A/N: sorry for the delay. I had a bit of writers block and a busy week! But to make up for it the end of this chapter is mildly NSFW. Although I should also add a trigger warning here for discussions of rape.
Emma had known life wasn't fair for as long as she could remember. Her earliest memories were those of abandonment and separation. At just a few weeks old, she had been adopted by a family who desperately wanted children but had been unable conceive. But that changed when Emma was two and her adoptive mother fell pregnant. She was sent back to the foster system and so began her life of transience. The longest she spent in any foster home was eleven months, and most were considerably shorter. She supposed she had been labelled as a problem child when she was about four. She had, for a long forgotten reason, bitten another kid. Biters were never tolerated.
By the time she was a teenager, Emma was used to looking after herself. It wasn't like many of her foster parents had shown any interest in nurturing her. True, her cooking skills weren't up to much but her shoplifting abilities were, so she managed to scrape enough money together for most meals. When she ran away at seventeen, she had no doubt that she could fend for herself. What she hadn't anticipated was how her heart would lead her towards the fate it did. She supposed it was because she'd never had much experience of loving someone before so when she fell, she fell hard. Neal Cassidy had won her heart in just a few short months and broken it not much later. Abandoned in prison, alone once more, Emma had sworn she would never love again. But she had.
Lily was Emma's saving grace when she arrived in Tallahassee and could find no trace of Neal. The woman had been there for the blonde at one of the most confusing and difficult times in her life and they had been great together. For over two years they had been happy. Or so Emma had thought. Lily leaving so abruptly had crippled Emma's heart to a point from which recovery seemed impossible. Not only would Emma not allow herself to fall in love again but she doubted she was even capable.
But that was before she met Regina Mills, the woman now looking into her eyes with such concern and commitment that it scared her.
"Emma, what are we going to do?" Regina repeated.
"Nothing," Emma sighed. "There's nothing we can do."
"What?" Regina frowned. "Of course there is. You know who your attacker is so we can go and have charges filed and begin to build a case against him."
"There is no case," Emma sighed. "There were no witnesses. I didn't have a rape kit done and he used a condom anyway. It happened a month ago too so there won't even be evidence in the tunnel. He's got away with it, Regina, as he always knew he would. A prostitute was never going to go to the police, and now I know he's from a wealthy family with such powerful connections, there's no way I'm taking this forward."
"So you're just going to do nothing?" Regina asked. "You're going to let him walk free in this city so he can attack other young women?"
Emma winced at the bite in Regina's tone. She knew Regina wouldn't truly understand where she was coming from but she had hoped for a little more support. Instead she was looking at this like a lawyer, not a girlfriend.
"Killian was one of my nicer clients," Emma said. "Until that final night, he had never done anything to hurt me. If he does frequent other hookers, I doubt they're in danger."
"He's a parole officer," Regina said. "How can he be in that position and have his parolees best interests at heart? He's probably fucked some of them before they went to prison."
"Probably," Emma nodded. "But what do you want me to do? Walk into a police station and say 'hey, I got raped a month ago and am only just reporting it. I have no evidence and no witnesses, please arrest someone you probably know through your work.' It's not going to happen, Regina."
"So you're, what, giving up?" Regina asked. "That doesn't sound like the Emma Swan I know."
"Then I guess you don't know me as well as you think," Emma snapped back.
Hurt flashed across Regina's face and Emma immediately felt guilty. She hadn't meant to be so harsh but the day's events were getting to her. She was sick of thinking back to that night, sick of reliving what Killian had done. The memory washed, unbidden over her once more, his hand sharp across her face and then his body above hers. After he had struck her, she had struggled no more and simply lay there, crying silently as he did what he wanted to her before leaving quietly into the night.
At the memory Emma dissolved into tears, her hands covering her face as she lay back on the bed and curled into a ball. Regina wrapped herself around the sobbing body, cradling Emma with her arms and legs, trying to make her feel safe and wanted. She didn't say anything. Once again, Regina Mills didn't know what to say.
When she finally stopped crying, Emma turned awkwardly in Regina's tight embrace and looking into the concerned gaze of her girlfriend.
"Can we not talk about this any more tonight?" Emma asked. "I'm really tired."
"Of course," Regina nodded, moving to get off the bed but a hand encircled her wrist, tugging her back down.
"Stay in here with me?"
Wordlessly, Regina nodded. She got up and quickly retrieved her pyjamas and used her bathroom before returning to Emma's room. The blonde was lying in bed with her back to Regina. Even through the dim light of the room, Regina could see the red scars protruding over the blonde's strap top. It was the first time Emma had permitted her to see them. Or perhaps the younger woman had just forgotten. Maybe she was too tired and upset to care. Regina bit her lip and tried to stop tears forming in her eyes. She turned off the light, plunging the room into darkness and eclipsing the scars from her view. Climbing into bed, she put her arms around Emma again and was allowed, for the first time, to be the big spoon. Emma could feel Regina's warm body pressed against her scarred back but instead of feeling the anticipated fear she felt … calmer.
