A/N: Thanks once again for all the reviews, follows and favourites. I'm so sorry I've not been replying to your comments much - work has been mental! But they're all read and appreciated.
Doubt. That's what Emma Swan had done. She had doubted everything and everyone in her life. She had doubted her own decisions, painfully made all those years ago. She had doubted Regina's compassion and ability to love. And she had doubted the strength of their relationship.
She needn't have doubted. And as she was lazily roused from sleep with a teasing tongue tracing the shell of her earlobe on Sunday morning, she wondered how on earth she could ever not have had faith in the woman curled against her side.
"Happy birthday," Regina husked as Emma's green eyes blinked open.
"What time is it?" Emma mumbled, stifling a yawn into her pillow.
"We have time before Henry makes an appearance," Regina said, her fingers suddenly toying with the elastic band of Emma's underwear.
Emma smirked and brought her lips to Regina's, ignoring the slightly stale morning breath and kissing her tenderly. Regina rolled herself onto Emma and allowed her hand to dip beneath the cotton encasing Emma's sex.
It had been three days since the closing arguments of Emma's trial had been delivered and both women had been nervously waiting three days for the result. It was an anxious time but they were trying not to dwell too much and carry on their lives as normally as possible. Which, for them, included sex.
But as it turned out, they didn't have as much time as Regina anticipated and the thundering sound of Henry racing down the hall interrupted the women five minutes later. Flushed and breathless, they broke apart just in time for the door to be thrown open and a flurry of four year old to propel himself into their midst.
"Happy birthday Emma!" Henry shouted, jumping up and down on the bed, completely oblivious to what he had interrupted.
"Thanks, kid," Emma said, smiling up at the boy who was clearly far more excited about her birthday than she was.
She had never been much for celebrating. She had lost count of the number of birthdays which went by without anyone acknowledging them. Foster families had so many children come and go that trivial things like dates of birth were rarely remembered. Even when she was with Lily, neither of them had been particularly bothered about marking the occasion. Emma could already tell, however, that birthdays in the Mills family were a big deal.
"Here's your present!" Henry said, thrusting a badly wrapped parcel into her hands.
Emma made a show of pretending to guess what it was before she ripped off the paper and found herself holding a soft toy monkey, very similar to Marlo.
"Wow, Henry. Thanks!" Emma said. "He's great. I'm going to sleep next to him every night." She glanced sideways at Regina, who was scowling, and winked. "What's his name?"
"You name him," Henry replied. "But I think it should be something beginning with M. Because monkey begins with an M."
Emma thought for a moment before she smiled. "What about Marcus?"
Henry beamed at the suggestion and bounced up and down, nodding his agreement, his arms flailing wildly. Both Regina and Emma hastily rolled out of the way as the little feet landed dangerously close to their own bodies.
"Come on," Henry said, sitting down on the bed but still bouncing. "Let's go and make pancakes!"
"Pancakes?" Emma asked.
"Only the best for the birthday girl," Regina said, leaning over and kissing Emma lightly before she swung her legs out of bed and walked into the ensuite. After a little more chiding from Henry, Emma followed and within fifteen minutes she was sitting at the kitchen island, a mug of coffee in her hands and Marcus propped against the vase of flowers Regina had gifted her. Henry already had batter in his hair and Regina's apron was spattered with egg but no one seemed to mind. Laughter filled the kitchen as the three of them enjoyed each other's company and momentarily forgot about everything else in their lives.
Regina had never been one for surprises before she met Emma but she had become a convert, not least because of how much it annoyed Emma when she refused to tell the blonde their plans. So she simply smiled as Emma grumbled in the passenger seat beside her as they sped out of the city. It felt good to be driving again. The Mercedes she kept in the underground parking garage was rarely used and she relished the light vibrations through her fingers as she drove them carefully along a wide open road. The day was warm so she had taken down the roof once they got out of the city and the wind whipped her hair, reminding her she needed to get it cut. Henry was chattering away in the back seat, holding Marlo up to the window and showing him the countryside flashing by.
"Just one clue," Emma whined, turning to Regina once more. "Come on, it is my birthday."
