I don't own Shugo Chara. It has been a while.

Hells Lingering Kiss

Chapter 12- Haunted

Dear lord, please help me to have the wisdom to avoid the sins of the past. Amen.

The day after my freak out I avoided going out claiming I was sick. Once again her eyes held that pain, and fear, and sorrow and I hated that I was once again the one to put it there. I knew she could feel I was slipping away once again. Yet I did not try to comfort her I felt too mentally exhausted to comfort her.

Lies, it would have all been lies. The past was repeating it's self only in a different way, because now I was once again haunted by death. Being dragged away kicking and screaming from reality. Only this time it seemed both "heaven and hell" wanted in on my down fall.

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I stayed in bed not seeing the point in getting up. Not when I knew there were things happening that would make me want to hide under the covers. I had thought I was stronger than this, thought I would be able to get through each day. Now I knew I was wrong I would never be strong enough to seize the day.

I felt more content after accepting it as it was. So I closed my eyes and let myself slip away from reality.

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I woke up to the sound of scratching and barking. That was when I remembered the dog had been in the bathroom since yesterday. I jumped up in a hurry only to find myself stumbling; my leg was caught in my blanket. Hurriedly I yanked myself free, and then ran to open the bathroom door.

I stared in horror at what looked to be the scene of the aftermath of a hurricane. Toilet paper torn all over the floor, my shampoo bottle on the floor spilled, and my trash can spilled all over the floor. I took a deep breath looking at the culprit eagerly wagging his tail in the middle of the chaos. Grabbing him by the collar I hooked on the leash I had purchased when I had first met the strange animal.

After walking the dog and giving him food and water I set off in cleaning up the mess in my bathroom. I had just finished mopping when I heard the sound of a low growl. I looked out the door to find the dog backing away from the balcony doors growling. I knew what had set the dog off and this time I would let the dog bite him if he came in.

However the shadow on the other side of my curtain merely bent down then in an instant was gone. Opening the balcony door a few minutes later when I deemed it safe, I found a bag. Not completely trusting it to be safe I poked it then jumped back. Nothing happened so I grabbed the bag looking left to right and hurried back inside closing and locking the door.

I placed the bag on my desk and sat on the edge of my bed staring at it as if it would suddenly spontaneously combust. I was startled out of my stupor when I felt the slimy tongue of the dog on my leg. Laughing at how silly I had been I patted the dog and then grabbed the bag dumping it on my bed. My eyes widened and my heart sped up I could hear a pounding in my ears.

What lay on my bed was a strawberry chocolate bar. However it was the second item which caused fear to course through my entire being. On a single small slip of paper written in intricate penmanship was the four letter word that still echoed in my mind. Immediately the dream from last night coursed through my mind causing my breathing to deepen as I choked on what I could only describe as pure fear.

MINE.

I looked back to my balcony door's I could feel him watching despite the closed curtains. I knew and I was done with these sick games. Throwing the candy bar into the trash I ripped the note up and let the scraps flutter to the ground. I was so furious I had forgotten about my acceptance to the fact that I would never make it in this world.

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Getting dressed after a long hot bath I pulled my shoes on. I hooked the leash to the dog's collar and walked to the park. I took a deep breath or the cold air letting it feel my lungs. In a way it felt like just what I needed.

I stared up at the darkening sky knowing I should get home but unwilling to move yet. As the stars began to appear in the sky a memory that was bittersweet appeared in my mind. It was bitter because it reminded me of what was lost but sweet because it was a time of happiness. I smiled a sad smile but I focused on the good feeling of the memory.

(Memory)

Keo and I lay on his roof staring up at the stars he held onto one of my hands. I felt safe and loved and everything seemed so perfect. I could smell his cologne on his jacket that I currently wore. I looked over at him to see his eyes staring into mine.

Before him I had thought that these things only happened in books and movies. I had never thought I would find someone who I could just be me around. Then he came and fought his way into my heart and I was glad he did. I smiled just thinking about how he had won me over.

I leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips. I wanted him to know just how much he meant to me. I always had trouble expressing what I felt but somehow he always knew. He always could tell what I was thinking or trying to say even when I couldn't say what I felt.

"Amu… I want to tell you something." I sat up trying not to show that I was worried as to what he wanted to say. Instead I nodded encouraging him to go on. He grasped my hands in both of his and stared at the stars.

I waited and was wondering if he was going to speak again, but just as I was going to ask he turned and looked into my eyes. His eyes seemed to hold something strong and beautiful in them. He leaned his forehead on mines and never once broke eye contact. "I love you" I was shocked I could feel the truth in every letter every word said.

"I…I love you too" I said in a low whisper. I knew he heard and I could only hope he could feel the truth in those words as well. That was when I knew I would give everything all that I am or wanted to be to him. He kissed me softly and it grew more passionate with each kiss.

(End of memory)

That night we stayed up there until the sun rose. I had gotten grounded but he would sneak into my room whenever I was grounded. At first my mom didn't like me dating him but after getting to know him she soon liked him. When he died she was sad and confessed she already thought of him as a son in some ways.