Neither said a word as they lay there but it took a long time for both of them to fall asleep that night and when they did, their dreams were plagued with nightmares.
The morning was quiet. Emma kissed Regina on the cheek and told her to have a good day as she headed out the door with Henry to drop him at nursery. When Regina had awoken that morning, Emma was already in the shower and they hadn't had a chance to talk. Although, to be fair, neither woman quite knew what to say.
When Regina and Henry returned home, they found Emma immersed in a book. Regina smiled as she realised it was Watership Down and decided not to disturb her. She sent Henry to the bathroom to wash his hands for dinner whilst she put the left-overs from the day before in the oven to heat up. Just as she was laying the table, Emma entered the kitchen.
"Hey, how was your day?" Emma asked, walking over to Regina and kissing her softly.
"Fine," Regina replied, immensely relieved that the blonde seemed to be acting normally with her. "How was yours?"
"Quiet," Emma admitted.
"Did David call you?"
Regina knew that her friend had phoned Emma already because he had then contacted Regina to find out how the blonde was after he couldn't get through directly. But she was curious to know whether Emma had spoken to the man at all.
"Several times but I didn't answer," Emma replied.
"Emma, you're still going to need -,"
"Hi Emma!" came Henry's cheery voice as he trotted into the kitchen.
"Hey little man," Emma grinned, glad of the distraction and sweeping the boy up into her arms and placing him on the counter beside her. "How was nursery this morning?"
"We made playdoh and then Grace ate some and was sick," Henry announced.
"Oh dear," Emma chuckled. "Well at least you won't make that mistake yourself."
"It was too salty," Henry said, making a face at the memory. "I didn't want to eat any more but she just kept eating."
"Any more?" said Emma and Regina in unison.
Henry just grinned at them, his heels banging into the cupboard front as he swung his legs back and forth. Emma rolled her eyes. Children really would put anything in their mouths.
"Emma, can you read me a story?" Henry asked as Regina rubbed his body dry with a towel after his bath.
"Which one?" Emma asked.
"How Mrs Monkey Missed the Ark," Henry suggested.
"Again?" Emma sighed. She had already read that particular book countless times since she arrived in the Mills' family penthouse. "How about I tell you a story from my brain and you get to pick who the main character is?"
"Can you tell me a story about Marlo?" Henry asked, eyes lighting up at the idea of a book starring his very own favourite monkey.
"I sure can," Emma nodded, following the now naked boy as he scampered into his bedroom and began searching for his pyjamas.
When he was happily tucked into his bed, Emma sat beside him and began.
"Once upon a time there was a little monkey named Marlo. Now, Marlo was a very naughty little monkey and he was always getting into trouble. One day, Marlo's mother needed some more bananas so she asked Marlo to go to the local banana tree store and get some. 'And don't stop to talk to anyone,' Mother Monkey said, 'or you won't have any dinner'. On the way, Marlo saw his friend Poppy playing in a tree. Marlo remembered what his mother had said about not stopping but decided that it wouldn't matter if he said hello …"
Regina turned away from the scene in front of her and headed into the kitchen to finish cleaning up after their dinner. She had never seen anyone quite so at ease with her son. Emma had simply taken to the small boy and the same could be said for Henry. Even Ruby, whom Henry had known all his life, wasn't as naturally good with him. She briefly wondered what would happen if Emma, for some reason, disappeared from their lives. How would Henry cope with the loss? Shaking the negative thought from her head, Regina poured herself and Emma more wine and moved into the living room where she waited for the blonde to finish her story.
"Out like a light," Emma said when she reappeared. "I didn't even manage to get Marlo's punishment in. Which is a good thing I guess because I had no idea where I was going with the story by that time."
"You're great with him," Regina said, handing Emma her wine as she sat down beside her.
"He's great with me," Emma shrugged. "Considering I pretty much gatecrashed your lives."
"The gates were wide open for you," Regina replied, sliding closer to Emma and curling into her side.
They sat there for a while, relaxing into each others' presence again before the inevitably difficult conversation began. Surprisingly, it was Emma who spoke first.
"I know you think I should tell David about Killian, and I know you think I should go to the police, but I really don't see what good could come from doing either of those things. David won't believe his friend is capable of something so heinous and the cops won't investigate. I'll just have to relive what happened to me for nothing. It's not worth it, Regina."
The brunette turned her face to look up at Emma. She looked paler, and the bump on her head was still visible, a purple-blue bruise surrounding it. Emma looked back down at her, forcing a tight-lipped smile.
"It's ultimately your decision," Regina said, "but I would support you every step of the way if you did want to report what happened. And you don't know that David wouldn't believe you. He may well know about Killian's use of prostitutes so from there your experiences will be more plausible for him."
"No one wants to believe their friend is a rapist," Emma sighed. "He'll do whatever he can to avoid accepting the truth and I don't have the energy to force him to see it."
"And the police," Regina continued. "Why not give them the benefit of the doubt and at least go and talk to them? I know recounting what happened will be hard but it might be worth it."