"Nope!" Regina laughed. "But we're nearly there so please don't implode with impatience in the next five minutes."
Emma huffed loudly and returned to looking out of the window, trying to work out where on earth they were and where they could be heading. It didn't seem like they were anywhere near an attraction. The sound of the indicator clicking made Emma look around but all she could see was an old wooden sign, the paint peeling so badly she couldn't decipher what it might have once said. Regina turned the car onto an unpaved track, the jolts and bumps perfectly absorbed by the high quality suspension.
"Mama, are we going to -,"
"Shhhh," Regina said in a mock whisper. "It's a surprise, remember?"
"No, Henry. Tell me! If you know where we're going, please tell me, kiddo. It's my birthday," Emma said, twisting around in her seat and looking pleadingly at him.
"Mama said not to though," Henry frowned, clearly torn between requests from his two favourite women.
"Well you're about to find out anyway," Regina said as she turned off the track and pulled into a small parking lot, almost empty of other cars, and gently brought the Mercedes to a stop.
Emma looked out of the window. All she could see were some farm buildings and what looked like an old, run-down café. Beyond the farmyard, a hill sloped upwards, the bright green grass waving lightly in the wind and a little group of trees perched on the top.
"Where are we?" Emma asked, still stumped.
Regina turned and winked at Henry, their secret signal which meant he was allowed to tell Emma.
"The petting zoo!" he exclaimed. "We came here last summer and I got to hold a ferret and a turtle and a parrot."
"A petting zoo?" Emma asked, not quite sure what the correct reaction to being brought to a child's attraction for her birthday was.
"The ferrets and parrots are for Henry," Regina said. "They," she pointed out of the window towards the hill, "are for you."
Emma followed the line of Regina's finger, shielding her eyes against the bright sunlight. As she watched the grassy bank, she suddenly spotted movement. A flash of light brown, bouncing up from behind a tussock, before it disappeared again.
"Rabbits?" Emma asked, turning back to Regina.
"Your very own Watership Down," the brunette smiled. "Only this one's called Cedar Ridge. Those trees over there are white cedars and they gave the hill its name. We'll walk up to them later but I think right now someone," she jerked her head towards the back seat, "wants to pet some little furry creatures."
Emma laughed and nodded. She got out of the car and opened Henry's door, unbuckling him and helping him out and into the yard. As soon as his feet touched the ground, he was off towards an open barn. Just as he reached the shadow cast by the building a figure appeared in the doorway. Henry faltered in his step and stopped, waiting for Emma and Regina to come up behind him.
"Good morning," the woman said as she walked forwards, holding out her hand for Henry to shake. "I'm Susie. What's your name?"
"Henry," came the timid response as he gingerly shook Susie's hand.
"It's very nice to meet you Henry," Susie said. "Did you moms bring you here to meet some animals?"
Henry nodded again and Regina stepped forwards. "Hi, I'm Regina and this is Emma. We came here last summer too and Henry loved it."
"Oh really?" Susie said. "I don't remember you. Sorry! We were a lot busier back then but business has been pretty slow recently."
"I can see that," Regina said, looking around the quiet parking lot. "Are we the only ones here?"
"There's another family visiting too," Susie said. "But quiet is good, isn't it Henry? It means you get even longer holding the animals!"
Henry nodded enthusiastically at this and turned to look at Regina.
"Mama, can we go to see the ferrets first?"
"Of course," Regina nodded. "Can you remember where they are or do you want Susie to show you?"
Without further prompting, Susie held out her hand and Henry took it. The two of them set off around the corner of the barn and Emma and Regina followed, also hand in hand.
It quickly became apparent that Henry and Susie got on very well. Emma wasn't sure whether it was the fact that the woman had a ferret on either shoulder and one on her head or the fact that the turtles all came to her when she whistled that impressed Henry but she didn't mind one bit. Not when Regina suggested Henry hang around with Susie whilst she and Emma wandered up Cedar Ridge and looked at the wild rabbits.
