"It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up.
And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is.
Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things."
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
Yesterday after Daryl and I got back to the prison, Daryl immediately went to his cell, not wanting the rest to see him like that, so broken. He actually composed himself a few blocks before the prison came into view but he would feel too exposed so he avoided everyone and rushed upstairs, while I stayed to inform everyone what happened, some, of course, didn't look affected by the news but there were a few that did, including Michonne.
After that I approached Rick and told him I needed an extremely huge favour. I wanted to go for Merle's body and bury it in here, like Lori's, Teresa's and T-Dogs' bodies were.
Rick looked unsure at first but then agreed, it was the least we could do. He went for the keys and accompanied me to the place in the pick-up. We wrapped his body with plastic and then the two of us carried it to the pick-up and put it in the back.
Back at the prison, Michonne and Oliver had started to dig the grave and when we got back I grabbed a shovel and helped them dig a bit less than half of it but I wanted to be part of it, I wanted to help.
Rick and I laid Merle's body in the hole and all of us buried him, when all the dirt was back in place I almost ran to Daryl's cell. Sweat was running down my forehead even when the weather was cold but I couldn't run my hand on it to dry it because I was all covered in dirt.
"Hi," I said softly.
Daryl wasn't crying anymore and his eyes were only a bit puffy but nobody would have guessed he had cried only hours ago.
"We'll do a funeral for Merle," I informed him. "We'll all be out in ten minutes."
"There's no need," he muttered, his voice was a bit hoarse. "Besides, there's no body."
"Actually – there is," I said with a small smile. "I went back for him, Daryl and yeah, we need to do this, he deserves it."
Daryl bit his lip, probably trying to stop himself from crying and then smiled slightly at me. He stood up and walked to me, stepping right in front of me, giving me the biggest hug he has ever given me.
"Daryl, I'm disgusting right now," I said, referring to my clothes covered in dirt. "You can hug me after I change."
He let go of me but left his arms on either side of my shoulders, his small smile was there and just that little thing made it all worth it.
"You dug his grave?" he said it more like an statement than a question. "Is that why you are like this?"
"Yeah," I said shrugging. "Rick, Michonne and Oliver also helped."
"You didn't have to," he told me.
"I wanted to," I said honestly. "How could I leave him there? I'm not just doing this for you but also for him. He was nice to me on his own way. I'll never forget things he did for me. Anyway, I'll change and wash my hands and face quickly and we'll go outside, okay?"
"Okay."
First, I washed my face, hands and arms, the hair will have to wait, then I ran to my room, undressed, and put on a clean blue T-shirt and a pair of jeans, I didn't have anything black so this will have to do.
Then I ran back to Daryl's cell, walked to him and stuck out my hand at him, which he took and I helped him up, letting go of his hands afterwards.
We walked down the stairs and before walking out, Daryl stood in front of the door, trying to compose himself and not cry in front of people, he took a deep breath and nodded at me. I opened the door and walked out first.
"Cecilia?" he softly muttered.
"Yeah?" I said, glancing back at him.
"You are the best," he said, making me smile brightly at him and my heart skipped a beat.
"I try," I said modestly, with a slight shrug.
Even when the weather was cold, I felt warm because of that single comment and it made me feel happy, really happy, something I hadn't felt for a while.
The others had put two cars where the missing fence should be to stop walkers from coming in so we could do this in peace but all of them still carried guns and knives, everyone but me and Daryl.
When we got there, everyone was already there, even Glenn and Maggie, who were probably just here because of Daryl, not Merle.
Hershel nodded and got in front of everyone, right behind the freshly dug grave. He opened his bible and read some verses and then did a prayer.
Almost by the half of it, Daryl discretely grabbed my hand and gave it a squeezed, I looked up at him and couldn't help but smile, he wasn't even looking at me but at the grave.
And we stood like that, next to each other, holding the other's hand and nobody noticed, not even Carl, who kept glancing at us, probably figuring out that we weren't mad at each other anymore.
