The sharp ache in my stomach echoes within hollow walls. One pain familiar from a life of malnutrition, the other a consolation prize for a dead father. Shooting stings course through my body but mostly in my belly. Ma says it's from anxiety. I set a fifth plate down, while Vick follows behind with a spoon. And six. Only two extra seats, Katniss and Prim, but we barely fit when my father was alive. There's just enough chairs when we pull the one from the bedroom and bring in the stool from outside. My mother is at the stove top stirring the pot and must sense my temptations to ask.
"It's stewing just fine, honey." She doesn't turn but she's grinning ear to ear. "Help the boys wash up, they won't want to sit still once company arrives."
"Vick, let's wash your paws." He giggles with delight when I slip my hands under his armpits and place him on the step under the wash basin. His hands are soft against mine, running the water black as we scrub together.
"I'm gonna tell Katniss I mixed the cake!" Vick is my youngest brother, almost six and all sweetness. Eager to please and always looking to cuddle.
"Okay, that's fine. But only after we bring it out. Remember, it's a surprise." It's not every day you get cake in the Seam, not every day or week or even month.
"No it's not," Rory says from behind us. "We already know the surprise." Rory will fight Vick over everything like what game to play or who goes first. I'm gone so much, I think that's why he's become so bossy. He's the big brother, taller than Vick and ready for mischief.
"It's a surprise for Katniss and Prim. And you promised you'd try and keep it." I would be embarrassed if this weren't my family listening to me beg.
"Why is it a surprise anyway?" asks Rory.
"It's fun." I wave him over. "And she won't drive herself crazy thinking about it. Like you."
"I'd want to know without a surprise."
"Me too!" Vick is very agreeable.
"Because then she coulda been so happy all the way up until she eats it and probably even happier when she eats." My heart aches now. Rory and Vick eat better than most and yet fullness is a distant feeling.
"Rory come on." I insist motioning at the sink.
"I still woulda told her," he slurs. When he doesn't budge, ma turns around and orders him over.
"Rory, hands!" He gets on the step and I scrub his hands too.
It's 5:03. Katniss will be here. I just cannot wait here to come. Not before long is there a soft knock on the door, quickly followed by a slightly louder one. The boys are on my heels, fighting over who gets to say hi to Katniss first. I hear my mother lightly scold them from behind me.
"Katniss!" I'm tugging on my ear with one hand and my other is open for a hug. We don't hug. But now the implication is there.
"Hi, Gale," she smiles warmly and takes a step forward, matching my one extended arm into a side hug. Good start.
"Come in please." It's too cold to take our shoes off but bearable without coats. I take their coats and offer a hello to Prim.
"Thank you," she says handing me a jacket two sizes too big. I hang them and get on with introductions.
"Katniss, Prim, this is my family. My mother, Hazelle." I say squeezing ma's hand.
"We've been hearing a lot about you girls, I'm thrilled to finally meet you." My mother steps forward to hug Katniss, who surprises me by hugging her back. "And Primrose, such a beautiful name for such a special little sister." She hugs Prim who radiates with warmth and kindness.
"Rory," I point, "and Vick. Posy's down for a nap, but you'll meet her before the night ends."
There's an exchange of greeting and names that's almost too effortless to believe.
"He doesn't look that old," Prim whispers to Katniss, who bites her bottom lip nervously. Rory hisses.
"He only looks old because he has wrinkles all around his eyeballs," he says.
"And I only have wrinkles because of you!" It's light hearted and Katniss relaxes. Before the boys drag Prim to the floor to play, my mother summons us to the kitchen. To keep the food warm and because the table is far too small, the food stays on the burners.
"This was their father's favorite meal, beef stew, with dried plums. Thanks to you, it's turkey meat tonight." My dad's favorite meal is beef stew, the dried plums are for Katniss.
"You're welcome," she says with a hint of pride. "We brought jam and bread. I'm sorry I'm not much of a cook."
"No, this is great, Katniss." I say collecting the items. Jam and bread. Beef stew with dried plums. And cake. We'll be full for the first time in months. My mother serves and I help Vick with his plate before finding our way to the table.
Posy begins to cry from the bedroom and startles Katniss. My mother assures everyone Posy is only hungry and withdrawals to the bedroom. Conversation is easy. Rory dictates most of it, loud and unnecessary, I give him a hard time in return and Prim chats like she has known us forever. Katniss speaks when she has something to say and I serve second servings. The rhythm of dinner moves through the kitchen until Rory says for the tenth time how he's the best at this and that.
"Here ma. I'll take her." Thankfully my mother returns before I lose my patience. She's missed most of the meal nursing Posy, who sits on her hip. Without much fuss, ma hands the baby to me and goes to make a plate. Posy coos in my arms.
"Mrs. Hawthorne, let me!" Katniss is fast and she's by the stove ready to take the dish from my mother's hands. There's not much to serve up but the gesture is very kind.
