Chapter 9: Hidden within the Grasp

The pitch black sky was sprinkled with millions of sparkling stars, myriads of brilliants that held secrets and destinies of every existence, living or nonliving. Under those stars, a dragon was flying freely, gliding the currents of the wind with elegance that could hardly be surpassed by any being other than another dragon. But Lucia had to surpass them all. She had to be absolute in every sense there could be. The proudest, the mightiest, the most elegant. The wisest.

"Turn into someone that you are not in order to discover who you are," she had been told. "Know the limits of a dovah, while you know the feeling of an absolute existence. Learn what one is and what one is not. Learn what one can and what one cannot. Bask in the absolute glory before you shrink into the boundaries of existence. Learn from your pain and disappointment. Learn how to strive."

He always talked to her in riddles. Most of it she did not understand. But he let her live in her dreams, guiding her through many places, changing her world every time he let her dive in it. It wasn't always pleasant. He had made her soar to the sky and reign the beautiful land below her only to bind her to the ground and make her feel small and helpless later. Once, he had imprisoned her in a small cramped room without a door or a window where she could barely sit down. He had made her stay there for what seemed like eternity to her and had only let her out when she had started screaming, insanity slowly taking over her mind and body.

Her dreams were pure madness, one moment letting her make all the choices in the world without consequences, the other stripping her of every right except for the right to exist. She couldn't control them anymore. He was always dictating the pace, planting illusions in her mind as he pleased. At the very beginning, she had been able to control her dreams, making the world appear just as she had wanted, possessing the freedom of becoming whatever she had wished. Gradually, he had been taking this right from her, giving her less and less choice with every dream that followed until complete insecurity had filled her mind and body. At this moment, she was awaiting her dreams helplessly, not knowing what she would become and what options she would be presented with. The only thing she was sure about was that every following dream would be different from any other dream she had had before.

As time passed, Lucia slowly realized she had grown accustomed to the changes and the uncertainty of her illusory existence. It had been painful at the beginning but her feelings slowly settled at a point where she just kept waiting for whatever might come, calm, composed.

"You have become stronger, my child," he told her. "I will soon teach you the importance of the ability to choose your own destiny. It is something that defined my life and made me who I am at its very end. Rest for now, you will need your strength soon enough."

Lucia opened her eyes. Her body was shaking a little after another set of experience that would seem too much to bear if gone through within a single lifetime. She had been through so many such lifetimes she didn't even remember all of them anymore. But the feelings that had filled her mind and body with every new experience remained.

She looked around the round room which served as her prison. It was morning, sunlight slowly making its way to the tall window on the eastern side of the room. Ever since he had contacted her, she had only been dreaming at night, making the day her resting time. She didn't rest when she was dreaming and felt rather exhausted every time she had come to. Surprisingly, the dreams seemed to take much longer than the days she always woke into. Despite knowing she had just been imprisoned for a few days, it felt more like years, or maybe centuries.

There was noise coming from the corridor behind the locked door on the northern side of the room. It happened from time to time as the elves who had imprisoned her always seemed restless on their feet but this time she could feel a slight change in the air. She crawled silently to the door and pressed herself against it.

She could hear several sets of footsteps crossing the corridor in a hurry. Then, a deep melodic voice spoke silently.

"Seems like one of our own made contact with the Dragonborn," the voice whispered. "Elenwen and the others are going crazy. I think she decided not to trust anyone at all. Accused four people of various stuff. I'm pretty sure none of them had anything to do with this."

"Any clue who could have actually done it?" a higher voice said. It sounded like a whisper of the wind in the tree branches and Lucia felt strangely drawn to it.

"None at all," the deep voice replied. "I suspect it would be someone who has been on a mission for quite some time now. I'm certain they had to plan it before we even took action in the cities. And I doubt that person is here now."

"Do you think they know something of Elenwen's plans?"

"You mean more than we do? Maybe. Maybe not. I'm starting to think they might have a point though. Elenwen is growing paranoid. It seems she even sent the Hunter after some of our members."

