what I said as she took the crossbow that now belonged to her. She picked the arrows that she used earlier and gave ten to me and kept five herself.

"But I'll teach you how to do your own arrows so don't worry."

We walked back inside the prison, Cecilia went straight to her cell to leave the crossbow there and after that we just went back to our duties. Beth needed a rest from Judith, so both Maggie and Cecilia took care of the baby.

I was walking through the prison about an hour later when I bumped into Rick. He looked so much better now, he hadn't slipped yet and for the good of his kids and the group I really hoped I didn't have to step up because of his vulnerable state of mind.

"Have you tried the new crossbow?" Rick asked me with a smile.

"No, not yet but it's amazing, I can tell by just looking at it and I really needed new arrows."

"Carl was the one that remembered, he saw it and said 'Dad, we must take this to Daryl, he's earned it.' He was also quite excited to give it to you."

"He's a good kid."

"Yeah," Rick said nodding.

These days were a bit boring around the prison, which might be a good thing sometimes. We didn't have the field or courtyard yet, and Rick had decided we shouldn't risk ourselves out there to kill them in case the Governor could come back and kill us all.

The weapons and ammunition he got the day before was mostly to fight against the Governor, not the dead. So, with nothing else to do but sort some things and move some boxes around, I walked to my cell and lied down. I told them that if they needed my help they should just call me.

About half an hour later I heard a cough, making me look up. Carol was there, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, just yesterday she came here to talk about my brother, saying shit about how far I've gotten and stuff.

"I need to talk to you." I sighed.

"Is it about Merle again?" I snapped, sitting up with a frown on my face. "I already told you, he's my brother, and if you think he'll bring me down..."

"It's not about Merle," she said quickly, looking to the ground for a second before looking back at me. "It's about my daughter."

I stared at her in disbelief, what exactly did she mean by that? Because of her tone and her expression, I knew it couldn't mean anything good. I sighed again, never taking my eyes off of the grey-haired woman.

"What about Cecilia?"

"I need you to stay away from her," she said sternly, it really shocked me, I had to admit that.

"What?" I exclaimed in utter bewilderment. "What does that even mean?"

"You are closer to my age than hers, you're an adult, she's just twenty Daryl! She's technically just a child," she told me.

"She's technically not a little girl, you know?" I said in a sarcastic tone, what does Carol think, that she's seven?

"Don't you think I've noticed stuff, things going on between the two of you? Like yesterday when she was here with you."

"Excuse me!" I said, jumping to my feet and taking a couple of steps towards her. "We weren't doing anything but talk!"

"I see the way you look at her, I know you want her, Daryl, and I've noticed the way she looks at you too, you made her fall in your trap. I've seen the way you hold her, the way you touch her and I'm not going to allow it, she's my daughter!" she almost shouted the last part. "Do you have any idea how wrong this is in so many different levels?"

"What the hell is this, Carol?" I shouted in her face. "Is this because you are jealous? Because I am closer to her than to you? Is that it? And don't try to deny it, I could tell you had feelings for me."

"That was months ago, I thought I liked you but I was just so messed up back then, besides, this is not even because of that! I'm trying to keep my only daughter safe, that's what this is about." I scoffed at that, she noticed but tried to ignore it. "Cecilia is very... unstable. She can be very easy to persuade and confuse, I think you know that and are taking advantage of that."

"I'm not taking advantage of anything!" I exclaimed outraged. "And I think you are underestimating her, she's stronger than you think."

"Physically, yeah, she is but not mentally. She's damaged and confused and just needs some kind of rock to hold on to, to feel safe and somehow she thinks that rock is you, but in reality it's really me, Daryl. I'm her only family left, I'm her mother."

"You know what? It's so sad you think like that, because if she were as weak and fragile as you think she is, she wouldn't be here anymore. In this world you need to be both, physically and mentally very strong, and Cecilia is," I told her. "And you know why she might think I'm that rock, even when I'm sure she doesn't need a fucking rock to keep strong? Because I looked for her everyday in those woods and I found her because I didn't give up on her, I was there when Sophia died while you just ran away, did you ever wait for a second and think about your daughter, Carol?"

"Shut up!"

"Seriously, tell me! Because I took her to the RV and made sure she was okay. And what about when she wanted to kill herself, hmm? I tried to get her to stop while you refused to even see her? You know what she said? She told me that you blamed her for Sophia's death and that you didn't care about her so she would only do you a favour if she killed herself, did you know that? She also asked why you didn't go looking for them, for her!" I said, slowly raising my voice with every word. "And what about when she went missing for eight fucking months, huh? You didn't even make sure she wasn't alive, you didn't fight for her! Why do you want to protect her now and specifically from me? When you should have protected her from the walkers, from despair, from her father, from even herself, why not then? Why now? Why not eight months ago? Why not five, ten, fifteen years ago, huh? I'm not the monster here, Carol!"

