Chapter 9

Barry and Caitlin were both excited and nervous to have movie night. They missed each other so much but at the same time were nervous to be alone together. They both felt some unresolved tension building inside them since they met each other in the coffee shop.

"Barry!" Caitlin exclaimed when she opened the door to her apartment an hour and a half before the time they agreed on. "You're early!"

He nervously rubbed the back of his neck and let out a chuckle. "I know. I should have called or something. I just... I wanted to see you."

She smiled at him. "Well come on in. I just got home so the place is still a mess."

"That's surprising. Little miss perfectionist has a messy living room? I remember back when you would come over and clean my room because it would irritate the hell out of you that it was messy." Barry teased.

"Someone had to. Besides we had plans and Nora would ground you until you cleaned your room. If it wasn't for me, you'd still be cleaning your room while I was out at the beach getting a tan." Her snarky reply left Barry looking at her with a lifted eyebrow.

"You, a tan? I'd like to see that. You were always so pale, Cait." He lifted his hand to brush hair behind her ear.

"Because I was stuck inside on beautiful days helping you clean your room!" She laughed.

"Yeah, I don't remember much cleaning getting done." He smirked.

"Y-yeah... well... shut up!" She stuttered before turning away heading towards the kitchen giggling at their trip down memory lane.

Barry missed this. Just teasing her and being with her. She calmed a part of him that was a raging inferno since she left for Star City. He couldn't help but smile at the amazingly, beautiful woman she has become. And he couldn't wait to find out what other things have changed about her.

"What's that smile for?" She glanced up at him opening a box in the kitchen.

"What?" He shook himself out of his daze. "Nothing! Need help?"

"Of course, you owe me anyway." She smirked. He rolled his eyes with a smile and began to help her unpack her things.

She was still waltzing around her apartment two hours later in her work clothes. A navy blue blouse tucked into a black pencil skirt ending just above her knees. She had on crème colored heels. As he watched her run around her living room placing things here and moving things there, he wondered how she ever got used to wearing heels.

She had her hands on her hips taking in her apartment. "Well that's all the boxes!" She exclaimed smile wide on her face.

Barry couldn't keep his eyes off her, but he tried his best not to get caught. He turned his head looking to the other rooms.

"Thank you so much Barry! I really appreciate you coming over and helping me unpack. I've been back a week and I haven't had any time to unpack, what with work and Cisco trying to set me up with Jay, and the dinner with our parents, and our night out with Iris and Eddie, and movie night tonight! Things sure have been busy." She laughed.

Barry stiffened. "Wait, who is Jay?"

"Oh, Jay Garrick? He is a physicist at STAR Labs. Dr. Wells isn't a fan of him but he does good work. Cisco has this ridiculous idea that Jay likes me. Which is absurd. I've been here a week. How can someone pick of feeling for someone in a week? Besides, I've just moved back I have too much to focus on right now than to think about relationships. I can't be thinking about guys right now. Especially something as trivial as dating. Maybe I'll go on a date here and there when I don't feel like cooking." She replied absentmindedly. Letting out a laugh as she started walking toward her bedroom. Barry automatically followed needing the answer desperately.

"So, you aren't interested in Jay?" He hated how his voice sounded hopeful. He shouldn't be thinking these things about Caitlin. He had Iris. He was dating Iris. He loved... Iris. Right?

Caitlin had left her door open a crack so they didn't have to scream through the door. Barry had to avert his eyes when she began unbuttoning her blouse.

"No. Not really. At least I haven't thought about it. And I don't plan on thinking about it any time soon. I need time to adjust back to Central City."

"That's... uh... I think that's a great idea, Cait." He was beyond flustered.

Caitlin was stripping just beyond the open door. That fact itself made Barry flush. And knowing that she wasn't looking for a relationship with other guys gave him this strange hope inside of him, which he knows he shouldn't have.

"Barry, you've been acting weird all night. What's wrong?" She said stepping out from behind her bedroom door.

Barry's eyes widened and darkened at her attire. She had on short, pajama shorts just barely visible beneath his shirt. She had one hand resting on the door frame and the other pulling on the bottom of her shirt, which was originally his. He knew she had taken a few of his T-shirts and hoodies but he hadn't expected for her to still have them now. She was biting her bottom lip, her eyebrows scrunched together with worry. Her hair was pulled out of the messy bun she had it in earlier and was now spilling over her right shoulder, exposing her neck to Barry.