"The Hunter? Just what is she planning? Where do those people disappear to anyway?"

"No idea. I'm not even sure if I want to know."

"Oh, I want to know," the wind-like voice said softly. "I have a feeling that Elenwen is playing with powers she's not supposed to have. She fears the Dragonborn," the voice turned into a whisper so quiet that Lucia could hardly make out the words. "She sees the savior of Tamriel as a threat. Why would she do that if there was nothing of the sort?"

"Still, why would you want to know?"

"Because if there is such a power, I don't want to have anything to do with it."

"You know that this alone could make you Elenwen's next target?"

"Renadil," the soft voice spoke seriously. "There are things not even the Dominion should have the right to do. I am growing fed up with all this pretense. The Thalmor don't trust each other anymore, people talking behind each other's backs, scheming, devising. Fear and distrust have taken over us. Whatever placed them among us, it's going to break us apart if we give way to it."

"You are not wrong, my friend," Renadil agreed with a sigh. "But I fear for you. What can a single person do in such a vast world?"

Lucia could hear a soft chuckle.

"A single person could change it entirely." The sentence sounded as if it was referring to someone. Lucia had a feeling she knew the person.

The storm seemed to have returned but Aislinn did not care. She could barely feel the tears on her cheeks freezing in the cold. Someone was playing a cruel game with her, making her the center and momentum of death and suffering. She wished to end it, to escape it. But how could she? Would the suffering stop if she just disappeared? It wasn't fair. She had felt so special ever since she had come to know she was a Dragonborn. She had had a purpose, people had sought her and found her important. She had been granted enough power and control to move around freely without ever being threatened by anyone. Saving the world had not sounded so bad then – a simple favor for all the freedom she had attained. But not anymore. It seemed like the whole world was against her despite her trying to save it. And if it couldn't threaten her, it threatened the lives of the people and creatures she cared about.

Brynjolf approached her, putting an arm around her shoulders gently.

"Leave me alone," she said quietly.

"No." The answer was simple, uncompromising.

"Let me be. I want to be alone," she raised her voice slightly.

"And I'm saying I won't let you," he insisted. "I leave you alone and then what? What will you do? Where will you go? I'm worried. And besides, I don't think people should be left alone in this state."

"Then you don't understand me one bit," she hissed. "I'm not going to commit a suicide. Even I can figure that it wouldn't help anything and anyone if I did. But for the Nine's sake, I need some time to think, Brynjolf, so just leave me alone!"

He pulled back, shocked, pain suddenly displaying in his eyes no matter how much he tried to conceal it. He noticed she had stopped crying the moment he had touched her. An incredible amount of pain and suffering flashed through her eyes occasionally but she was desperately trying to hold them inside, to not let him see her tears. It was unsettling, agonizing. She wouldn't lean on him, let him comfort her.

He slowly turned around, walking a short distance before sitting on a rock, facing the road they had climbed here. Then he heard a silent hoarse voice behind him and quickly jumped on his feet again.

"Dovakhiin," the voice whispered painfully.

Aislinn looked over the dragon corpse unwillingly. A hooded figure was crawling toward her through the drifts.

"Arngeir," she responded. Under the grey hood, a weary face of an old man appeared.

"I am so sorry, Dovakhiin. We couldn't stop him..."

"Arngeir!" Aislinn leaned over to him, anxiousness in her voice. She used the spell she had meant to use on Paarthurnax before on him and on another figure that crawled behind him. "Tell me... who did it? Who did this to Paarthurnax?"

"No, Dovakhiin," he said and raised his head, looking at her pleadingly. "You must not go after him. Do not stray from your path for a selfish reason such as revenge. Paarthurnax died to protect you. He did this to aid you. Do not disparage his sacrifice."

"Died to protect me?" Aislinn stared at him in horror. "Why... how..."

"This particular elf knew you would come. He was expecting you but... willing to leave if we submitted. He left under the impression all of us were already dead."

"Why?!" she cried, grief framing her face. "Why would you do something like that?! Why didn't you let me help you?!"

