Chapter 58

Arya made her best efforts to repress any lingering doubts after speaking with Aegon. She told herself she had done the right thing, the only thing she could do when faced with Lady Stoneheart but it was still a burden to carry. It had helped that Aegon had understood.

She sought out her uncle after Aegon left her. He gave her that look, the same one Jon had given her when the subject of Aegon had come up and he followed her to her pavilion. When they were alone he looked concerned.

"You are closer to him than I had thought"

Arya decided to be as honest as she could be. "We became friends in Storm's End as I have said before. I believe he knows me better than most anybody else."

The Blackfish sighed heavily and gave her a weak smile. "You must be careful child. You say he is to marry another but what I saw... A man does not show such affection to a woman he deems a friend. He wants more."

Arya struggled to respond. Finally she just shook her head.

"He is a friend" she said stubbornly before changing the subject. "I am sorry for worrying you uncle. Can you please send Cara back?"

Ser Brynden almost sagged with relief. He came and put his arm around her shoulders and his smile was full of affection.

"I'm glad you are back with us Arya."

She watched him hurry to fetch the handmaid, obviously wanting to take advantage before Arya changed her mind. She did not need help to bathe but her uncle had meant well. A queen must have her own people she thought wearily. I suppose I am lucky I avoided it this long. She was going to be far more courteous to the girl when she returned. She was after all just doing her job. It had not been Cara's fault that Arya had wanted to be alone.

Cara looked anxious when she returned to the tent. She was not a lot older than Arya. She had joined them from the Twins. Arya studied her as the young woman nervously approached. She was frail looking and had a permanently frightened manner. Arya guessed she had not been treated well by the Freys. Alongside that she clearly feared Arya after hearing stories of executions. It made Arya feel even more guilty for being difficult earlier.

She tried being reassuring instead this time. It helped distract her from her own problems. Cara was quite gentle and the bath was far less unpleasant than Arya had expected. It felt strange being helped though. Arya had looked after herself for so long.

She still struggled to sleep properly afterwards. When she rose the next morning she heard that Aegon was passing judgement on the outlaws. He had kept his word not to interfere in Northern justice. Arya knew she owed him the same in this but she could not distance herself. She made sure she was close enough (although disguised) to watch the proceedings. She did not want to be a distraction. Aegon held court in the camps before a pavilion bearing his banner.

She could tell he had given thought to it. There was no doubt Connington had input too but Arya could see Aegon had made the decisions. He pardoned most but not all. Arya was not certain how he had arrived at his decisions but she did not disagree. Those he did not pardon were the worst of the group. They were the men who Arya knew would steal and kill without discrimination, even after vowing to keep the King's peace. They were broken men. Her breath caught when she heard Aegon give them the option to take the black.

There were five of them. Three readily agreed. One spat and began to curse Aegon while the other just looked at him defiantly. Aegon looked rather imposing, he looked unlike the man Arya was used to. He looks like a King. He was dressed in black but his cloak was Targaryen colours, red and black. He had an expression of grim determination on his face. He spoke courteously enough to the three who agreed to take the black, sending them to break their fast with escorts. He then faced the remaining two and his mouth twisted.

"Do not think to test me. If you do not take the Black I will sentence you to die for the crimes I know you have committed."

The previously defiant one gave in easily, conceding to taking the black and thanking His Grace. The other tried to stand his ground. Aegon ordered him to be imprisoned until the sentence was passed, giving him only until Aegon finished holding court. As two knights swept forward to carry the man forcibly away he yielded to escape his death sentence.

He thought Aegon weak. Arya did not think him weak but he had surprised her.

The audience finished not long after. There were some petitions from Aegon's bannermen, amongst them a question about food supplies. Aegon responded that he had sent a raven to the Reach. Arya melted away unnoticed as the announcement was made to prepare to resume the march further into the Riverlands. Her men had already been busy preparing so Arya promptly took her place in the centre of the column with her personal guard. She saw that Olyvar Frey was quiet and resolved to speak with him at the end of the day when they would be alone.

They reached the river quickly and were delayed in crossing. It took time for the large host to cross and during the delay Aegon made his way to her side. She saw him search her face, his gaze concerned and rather disconcerting and she knew what he was doing. He is thinking of when he found me here. She forced a smile and he flashed one back. As it faded his brow furrowed.

"The man you were with when I found you" he whispered, his words faltering.