Unfortunately we only had a few minutes to mourn Merle, we had other things to worry about, Merle ruined the Governor's plans and killed many of his people, he was coming for sure, the Governor wouldn't leave this like this, he needed his revenge.
We needed to plan and decide what to do and quickly, we spent the rest of the day and part of the night doing that and we came up with an amazing plan that we hoped it would work.
The morning after the funeral I grabbed my backpack and filled it with my clothes and other few stuff I had. I put it over my shoulders and then grabbed the crossbow Daryl gave me and walked out of the cell, going straight to Carl's cell.
I leant on the wall as I saw Carl, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at a picture. He finally noticed I was there and sadly smiled at me.
"You never showed me that picture," I told him. "Can I see it?"
"Sure."
I took the frame in my hands and saw the portrait of the Grimes family. Rick, Lori and Carl all had big smiles on their faces. I smiled at it just before handing it back to Carl, who put it inside his backpack.
"Come on."
I put my arm around his shoulders and together we walked outside to put our stuff in the car. We walked next to Rick, who tried to put a hand on Carl's arm and he just jerked it off, speeding up his pace towards the car.
"Carl, that wasn't nice," I whispered to him, but he ignored me, didn't even look at me. He was furious with Rick and I seriously had no idea why he was so mad.
The two of us joined Beth and we all put our stuff in the trunk of the Hyundai. Beth and Carl got inside the car in the back seat, Judith was already there. I stayed outside and leant on the car.
Rick wanted me to go with Hershel, Beth, Carl and Judith to take care of them. Hershel was an old man without a leg, Judith was just a baby, Beth could shoot and all but she was too innocent and not too accurate, but me being me, I wanted to be in the middle of the action, but as always Rick insisted and wouldn't let me even argue.
"I trust you," Rick said to me, putting his hand on top of my shoulder, I just nodded at him before he walked back inside, probably checking everything was alright and no one was left behind.
I looked to my left and saw my mum hugging Axel and then he actually kissed her on the lips, I almost puked at the sight. Oliver, who noticed, actually put his finger inside his throat, pretending to gag as well, I nodded at him. Sean, who was next to him, waved at me and I awkwardly smiled at him, I had been avoiding him since the last time he talked to me when Rick had to drag him out of my room.
Then to just not look at Sean anymore, I turned to look at the other direction and saw Daryl, sitting on the floor with his poncho on his hands. He looked up at me, probably sensing my stare and I smiled at him.
"Be safe," I mouthed to him, he only nodded at me.
I pushed myself off the car, opened the door and got into the driver seat, it was the first time I was going to drive this car and I was excited about it, it was the most I was going to do today.
Once everything was ready and Hershel was inside the car as well on the passenger seat, I started the engine and drove away from the prison.
The whole group was going to be divided in four smaller groups, us being the first and the biggest group. Sean, Maggie and Glenn were another, Rick, Daryl and Oliver were other group and finally Michonne, Carol and Axel were the final group.
Each group was going to be hidden in different parts of the prison, so when the Governor and his people run outside, hopefully chased by walkers, they are going to ambush them and shoot them.
We didn't need to go very far from the prison, actually. I drove the car into the woods, being extremely careful not to get stuck or anything.
Once we found a nice spot, we all got out of the car, with the exception of Judith, who was taking her usual nap. We put branches and leaves on top of the car so no one would be able to spot it and we hid behind trees and bushes and behind the car as well.
I sat with my back against a tree and with the crossbow in my hands. I also had my gun but today my weapon of choice was the crossbow.
"I didn't know you were good with it," Beth told me.
"I'm not that good," I admitted. "But Daryl had been teaching me. I thought it would be best to have a silence weapon in case I need to shoot someone."
"Well, I'm sure you had the best teacher," Beth said with a smile but soon it dropped. "Have you killed someone?"
I just looked at her, without saying anything for a while. I hadn't really thought about that night, I had preferred to avoid it and if possible, forget it because it changes you and not for good.