"He was strong." Arngeir's voice was shaking with exhaustion. "Too strong. He controlled the Thu'um just as well as you do and wielded magic so powerful that he could take down a mountain if he wished it."

"But... if he's this dangerous..."

"Don't stray from your path, Dovakhiin," Arngeir repeated. "Do what you must. I'm sure you will find a way to defeat him eventually. But as you are now, you are not strong enough and you are not ready. There is more to him than meets the eye. He has mastered himself."

"What does that mean?" Aislinn asked with a helpless expression.

"Paarthurnax had mastered himself when he had joined our side. He had absolute control over his body and mind, his emotions did not sway. But, as unlikely as it may seem, dragons are limited by their own nature. He had decided to join us in our fight against Alduin and for centuries he'd been making the right choices. He chose the Way of the Voice to guide him and it made him strong and solid. But he could not overcome the boundaries of a dragon. You can, because you have two natures inside you. You will become stronger."

Aislinn shook her head, not seeming to make much of it.

"Why did they do it anyway? Why did Paarthurnax have to die?"

"I suppose it's exactly because of this," Arngeir sighed bitterly. "He died because he had the power of understanding his nature. Your enemies fear it, Dovakhiin, and they will try to prevent you from obtaining it. They do not realize, however, that you can find it within you on your own. I am sure Paarthurnax's soul will guide you."

"I... I will miss him," she whispered.

"And so shall we," came the response.

Sudden wind came from the sky and then a shadow overcast the cloudy grey sky above Aislinn. She could see a large winged body approach the ground beside her as she raised her head to look up. A silver dragon with a ridge in the color of vermillion flew over her and landed just a few inches from her. She recognized Odahviing, the dragon who had helped her reach Sovngarde when she had been chasing Alduin previously.

"Drem yol lok, Dovakhiin," the dragon greeted her. "I have heard your weeping. Krosis mul zul. You are indeed the first human who would weep for a dovah. Zin hah sil. As much as I do not comprehend this, I find it honorable. My respect for you has yet grown."

"Drem yol lok, Odahviing," she whispered, her eyes piercing the ground at his feet. She couldn't look him in the eyes. Unable to hold her grief inside anymore, she could feel tears filling her eyes again. She remembered Sinawen's suggestion to call Odahviing. Clenching her fists, she cursed the woman silently. Why did she do this to her? Why didn't she kill her right away? Was it so amusing to play with her like this? Did it feel nice to see her break down and suffer? She thought about the Elder Scroll and considered the possibility that there was no such thing. But Paarthurnax had known of it. It had to be there and again, it was the only lead she had. So even if the sly Altmer was after the Scroll, she had to obtain it.

"I need your help again," she pleaded with a resigned voice.

"And so I came. Nel ven bo. What is it that you need, Dovakhiin?"

"An Elder Scroll that could get me to a place that doesn't exist in Tamriel."

"I see you are seeking forsaken knowledge and the greatness of your loss did not shake your determination to find it. The Scroll you are looking for is right here. Vahzen bo hiiv."

"Right here?" Aislinn wondered, curiosity replacing the sorrow in her face for the first time. "You mean like... here at the Throat of the World?"

"Enookstaad. It is in you and in me. It is within your reach, just as it is within the reach of any existent being, but it is also out of your reach, just as it is out of the reach of any existent being."

"So... how do I get it?"

"You use your Thu'um, Dovakhiin. Alduin protected the Scroll well, however. You will have to find the three words that open the path to it. They are guarded by sleeping dovah, three dragons more powerful than any being you might have encountered on your journey. They respond to no-one and they will not hear your Voice. I hear you have mastered the Thu'um that bends will. But these dragon masters bow to no-one except Alduin. Once you wake them from their slumber, it is a fight to your death. Mul yol kron."

"Then I have to defeat them," Aislinn said resolutely. "Can you show me where I can find them?"

"There is a deserted land not far to the north of the Hjaalmarch border. You can see the great Blue Palace of Solitude when you soar from there. When you reach it, search for a place even the darkness fears. You will know when you see it. Frolok ahst fos hi koraav."

