If I remember correctly anything over four is a thousand for rabbits. Though I don't think that's mentioned in the TV series...

Friendship & Acceptance

Nothing was done for a couple of days and Vervain was beginning to think he'd dreamt his conversation with his mother up. His relationship with Nashia had improved since then. It wasn't like it used to be but at least they talked to each other again. He had thought about telling her he'd tried to convince Thyme but decided against it. She might take it the wrong way. Like an apology. Vervain didn't want her to think she'd been right. Stubbornness did indeed seem to be something they had in common. The past couple of days Vervain mostly kept Phyla company as she'd been ordered by Thyme to rest as much as possible. His sister thought she was overreacting but did as she was told nonetheless. Flax was almost never with her which Vervain thought rather odd. Nor did he see him around much in general. Though considering he'd never paid any attention to Flax's whereabouts before he had no idea whether that was normal or not.

"Have you thought of any names yet?" Vervain asked one day as he and Phyla were lazing around, enjoying the warm touch of Frith on their fur.

Phyla laughed, "They haven't even been born yet!" Vervain had wondered when exactly they would be born but he didn't dare ask, afraid this was yet another thing that every rabbit was supposed to know. He didn't want to look completely clueless again (even though, he had to admit, he was. At least when it came to kittens. No other rabbit needed to know that though).

"Don't you have any preferences then?" He asked instead.

"Hmmm... well, I have a few." Vervain waited for her to continue so she would tell him what they were. Phyla smiled, "Not going to tell you what they are though."

"What, why not?"

"Because, I haven't even told Flax about them! And he should be the first to know, don't you think? Being father and all?" She replied amused, her eyes sparkling. She hadn't lost that glow since the day she'd told them the good news. Maybe that was how every rabbit knew she was having kittens...?

Vervain faked a pout, "Fine then. Be that way." Phyla laughed heartily at his reaction. "Do you have any then? I might need more names."

"Just how many kittens were you planning on having?" Vervain asked incredulously.

"A thousand, of course! The more, the merrier!"

"You're gonna need a bigger burrow." It hadn't occurred to him before that Phyla would be moving out of their burrow when the kittens were born. There wouldn't be enough space for all of them. Also, Vervain imagined that she wanted to spend time with her mate and kittens alone, away from prying eyes. Not that Vervain would ever allow another rabbit into their family burrow. That just didn't seem right.

"Don't worry, we already have one ready."

"Really? Is that what Flax has been up to lately? Digging a burrow?" He replied amused. Imagine that, digging!

"No." Phyla answered, "He's been training really hard." The sheer pride in her voice caught Vervain's attention.

"Training... to be a father?" You could train for that?

Phyla laughed, "No, silly, to be an officer."

Vervain froze. He stared at his sister. An officer? He must've misheard that. Flax couldn't possibly become an Owsla officer. He was much too weak and dumb for that! The thought alone was preposterous. "What?" His voice was strained and Phyla must've noticed because she gave him a confused look.

"Flax is training to be an officer. You didn't know? He has been for a little while now." She elaborated. Vervain blinked. So he hadn't misheard. What in Frith's name was Flax thinking? "Why?" Vervain asked, disbelief evident in his voice. She must be joking, right? But, that wouldn't be like her. Phyla had looked proud and she always wore her emotions on her whiskers.

"What do you mean why? He wants to help protect the warren, of course. Now that he's going to be a father and all."

"And you let him?" Vervain asked incredulously. How could his sister be so dumb?

"Of course I let him." She replied, annoyed, "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because he's not fit to be Owsla!" Phyla's face darkened and she narrowed her eyes at him but he carried on, "He's just running straight into the paws of the Black Rabbit!"

"You're wrong. He might not be as good as Campion but he tries and I for one am proud of him." Her voice was calm but Vervain could hear it was taking her a lot of effort to keep it that way. He couldn't just let this happen though. Did Phyla really not realize what a grave mistake this was? Besides, how in Frith's name could Flax get into the Owsla but not Nashia? Flax didn't have a shred of talent in his body! Vervain shook his head. That wasn't even the point.

"Trying won't do him much good." He retorted. "What use is he to Efrafa dead?" As the words left him Vervain realized he'd gone too far. Phyla's eyes flashed and he swore she even growled a little. The worst, however, were the tears at the edge of her eyes. He opened his mouth to apologize for being so blunt, to explain, but Phyla didn't let him. She got up and glowered down at him and some part of Vervain knew the words that were about to come, dreaded them more than any other.