"Yeah," I whispered. "When we rescued Glenn and Maggie, people were shooting at us and it was like instinct kicked in exactly at that moment and I aimed my gun at them and shot and it was not until later that it dawned on me. That I killed people."
"I wish I never have to do that."
"I wish I never had to do that. I crossed the limit and I'm not sure if I can go back."
"I'm sure you can," Beth assured me.
"Right," I almost scoffed at her. "If anyone comes here, my task is to kill them to protect us and I can't have the luxury to hesitate, I think a part of my humanity went with those two men I killed."
About an hour and a half after we left the prison we heard something that startled us all, an explosion followed after another and then several shotguns.
When I heard the alarms going off, I knew the plan worked. They had gone into The Tombs, where we set up some bombs and there are walkers in that part of the prison. Soon I heard people screaming and I couldn't help but smile because the plan was working.
Not long after that we heard someone running into the woods, towards us, when we heard the person was almost by the car we stood up and came out of our hiding place and we all pointed our weapons at him.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" he exclaimed as he stopped dead in his tracks. I almost gasped when I saw him, I recognized the young guy. He was friends with Chris and Amanda, I met him when I was in Woodbury.
"Don't shoot," he exclaimed.
"Drop the weapon!" I told him with authority, he stared at me for about five straight seconds, probably recognizing me as well. "Go on!"
"Sure, here," he said taking a step towards Carl, holding his weapon down. "Take it."
The guy just stuck out his hand, completely giving up. Carl just stared at him with his gun aimed at him. I took a step, ready to take the weapon from him when the boy just fell dead to the ground.
All of us were in shock, Carl had just shot him. He was breathing hard, a bit taken aback by what he had done. I just looked at him unsure of what I should do, so I ended up doing nothing just like Hershel and Beth.
It had been a while since we heard gunshots so we decided it was best to go back. We all got inside the car and we drove back in complete silence, even Judith was very quiet today, Beth luckily fed her before she started crying just minutes before the shooting and she didn't cry after the explosions either, which was good.
When we got back, Hershel, Carl and Beth, who was holding Judith, walked inside while I stayed outside with the others.
"We did it," Rick said as he looked around. "We drove them out."
"We should go after them," Michonne told us.
"We should finish it," Daryl agreed with her.
"It is finished," Maggie exclaimed. "Didn't you see them hightail it out of here?"
"They could regroup," I told her.
"We can't take the chance," Glenn said. "He's not gonna stop."
"They're right," Carol, (as I had been calling her lately) said. "We can't keep living like this."
"So we take the fight back to Woodbury? We barely made it back last time."
"I don't care," Daryl said.
"What makes you think they won't come back?" I asked Maggie. "And when we last expected it, we should go now that they aren't organized and take them by surprise."
"Yeah," Rick said nodding. "Let's check on the others first."
We all walked inside our kitchen/dining room area. Rick wasted no time to hug his son, but Carl soon pushed him off and looked into Rick's eyes, who now was kneeling in front of the boy.
"Dad, I'm coming to Woodbury."
"Carl –" Rick started as he stood up.
"Dad, I did my job out there," Carl told him. "Just like all of you. Took out one of the Governor's soldiers."
At that Rick first looked a bit shocked at Carl and then at me, it was my duty to do the dirty job, not Carl's. I wasn't sure if he was mad at me or not.
"One of his soldiers?" Hershel asked, who was just next to us. "A kid running away? He stumbled across us."
"No, he drew on us!" Carl exclaimed.
"I'm sorry you had to do that," Rick told him.
"It's what I was there for."
"No, that's why Cici was there for." Yeah, he was a bit upset at me.
"I'm going with you," Carl stated before he just walked away, leaving Rick really stunned.
"Rick, I'm sorry. I –" I started but Hershel cut me off.
"That kid was scared," he affirmed. "He was handing his gun over."
"He said he drew." Hershel just shook his head and I sadly did the same. "Carl said it was in defense."
"I was there, he didn't have to shoot."
"Maybe it looked like that to you, Hershel –"
"Rick!" Hershel exclaimed loudly. "I'm telling you he gunned that kid down. Cici was going to take his gun when he shot."