Arya wanted to curse. She had hoped to avoid speaking of Gendry with him. She saw him flush and look awkward. She hated that she could not tell him all but she could not risk it.

"We were friends when I was taken by the Brotherhood all those years ago" she explained. "I wanted him spared for the sake of that friendship. He is not a bad man."

Relief flooded Aegon's features and Arya was not sure whether to smile or scold him. Aegon frowned.

"He did not like me. I do not understand why"

It was now Arya who felt awkward. "He has an issue with whoring Kings" she mumbled. "The inn was being monitored and when you were heard with a woman in your room they assumed it was a camp follower."

When she managed to bring herself to look at him she saw he looked mortified. He reached for her hand and Arya quickly looked to make sure nobody was watching. Her guards and his were thankfully too busy watching either the river crossing or looking down the road behind them.

"I'm sorry Arya."

She gave his hand a squeeze then quickly let go. "It was my fault" she whispered back.

She saw he could not suppress a grin that was almost all teeth at that, no doubt remembering. It was almost enough to make her blush.

They made it to the other side of the river but were forced to make camp not far from the crossing. Arya requested for Olyvar Frey meet with her after dinner. He looked uncertain when he joined her in her pavilion but Arya had made sure they would be alone. Nymeria was at the entrance to the tent. When they finished speaking he looked much calmer. It had clearly taken a toll on him being unable to talk of all that had happened.

Forcing herself to discuss Lady Stoneheart reminded Arya of Brienne. Arya remembered how the Lady of Tarth reacted each time Arya mentioned her mother. She had known Brienne was keeping something from her about the Brotherhood. Arya tried to decide if she should be angry. She felt angry but she was not sure if it was justified. What would have changed if I knew? She still felt betrayed. It was time to write to Winterfell and Arya sat by her candle trying to decide what to do. In the end she did not write of it. She kept her letter short and directed at Rickon.

The snowfall was less the further south they travelled and as a result they began to cover far more ground each day. Arya knew she needed to be more focused to deal with what was to come so she resumed her training to calm her mind. The march through the North then South to the Twins had distracted her from her routine and after being named Queen she had been consumed by other duties. She resumed sparring daily when they made camp.

At first none of the men were a true match for Arya, whether they fought with sword or stick. She pushed herself hard. Sparring took her back to her teachings as a servant of the House of Black and White and to Syrio's lessons. She concentrated only on her opponent and anticipating their moves before they could make them, avoiding their slashing cuts, parrying the few blows that she did not dodge and as they tired or were unbalanced attacking fiercely until they yielded.

They had drawn closer to Riverrun when Arya realised that she had made a mistake. She had still been watching out for threats but her duties as Queen and Northern leader had distracted her from being as vigilant as she once was. She was sparring and came up against an opponent who was thought to be one of the Northern men at arms. His appearance did not set him apart. He was dressed like the others. He had shaggy brown hair and a beard with plain features but his eyes gave something away. They were not right. Arya quickly realised he was more than he seemed.

She was by no means overpowered. He made it seem as though she had superior skill and it was possibly true but he gave away what he was when Arya feinted to his left before attacking his right. He parried the attack to his left but not before his eyes looked to his right to where the actual attack would come from. She watched him closely, graciously accepting her victory and the first chance she got she cornered him alone in the camps. Nymeria distracted him so that Arya could hold her dagger to his throat.

"What are you doing here?" she hissed. "I sent a message."

The man smiled. "Your message was received Arya of House Stark."

"Then why?" she asked, trying to keep her voice level. Nymeria snarled beside her.

"My task is to watch you" the man said calmly. "I was sent to see how much of your training you remember."

Arya blinked "For what purpose?"

He remained silent. When she pressed the dagger close enough to break the skin he spoke.

"A girl has lost discipline. A girl has become sloppy."

Arya remembered what the Kindly man had said. We are not butchers. She fought not to chew her lip. It was true though she did not want to admit it.

"You did not say the final vows but do you remember them?"

Arya tensed "Of course."

The man looked her over. "You never should have been taken in. You cannot serve." He sneered. "A woman makes a poor servant."

Arya knew what he was saying. She felt her temper flare and it was difficult to repress. "I did not leave because I am a woman. I left because there is no honour in killing for gold."

He chuckled at that. "Do you think there is honour in killing for vengeance? You kill for your own purposes, for your own pleasures. Valar dohaeris"

Arya did not answer him straight away. "I do not get pleasure" she answered after thinking about it.