I stood up knowing I was going to be in deep trouble once I got home.

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Once I got home I walked inside to be stopped as expected. "Amu sit down, we really need to talk." I obeyed my mother knowing I deserved whatever she was going to say. I nearly broke when I saw her red rimmed eyes and how much older she looked then she was.

This was all because of me. I was always causing her pain and hurting her. I could see she was trying not to show how worried or hurt she was. In the end she always thought of me even if I was only causing her trouble and pain.

I sat down I wanted so badly to tell her everything. I wanted to cry, and cling to her, and apologize and yet even now I could not express what I felt. Even though I saw my mother's heart breaking the words would not leave my mouth. She took some deep breaths before looking up at me.

"Amu things need to change; you cannot keep living haunted by the past." She seemed to steady herself before continuing on. "I know trust my baby I know it hurts and is hard. That hole will never go away, but you just have to learn to live around it."

I wanted to tell her there was no way I could but I remained silent knowing she was far from done. " You are alive you did not die that day it may feel like you did but you didn't you survived. He… Keo wouldn't want you to be doing this." I cut her off I looked to the floor as tears fell, "How?"

"How what?" She asked calmly. "How do you know what Keo would have wanted?" I practically yelled.

Instead of yelling or being mad she grabbed my hands gently but firmly. "I know because he loved you and when you love someone you want them to be happy." I looked up and all I wanted was to cling to her and let it all out. It was only then that I saw how strong she really was.

"Mom… how do you live when it feels as if you are drowning? It feels as if I don't belong here in this world. My heart hurts and I feel as if I did die in the accident." I was desperate and I could tell she saw right into my soul.

"You swim, dear you fight, you never give up and you find something to live for." She gave my hands a squeeze to make sure I knew she was there. "You don't let anyone not you or the world make you feel like you don't belong because in the end you have the power to control your life." I broke down and allowed myself to be held by my mother as I cried.

"Everything will be alright even if the world were to end I will always be here for my babies. When your father…passed away I felt the way you did but I had both you and Ami to pull me through. I will always love you and be here to help you through the painful things in this life." I felt safe and loved in my mother's arms as I allowed myself to drop all the acts and mask I put on before.

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My mom was right I needed to change, but how was the real problem. I could try to change all I wanted but things just kept getting in the way. My mom took me off grounding saying going outside or meeting people would help. I was grateful but knew that I had to straighten up my act.

I woke up the next morning to my mother gently shaking me. I looked at the clock then at my mother, "your late for work." She chuckled, "I took the day off and me and you are going to have some fun." I was surprised my mother didn't even take work off when she was sick.

"Get ready ok honey" She said excitedly before closing my door. I hurriedly got ready not wanting to keep my excited mom waiting. I guess I never thought of how hard she worked until now. I wore black jeans with a red and black striped sweater and a pair of boots.

When I got down stairs my mom had the table set with food. She had made my favorite an omlette and chocolate chip muffins. This was both mines and my father's favorite breakfast. It was simple but brought on good memories.

I felt myself smile as I remembered how silly and child like my father could be at times. He was a strong man and loved us all. He had passed away 3 years ago doing what he loved photographing rare birds. He slipped off the edge of a cliff.

He had managed to get the shot he wanted just before he fell. That photograph ended up in numerous magazines and books of rare birds. It was a way of honoring his memory. I shook my head I would not think of death.

Today would be a good day no matter what I owed it to both me and my mom.

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We had got are hair done and went to the mall. After trying on silly outfits and numerous silly hats we sat down and ate. While my mother went to the bathroom I looked around only to spot someone I needed to talk to. There sitting a little away was none other but Rima, Mashiro.

I needed to know what had happened that day with Saaya. Rima sat at a table alone her face as blank as always as she picked at some fries not really eating at all. I walked over and sat in front of her unsure if she was aware of me or not. "Mashiro…" she looked up at me and for some reason I thought of the stray cat once again.

"Rima" I was confused at first it must have shown on my face. "Call me Rima" came her soft but clear voice. It somehow felt as if she spoke in my mind but I saw her lips move and that would have been impossible any ways. "Ok Rima…um what happened on…" I was cut off by my mother calling me.

"Amu dear why don't you introduce me to your friend." Her eyes were so hopeful I couldn't tell her that Rima was not exactly my friend. I looked at Rima apologetically, though her face showed no emotions. "Mom this is Rima Mashiro, Rima this is my mom."

My mom smiled and said hello. I was surprised when Rima spoke, but the fact she smiled surprised me even more. "Hello Mrs. Hinamori it's very nice to meet you Amu and I are very close friends and she has told me how wonderful you are." I tried to hide my shock and play along, but just what was this Rima girl playing at?

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Very sorry this chapter isn't as exciting it's more of a filler chapter to lead up to the next scene.

Any ways some of you know why I have not updated I was going through some things.