By the look on Rick's face, it wasn't that Rick didn't believe Hershel, who by now had walked away, but that he didn't want to believe him. Rick looked troubled, who would want to hear that his little boy killed someone?
"Rick, I'm sorry. I should have stood firmer, I should have acted quicker, I'm sorry," I exclaimed. I was still shocked about it because I loved Carl as my little brother and I hated what I witnessed back in the woods.
Killing those two men really messed me up, he was younger than me, what would this do to him? No matter how strong you are, it changes you.
"It's okay, it wasn't your fault," Rick exclaimed just before he also walked away.
With a sigh, I left the crossbow on one of the tables and walked out. I wasn't ready to take the crossbow in a mission like this, for me it was a bit heavy and the least I needed was for my arms to get tired, so instead I grabbed my second gun that I left in my backpack.
This time we were taking the pick-up, since the Hyundai was still filled with our stuff, and as usual Daryl was going on his motorcycle.
"What happened to the crossbow?" I heard Daryl asking from behind me, I closed the trunk of the car and turned around to face him.
"I think I'll take the gun this time," I told him with a shrug.
"That's a shame," he told me, taking a step towards me. "You looked good with it."
"Well," I said, trying not to blush. "Looking good is different than shooting well."
"You're right, I guess you have that on your side. You look good plus you can actually shoot it." I couldn't help but smile at him, he smiled back but soon his expression turned serious. "Are you sure you want to come?"
"Of course!" I exclaimed. "I won't miss this."
"I would prefer if you were safe."
"Nowhere is safe now," I told him. "I can do this, Daryl."
"I know," he said nodding. "Do you want to ride with me?"
"Actually, I think I'll pass this time," I said with a small chuckle. "I'm still a bit scared of that thing."
"Alright." He chuckled too. "Suit yourself."
I leant against the car, next to Michonne, waiting for Rick, who was having a talk to Carl, most likely about what Hershel told him only minutes ago.
"If we survive this," Michonne started, turning to look at me. "I'm ready and willing to tell you about my walkers."
"Really?" I said, slightly smiling.
"Yeah." She nodded. "Seems fair, doesn't it?"
"It does," I told her, as Rick started walking towards us.
"Rick, we're staying," Glenn informed him. "We don't know where the Governor is, if he comes back, we'll hold him off."
"Just the four of us?" Daryl asked. "All right."
"Actually, I'm going too," Sean exclaimed.
"Great," Daryl exclaimed, and I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not.
"I appreciate you staying," Rick told Glenn and Maggie.
Rick walked over the driver seat's side and got in, while I walked to Daryl, who only raised an eyebrow at me.
"Make me some room," I told him.
He said nothing but did as I told him, I got on behind him and wrapped my arms around his torso. I knew he was wondering what changed my mind but I also knew he wasn't stupid so sooner or later he was going to figure out I didn't want to go in the car with Sean. Michonne got the front seat so I would be in the back seat next to him.
I knew I was being childish but I still wasn't feeling comfortable around him and I also got to be with Daryl, so it was a win situation for everybody, even when riding in the motorcycle still made me a bit nervous and feeling a bit insecure.
Daryl didn't go fast and I was quite glad about it. We were right in front of the car and I could actually feel Michonne's stares burning on my back, she probably had a tiny smirk on her full lips, probably already thinking how she was going to tease me about it once we get back to the prison, if we do.
Some minutes later we saw some vehicles in the middle of the road, the ones the Governor and his people used to go to the prison. Daryl and Rick turned off the engines and all of us approached the scene with extreme cautiousness.
There were bodies all around plus some walkers feeding on them, Daryl shot the first one and Michonne killed the rest with her katana.
We stood there for a few seconds when there was a noise behind me and Daryl, I wanted to scream but luckily I didn't, I just jumped out of fright, just like Daryl. Rick raised his gun at the woman that was inside the car, while Daryl opened the door, making the woman get out of it.