He was staring. He knew it but he couldn't stop himself. He has dreamed about moments like this. He has had many, many dreams. Even when he was with Iris, he had closed his eyes and imagined his Caitlin. Yes, he felt guilty about it but he felt if he never voiced it, it wasn't technically cheating. He gulped, "What did I just get myself into?"

"Barry?" She took a step forward when he didn't reply.

He took two steps back, "Cait, don't." His voice was gruff and deeper than normal. She was worried now.

"What wrong?" She kept stepping forward until his back hit the wall. She was completely oblivious to his tormented expression. "Are you not feeling well? Did I overwork you?" Her words shouldn't have sounded so good to him. He could imagine those same words being used in a completely different context. He could imagine her slumped on top of his chest, slightly sweaty, a sweet smile on her face as she whispered in his ear, 'Did I overwork you?' The images that flashed through his mind at that moment were wonderful. It was so, so very wrong because it felt so very right.

Caitlin raised a hand to his forehead feeling for a fever. The moment her fingers brushed against his forehead he had her pinned against the wall where he was just moments ago, hand on her wrist against the wall, resting by her head. His other hand gripping her waist.

There was silence as they just stared at one another. Her eyes darkening just as his had earlier. His breath ragged as he tried to keep his distance. He was so close, so close to losing control and giving into his deepest desires. Just taking her against the wall. All thoughts of Iris gone from his mind the moment he walked into her apartment.

"Barry..." She whispered.

"His eyes flashed down to her lips. Leaning forward he placed a brief chaste kiss on them. Reigning in his emotions, he released her. Stepping back, he gave her some room.

There they stood facing each other in her bedroom hallway. Both wondering what they should do now. They had two choices, take the step forward and regret it as they both knew they would or take a step back compose themselves, continue as friends in love with each other with a possibility in the future.

She decided for them.

"Let's go make some popcorn." She gave him that dazzling smile that he loved.

He let out a sigh of relief, "I'll get the M&Ms from my bag." He smiled, thanking her silently from stopping him from doing something incredibly stupid.

She started walking towards the kitchen. His head followed her movements. She turned back to him after a few steps. Their eyes connecting once again She grabbed his neck and pulled him into a fierce kiss. He responded immediately. It was everything like their first kiss, quick but passionate. Barry felt that familiar warmth surge through him like electricity flowing all over him. His lips caressed hers pulling her closer. He never wanted this feeling to stop. His teeth nibbled at her bottom lip begging for entrance and she gladly opened her mouth. Their tongues battled before she relented and let him control the kiss. She pulled away leaning her forehead on his. She opened her eyes, taking him in. His eyes met hers and she could read every emotion in them.

"This never leaves this hallway." Caitlin tells him breathlessly. She stares at him for a moment longer with love and amazement. She leans in and kisses his cheek gently. She walks away towards the kitchen, once again taking his heart with her. Barry watched her walk off, 'I am screwed.'

He doesn't leave the hallway for a few minutes, trying to compose himself. He adjusts his pants and flattens his hair before breathing out in a quiet whisper to himself, "Oh Cait. What are you doing to me?"

He walks back into her kitchen to find her staring at her microwave. He chuckled, amused by her fascination. "What are you doing?"

"You ever wonder how popcorn was first created? Like who thought to put corn kernels on a flame?" She asked never taking her eyes off the microwave.

"Don't know. I can't run back in time and discover it." She glared at him.

"Ha Ha." Her lips were red and slightly swollen. Barry shook his head to remove that line of thinking.

"Arent you supposed to be getting M&Ms from your bag? And pretzels! Don't forget the pretzels. You didn't forget the pretzels, did you?"

"No, never! They are the best movie food." Barry laughed.

"Speaking of food. Want to order in? I haven't had much of a chance to go grocery shopping. I may have a can of soup or some noodles, maybe a pizza pocket, but that's it."

"No problem. I'll call. What are you in the mood for?"

"Mmm... spicy!" She exclaimed.