"Thank you Katniss." Not even a week after giving birth to Posy, ma was out looking for work. One morning I woke up and next to my bed was five-day old Posy, tucked safely in a milk crate that served as her cradle. Vick curled around my waist and Rory laid at my back. I brought her into bed with us. She barely weighed more than a rabbit. I would have been scared picking her up if it weren't for the steady hand needed for building snares. That and all the practice from two little boys squirming across from me.
"Soon Rory," I promise, "right after mom eats." Typical meals don't last longer than fifteen minutes, but this one extends thirty with so much turkey we go back for third helpings. Even with a belly full, Rory's mind is on dessert.
"That was the juiciest turkey I've ever had, Mrs. Hawthorne," her voice is small but confident. Prim, looks out of the place among the rest of us. With her pale skin and blonde hair, blue eyes that near seem to dim.
"Thank you, Prim, fresh game makes it easy, I'm so happy if you liked it. The plums added lots of flavor," says Ma.
"It was very good." Prim carries conversation effortlessly with my brothers and will talk to ma just the same. She's must better at it than Katniss. Posy playing on my lap, I understand Katniss a little more in this moment. In three years, Rory will have to enter The Hunger Games pool. I have three years to prepare well enough so we won't need the measly servings from tesserae. So my siblings will never need to write their name on more slips.
I've seen Prim at school, but meeting Prim for the first time, I now see she's the best of Katniss and so much more. Things Katniss can never be again. The little innocence we once shared with our siblings is constantly fleeting the deeper we travel into the woods, the deeper into illegal crimes punishable by death.
"I liked the jam," Rory says scooting closer to Prim on the pew they share.
"It was so so sweet," adds Vick. He slides a finger across his plate to scoop up a near forgotten drip of the blueberry preserve. I should correct him because Katniss and Prim are here, but we use our hands more than we do forks.
"And thick." Rory says licking his lips.
"I think I might actually be stuffed." Katniss hasn't spoken much, but we all agree with this. Ma looks at me like I best get on with the surprise.
"Well I hope not stuffed enough for dessert."
"Dessert?" Prim says, clasping her hands together.
"A full piece of white cake for everyone!" The murmurs are more cheerful than the house has hard in months. Even Posy, who will get a bite or two, is bouncing on my legs. Katniss raises her eyebrows and out slips a sincere smile. My chest drops and something within me eases. We have no obligation to become friends but Katniss didn't have to come either.
"I have room for cake." She's looking me in the eyes, sucking her cheeks in just like before. I get it. Smiling isn't the same when it's not in the woods. And the Capitol doesn't deserve our happiness.
"I can serve this time," I suggest.
"Gale, sit. Posy needs time with you." Everyone helps with Posy at some point during the day. We do our best to make sure she's comfortable with any of us so that our mother gets seclusion. She doesn't ask for much, but I hope we give her more than most.
"I'll help you mama!" says Vick, when ma gets up from the table.
"I can get it!" Rory is quick to add.
"Let me cut it first little ones. Then you may walk your plate up for a piece." My mother's always good at festering my brother's competitiveness.
"This is what you saw the Ripper about." Katniss puts today's visit together.
"Yeah, sorry I lied, I wanted it to be a surprise." For a moment I think my brothers are right and she'd rather have known, her face burns rosy and I'm scared she might cry.
"Thank you, Gale," she's barely audible through the noise of seven people. "It's the best surprise!" It's hushed but full of true excitement. I take a mental note that she doesn't mind surprises if they include food.
"You're welcome Katniss." Maybe we will be friends. Ma calls the kids up starting with Prim.
"There's no frosting." I wish I could have the money for that.
"Doesn't matter," her eyes glaze over when Prim sits down with her little square of cake, "it looks beautifully baked."
"Courtesy of the boys," my mother adds. Vick is sitting with his piece next. "Gale wanted so badly to have this tonight, but he had to do it himself. The stew is a big chore." She winks at me and now my cheeks flush with color. My ears too.
"Just seven ingredients." Not very difficult. That's if you had the money to afford it all from town.
"But still…" Katniss trails. We may not know each other all that well yet, but months alone supporting a family from the Seam teaches you a lot. And so words aren't needed. Katniss understands how hard it's been to collect these items. Rory carefully sets Katniss' plate down in front her, having snuck it away with his.
"I could have-" I watch her lips as the cake interrupts her thought. A subtle lick instead of the usual gnawing. She pokes it with her fingers.
"It feels so moist!" Katniss says.
"Just wait till you eat it," I tell her.
"It's delicious Katniss!" Prim says, carefully cutting another bite.
"It's so tall, how'd did bake it so tall?"
"I just followed the recipe." My mother returns to the table with our share.
"Thanks mama." Katniss eventually picks up her spoon, reused from the stew, and cuts a bite. Her fingers eloquently but firmly grip the handle. We have our manners, but Katniss has precision to eat that is only equal to that of her archery skills. I can tell she's impressed with the fluffiness. I'm not sure she notices but she closes her eyes as she eat a spoonful. She definitely doesn't notice herself hum with satisfaction.
"Gale that was the best cake I've ever had." She says after chewing slowly. I wonder if she's ever had cake before.