Aislinn's eyes widened. She didn't know the meaning of the words Odahviing had just said but she remembered Paarthurnax saying the exact same words as one of his last before he had passed.

"Look at what you see. Frolok ahst fos hi koraav," Odahviing explained as he realized the cause of Aislinn's confusion. "Come back when you have fulfilled your destiny definitely. I will teach you the tongue of the dovah."

She nodded in silent acceptance and finally managed to look at the dragon. He was watching her closely, studying the language of her shivering body.

"Do not fear, Dovakhiin," he said to her, his strong voice vibrating in the air. "You will find the Scroll and seal the World-Eater's doom, for I would not have chosen you had I not trusted you and your strength. It is time for me to say goodbye but we will meet again. Lok Thu'um."

"Odahviing," she addressed him quietly.

He waited.

"Do not die."

"Faas ni." And with that, he spread his wings and took to the sky.

Aislinn watched Odahviing fly to the distant horizon and then took a deep breath. For some reason, she felt peaceful. The mumbling voices and hisses occasionally taking over her mind seemed to have stopped, tranquility spreading through her body. She looked at Paarthurnax's skeleton and a wave of gratitude overflowed her. He was indeed a part of her now.

A crispy voice mumbled grumpily behind her.

"Great. Just great," Brynjolf snorted sarcastically. "So when we finally get through the most guarded and protected city of Skyrim, without protection, you pretending to be blind and setting yourself in a great disadvantage, we fight our way right into a cave slide where you get a seizure, get betrayed by a cursed Altmer who doesn't fit in any group of enemies we've met so far, travel in a cramped tube, climb the highest mountain in Skyrim fighting the worst possible weather, just to find our allies defeated, then what? You're told to travel the land full of the damn Thalmor again to fight the fiercest and scariest enemies you could imagine. Three of them. Sure, no problem. Next time you'll be asked to fight a volcano."

"You don't have to come with me, Brynjolf," Aislinn said in a calming tone as she turned around to face him. "You already did so much for me that I could never ask for more. I am going to Riften first to get some protection, weapons and supplies at the Thieves Guild. Stay there and return to your previous life, it suits you better than this. I will continue on my own."

"No," he said, his voice razor-sharp with determination. "You most definitely will not. It was my choice to go with you in the first place and it is my choice to accompany you until the end. You can tie me down and lock me up inside the most secure prison in the world. But I am a master thief and there is no chain or lock that could hold me in place if I don't want it to. I will follow you to the depths of Oblivion if I have to."

"W... why..." Aislinn faltered, taken aback by his absolute resolve.

"Because..." He hesitated. A moment of silence passed before he spoke again. "Because I don't want the Thieves Guild to lose the best boss they've had in ages."

She stared at him in disbelief. He lied. He lied so obviously! Did he really think she would fall for such a transparent lie? No, he probably didn't. Perhaps he just didn't want her to know the actual reason and didn't care if she got mad at him for it. And she did. She took a few reserved steps toward him, walking slowly, her expression steadily growing furious. Raging sparks shooting from her golden eyes, she noticed him close his eyes as she raised her hand and slapped him in his face.

"Fine!" she yelled. "It's all for the Guild, how generous of you! I'll show you the boss! I hope the flames of Oblivion take the Thieves Guild! I hope the Daedra eat you alive and that you rot in their stomachs! I'm leaving!" She gave a quick look to Arngeir and his companion, nodded them farewell and galumphed to the road leading down to High Hrothgar.

Brynjolf couldn't help a silly smile. He bowed to the two Greybeards and followed her down the deserted snowy mountain path to the wild land that was sure to give them an unpleasant welcome. He thought it was about time he got used to it.

So, you made it through another chapter of my fic. Thank you so much for reading it, reviewing it, following it and liking it!

And a recommendation at the end: RisingPhoenix56 is writing a fic called "Song of the Nightingale" here on FF-net. I started reading it last week and I loved it. I read the second chapter yesterday and I loved it even more, so try it. :D