"You know nothing!" She yelled at me as her eyes slightly watered.

"Oh yeah, I know. Her father beat her and you did nothing! You couldn't be a good mother then and you won't be able to be a good mother now or ever!"

She slapped me hard on my cheek, I just glared at her but at least I said it. She totally looked for it, if she expected me to stay away from Cecilia because she thought I was taking advantage of her, then she was just out of her mind. I'm sorry but I won't do that, I had been there more than she has ever been and I'll still be there.

"The truth hurts, right?" I exclaimed with venom in my voice.

"Just stay away from her!" she shouted at me and stormed out of my cell.

I paced around my room, trying to calm myself down but it wasn't working. I kicked my backpack a few times, punched my pillow, ran my hands through my slightly longer hair but nothing seemed to get me to calm down.

Who does she think she is? She can be her mother, and she might want to finally do her job but that doesn't give her the right to just get me out of Cecilia's life, and it's not like she can. We all live together, we are like a big family. If that bitch thinks that just because she has a family title she can control Cecilia's life, she's fucking kidding herself.

I had barely known Cecilia for a year or a bit less and even when we were apart for eight months of that year, I have done more things for her than Carol and it's not like I'm rubbing all that in her face, because I'm not but I was there when Carol wasn't and I know or I would like to think that if I just walk out of her life, Cecilia would be extremely hurt and even if I actually would listen to Carol, I wouldn't be able to do what she has practically commanded me to do.

I'm afraid that to this point I'm too attached to that girl to just stay away from her and pretend she doesn't exist. I don't know if that would break her, I would like to think she would but without doubts I would break if I did that.

And I think that I'm finally accepting and realizing that what Merle has been saying all this time is actually true, like if someone had finally taken the blindfold from my eyes and I could see everything clearly now.

"Besides, that's not why you want to go back, is it?"

I remembered Merle saying when we were out in the woods and I was trying to convince him to go back to the prison with me.

"Nah-ah, you want to go back for that girl, for Cecilia, I ain't stupid"

"That's not true and you know it."

"I saw you two yesterday, I saw the way you hugged her, the way you kissed her. I ain't blind. You became a fucking superhero when I was gone, huh? She told me you saved her, you know? Told me lots of things and I think you are in very big shit, little bro, I think you fell for her."

I sat on the edge of the bed, rested my elbows on my legs and put my head in my hands, occasionally running them through my hair.

I had my eyes closed and all I could think about was her smile, her single dimple that she had on her left cheek that I had always wanted to touch for some weird reason, her amazingly light blue eyes, her dim freckles, on both, her chest and face, her abs, her laugh, how good she looked using the crossbow.

Yeah, Merle was definitely right and I was a fool for not seeing it earlier, for not wanting to see and keep pushing it away because this kind of stuff just get you back and bites you in the ass sooner or later and when they finally do, you're in more shit than if you had just accepted it from the start.

It's like a slap to the face, everything comes right at you without warming, because all the other warmings had been ignored by you, so all comes at once and it's so overwhelming you can't do anything but go with it, there's no way out anymore, if there ever was.

"Oh shit," I muttered to myself, finally realizing how deep in this situation I was.

I had not fell but sank and very, very deep. I had ended in the deepest of places with an anchor tied to both my feet, I couldn't get out even if I wanted to, and there was a part of me that actually didn't want to cut the rope that tied the anchor to my feet and get out because that part knows I can't keep being my old self and be miserable in this world, I need at least one thing good in life for once. I need that girl in my life, I need love. I need her.

Cecilia

Hello guys! I decided to update twice this week because I just love this chapter, Daryl finally accepts the way he feels :D What do you think about it?
I do hope you all enjoy this chapter and I would love to hear your feedback about their growing relationship and what happened in this chapter and about Carol's reaction too. Do you guys think she'll do something to keep them apart?

Btw, my training this week was crazy, trained about 22 hours so, I barely had time. But the good side is that I'm finally being trained.
I want to qualify to go to this tournament in September in USA. I have less than 4 months to improve a lot, so if I don't post during the week or at random days, not every tuesday like I have been doing, now you know why but don't worry, you all will have your weekly chapter for months :D