"Thank you Katniss." I put a small chunk on my spoon to give to Posy. Mama says Posy's healthy but I sneak food to her plate most nights anyway.
"Gale, only a bit," ma says, watching me. She means because of the sugar this time.
"She's gotta try cake!" I mean because I won't stop filling her plate ever. Katniss eats in silence, savoring each bite. I eat my piece and share a few more tastes with Posy. Before long my mother instructs our siblings to clear the table and suggest Katniss and I take Posy to the carpet to play.
"Thank you for dinner but I thought we'd always split things." She's been waiting to say this.
"You're welcome. The house hasn't felt this decent in a long time." I fidget with my ear. I don't know how to tell her I did it because I wanted to not because I had to or that she's indebted to me.
"I haven't wanted happiness in a long time," I say quietly. "Rory and Vick were so excited to help bake the cake and then eat it of course, it's like they forgot how sad they are. Or maybe they're aren't sad anymore." I bury my face in Posy's belly, kissing her bare skin so that it tickles. The boys are so young and my mother carries half the load. Working and nursing a baby with barely enough to eat herself.
"I could at least give you something to trade for."
"Maybe, but surprises don't count." In the stillness of the woods, I have learned the subtleties of Katniss' emotion, so often unsaid. She wants to dispute but she liked the surprise.
"Maybe," Katniss says, offering me a second smile. "The plums were deliciously honeyed."
"Thank you for sharing your spot with me." Our breath falls into pace. She's never told me, but we both know dried plums are her favorite. Or perhaps she didn't know herself but the realization is there now.
After a few beats she asks, "What did you have to trade for the baking powder?"
"Just a squirrel. The Baker measured it out." She calculates this in her head.
"What did you trade for the sugar?"
"Two coins." She sighs but continues.
"And the butter?"
"I got it from the Goat Man, I don't know, he wanted some grain for his goats and needed a fence repaired." Not my best trade but his goats produce good dairy. I finish up my trades, knowing she'll only keep asking. "I got milk from that too. Two eggs for a rabbit, the liquor was in place of vanilla and I traded it for a rabbit. We had the flour saved up."
"The Mayor likes strawberry," she shares casually. "He'd probably sell you a cup of just about anything for them." She's teasing, but after all these months she's never joked.
A gust of wind rips open the shutters above the stove and its clear Katniss and Prim should retreat home ahead of an incoming storm. My mother takes Posy and there's a chatter of farewell among our two families.
"Posy really loves you." Katniss tells me, pulling on an oversized hunting jacket.
"I really love Posy." How could I not?
"Like I love Prim," she notes.
"Well yeah," wasn't that obvious? "Exactly like that." It's obvious she's thinking about something important now.
"Thanks again, Gale, really," she says, nearly out of the door with Prim at her heels.
"Thank you Gale! The cake was divine!" Prim hugs my waist as she follows after Katniss.
I'm leaning up in bed, my brothers' sound asleep above me. It's late and at some point in the night my mother left to the kitchen with Posy. I can't sleep. Katniss' family may be desolate, but ma and I can't afford secrets. She's a curious mother and already worried about my time beyond the fence.
"Here, sweet boy," ma says, bending down. "If you're up anyways." I smile and nod receiving my baby sister. There's an ache in my heart I wasn't expecting after today's events.
"I miss daddy…" the words slip my mouth before I can reel them back in. I'm fourteen, nearly six feet tall, and will barter with anyone who has what I need. But my father was wiser and taller and gained respect before he even said a word. And I'm not sure I could ever fall in love like my parents did, but if I know love it's because of him. Most days are full of to much anger to miss him like I should.
"Me too." Her lips are warm against my forehead. "He would be so proud of you today. We love you."
I think he would be too. I take Posy's hands in mine and we dance in the dark. With so many mouths to feed, we won't do this again soon. It doesn't matter. I've seen Prim from afar at school, but now that I've seen her up close, I have a face for the name that Katniss holds dearest. Even in the faint glow of one single candle, I know that Posy is the face of the name I hold dearest.
Vick babbles in his sleep. Maybe him too, I think. And Rory. And my mother. My father must have wanted us so badly to risk all our lives by going to the woods. He had no choice. Either have no family and starve to death in the safety of 12 or have a family and feed them in the secrecy of the trees.
"Po-sy. Po-sy." She always smiles at me. "Lay down with me Po." I lay on back and tilt Posy so she's flat on my chest. I'm reminded of Katniss and her will to survive, not just for herself, but for her mom and her sister. I share her pain, forged together by an explosion, and I'm not sure I'll ever be rid of mine. I wonder if she'll ever get rid of hers.
We talk hunting mostly. Prime locations, hidden fruits, and weapons we begin to share. That which is left unsaid, unfolds in the hours we walk instep together, watching each other's back into uncharted territory. Every new detail I learn about Katniss fills the bridge between strangers and something more. A bridge that suggests my family will survive. Her companionship enfolding the hateful rants I can't say within the fence. Our time in the woods is precious and I start to embrace each moment that we do habe. And Katniss is part of that, even if she doesn't laugh at my jokes.