"You lie"

Arya was taken aback. It does not make me happy. She thought that was what he meant. There was some satisfaction from knowing her family's enemies had been punished. I did lie. I just did not know it. She thought about what her life was.

"I may not serve the House of Black and White but I do serve." I serve my family and I serve the North.

"Do you remember it takes to truly serve" he said.

You must pay the price. You must give everything including your future. You are no one. No one does not marry, has no children, has no family. All that you are you must give.

"I remember" she said defensively. "I may not have taken the vows but I still pay a price to serve, even if I am not in your order."

"You pick and choose what you give. You have not paid the price at all. You are a creature of desire and not just in killing." He gave her a disdainful look. "You are the Prince's lover."

Arya was angry at his accusations, angry enough to kill him but then another would be sent. There was no point denying the last thing he had said. The last assassin had seen Aegon in her bed. She tried to keep her face expressionless. "Just so. He will still marry Daenerys."

The man studied her.

"You are certain?"

Arya tried to show no emotion. "He has told me so."

The man watched her, seeming unperturbed by the dagger still being held against him. He is trying to see if I am lying. He finally nodded but he looked amused.

Arya tried very hard not to scowl. I used to be better at hiding what I felt. She had spent too long around people who drew out the real her. Ruling her face was not so easy as it once was. She could easily fool the people of Westeros when she really wanted to. She was not fooling this faceless man. She dreaded to think what he had figured out already.

"How long will you watch me?" she asked, lowering the dagger.

"I have already seen what I need to." He raised an eyebrow. "You are sparing me?"

Arya tried to give a relaxed shrug. "The deal I made was to give the gift to those who would harm Aegon, If you are not here to harm him and you do not intend to wrong me in some other way then I will spare you."

The man did not linger. She watched him go. Long afterwards she could still hear him. His voice joined to that of her uncle's when he spoke of Aegon. My duty is to my pack, those who used to be and those who still are. She thought of Jon and Rickon still in the North. Sansa and Bran were still hiding too. I can't help them. She tried not to frown.

I will rule my face once more.

Arya did not agree with what the assassin said of those who she had killed. It was justice. I prayed for it. Arya was not certain what god she prayed to, mayhaps it was Syrio's god of death. It was true that she had lost discipline when she killed them. It was unavoidable with the executions but there had been others where she might have done things differently. Nobody should take notice of meunless I want them to. She fought not to chew her lip. Wanting was desire and that was why the assassin had showed disdain.

I do not get to do what I want she thought indignantly. Arya did not want to be queen and she did not want to march with soldiers. It was something else she did out of duty. She wanted to finish her list and then... she did not know what. The other names waited while she did her duty. The one accusation the faceless man threw at her which truly made her doubt was his reference to Aegon. Arya felt it was her duty to help him become King. There was an alliance apart from anything else but helping him did not mean she should be in his bed.

She ate dinner with her men, trading japes while her mind was still turning over the assassin's words and trying to forget the crown she had been prompted to put on. As soon as they finished eating Arya excused herself, leaving them to entertain themselves. Tom was still travelling with them and she heard him begin playing his woodharp as she took her leave.

She passed Thoros on her way through the camps. He was sitting by a fire, looking deep into the flames. Arya had allowed him to stay in the Northern camp. Lord Connington did not want him in Aegon's camp. The Northmen who had experienced Melisandre had been unhappy with his presence at first. They soon learned that he was not in the habit of burning people alive. They had grown to accept him being there even if they did not welcome him.

He looked surprised when she joined him.

"Your grace"

Arya scowled a little. "Don't call me that. I have to let the Northmen say it but I don't like it." She looked at his fire. "I met a red priestess in Winterfell. She saw things but they were wrong. She said she saw me but she was wrong."

Thoros smiled. "Interpreting visions is most difficult."

"If you are not sure you should not say anything" Arya retorted. She took a deep breath. "The priestess said I have darkness in me. The dwarf woman called me dark heart at High Heart. You heard her."

Thoros sighed. "These are dark times child. There is truth in it and I'm certain you don't need me to tell you that but there are darker things out there than you."

Lady Stoneheart

She watched him a moment looking into the flames then became curious. "You see things don't you?"

"I do" Thoros confirmed. "The Lord of Light shows me visions sometimes."

"You are more honest than the priestess" Arya decided. "I was angry with you after seeing Mother... but you never pretended to be better than you are."

"I have been a bad priest but that is merely telling the truth" he replied.

