Chapter 14

Anna had just made herself and Mary a cup of tea when the phone rang.

"Hi dad."

"Hello darling girl."

At that moment Anna knew all was not well. She knew her father a hell of a lot better than he would like at times and this turned out to be one of their times - he knew it as the silence drew on.

"She is ok," he said in order to try and reassure her but even he was able to hear the doubt in his voice.

"Dad what is it?"

"They did get some of the cancer out but they did not get all of it so – they are going to have to operate again."

Damn.

That had not been the news she had wanted when she had picked up the phone.

"But it is still all in the same site?"

"It is, thank the lord."

Then she knew what she had to do and that was to focus on the positives.

They were there.

"Then we are going in the right direction." It was not where they wanted to be but it was a start.

Some of it was out.

Some.

But she knew if she was left to dwell on this then she was going to stew. She had to keep moving.

"Dad, how are you doing?"

"Oh I am fine," he blustered but she was not sure if she believed that.

"Make sure you eat something and get a bit of sleep."

The boys were not going to be thinking like that so she knew she had too.

It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her not to fuss but the knowledge she did it because she cared so that stopped him.

"Will you let She – Bernadette know?"

"Of course I will."

Charles would not have asked but they knew each other now – they were real to each other.

And that was one call he did not think he was up to right then.

"I'll get it done dad. I love you."

"I love you too."

She said goodbye and hung up before she turned to Mary who had been by her side throughout the conversation.

"Did you get all of that?"

Mary nodded and Anna was glad. She could have gone through it with her if she had to but she was glad she didn't.

"I am going to have to call Bernadette."

"Of course you are, but do give yourself a minute to breathe Anna."

But she did not want to for fear that she was going to get a sinking feeling within her and give way to emotions she wanted in check.

This was not a defeat as she was not going to allow it to be.

"We need to go home today."

Mary nodded. "I will book the tickets."

X x x

When Bernadette had picked up the phone she had been so excited to hear the voice of her sister. Even though they had met now it was a thrill. She had been anxiously waiting for the call all morning, but she had to admit even though she was a nurse she had not really allowed herself to consider the fact they might get news other than that which they wanted.

And now they had she felt a little crushed by it.

"I am going to go back up to Yorkshire today."

That morning when she had been waiting by the phone, Bernadette had begun to imagine they might go for a drink that night to toast their mother's journey back to good health but it did seem as if nothing was going the way she had thought it would.

"Of course you are. Will you take my love with you? Give it to Elsie when you see her?"

The day before it had seemed too informal to do that but now she did not think she gave a fig about the formalities.

Anna nodded with a sad sigh. "Of course I will. And I will ring and keep in contact and I will see you soon, ok?"

"Ok. Safe travels."

And with that, the two sisters put down the phone.

Julienne looked at her daughter having come into the room.

"Oh no – bad news." She knew it just from looking at her.

"No altogether bad – just not the news I wanted."

"Which can be just as hard to take," said her mother rather wisely. "Come and have a cup of tea."

Bernadette knew she was only trying to comfort her but just then it occurred to her that not every problem in the world could be best served by having a cup of tea.

"No – if I do not catch the bus now I am going to be late for work. But thank you." She said as she went over and kissed her mother's cheek.

She had not even left the house yet but she could not wait for the shift to be over with so the day could be done. At least her work was going to offer some escape.

If only for a while.

X x x

The good thing about them living so close to the hospital was that Elsie got to come home between the operations in the hope that it was going to lift her spirits a little and to allow her to get a bit of proper rest in her own bed, with her husband by her side.

When they had got the news that not all the cancer was yet out it had felt like a bit of a crushing defeat.

But she knew they had to try and look on the bright side as well.

"At least they got some of it," she said as she can Charles pulled up on the drive. She had come home with less cancer than she had gone in with and that was a blessed relief.

She knew she had a long way to go. This second operation was only the next step. But it was a start.

Charles nodded as he looked at her and leant over for a kiss.

"We are going to get there," he echoed her thoughts knowing that was what she need from him right then.

Not for him to be stressed and scared as he was inside. But for him to be there for her and to be optimistic.

She had been about to reply when the door to the house opened.

"I cannot remember the last time our two boys were waiting for me on the door step to come home."

"They grew up far too soon," he said with a sad smile on his face. "But I see the way they look at you and they love you just as much now as when you picked them up and brush off their scrapped knees."

For a moment, she wished, wished, wished they were still that small. And she wished she could have just a moment with her husband so they could be alone.

But then she looked at her kids and got out the car.

The boys both came towards her and embraced her as soon as she had got a foot on the drive.

"Any one would think the two of you had missed me," she said as she tried to lighten the mood. She had been away for barely a night.

It did not work overly much as ever she could hear how her voice was shaking as she said the words but then she thought it was the effort that counted.

