A/N: sorry for the delay. My weekend disappeared into drinking and sunbathing and generally not being by my laptop. But this chapter was niggling away in the back of my mind and so I typed like a maniac during my lunch break to get it up for you, my lovely readers. Oh, and I've never been to Barbados. But I do have google.
Also, trigger warning for discussions of child abuse in this chapter. Sorry. I promise this story has a happy ending!
Emma kept her eyes firmly shut, her fingers digging into the armrest on one side and Regina's palm on the other. Regina didn't complain. She simply murmured nonsensical reassurances and tried to keep her girlfriend calm as the plane dropped lower and lower until it finally bumped gently down onto the runway. As the brakes were applies and the vehicle began to judder, Emma's eyes snapped open, staring out of the window at the new country she had finally arrived in.
"See," Regina said, rubbing her thumb soothingly over Emma's hand. "We're fine."
"How's Henry?" Emma asked, leaning past Regina to look at the boy sat beside the brunette. He was fast asleep. "Oh."
Regina smiled and placed a soft kiss to Emma's blushing cheek. "You did great," she assured. "I'm really proud of you."
"Can I take sleeping pills on the way back please?" Emma grumbled. She might have managed her first long-haul flight fully conscious but that didn't mean she had enjoyed it. Well, except for the food which, despite feeling sick with worry, she had devoured. Emma Swan was always hungry and the airplane food had not been nearly as revolting as Regina had prepared her for.
An hour later and the three of them stepped out of the airport, pushing a trolley full of their luggage. Henry squinted at the bright sunlight until his mother slid a pair of sunglasses onto his eyes. He reached for Emma's hand and then Regina's, leading the two of them towards a brightly coloured taxi waiting by the curb.
"This makes yellow look rather boring," Emma commented as she slung their bags into the trunk and made her way around to climb into the back of the cab.
"Can we get a pink car, Mama?" Henry asked, kneeling up in his seat and pressing his face to the window.
"No," Regina replied. "And sit down so I can put your seatbelt on please. You'll have plenty of time to look at this beautiful country when we settle into the hotel."
The drive was, unsurprisingly given the size of the island, short. Emma paid and thanked the driver and then she, Regina, and Henry made their way into an expansive lobby. The front of the hotel opened up onto white sands of a private beach and the sun's rays were dancing on the surface of the calm, warm waters. The cool white walls of the reception offered a welcome retreat from the heat and Emma had already spotted the pool off to the side of the complex she was looking forward to dipping her toe into. She had never stayed in a place with a pool before. In fact, she'd never stayed in a hotel before.
She also got the feeling that going on vacation with Regina was not exactly how a typical American family would travel. When the door swung open to their suite, even the brunette looked impressed. There were five rooms; a living room with a kitchenette, two bedrooms, and two en suites. Emma was thoroughly impressed and edged her way into the pristine entrance, worried her old flip flops would somehow damage the immaculate wooden flooring. Henry however raced off into his room at once, reappearing with a towel folded into the shape of a swan seconds later and holding it out to Emma.
"Is this because of you?" he asked.
Emma chuckled. "No, but I'd like to think it was," she smiled.
Henry looked mightily impressed regardless but seconds later the towel origami began to fall apart and his smile vanished as the bird disintegrated before his eyes. Before any tears could fall, Regina quickly darted into the room she and Emma would be sleeping in and found a replacement.
"Maybe don't move this one too much, ok?" she suggested, leading Henry back into his room and propping the new swan on his dresser.
"This is perfect," Emma announced.
She had just emerged on the terrace beside the pool after the three of them had unpacked and already a waiter had taken their orders for two pina coladas and a pineapple juice. Henry and Regina nodded their agreement before they all headed to find some free sun beds. It was late afternoon and there were plenty of places to sit. Grabbing three vacant recliners, Emma threw herself down onto one with an exaggerated sigh. Henry giggled. He then pulled his t-shirt over his head and tugged down his shorts, leaving him in a pair of swimming trunks. His mother had already covered him in sunscreen in their room, anticipating his impatience as soon as they arrived poolside.
"Wait for me, Henry," Regina said firmly as the little boy moved at once towards the water.
He obeyed reluctantly, watching as his mother pulled her new sundress over her head and revealed a black bikini. Emma watched too, mouth open.
"Coming in?" Regina asked, folding her dress and turning to the blonde.
"Nah," Emma said. "I'm gonna read my book for a bit. You two have fun."
Regina hesitated before nodding. She took Henry's hand and they of them made their way towards the shallow end of the pool. Sipping her newly arrived cocktail, Emma watched as Regina got in first, holding out her hand to help Henry step down into the cool water. She smiled as she saw him sit down on a step, splashing his hand along the surface for a bit before moving deeper. Regina knelt next to him, her eyes alert and loving. Emma briefly thought of her own lost son and hoped that, wherever he was, his mother cared as much for him as Regina did for Henry.