"Well at least he does something! Unlike some rabbits!" Vervain flinched. "What use-" She stopped, biting back the words, and Vervain had no idea what possessed him to say what he said next.

"Say it." He mumbled, feeling himself choke up. First his father, then Nashia and now Phyla too... did they all resent his choice?

"No, forget about it." She answered coolly but Vervain pressed her, wanting her to actually say it, even though it hurt to hear it. Phyla looked at him, tears still stinging her eyes, the anger in them still very present. It was her kind nature that had stopped her from saying it, even when she wanted to, even when she was furious with him. She glared at him and in a soft yet chilling voice, one he'd never associate with his sweet sister, ever, said, "What use are you to Efrafa alive?"

Vervain got to his paws and stormed off. Phyla didn't call him back, not that he had expected her to. He'd hoped she would but she didn't. Ignoring the tears welling up in him he ran as fast as he could. He had no idea where he was going, he just had to get away, and so he ran, exiting the warren. The patrol was just returning and he nearly crashed right into one of them, though who he didn't see, jumping aside just in time and speeding on, away from Efrafa. He heard some rabbit call after him and vaguely recognized Campion's confused voice but he didn't stop. He didn't need Campion to tell him he didn't accept him either. It was already bad enough. He wondered what Phyla would tell them when they noticed he was gone.

Would they even care? If they all thought he was just a waste of space, that he was nothing but a burden to Efrafa, would they even care?

Be sure to look after Efrafa.

Him, look after Efrafa? What a joke.

When I become Captain, will you become Chief?

Chief. He'd never seen himself as a rabbit who could be a Chief. But still, Campion's enthusiasm had been contagious and he'd allowed himself to imagine it for a while. He had done so a few times actually, though he'd never admit it. He could see himself sitting on top of the outcropped rock with every rabbit in Efrafa below looking up at him with respect. He'd give some sort of inspiring speech like his father had been so good at. Then he'd receive his Captain's report. Campion was the Captain of course. Vervain couldn't really imagine any other rabbit becoming the next Captain. Nashia would be his second in the Owsla, while Phyla would be advisor to the Chief. It was perfect.

It was impossible.

Vervain skidded to a halt at the broken man bridge. He hadn't realized he'd come so far but it did occur to him that he hadn't been here often before. In fact, this was probably only the second time, the first being when his parents had shown them Efrafa's territory. He really didn't leave Efrafa, did he? But that had never bothered him. He liked being in the warren where it was safe. He only went out for silflay and that was more than enough, especially with all the elil around. A surge of panic shot through him. Elil. What if he ran into any elil while he was out here? He nervously looked around but everything seemed quiet. There were no signs of elil anywhere.

Cautiously, he hopped over to the edge of one of the holes in the bridge and stared down at his reflection in the river below. The sounds of the river slowly flowing by was soothing somehow. He could see some fish swimming back and forth and idly watched them. He was so mesmerized, so lost in thought, that he didn't hear a rabbit approaching from behind.

"Are you going to fish?"

Vervain jumped, nearly falling into the hole, and let out a startled squeak at Campion's comment. His heart beating frantically, he turned to Campion who looked a bit too amused with himself. "Are you trying to kill me?!"

"Sorry, I thought you'd seen me coming." He didn't seem all that sorry if you asked Vervain.

"How did you find me?" Vervain asked, slowly breathing in and out to calm his heart.

"I followed your trail." Campion explained, "You weren't being very subtle." That didn't surprise Vervain. He hadn't even been aware of where he was going so it was a small miracle he'd run through the undergrowth completely unscathed.

"Why did you follow me?" That was the question he'd really wanted to ask. Campion looked at him for a moment before answering, "Because you're my friend." He made it sound like a given again. "Because you seemed upset and I was worried." He added simply, like he wondered why Vervain even needed to ask. Why did he need to ask? He regarded Campion who looked the very pinnacle of sincerity. Vervain hesitated. Should he ask him? He wasn't sure he could handle yet another rabbit denying him but the uncertainty was killing him.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?" Campion asked when Vervain remained quiet.

"I..." He started, intending to tell Campion what had happened but changed his mind, deciding that wasn't what he really wanted. He didn't want to complain to him. "Can I ask you something?" He said instead.