William and Thomas held on to her gently, eager not to hurt her and not sure how much pressure she could take.

"How are you feeling mum?"

"Oh I am sure she is feeling like a million dollars," Thomas shot back at his brother as it was clear he thought it was a stupid question but Elsie silenced him with a look.

"I am not doing so bad my darling – I am just quite tired."

"Let's get your mother in boys and one of you put the kettle on."

If she did not need a brew then Charles really did.

It had been a long night for them both. But now it was over.

Neither of them dared argue either with their father or with each other and it was not so long until their mother was sitting in the living room looking out of the bay windows thinking how well she was going to sleep that night.

It was a matter of mind over matter she thought to herself and she was not going to let any of it keep her up.

There was no point having to face this tired if she had to face it at all.

Their youngest son walked in to the kitchen, checking his phone as he did so.

"Anna says she will be in around four. I will go and get her from the station. She says she is going to stay at John's tonight though." He said for he did not want his mum and dad worrying over that. Charles gave a grateful nod.

But it was Thomas' reaction to what he had said which caught his eye. His brother seemed to flinch because of the words and he was about to ask why but he stopped himself as he knew whatever it was, it would personal to him and therefore unkind to draw attention to it.

For whatever reason, it got to him Anna was to see John that night. Him picking her up from the station was not going to worry him, surely.

"She is coming home to be us, not bloody him." Thomas pointed out but neither of his parents remarked, and his brother suddenly seemed lost in thought.

X x x

It was clear from the train journey home just how much the mood had changed from when they had been on their way to London.

On the journey down Anna had been full of questions for Mary who did not think she had ever seen her friend in such a mood of nervous energy.

But now she was flat and for hurt her to see.

"Will is going to pick us up at the other end."

"No Anna he is going to pick you up." She had to get back to her family as soon as she could and so if she was able to space her a ride out to the Crawley House she would. Anna raised her eye brows.

Of late she had been so good to her that a ride home was the least she owed her.

"Sybil is not going to mind in the least."

And that was all there was too it.

"Thank you."

"Don't be silly. All I have to do is send a text."

"Not only for that." for so much more…

"I know. But we are friend's Anna and if we did not help each other in times such as these then what good are we to one another?"

"No good at all."

And wasn't that the truth thought Anna.

X x x

It was a rare day that any of the Hughes kids actually got out the car to greet one another at the train station.

But that day William did that day as he picked up at Anna.

He had missed her the previous day and while at times he did not want her comfort there were times when he did as well.

And he was in no doubt they had been missed by her.

"How was it?" he asked as they embraced.

"It was wonderful – she is great Will and can't wait to meet you." A big smile appeared on his face when she at that. "But I will fill you in more on the way home – how is mum?"

"I think she is putting a brave face on it but of course she is disappointed."

As they all were.

"I hate it but we can't all hit the bullseye with the first arrow." She kissed his cheek, trying to be as positive as she could. "Come on you, take me home."

X x x

Anna was of course going to be reporting back to the entire family that night but first all of all she holed up with Elsie, in her parent's room.

Charles had hung back with the boys – in so many ways Anna could not help this was harder on him than he was willing to say and he must be feeling so many things which he did not know what to do with. But they were going to help him with that.

To start with though she just told her mother everything which she could remember from the day before and from the smile on Elsie's face, Anna knew that was just the tonic which she needed.

And Anna's face was alight as she told her what had gone on.

"I am so proud of the way you have handled this. I know me and dad asked a lot of you." By the sounds of it she had dealt with it all beautifully.

Anna nodded. After being away it was strange to come home – she hadn't even been gone more than forty eight hours but that trip had changed her life.

And it was going to change her mother's life too.

"You should be proud of the way she is handling it. She is a nurse you know mum – a midwife," she said was she held on to her hand. "Sent you her love."

Sweet girl…

Elsie shut her eyes at the message and then she nodded, blinking a little. She did know that but she loved to hear the pride which they had clearly installed in Anna too.

"She has done you so proud."

"All you of you do me and your father proud every day."

Anna could only be glad that she thought so.

"I am sorry you know that I got to meet her again before you did."

She knew what a blow it was to her mother.

"I wish I had been there – but mainly to see my two girls in the same room. You have nothing to say sorry for."

They had asked her to do this.

But Anna was sorry for all of this. For the situation in which they found themselves. For the distance her mother was from her eldest child and for her illness. And for the fact the first operation had not been the success they had all hoped it was going to be. She was so sorry for all of that.

Elsie held on to her hand and squeezed it as she shut her eyes. Her mother had been tired Anna thought for as long as she had had babies but this was a new level.

She felt a tear fall down her face and then she leant down in to her mother's arms. She was meant to be one of them being strong.

But suddenly she lost it.