"Franco's, it is." He called in and twenty minutes later there was a knock on the door. Barry paid and Caitlin threw a fit because dinner was supposed to her thank you to him for helping her unpack. They settled in front of the TV after Caitlin picked out a movie for them to watch. Things were back to normal between them. But Barry couldn't get the kiss out of his head. He thought talking about it would ruin things between them right now.

"Something on your mind?" She asked her eyes not leaving the screen.

He was startled. "What makes you think that?"

"You are abusing the poor piece of chicken." She smiled gently.

"It's just... how can we just act like nothing happened?" He blurted out, regretting it instantly.

"It's not our time." She shrugged.

He was confused and a bit angry at her response. "What does that mean?"

She sighed and turned to him, picking up his hand in the process. She cradled it between hers for a moment before responding.

"Barry, you have Iris. And I still have too much going on right now to think about relationships besides my best friend again." She gave him that dazzling smile of hers, the very one that sent little electric shocks running through his entire being. "It's not our time. We both have been out of each other's lives for almost a decade. First thing we need to do is get reacquainted with one another again. There are things I've been through that you don't know about and the same for you. I know we have a unique history, but you are and will always be my best friend, first and foremost. And right now, I need my best friend back." She bit her bottom lip. "Is that okay?"

"Absolutely." He was left speechless in amazement at her.

"Good. Because ten-year-old me promised she was going to marry her best friend someday."

Caitlin was so brave and so strong. He was stunned at her confession. Because it was the same one he had made. He didn't think it was possible to feel any stronger affection for her, but he did. He could feel himself fall deeper and deeper in love with her.

"That sounds perfect." He whispered.

"So, come on! Tell me a secret, Mr. Allen!" She teased.

"Only if you tell me one in return, Dr. Snow!" He nudged her.

Their laughter filled up her apartment.

The rest of the night consisted of overly dramatic storytelling of their crazy adventures over the past eight years. Caitlin's sarcasm always followed Barry's teasing remarks. Along with plenty of laughs came plenty of tears. The tender moment when Barry told Caitlin what happened to Nora Allen in his old house.

"She was stabbed fourteen times in the chest. And whoever it was, just left her there to bleed out. She died alone, Cait. I was supposed to be there. I was supposed to keep her safe. It's all my fault." He had cried into her shoulder as she held him. Tears of her own falling down her face as she was able to mourn Nora properly.

"Barry, it's not your fault." She ran her fingers through his hair. She had seen Nora do it to an upset Barry when they were much younger. She figured it might help soothe him now. "You had no way of knowing that it would happen. You can't hold the guilt on your shoulder forever. It will destroy you."

"If I had just stayed home I could have saved her." He said pulling away from her slightly.

"If you had been there they may have killed you instead of her. Or they may have killed you both. And do you know how Henry would feel? How I would feel?" She cupped his face forcing him to look at her, "I would be devastated, Barry. Henry needs you. I need you, Barr. I will always need you. And I know for a fact Nora would not want you to be in pain like this for the rest of your life. She would want you to be happy; to live life to the fullest. It's okay to mourn those you lose but you can't let it consume you."

He nodded his head, smiling slightly. "Will you come with me sometime?"

"Of course, Barry" She responded immediately.

He told her about how his mother's murder changed his life choice of being a Biology Teacher to becoming a Forensics expert to find his mother's killer. He told her about how his running career ended after that. He still ran for the scholarship but never felt joy for it anymore. So, now he only runs in mornings before work.

Caitlin told Barry about how her father had fallen ill just a year after she had moved. She had only been sixteen and a few months later he had passed. She told him how Moira Queen, Oliver's mother had taken her in as a daughter of her own. She even put her through college, which Caitlin was always eternally grateful for. She went on to tell him about how Oliver and Felicity met though her. They had different interest at first but started spending an unhealthy amount of time at the coffee shop Caitlin worked at to 'visit her.' Barry laughed at that. She told him about Oliver getting Felicity a job in the IT department at Queen Consolidate. She is the best at what she does even if she didn't graduate college yet. Caitlin told him that Oliver was the one that held her head above water when her father fell sick.

Bringing up Oliver, Barry thought about how she openly told Iris about her brief sexual relationship with the man. He asked her how she was so open about it. Caitlin laughed out loud at the blush that blossomed on his cheeks. 'Barry, we are adults! It is natural to have sex.' Feeling sheepish he told her about Iris being his first, even if he wasn't hers. Even if it didn't matter much now, he still felt bothered that Iris refused to tell him who her first time was with.