"It won't be," Emma shrugged. "In my experience, the police have been less than helpful. People just fool themselves into believing they'll get an Olivia Benson or a Kate Beckett on their own case who won't rest until they've delivered justice. The reality is far more bleak."
"What if they had evidence though?" Regina asked. "Security cameras of Killian entering the park or someone who saw you together at some point."
"Neither of which make a solid case," Emma replied. "And the only person who ever saw us together was August and I've not heard from him since he left for Chicago."
Emma wasn't exactly sure how she expected her former street friend to contact her but she had hoped for something; a letter, a phone call to the diner, something. But it had been almost two months since August headed out of the Big Apple and into the Windy City. Emma doubted she'd ever see him again.
"August was there the night it happened?" Regina asked.
"No," Emma said, shaking her head. "But he had seen us together a few times. He knew about the arrangement we had. He even helped me to make Killian leave the day I told him I no longer wanted to continue it."
"What's August's surname?" Regina asked, her brain already working furiously.
"Booth," Emma replied. "But I doubt you'll find him. He's working for some cash in hand construction site in Chicago. He didn't leave me any way of contacting him before you ask and I don't know the name of the company."
"Would you mind if I looked for him?"
Emma shook her head, leaning back against the couch and closing her eyes. "Go ahead. But it won't help us. Even if you did find him, I'm not going to the police."
"Don't you want him to get what he deserves?" Regina frowned. "Don't you want justice?"
"I want to move on," Emma said, opening her eyes and trying to smile at her girlfriend. "I'm tired of my past dictating my future, Regina. I just want to start a new life where none of the crap I've been through follows me. But it seems that everywhere I turn there's a reminder, even when I'm trying to do the right thing."
"We'll get you assigned to a different parole officer," Regina said. "You'll get a job and you'll start to build your life back up. And I want to be there to help you, if you'll let me."
"I'd like you to be there too," Emma smiled. "But right now, do you reckon you can build me up in your bed?"
Regina raised an eyebrow at the dark, predatory look which suddenly clouded Emma's features. She almost rolled her eyes. Dani had also used sex to sidetrack Regina from arguments or problems they might have been facing. It seemed this was a trick she and Emma shared. But behind the lustful gaze, the brunette could also see pain and the young woman pleading for Regina to distract her, if just for a little while.
She reached out her hand and tangled her fingers with Emma's. They walked silently down to Regina's bedroom and closed the door. They remained quiet as they began to undress themselves, eyes locked on one another, and their clothes falling steadily to the floor. Only when Emma had tugged her sock from her foot did Regina rush forward and embrace her. Their naked bodies pressed tightly together, arms intertwined as their mouths joined.
Emma flinched but didn't move as Regina's palms splayed over her back. What were a few old scars compared to what Killian did to her mere weeks ago? The delicate fingers felt hot against the marks but she just kissed Regina harder, forcing herself not to cry. She pushed Regina towards the bed, her hands dropping to grasp the brunette's pert ass. Regina landed heavily on the mattress with Emma on top of her, their mouths still battling for control. Emma relented. Regina thought the blonde might somehow need to allow her to take command.
She rolled them over, smiling down at the young woman as her hair splayed out over the pillows. Emma quirked her lips upwards in return before gasping at the feel of Regina's fingers on her nipple. The older woman tweaked the already hard tip, Emma arching into the touch at once. They both felt the need to just completely be with each other, their bodies thrumming with want. Regina's lips trailed away from Emma's mouth until she reached her breast, taking the bud between her teeth and scraping the tender flesh.
Emma's fingers tangled in Regina's hair, a moan spilling from her lips which quickly turned into a gasp as Regina slid two fingers through her wet folds. Her green eyes black with arousal, Emma stared at Regina, who was smirking up at her from her breast as she slowly entered the blonde. A hiss of delight and the rocking of Emma's hips told the brunette to keep going. There was no need to wait for Emma to be ready, she was already slick with want as the older woman started to pump. Emma's legs fell wide apart, opening herself up to the woman above her. Regina's mouth returned to her nipples, alternating attention between them as she drove Emma to her peak.
Twisting her thumb around, Regina pressed hard on Emma's clit, her two fingers still thrusting in and out. Emma swore, her body convulsing as her orgasm exploded through her. She could feel nothing but Regina; her mouth at her breast, her fingers inside her channel, her thumb on her clit, her body hovering inches above her own. It was all Regina. Regina was all Emma needed.
She collapsed back to the bed, breathing hard. When she opened her eyes, Regina was lying next to her, a gentle smile on her lips. Emma returned it, lazy and satisfied.
"You're beautiful when you come," Regina murmured, placing a kiss to Emma's lips. "Thank you."
"For what?" Emma asked.
"For letting me in," Regina replied. "For letting me know you, at least, know some of you. Thank you for trusting me enough to let yourself go for me. I'm honoured, Emma, and I think you should know that."
Emma regarded her for a moment, a slight frown on her face at what she had heard.
"What do you see in me?" she asked after a while. "I mean, what could someone like you possibly want with someone like me?"
The answer came easily to the older woman.
"Everything," Regina replied. "I see and want everything with you Emma."