They climbed slowly up the hill, enjoying the peace and quiet of the countryside which neither woman experienced as much as they would have liked to. At the top, they reached the shade of the copse of cedar trees. Turning, they surveyed the sweeping valley before them, stretching into the distance where the grey silhouette of New York was barely decipherable. Closing her eyes Emma took a deep breath of fresh air and sighed. This, she thought, was exactly what she needed after the week she'd had. When she opened her eyes, she found Regina holding up her index finger and frowning.
"What are you doing?" Emma asked, thoroughly confused.
"Checking the wind direction," Regina said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She licked her finger again and held it up. "We need to be downwind if we want to see some rabbits."
On the climb up they had passed several rabbit holes, clustered together telling Emma their warren was beneath the surface. Already her mind had begun to imagine Hazel and Fiver, Blackberry and Bigwig, gathering in their runs to form plans and tell stories. She knew it was all fantasy, but she liked it anyway.
"This way," Regina said, taking Emma's hand and stepping carefully down the side of the hill until they reached a scruffy patch of grass about twenty feet from a rabbit hole.
"What were you doing with your finger?" Emma asked as they sat down.
"The wind dries your finger on the side it's blowing," Regina explained. "If the rabbits smell us, they won't come out."
"Did you learn that at Yale?" Emma asked.
Regina laughed. "No, horse riding," she replied. "I spent a lot of time in the countryside when I was young and that was one of the little things I picked up, I suppose."
"You're weird," Emma remarked. "But I love you."
"Good, because I love you too," Regina said, reaching into the pocket of her jeans and removing, with difficulty, the small flat box which had been stowed there. She handed it over and waited for Emma to open it.
The blonde stroked the velvet lid of the box and smiled at her girlfriend before cracking it open and peering inside. A white gold swan pendant lay on a plush red cushion, the sunlight glinting off its diamond eye. Emma gasped as she took in its delicacy and beauty, her finger brushing against the swan's head before she lifted it off the backing and held it up. It swung to and fro on her finger, the sunlight refracting from the precious stone.
"You like it?" Regina asked, a little nervously.
"Are you kidding? I love it!" Emma exclaimed. "It's beautiful, Regina, thank you."
Regina grinned widely and gestured to offer her help in putting it on Emma. She fastened it beneath Emma's long blonde hair and then pressed a kiss to the exposed nape of her neck.
"Thank you," Emma said again when she turned around and kissed Regina's lips. "I love it."
They fell into a comfortable and necessary silence, occasionally glancing at the rabbit hole and then looking out over the spectacular view before them. Emma lay back against the side of the ridge after a while, her arms behind her head as she watched the few clouds skitter their way over a baby blue sky. Birds swooped through the air, catching insects in their beaks and calling to each other. A grasshopper sprung onto Regina's knee, contemplated the denim for a moment, and then leapt off again. Emma could hear the buzzing of a bee nearby. She closed her eyes.
It had been five months almost to the day that she had met Regina. Although, she couldn't really consider their first encounter to be a meeting. But it had been the day her life had changed forever. Had she known it at the time? Perhaps. There was certainly something about the little boy crouched in front of her and his striking brunette mother which resonated deep within her. She had thought at the time it was just Regina's beauty but now she believed it was something more. When the two of them were together, everything just made sense. Even when everything else in her life was falling apart, Regina was still there. She was solid ground. Emma knew she couldn't have gotten through the trial without her. In fact, there wouldn't even have been a trial without Regina there to encourage Emma to seek justice.
Regina's finger jabbing her in the side brought Emma back to where she was. Opening her eyes, she turned her head to see what Regina was pointing at. A quivering nose was just visible at the edge of the nearest hole. As they watched, it moved forwards, two beady eyes coming into view. Emma's face split into a wide grin. The rabbit hopped out onto the bare ground in front of the burrow entrance and scratched its ear with its hind leg. It blinked rapidly at the bright sunlight and then hopped a little way away and began to graze at a patch of grass. Seconds later, a smaller rabbit bounded out of the same hole and headed down the bank, searching, presumably, for a tasty snack. Soon, more rabbits joined the first two, completely oblivious to the women watching from a distance. They nibbled and scratched, played and lay in the sun for almost twenty minutes when suddenly they scattered, disappearing down the holes in seconds.
"What happened?" Regina frowned.
