"Loving someone can be hard at times.

You risk a lot when you love - your heart and soul, at the least.

Love is the most important and most rewarding investment you can make in another person."

― J.E.B. Spredemann, A Secret of the Heart

Cecilia's POV

"Hey!" I looked up to see the brunet boy I had learnt to love as if he was my little brother, Carl.

"Hi," I said to him.

I was in my cell, resting on my bed with my back against the wall, with Hershel's bible in hand, I had asked him to let me borrow it since last night and he recommended me to start reading the new testament instead of the old one, so that's what I did. At first I had no idea where the new testament started to he told me and also offered to clear any questions I had.

"Came to tell you something," Carl said, sitting next to me.

"Okay, what is it?" I asked with a smile as I closed the bible, remembering where I had left off and putting in on my lap.

"When I went out there with Michonne and my dad I was kind of upset because he chose her and not you and I wasn't really feeling safe around her," Carl told me. "Uh, there was a restaurant we used to go to, there were walkers inside and I really wanted a picture that was inside, it was of my parents and me, so Judith could see mum, you know? Well, our first try was a big fail, we almost died, but Michonne went back inside and brought me the picture."

"She did?" I asked with a smile.

"Yeah, she did, and after she gave the picture to me I couldn't help but think that would be something you would do for me, you wouldn't just tell me how stupid or senseless and risky that could be, you would do it too and that made me realize we can trust her, that I can trust her," Carl said, looking from his hands to me. "So, I just wanted to tell you that we can consider her as part of the group now."

"That's amazing," I told him with a very big smile. "I'm glad for her, for all of you. So, are you going to show me that picture you are talking about?"

"Of course," Carl said with a smile. "It's down in my cell, under my pillow."

Carl was about to get up when he looked at something that I had laid on the end of my bed, he had a questioning look on his face as he looked from the object to me.

"What's Daryl's crossbow doing in here?"

"Well, he – uh – he kind of gave it to me, he just got a new one, you know? Yeah," I stuttered a bit knowing what Carl would think of it.

"He just gave it to you?" he asked, his lips slowly forming a smirk.

"He has a new one and he won't be carrying two crossbows around," I said like it was no big deal. "Now move, I want to see that picture."

"Do you realize what that means, right?"

"That he's generous?" I guessed.

"No," he exclaimed, face-palming himself. "It means he likes you."

"Carl, we already talked about this, nothing will ever happen between Daryl and I. We're friends," I told him, pushing him out of my bed so I could stand up, when I did, I stood in front of him and put my hands on his shoulders as I bent a bit so we could be at the same level. "Best friends if you want, but nothing more than that."

"Are you sure about that, sweetheart?"

I froze. I slowly dropped my hands to my sides and turned around, by the door was Merle Dixon, with a big smirk on his thin, chapped lips, I only frowned and blushed. I was busted.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"Walking, there's not much to do around here now," Merle told me. "You should stop denying the truth, Blondie, and listen to the kid."

"Merle, I..."

"Kids are more perceptive than you can imagine, they see things adults can't."

"What are you trying to say?"

"You know what I'm trying to say," Merle said, walking casually into my cell. "Carl's right."

"I didn't know you were the comical type, Merle," I said, trying to ignore his comment.

"And I didn't know you were the stupid type, Blondie. Hell with the two of you!"

"Hey!" Carl exclaimed.

"Not you, boy, Daryl and Blondie," Merle told him. "I think everyone knows what you feel for the other except the two of you, why refuse the truth?"

"I'm not refusing," I mumbled. "And I won't discuss this with either of you, not anymore. We should think what to do with the Governor, he might be here again at any time and we must be prepared not playing to be Cupid here, we have very important things to take care of."

"Maybe that's why you should just stop denying it," Carl told me. "Our lives are in danger everyday, every minute and we can die at any moment. In this world we don't have the time to pretend things are different from what they actually are, if you like him and he likes you, do something before it's too late."

"This kid is clever, I'll give him that," Merle commented as he raised his hand to high-five Carl, he hesitated at first but eventually did it, realizing Merle was on his side.

"Yeah, you might be right about not having time to waste but in this world we can't have relationships, we have to focus on keeping alive, and having a relationship complicates things," I told them both. "Look at my parents, my father is dead now, Jimmy was with Beth and he died, just like Teresa and..." I was going to say Lori but I couldn't say her name, not in front of Carl.

"And Amy and Dale and T-Dog and Shane and Jim and your sister," Carl said and I stiffened at the end. "And they weren't with someone, were they? Our odds are the same, it's just about good and bad luck, being at the wrong place at the wrong time."

"And the skills have a lot to do as well," Merle added. "All of us have had a lot of luck but if we didn't have the skills we have, we would be dead now, at one point you just run out of luck."