We checked if the woman had any weapons on her and after that she told us what happened. She said the Governor went absolutely crazy when people refused to go back to the prison and killed them all.
"We need to go for Andrea," I said without thinking.
We were going to Woodbury anyway, so we got back on the vehicles and drove there. The woman, called Karen, went in the car, next to Sean.
As the previous time we went there, we were going to hide behind a car, right in front of the main gate of the town and just as last time there were people guarding it and before we could hide they spotted us and started shooting at us.
I ran as fast as I could to hide behind the car, then got on my knees and started shooting just like all of us were, except the woman, who stood up.
"Tyreese! It's me! Don't –"
"Get down!" Rick exclaimed as he pulled her down.
"Karen! Karen, are you okay?" I heard a husky voice yelling.
"I'm fine!" she exclaimed as she stood up again.
"Where's the Governor?"
"He fired on everyone. He killed them all."
"Why are you with them?"
"They saved me!"
"We're coming out!" Rick yelled as he put his gun away, Daryl just shook his head at him. "We're coming out."
Rick stood up, raised his arms in surrender just like Karen. Michonne and I followed his lead, putting our guns away, Daryl didn't, but he came out, when he saw none of us were holding our guns, he shook his head in defeat and quickly raised his hands as well, seeing he had no other way.
The man opened the gate as we walked towards it, and we saw another woman coming into view and as we stood right in front of them, I couldn't help but feel like if I had seen them before.
"What are you doing here?" he asked us.
"We were coming to finish this until we saw what the Governor did," Rick admitted.
"He... he killed them?"
"Yeah," Rick muttered. "Karen told us Andrea hopped the wall going for the prison. She never made it. She might be here."
Surprisingly the pair let us inside quite easily, there was no one out in the streets and we were able to make it all the way to the place where we found Glenn and Maggie the other time, without being shot.
"This is where he had Glenn and Maggie," Rick said.
"The Governor held people here?" the man, called Tyresse, asked in disbelief.
"He did more than hold them," Daryl told him.
We turned a corner, with our weapons raised. The end of the hall wasn't a normal wall or even a door, it was a piece of siding and right underneath it, there was a puddle of bright red blood, meaning it was fresh, my own blood froze at the sight of it.
"Will you open it?" Michonne asked Rick as we stood right in front of the blood, Rick and Michonne were the first, Daryl and I were right behind them and Tyresse was behind us all, still in a bit of a shock with the news of the Governor. As we came here I discovered Tyresse was part of the group I saw running out of the prison one night, I only saw him and his sister plus two other people for a few seconds so I didn't really remember them.
I glanced at Michonne and by the way she looked I could tell she was feeling and thinking the same thing as me. I couldn't help but think we were going to find Andrea's body in there.
"One," Rick started counting as Daryl got to the front, next to Rick, with his gun raised, just like Rick's. "Two..."
Rick kicked the siding door, making it loudly creak. Inside I could see a dead walker in the middle of the room but then right next to the blood, I could see two bare feet.
"Andrea!" Michonne exclaimed as she ran inside, closely followed by me.
The two of us bent in front of her, Michonne held her in her arms, making her sit straight. Soon, Rick also bent in front of her, being in between Michonne and me.
"I tried to stop them," Andrea told us.
"You're burning up," Michonne exclaimed, getting really concerned.
Andrea sighed, then brought her hand up to shoulder length and slowly grabbed her shirt and sweater and moved it to the side, revealing a huge bite in the crook of her neck.
I gasped and felt myself feeling dizzy, not at the sight itself but at what it meant. Andrea wasn't going to survive, the fever had already hit her.
Rick looked away and rested his head on his hand for a few seconds before looking back at Andrea. Michonne put on a strong face but it was obvious what she felt, it was written all over her eyes and actually just a few seconds later that strong face vanished. Her lip started to tremble as she tried hard not to cry.
"Judith, Carl, the rest of them –"
"Us," Rick interrupted her quickly. "The rest of us."
"Are they alive?"
"Yeah, they're alive." At that she smiled and then turned to look at Michonne.