Emma said nothing and instead pointed into the sky where a large bird of prey was circling.
"One of them must have spotted it," she mused. "Good job too or my birthday would have been ruined."
"How is your birthday going?" Regina asked. She had debated where to take Emma for weeks and hoped she made the right decision in the end.
"The best of my life," Emma replied sincerely. "Although I think we ought to get back to Henry and Susie soon. I want to celebrate with him too."
The women stood and began to make their way down the hill. Emma toyed with her new necklace, the smooth metal feeling warm and comforting against her skin. Regina was a little way behind her, taking in the nature surrounding them.
"Do you know what cedar trees stand for?" Regina asked as they walked.
"Because if they didn't stand they'd fall over?" Emma said, laughing at her own joke.
Regina rolled her eyes. "No, do you know what they mean?"
"I thought flowers meant something," Emma frowned.
"Trees do too," Regina said.
"Oh really?" Emma said. "That's news to me. Come on then, what do white cedar trees mean?"
"Healing, cleansing, and protection," Regina reeled off.
Emma considered the three words for a moment. "Is that why you brought me here?"
Regina shook her head. In fact, she hadn't even been aware of the meaning of cedar trees until she was looking up the petting zoo to check it was still there. It had only been as an afterthought that she had googled the symbolism.
"I bought you here because I thought you'd like it," she said. "But I suppose it is fitting. We can begin to heal after this trial, Emma. You can begin to heal. You can cleanse your life of what came before and focus on the future. Nothing that happened before I met you matters to me, ok? You need to begin to forgive yourself for your choices and instead concentrate on the here and now."
"And the protection?"
"I'm the one who's going to protect you for the rest of your life," Regina said simply. "You'll never have to make another decision like the one you made in prison alone. You never have to question whether I have your back. Because I do, Emma. Always. I'll protect you from everything life might throw at us. And when we can't avoid the bad things, at least we'll be facing them together."
Emma stopped walking and wrapped her arms tightly around Regina. The brunette hugged her back, feeling the strong pulse of Emma's heart against her chest. They stayed embracing each other for a long time until Henry's shouts met their ears.
"Mama? Emma? What are you doing?"
"Coming Henry," Regina called back.
"I petted a gimmy pig!"
"A what?" Emma muttered into Regina's ear as she opened the gate and stood back to let the brunette pass back into the farmyard.
"A guinea pig, I believe," Regina chuckled. "Oh god, he's going to want a pet isn't he."
"Yup," Emma nodded. "And I, for one, would be all for it. Can we get a puppy?"
Regina shot her such a scary look that Emma didn't dare repeat what she had said when they joined Henry and Susie seconds later.
By the time they had driven home, ordered from Emma's favourite pizza restaurant and cut the cake Regina had baked in the middle of the night without the blonde's knowledge, Henry was exhausted. He didn't even fuss about his bath, which was a good thing because the odour of ferret was distinctive and rather unpleasant. Once tucked up in bed, he mumbled a sleepy 'happy birthday' to Emma before he slipped into a deep slumber.
Emma had more trouble falling asleep when she and Regina finally stopped making love hours later. She had enjoyed her birthday immensely and had even managed to forget the looming verdict of her court trial for some of it. But as she lay there in the dark room, the air felt overly stuffy and oppressive. She threw back the covers and lay in just her tank top and underwear, trying to cool down and get comfortable enough to sleep. But she knew the summer night air wasn't really the problem. Tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that, she would find out if Killian Jones got what he deserved. If he was found guilty, the heavy weight which had settled around her from the moment she met him in the parole office would be lifted. She would be free. She could move on. If he was acquitted, she didn't know what would happen next.
Regina snuffled in her sleep beside Emma and her slender hand extended towards the blonde, seeking contact with her lover.
Emma smiled and her fingers drifted up to her chest where her swan pendant lay. She amended her previous thought. She might not know what would happen if Killian walked free but the one thing she did know was that Regina would be by her side every step of the way.
A/N: I've managed to quickly put this together for you but I have an insanely busy weekend with work coming up so I'm afraid there won't be another chapter until Monday at the earliest. Apologies but sometimes real life gets in the way of fan fiction writing.