Caitlin was surprised when Barry asked about Ronnie.

"We had a pregnancy scare. Nobody knew about it, except Lissy." She twisted her fingers as an anxious habit. Barry pulled her hand away entwining her fingers with his. "He was disappointed that the test was negative, but I'm glad it was. I want kids, just not now. I'm not ready. And then he proposed and everything just fell apart after that."

"It's okay." He brushed the single tear that fell from her eye with his thumb, "It's okay to be upset. But you weren't ready. Don't feel bad for something you needed to do for yourself. Everyone is allowed to be selfish every once in a while."

She smiled. HE always knew how to cheer her up. "Except you?" She teased.

"No, even I have my selfish moments. Like sometimes when Cisco invites me over for drinks and movie at his place. I surprise him with ice cream from the parlor down the street but sometimes the ice cream just doesn't make it to his house. I don't know what happens." He tried to play innocent. She laughed.

He told her about how Cisco and him, met in college freshman year. Barry would warn him when the professor was coming his way and Cisco would hide his candy. They formed a strong friendship after that.

They decided that they had enough emotions at around ten. Barry threw in Grease. Caitlin's favorite movie when they were younger. He remembers how once she had gotten tipsy enough and started singing 'Summer Nights' with him. Barry told her that he wasn't much of a singer and she wasn't much of a drinker but she insisted they sing. She sang notes off key but smiled so full of joy as they danced around her living room on nights her parents would go out and she would be alone. But she was rarely ever alone because Barry would always come when she called.

Barry could sing. He had a voice on him, but he didn't like singing in front of people. He never liked people listening to him sing. But all Caitlin had to do was ask and he would jump on stage and sing for her, only for her. But it was one of his favorite moments in his life when she was snuggled into his chest and half asleep. She would mumble the plea into his chest, "Barry, sing me to sleep?" And he couldn't resist the request in any way, shape, or form. It is in those rare moments he would sing her his mother's lullabies. Songs that were never heard by anyone except Allen's. He promised himself that she would be an Allen someday. It was his secret promise to himself. The metaphorical pen engraved the promise into his heart and ink spread through his veins.

Caitlin was curled up under a blanket intently watching Sandy and Danny sing their song. Her legs laying across the middle cushion. She glanced at him on the other side of the couch. He saw her subtly scooting closer towards him out of the corner of his eye. He surprised her when he grabbed her ankles and pulled her legs over his lap. She squeaked at his actions grabbing onto his arm for support. She laughed as he settled his arms around her. They both knew that it looked wrong to outsiders but to them it was a natural comfort they haven't had in a very long time. He hummed the familiar tune in her ear as he nuzzled her neck.

With her basically curled up on his lap, and him rubbing soothing circles on her arm, it was inevitable for her to fall asleep not even halfway through the movie. He was tired, CCPD work and then unpacking all her things, not to mention the emotional talk they had earlier had exhausted him. But he was content to stay awake and watch her sleep. It had been so long since he has done that. It was a warming familiar feeling that bloomed inside his chest. Yes, he was currently in a relationship with Iris but there was no denying that this woman in his arms held his heart.

Eventually he decided she would be more comfortable sleeping in her own bed. He picked her up gently and carried her to her bedroom. Sliding her under the comforter, he tucked her in. He kneeled by her bedside. "Goodnight, Cait." He whispered to her sleeping form. Barry leaned forward a pressed a kiss to her forehead. He pulled away not noticing her eyes had opened.

"Barry, will you stay with me until I fall asleep?" She called out. He debated whether he should stay or not but she used that same innocent voice that always got him to do her every request.

"Yeah, sure." She pulled the sheet up on the other side of the bed.

He hesitated. "C'mon Barr. I don't bite... hard." She gave him a tired smile. He gave her a smile in return. Even as she is half asleep she is still teasing him.

He relented, crawling into the bed with her. Automatically wrapping his arms around her waist, holding her from behind. She turned around to face him, her right hand falling just above his heart. "For tonight, I want this as mine." And she fell asleep.

He was in shock but recovered quickly enough. "It has always been yours, Cait."

He whispered to her, pulling her body closer to him. He kissed her cheek and fell asleep soon after.