"Don't be scared, Cici," Carl told me, surprising me with his words. "I know you are, I don't know why but you are, you just stop worrying and give yourself a chance, that's all I'm going to say."

With a nod, Merle walked out of my cell followed by Carl. Carl kept on but Merle stopped, turned around and walked back to me.

"You know, if you don't want a relationship," Merle told me as a smirk grew on his lips. "The two of us can have something casual, zero attachment, just fun, Blondie."

"Go to hell, Merle," I said, shaking my head at him but he managed to make me chuckle.

"The offer will be up," Merle said with a shrug of his shoulders. "As long as the two of us are alive."

Merle nodded at me and even winked before he walked away again, leaving me there with a lot to think about, so instead of staying there with my thoughts I also walked out of my cell and first, joined Beth, who was taking care of Judith, as usual.

Beth urgently needed the bathroom, so she handed me the baby without even telling me and rushed out of the room. I held her awkwardly as I looked at the baby.

"Hi," I muttered.

I can take care of kids, I even worked as a babysitter when I was younger, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm awkward around them, especially babies.

I looked at the baby and I felt a bit bad to think about it but I couldn't help but wonder if she was Rick's or Shane's. She had blonde hair and blue eyes, maybe she was Rick's because of the eyes but she was so different from Carl that I couldn't be sure.

I was actually enjoying Judith's company and was feeling more relaxed when she just started to cry. I tried to stop her from crying and even changing her position in my arms, maybe she was uncomfortable but she cried even harder.

"Don't do this to me, Judith," I muttered, standing up and walking out of the cell. "Hello? Anyone? I need some help in here."

I waited for a few seconds and saw no one was coming, I sighed and walked to the kitchen where almost everyone was, they all turned to look at me and I smiled awkwardly at them.

"I need some help, she won't stop crying and I don't know what to do."

I don't know anything about newborns or even babies younger than six months and I was starting to get stressed out right now. Luckily I saw Rick standing up and walking to me, he took the baby from my arms and walked out, I followed him closely in case he needed a hand.

I followed him all the way to his cell, well in front of his cell, where they had a table to change her diapers. Rick changed it quickly and while he went to throw it away I held Judith, who started crying after Rick left.

When Rick came back he prepared Judith's formula quickly, took her in his arms again and started to feed her.

"I suppose I'm better with Carl than her," I said, earning a chuckle from Rick.

"Don't worry, she woke up in a bad mood today, she usually doesn't make such a scene," he told me. "But I admit you are better with Carl."

"Saw the crib you got for her, it's quite pretty."

"It was Carl's idea. He and Michonne went for it while I gathered the guns."

"Speaking of which, Carl talked to me not long ago, told me about the good news," I said with a smile.

Rick turned to look from his daughter to me with a confused expression on his face. I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms, looking back at him.

"What good news?"

"That Michonne is part of the group now."

"Oh, right. I don't know what she did but Carl was extremely satisfied with her, I was so shocked when he told me because he was so against the idea of taking her with us and just because Carl and you trust her, I trust her too."

"I'm so happy to hear that," I told him with a smile. "I think we need her."

"Yeah, me too."

"Do you need any help with her?" I asked as Rick cleaned the corners of her tiny mouth.

"No, I'm good. I'm glad I had some practice with Carl, I would feel so lost now, otherwise."

"How was Carl when he was a baby?"

"He was adorable. He had such big cheeks and those blue eyes just captivated everyone, including me. He was usually a calm boy but when he was hungry he used to cry so loud even the neighbours heard. He was a bit shy but he wouldn't stop talking to Lori and I, he was so funny, you should have heard the things he used to come up with."

"I wish I could have seen it," I said. "Sounds the complete opposite of Sophia."

"What was she like?"

"She used to cry a lot and very loud, my father wouldn't even sleep at home because of it and she was very stubborn, you know? It was until later when she became really shy. And you should have seen how much she ate, damn, we would have to go on runs every two or three days if Judith was like her, I don't understand how she was so thin."

"And how were you?"

"I don't know, you should ask my mum, but I was a nice kid," Rick chuckled as he just gave me a look. "What? I really was until I turned like eleven, I started to be a rebel around that time, used to run away from home, do things I shouldn't, got into so much trouble but I wouldn't change it, I felt free."

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"I knew you weren't dead. Somehow, I knew you had escape from the farm and were alive," Rick told me, now holding a sleeping Judith.

"How did you know? Why were you so sure?"

"Just days before you came, I kind of lost it when I found out Lori was dead. I stayed in the room where she died and I got a phone call, it was from a girl. I stayed hours and hours waiting for another call until I got it, more people talked to me," Rick told me. "The girl turned out to be Amy, and I also spoke to Jim and Jacqui and all the people that have died, but I didn't hear your voice. I realized you were alive and that we just abandoned you, I feel so guilty about it."