The next day, the three of them strolled out onto the beach after breakfast. The sands were almost deserted, just a few early risers dotting the perfect whiteness. They found some vacant sun beds under a large umbrella a little way from the hotel and set up for the day. Slathered in sunscreen, Regina allowed Henry to venture out onto the sand where he at once began to dig with his new spade.
"Want me to get your back?" Emma offered as Regina removed her dress and revealed another new bikini, this time in a vivid turquoise.
Emma was already realising that going on holiday with Regina had many perks, one of which was the ample amount of time the brunette spent in very little clothing. Her eyes roved unabashedly over the expanse of tanned, smooth skin. She shivered slightly as she remembered the feel of the older woman's body against her own the night before.
"Thanks," Regina said, holding her hair out of the way and standing with her back to the blonde.
Emma applied the lotion carefully, her hands sliding over every inch of exposed skin and beneath the thin blue straps of Regina's bathing suit. She finished with a light slap to Regina's ass. The brunette turned around and arched an eyebrow. Emma grinned wolfishly.
"Do you want me to do your back?" Regina asked, noting that the woman's tank top was still in place, although her denim shorts had already been discarded.
"Um, no thanks. I think I'm just going to sit under here for a while."
Regina frowned. She hadn't thought much of it when Emma hadn't joined her or Henry in the pool the day before, especially since the blonde had sat on the side, sipping her drink and dangled her legs in for half an hour before returning to her book. But now, she was beginning to think that something was wrong.
"Are you ok?" Regina asked. "Is the heat getting to you?"
"No, I'm fine," Emma assured. "I just want to read. This book's really good." She held up the Margaret Atwood she had already made significant headway into.
"I know," Regina said. "I recommended it to you. And we have plenty of time for reading. Why don't you come down into the water with me and Henry? Or you can help us build the best sand castle ever!"
Emma quirked her lips as if she was wondering how to reply. Regina stepped towards her and kissed her lightly on the mouth.
"What's bothering you?" she asked. The blonde shook her head but before she could open her mouth to deny anything was wrong, Regina continued. "Emma, I know something is worrying you and I want to know what. Maybe I can help."
"You can't," Emma replied. "There's nothing to help anyway. It's just something I have to get over."
"What is?" Regina asked, more confused than ever.
"My scars."
It had been months since Emma had finally allowed Regina to see and touch the scars on her back. They hadn't ever spoken about them however and Regina still didn't know what had caused the injuries. It had taken time but Emma no longer flinched when Regina's fingers touched the damaged skin. And Regina herself barely noticed any more. They were just another part of Emma's terrible past which was over. But it had always been obvious the blonde was very self-conscious about them.
"That's why you wouldn't let me buy you those bikinis?" Regina asked.
Emma shrugged. "I like one-pieces," she said. "And they've been in style this year so why wouldn't I wear them?"
"You know I think you're beautiful, right?" Regina said. "Whatever you're wearing."
"I know," Emma said, a weak smile on her lips. "But it's hard to believe sometimes."
"So you're not going to swim this entire holiday?" Regina asked.
"No, I will," Emma said. "But maybe not today. I just … I need to get myself prepared."
Regina nodded her understanding even as she glanced up and down the beach. There were no other people within a hundred yards of them. If Emma was worried about what other people would think, Regina wasn't quite sure why. Or who.
"Henry," Emma said by way of explanation. "He'll ask."
"And you want to tell him before he sees them?"
"I want to think up a plausible explanation which isn't a lie," Emma replied. "I don't want to scare him but I also don't want to tell him explicitly what happened."
Regina hesitated before sitting down on her sun bed. "What did happen?"
In all the time they had been together, Regina suddenly realised she had never been told, nor asked, what had happened to result in the angry red lines criss crossing Emma's back. She hadn't really cared for the details before. Emma was safe. Emma was healthy. The past was the past. It didn't matter. But now, with it evident how much the scars affected Emma, her curiosity was piqued.
"Can I tell you tonight?" Emma asked, glancing at Henry who was making his way toward them, wondering what was keeping his mother from joining him on the sand. "I think you son needs some help building castles."
Regina reached over and squeezed Emma's hand. "Tonight," she nodded before standing and walking towards Henry, a bucket and spade set swinging by her side.
When Henry was at last in bed, exhausted after their day but over-excited and hyped up after the vast array of deserts the hotel had produced for their dinner, Emma and Regina found themselves sitting on the balcony of their suite. The sun had already set but the sky was an ever-changing mix of reds, purples, pinks and oranges. Emma sipped her chilled white wine and closed her eyes. This, she thought, was bliss.