"It's good you found them," she told her and then turned to look at me. "And you finally found your mum too. I'm glad you found them all again."
My heart broke even more at Andrea's words, if only she knew we couldn't be worse at the moment. But nevertheless, I found my voice and muttered a vague "Yeah."
"No one can make it alone now," she added, putting a hand on top of mine, but she looked at all of us as she did.
"I never could," I heard Daryl muttering, I turned to look at him to find him looking straight at me.
"I just didn't want anyone to die," Andrea told us, making me look back at her. "I can do it myself."
"No!" Michonne exclaimed quickly.
"I have to," she said. "While I still can." Michonne finally broke down, and tears fell down her face. "Please?" Andrea muttered, looking at Rick, who said or did nothing for a while. "I know how the safety works."
Rick, knowing there was no other choice, put the gun in Andrea's hand and that's when I finally lost it and started to cry silently.
"Well, I'm not going anywhere," Michonne told her.
She looked at Michonne but said nothing, knowing there was no point in arguing now, she barely had the strength to talk to us now. Then she looked at all of us, lingering her gaze on each one for a few seconds.
"I tried," she muttered.
"Yeah," Rick said.
"You did," Rick and I said at the same time.
After that, Daryl walked out of the room, Rick stood up and left as well. I took a deep breath and I grabbed Andrea's free hand with both of mine.
"Give me a moment," I said to all of them. Rick nodded and closed the door, making it creak once gain.
"Don't lose hope, Cici," she told me.
"I won't," I assured her. "Andrea, I can't let you do this without telling you something."
"What is it?"
"Well, I'll go straight to the chase, okay?" She weakly nodded at me. "Daryl and I are together."
"What?" Michonne exclaimed in shock but Andrea just smiled at me.
"You were right all along," I said with a smile, but tears came rolling down. "I like him and he likes me. You were always right and I was too stubborn and stupid to not see it."
"No," she said. "You were just scared but I'm happy for you, for the two of you."
"Thanks," I said. "I just had to tell you."
I gave her hand a final squeeze before letting it go, leant forward and kissed the top of her head, trying really hard not to cry right now. I stood up and opened the door, walking out.
"Daryl?" I heard a faint and weak voice saying a bit louder than before, probably using most of her strength.
Daryl stood up wasted no time in rushing inside the room, walking past me. I stood by the door, but didn't go back in.
"About damn time," she told him. "You have no idea how happy I am for you."
Daryl was a bit shock, so that meant the people outside didn't hear me. Daryl said nothing to Andrea but when I turned around I saw him flashing her a small smile and nodding, before he walked out again and closed the door.
I took some steps away from there and just stood in the middle of the hall, my back facing everyone else. Some tears were rolling down my face but when I heard the gunshot I completely lost it.
I felt myself falling down on my knees and I wasn't caring anymore about being silent. The only time I hadn't cried silently like I usually do because I hate people noticing and looking at me crying, was when Sophia died.
Soon after that, I felt strong arms around my body, soft and big hands running up and down my back, trying to comfort me. I cried even harder as Daryl moved to be in front of me and I buried my face in his chest, Daryl just held me tighter.
"Let's get out of here," Daryl muttered into my ear, I nodded at him.
He stood up, grabbed both my hands and pulled me up effortlessly and once I was on my feet he put his arm around my waist and led me out of that horrible place.
So, recently I was reading the average length of a book, I took for example the Harry Potter books and some others, and I never thought I would reach the word count but I actually double it, a bit more than double it. And I decided I should split the story, it's just too long and people might get bored, so I guess the end of this part will come soon. I already have a cover, sort of, but not a title yet, I would appreciate if you all could comment giving me ideas, maybe something similar to the title of this part, like hanging on or something along the lines. I used to listen to songs and take the titles but I haven't done that for a while and I like coming up with my own ideas for it but it's always the hardest for me, so I would really appreciate some help :)
I will also try to work on a trailer for this, it's already started but I haven't had the time to make any video recently and my inspiration is just gone :( I don't know what to do to get it back :/