"Hey, Rick, it's not your fault," I told him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "If you had come back for me, it was possible you would have died and anyone that would be with you, and who knows if you would have found me? Andrea and I ran away as soon as we could. I admit it made me really sad and a bit upset for months that you just left but I understand now, I forgive you all and well, I found you, didn't I?"

"Yeah," Rick said with a smile. "I don't know how but you did and I'm glad, Carl needs you."

"He also needs you, Rick. Don't let yourself slip, you have two kids now, and they both need you. He's a really clever and brave boy, Rick, you have done a great job with him."

"Thank you," Rick said with a big, proud, smile. "I try."

Rick then stood up and laid Judith on her new crib, which was just outside Rick's cell. The baby moved his hands a bit but then we both heard a very deep breath and the baby didn't move anymore, she was sleeping so peacefully and deeply I envied her.

Rick put his arm around my shoulder in a fatherly way and we both walked back to the kitchen. As I walked in, I noticed Beth was there next to Maggie, the food was ready.

I sat on a table with Carl, Oliver and Michonne. People were still a bit uneasy with her but Carl and Rick weren't, which was really a relief.

As we ate I thought that Rick had brought weapons and lots of ammunition but he didn't bring food and we were running out of it. I really wanted and needed to get out of here so I was going to offer myself to go on a run.

When we were done, many people left the room, including Oliver and Carl, leaving Michonne and I alone at the table.

"Hey," I muttered with a small smile. "Carl told me you did something really special for him. It meant lot. He said that you did something I would have done and I don't mean to brag but that's a lot coming from him."

"We couldn't leave that picture there and like I said to him," Michonne said with a small grin. "I saw something in there that caught my eye, I couldn't leave it."

"What was it?"

"I'll show you later," Michonne told me.

"Well, I wanted to tell you, that boy is like my little brother, I love him as he was and I appreciate what you did for him."

"He's a good kid."

"He and my sister used to play a lot at the beginning of all of this, we met at the highway going to Atlanta. Their car was behind ours and he is a charming boy, they clicked instantly. When I was at camp I used to take care of them and play with them and just had fun together."

"What happened to your sister?" She had been asking me that question for months and I never replied, I always changed the topic, evaded her questions, just like she does whenever Andrea and I ask her personal questions.

"She died," I said after a long pause. "The two of us got lost, I made it back to camp but she didn't. We looked for her a few more days until Shane... uh, a man of our group that died, opened a barn and she walked out... as a walker. My world shattered, I felt I couldn't go on. I even tried to kill myself, I was – I was really bad but I made it through."

"I'm sorry."

"There are times it still hurts me, there are times I feel kind of numb but I keep going, I know she would have wanted me to fight, to survive as long as possible."

"And you will," Michonne told me, putting a hand on top of me in a comforting way. "I know you will."

"How?"

"I remember that look on your face when I found you, you wanted to live. You were exhausted and drained but you were still fighting."

"I tried to shoot myself just hours before that," I told her.

"But you didn't, did you?"

"Andrea stopped me."

"If you really had wanted to die, you would have just pulled the trigger."

"Did you ever try or think about... ending it?"

"Not really but that doesn't mean I have never wished I'd be dead," Michonne said, standing up. "There was one particular moment that all I wanted was to die but I'll tell you about it another time."

"Okay."

After Michonne left the room I immediately walked out of there as well, looking for Rick, he was by the entrance talking to Hershel, I approached them slowly, not wanting to pry or interrupt them but I really needed to talk to Rick.

"Hey," I muttered, both men turned to look at me. "I wanted to talk to you, Rick."

"Sure, what is it?"

"I was thinking that you got weapons and all that but not food, I could go on a run," I told him with a smile, trying to convince him. "Still have some hours of light and I promise that if I don't find something close I'll come back empty-handed, I won't risk my life."

"I'm not too sure, Cici."

"I want to help," I pleaded. "And honestly, I need to get out of here just for at least an hour. I can't be locked here any longer and I'll bring food and anything else you need, maybe soap, aspirin, a new sweater, maybe? Anything."

"Your mum won't like this," Rick told me sternly.

"Glenn and I used to go on runs almost every day before we found you in Atlanta, we made it back every time," I told him. "My mum was too busy worrying about Sophia and my father she didn't mind that much about me."

"But she does now, you just got back, I'm sure she won't like this."

"We can keep it a secret," I suggested with a mischievous smile. "Besides it's not like I'm fourteen or something, I'm twenty, I think I can handle myself and take my own decisions." Rick sighed.