"You just did." Vervain stared but laughed despite himself, "Was that supposed to be funny?"

"It made you laugh, didn't it? Learned from the best." Campion grinned at him and a part of Vervain felt he had no need to ask after all. "But, what is it?" No, he had to ask. He needed to be sure.

"Do you... do you think I'm useless?" His voice was soft and wavered a bit. "That I'm just a burden to Efrafa?"

"Why would you think that?" He sounded honestly surprised.

"Because... that's what Nashia and Phyla think..." He trailed off before adding, "And father... Mother probably thinks so too. Seems to be the general opinion about me." It came out more bitter than he'd expected. Great, after all his promises to himself he was still complaining. Hearing himself say it out loud just made him sound so pathetic. He wished he hadn't brought it up. He should've just lied and said everything was fine. He threw that promise away as soon as he'd made it though and carried on, "Everyone in Efrafa probably agrees." He'd been so delusional, thinking he was special, that all of Efrafa loved and respected him. They never did. They respected his parents and simply didn't want to insult their Chiefs by pointing out that their son was dead weight. Just another mouth to feed who contributed nothing.

"Not everyone thinks that." Campion answered but Vervain just snorted in disbelief, "Oh please, I don't even have any friends."

The next thing Vervain knew Campion slammed into him with his full weight, knocking him over. Dazed, Vervain lay on his back, trying to grasp what had just happened. Campion pushed him down with one paw, glaring down at him. He growled, "I'm your friend. I just said that, didn't I?"

Vervain looked away, "You're everyone's friend."

"Perhaps I am but so what?" Campion bit back harshly. Then his tone was soft again, "You're my best friend."

Vervain snapped his head at Campion, "What?"

The other buck lifted his paw off of Vervain to let him get back up, "I said: you're my best friend, Vervain. And I don't think you're useless or a burden at all." His solemn look was broken for a moment as he added, "A bit of a pain sometimes maybe." Vervain stared at him, unable to react. He could clearly see that Campion was telling the truth but he found it hard to believe... they were best friends?

Campion's expression turned serious again, "I know some rabbits have trouble accepting your choice. I know some think you should join the Owsla or dig burrows or gather flayrah or whatever." Vervain winced. He'd come to that conclusion himself as well but hearing Campion say it made it all the more real. "You're not a burden to Efrafa, Vervain. You simply haven't had the opportunity to use your gifts yet."

Yes, yes, exactly, that was exactly how he'd thought about it! Campion understood... he really understood him.

Campion wasn't finished yet, "One day you will and then they'll see you for what you're really worth." He paused, seemingly contemplating something, then asked, "Do you think you're useless?"

Vervain blinked. He'd never thought about that before. All this time he'd been worried about what his family thought of him that his own feelings on the matter hadn't been brought up. He thought for a moment but immediately knew there was nothing to think about. "No. I know I made the right choice." Else he'd have given into his family's expectations and changed. But he did believe he was right, that his way was the surest way to survive, he knew very well he wasn't strong like Campion or Nashia, nor was he a leader like his parents or the Captain, nor would he be a good mate or parent himself. Those were not the paths laid out for him. They were their paths, not his. He knew that in order to survive he needed to find his strength, a rabbit he could support, and who in return would protect him. Someone who would appreciate his ideas and valued his advice and company.

We could protect Efrafa together!

He regarded Campion and briefly wondered if perhaps he was the rabbit he was looking for. He dismissed the thought as fast as it had come though. He knew Campion was important but it was different. Somehow, Vervain felt it was different, like they were both more support than strength, even though Campion was clearly strong. He had no clue how to explain it. He just knew.

"No, I don't regret it." He answered, his voice clear of doubt. It was also clear to him that he should apologize to Phyla for being so blunt but not for his intentions. Flax had no business in the Owsla. He thought of Nashia then and it dawned on him how similar yet opposite their situations were. She couldn't use her gifts either but everyone was well aware of them. Perhaps, he should apologize to her after all... a little bit at least.

"We should head back." Campion declared, "They'll be worried."

"You really think that?" Vervain asked. Because despite feeling a lot better, the fact remained that Phyla was furious with him.

"Of course." Campion replied, not a single doubt in his voice, "They're your family." And Vervain found he believed him.

This might be strange to say as the person who wrote this but this is my favourite chapter yet.^^

Chibiscuit~