"Oh my girl!" sighed Elsie. She knew there were those who would think Anna should have held it together for her, but as her mother it felt like the best thing in the world she could have done. She had been strong for her but it had been an emotional few days and Anna was very, very human as were the rest of them.

Right then, all her younger daughter needed was the comfort of her mother.

"I am so sorry mum," she said as she tried to get herself together.

"Stop saying that," she hushed her. It felt to her as if Anna was a wee girl again and she was so needed by her and it was lovely. She was needed.

"You don't have to say sorry to me for being sad over this. None of you do." Gods only knew she was sad. But it was the knowledge she had her family were there which was going to keep her strong and fighting this invisible beast.

She was not going to leave them.

"I suspect what you need is to go and see that man of yours." She knew if she was at home she was going to be watching what she said, in the hope of saying the right thing instead of saying what she needed to say.

And she must have so much bottled up inside of her right then.

But she shook her head. "John said about staying over but I think I am going to stay."

"Why?"

"Because you need me here," she felt her heart soften.

"Yes I do – and I am always going to need you Anna but you have been on duty for long enough. You need to take care of yourself and so I am sending you off to see your Mister Bates with no argument ok?"

Anna lips wobbled a little before she laughed with a nod.

"I love you mum."

"Oh my lovely girl, I love you - so much!"

X x x

It had been lovely when she had met her sister but there was still part of her which regretted the fact she had got to first… there had been many mixed emotions.

"I know mum needs her space but it just felt wrong to do it," Anna admitted as she sat in Johns arms. It was good to be back in Yorkshire as much as she had enjoyed her trip to London.

Had they not got the news about Elsie then Anna had a feeling Mary would have pushed the two of them to stay on for another day. She would have made it about work as much as she could but the truth would have been she would have just wanted to give Anna a break and it would have been a sweet thought.

But given everything she was glad to be back.

And she was even happier to be back with John than she would ever say out loud. As wonderful as it had been to see her family, he was the bright spot then.

"It must have been tough but she is going to get to see them when everyone is ready."

And lord knows Elsie had to be as ready as Bernadette was. This was going to a huge day for her and to rush it wouldn't be fair.

"She understood – I do think she is very understanding but – I do worry she is going to think I was pushing her away, or trying to keep something from her."

So much could be misconstrued right now.

"Well then, she is going to know you are not trying to keep her away from anything but just have desire to make sure everything is done right, if she is understanding as you think."

"You know I remember when I was back in year six we did this project on World War Two and Dad loved it. He always loved a good history project. Mum was often the one to get stuck in with homework but she always left the history to him."

"Yes?" John asked as he encouraged her to go on.

He always loved to hear of her life before him to fill in the pieces of how she became the incredible women he loved that day. And to hear of her childhood as well… it had been a happy one – of that he was sure.

"Yeah. And I remember this one because the two of us read Goodnight Mr Tom together. I think when he had done the project with Thomas, the two of them looked into the battles a lot but when we did it together we had kind of a home front focus. Any way the point of the story is that Mr Tom was for ever telling William the evacuee that everything had its own time. That everything was going to happen when it was ready too."

"He sounds as if he was a smart man."

"I think so," she said as she snuggled into his arms.

"It is all just going to get better and better." John sighed.

Anna hoped so because the thought of anything getting worst terrified her.

He ran a hand through her hair as he saw there were tears in her eyes and no wonder.

It did not escape him just how much she had been through of late. And she was not going to get the care she needed at home as there were others who needed the care even more.

But that was where he came in. He could see her and he knew and he was not going to let her suffer in silence.

He put his arms round her and asked no questions and just let her be for a while. And she had never loved him more.

X x x

It was later in the day that William worked it out, as he sat with his parents and brother watching TV.

He looked back at the way he had felt about Thomas and Jimmy and he had to say he felt ashamed. He had felt jealous of them – had converted what they had and wanted it for himself. But since they had found out about their mother a lot had changed and not just his petty jealousy…

They had both seen the way John had been there for Anna and he had also seen the way that Jimmy had been there for Thomas which seemed to William, not at all, and he had to admit there was now only one of his siblings who relationship he wished he could have one like and that was not his elder brother's.

Yet something seemed to have shifted for his brother because at that moment Thomas's face came alight as he read a text which had just come through.

William found himself wishing on a star it was Jimmy and that he was offering to be there for his brother. He hoped he was telling him he was loved and that he was going to come home and help him through what ever came next for them.

And he hoped his brother knew how much he loved him.

X x x

Hi Thomas, I know it is has been a while. News just reached me about your mother. I know thinking about you all doesn't help the situation too much but that is what I am doing. If there is anything productive I can do to help, give me a shout. Even if it is just a chat at the end of the day – I am here. All the best, Ed.

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