"Not many people admit they are bad" Arya said. She was not sure what she wanted from Thoros. The encounter with the faceless man had made her angry and she still felt bruised by what he had said. "You try to serve the Red God" she said slowly.

Thoros chuckled. "I try" he conceded.

Arya did not smile. "Somebody told me that to truly serve there is a price to pay. Duty requires sacrifice." She looked down at her hands. "I'm not sure if I can make the sacrifice."

"I am not the best person to ask" Thoros said, his voice sounding serious. Arya began to rise but he stopped her by putting his hand on her arm. "What you did in the Hollow Hill was more sacrifice that most people are capable of. I do not believe anybody could say you were selfish."

The words sounded good but Arya was still unconvinced. "You do not know what I have done. You do not know what I must do."

Thoros smiled a sad smile and gazed intently into the flames. He removed his hand from her arm. "I am aware of more than you know child."

Arya leapt to her feet feeling shaken. She studied his face but he was lost in whatever he was seeing in his fire. He revealed nothing and he did not look at her again. Arya retreated to her pavilion desperately trying to forget the day so she could sleep. It was useless. I will hunt in Nymeria's skin tonight.

She managed to distance herself from Aegon for two days before he confronted her in her pavilion. The Blackfish was in charge of the outriders and had journeyed out with a scouting party to see what welcome they could expect at Stone Hedge, the seat of House Bracken. Arya was alone apart from Nymeria when Aegon burst in unannounced. Arya saw Duck was with him but the big man quickly backed away to wait discreetly outside.

"You should not be here" Arya told him.

Aegon frowned. "Has something happened? I feel as though you are avoiding me." He approached her so quickly he caught her before she got a chance to properly evade him. It did not help that Nymeria somehow got in her way. He brushed her cheek with his long elegant fingers and she cursed herself for being too weak to swat his hand away. He flashed a gentle smile "You know you can tell me if something is bothering you."

Arya had thought about what she wanted to say when she saw him but he was making it so difficult. Why can't he be like Joffrey just this one time? She swallowed hard and pushed his hand away.

"I have said before we cannot do this. I meant it Aegon."

His brow furrowed. "I know" he said slowly "I just thought-" He flushed and looked at the ground. "Daenerys is not here yet" he whispered.

"You want to fuck me until she comes to Westeros" Arya replied bluntly.

Aegon paled and he looked appalled. "No" he exclaimed. "It is not like that. You know it isn't, you know I would not..." His jaw worked. "You know me better than that."

"I have a duty" she said, trying to keep her voice firm. "I will help you take the throne but no more. My duty is to my pack, my family and to the North. I need to serve them. You are not part of my pack."

Aegon began to pace. He was not looking at her and his voice sounded hollow when he responded. "Why are you being like this? I wanted to make you family and you refused. It never mattered before that I was not a wolf."

Arya avoided the question. "You are a dragon. I hear it all the time. You need to think of Daenerys instead. Let me go so I can do what I need to do."

He stopped still and looked at her. His violet eyes were so full of hurt that it tore at her. "I was not aware I was stopping you from doing anything" he said in an icy tone. "I will leave you be Your Grace." He spun on his heel to walk out and his shoulders were slumped. She knew then she could not do it.

"Wait" she called to him. He stopped and she had her arms around his waist before he could even turn around. She rested her head against his back. "I'm sorry Aegon. Don't leave."

He freed himself from her embrace and turned to face her. His expression was wary and his body language still tense. "You have never played games with me Arya. Tell me what is going on."

Arya took a deep breath and asked him to sit with her. He listened intently as she told him of the faceless man and what he had said. When she finished she let him take her hand.

"It bothered you" he said. He sounded irritated as he kept speaking. "You should not let it bother you. The assassins are not pure. They are not faultless. You have said so yourself. They have no right to judge you."

"I am worried he was right" she said quietly.

He went quiet for a moment. "You don't know what his motive was" he finally said. "Mayhaps he was trying to make you doubt."

Arya thought on that. She still was not sure. "You should be careful with your guards" she said softly. "He said he was not after you and I watched him leave but you should not take risks."

Aegon shifted closer and pulled her into his arms. "You will protect me too" he whispered.

Even though she knew she should resist she couldn't. She allowed him to comfort her and when he pulled back and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear she let him do that too. Arya knew she had lost the opportunity when he began to press kisses to her forehead, her cheek, her jaw then finally her lips.

I will give him up she thought to herself as she yielded to him, just not yet.