"I'm not too sure about it," Hershel said. "Last time Glenn and Maggie were kidnapped."

"Please, just give me two hours, just two and I'll be back."

"Hershel's right," Rick said, making all my hopes to just vanish. "But you are as well, we are running out of food here. I'll grant you permission if you leave immediately and you find a partner that isn't Merle, Michonne, Oliver, Carl or Sean."

"Really?" I asked with a huge grin on my face. "And why can't I take Michonne?"

"Just choose someone else and you have two hours, I'll be checking my watch, you know? If you are late by only a minute I won't let you go on any more runs."

I was going to tell him that now all kind of things can delay me, what if walkers follow me and I need to get further away from the prison? But I knew that if I said that, Rick wouldn't let me go so instead I just nodded at him, gave him a hug and walked away, looking for my partner.

I still wasn't sure whose cell was whose, so I looked inside all of them until I found the person I was looking for, I stopped walking and look at the man with a huge smile on my face.

"What?" he asked me, looking at me oddly. "Did you finally kiss Daryl?"

"Hey!" I exclaimed, not longer smiling. "That was so not cool! What's up with everybody now?"

"What else would make you smile like that?"

"Lots of things, you know? Like I have permission to go on a run for food, I thought you would want to come with me, for old times sake, so, will you?

"Not this time, Cici," Glenn muttered, making my smile drop once again.

"What?" I asked in surprise. "Come on, it will be nice."

"I want to stay today, maybe next time," Glenn told me with a sigh,

"Alright," I said in a disappointed tone. "Who else can I take?"

"Michonne?"

"No, who else?"

"Daryl," Glenn said. "I don't know who else, I'm sure Rick won't go and Maggie doesn't feel like doing anything and Beth isn't really that good handing stuff outside."

"I guess Daryl is my only option," I said shrugging, pretending I wasn't excited about going to ask Daryl. "I'll see you later."

I waved at Glenn before going up the metal stairs, going up two steps at a time. I walked to Daryl's cell to find him on the bed, we really hadn't talked much today. I cleared my throat and he looked up at me, I smiled.

"Hey."

"Hey, what's up?"

"Remember our talk a few days ago?" I asked him. "About going on a run together."

"Yeah?"

"Well, the time has come. Rick allowed me to go for some food, you in?"

"Absolutely," Daryl told me. "When do we leave?"

"As soon as possible," I told him with a smile. "I'll get my backpack and my gun and I'll meet you at the entrance."

I hurried to my room, put the bag over my shoulders, grabbed my gun and knife, made sure I had enough ammo, and then walked out of my room with a grin on my face. I went down the stairs and met Rick at the door.

"I assume you found someone to go with you," he told me.

"Yep," I exclaimed. "Daryl agreed to come with me."

"Alright," he told me, throwing some keys at me. "Take the Hyundai, it's the car that has more gas and if you see a gas station, it wouldn't hurt to bring more gas for the other cars."

"Got it," I said nodding.

"You have exactly two hours," Rick said like if I was his teenage daughter going to a party for the first time. I sighed but nodded at him.

"I know," I told him. "Anything else you want or need?"

"Not that I think of right now," Rick said.

"Alright, I'll see you in two hours then."
I waved at him, still with a huge smile on my face, I started walking outside when I felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned around and saw Rick looking at me with an anxious look, I raised my eyebrows at him and he just sighed.

"Take care, okay?" Rick told me, still with his hand on my shoulder. "Out of the people here, I met you and Glenn first, I've gotten fond of you and Carl adores you, please just stay safe."

"I'll be fine, I promise," I assured him. "If things get bad I promise I'll just bail out and come back, promise. You don't have to worry about me, Rick. I spent months out there, two hours will be nothing compared to that, I'll be back, I always am."

"I know that, I just worry, I don't want to lose any more people."

"You won't," I assured him, nodding.

Rick took a deep breath and let his hand drop to his side and then he nodded back. I waved again and turned around and this time I did walk out, I just hope I can keep my promise because life right now is so unpredictable now that you can't really promise anything.

Hello guys, I hope you liked the chapter even when it wasn't that exciting.
And guys, I have been training so hard I have no time and strength for anything now. Right now I'm close to fall asleep but I need to improve, so that keeps me going.
And good news! Apparently, this girl won't go to the tournament abroad on September, she's 3, I'm #4, so that means I will go, no matter what. BUT I still don't want to get my hopes high just in case. The tournament is in USA but no idea where or when, I've been trying to look it up but find nothing :/

Anyway, thanks for reading, commenting, and everything. I love hearing your reviews, and thoughts about the story so keep them coming :D

Between, does anyone know why my links don't work on here? I tried on the last chapter, but nothing :(