"So."
Regina's quiet voice interrupted her peace and Emma cracked an eye open. She looked sideways at her girlfriend who was sitting somewhat nervously beside her, twirling the stem of her own wine glass.
"So," Emma repeated, pushing herself into a more upright position and taking another gulp of wine.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Regina said quickly. "If it's too painful to talk about those memories then please say, Emma. After everything you've been through these past couple of months, I really don't want to force you to talk about something you're not ready to face."
"It's fine," Emma said, a reassuring hand reaching out to pat Regina's bare thigh. "I don't mind telling you. The only reason I haven't told you before is because you never asked."
"I thought … I don't know," Regina shrugged, curling herself up in her chair and turning towards Emma. "I didn't want to pry."
"You're my girlfriend," Emma said softly. "I love you. You can pry all you like."
Regina smiled. "Ok then. What happened to your back?"
Emma put her now empty glass of wine on the table beside her and mirrored Regina's position in her own chair. Her arms wrapped around her shins and she leant her head back against the seat.
"Most of my time in the foster system, I was with nice families. I know it doesn't seem like that because of how much I moved around but actually I was the problem, not them. Early on the couples did their best for me and I was just too difficult for them to cope with. If a family had several kids, they seemed to think it wasn't fair on the others if all their time was directed at me. In most cases, I now don't blame the parents for giving up on me. They tried really hard to give me what I needed and I was just resistant to every attempt. I refused to believe anyone wanted to help me or that they were going to stick around for long. As I got older, I began to run away too. It was easier for me to leave them than to wait for them to give me up. I didn't trust anyone to persevere with me or do what was in my best interests. And that was because of something that happened very early on."
Regina said nothing. Her stomach was already clenching in anticipation.
"You know I was adopted for the first two years of my life," Emma continued. "When I went back into the system, I was placed with another nice family. In fact, I was there for a long time. But then when I was five I bit one of the other children. I didn't know what I'd done wrong but within a day I had been removed. I had no idea what was happening and my social worker didn't explain anything to me. All I knew was that I suddenly arrived in a new house. It was much bigger and there were loads of children there. I was the youngest by quite a long way. It was a kids home basically and the couple who ran it were purely in it for the money. It's going to sound like I was in Annie without the singing and dancing but it really was like that. We cleaned the house every day. We helped with the cooking. We tidied the garden. We were treated like a group of slaves. And just like slaves, if we did something wrong, we were punished."
Regina's fingers formed a fist around her wine glass stem. She couldn't even begin to imagine punishing a child in the way she knew Emma was about to describe. Her heart beat faster, her mind conjuring up a skinny green-eyed blonde girl with a forlorn look on her face.
"The first time was when I knocked over a vase," Emma said. "I think I was dusting but I couldn't reach the shelf properly and it just fell. It was green and utterly hideous in its design. I think I was doing them a service frankly. Anyway, it shattered on the floor and as soon as the foster father appeared, he looked at me with an expression I'll never forget. It was like he was pleased, as if he had been looking for something to punish me over. He took my wrist and dragged me into his office. I had no idea what was happening as he unbuckled his belt. I knew I was in trouble and I could tell he was annoyed but there was also undeniable enjoyment and excitement on his face. He told me to take off my t-shirt and face the wall. I obeyed. I had to. And then, yeah, well …"
Emma trailed off, looking away from Regina and out at the dusky sky. Her back burned, the pain so vivid it was like the belt was slicing into her flesh all over again. She shuddered.
"I'm so sorry," Regina whispered, bringing Emma back to the present after a few minutes.
"Thanks," Emma replied shortly. "It … yeah. It happened. I was at the home for about six months I think. Then a teacher spotted one of the marks during sports at school and reported the family. We were all removed that night. He went to prison but I suspect he's out by now. It was nearly twenty years ago. From then on, I never trusted anyone. To me, even the nicest foster parents were suspicious. I didn't know why they wanted me to be in their house. They weren't forcing me to do endless chores, they weren't hoarding us to collect money from the state, they weren't beating us. I refused to believe they were just good people. And so I made their lives hell, got into trouble at school and ran away as much as I could. I made them turn against me. Every family welcomed me with open arms, optimistic about doing good for me. I just never gave them a chance. All because of that one couple."
Emma reached over and tangled her fingers with Regina's.
"It's in my past," she said firmly. "I don't think about it often but I also don't like people to see my scars. I don't want them to know what happened to me. And it reminds me of the fact that I ended up in the system. When I think about that, I can't help but think about the baby I gave up and if something similar happened to him. I pray it didn't and I doubt it did. But I still wonder. And swimming has always been a problem for me. No bathing suits hide the scars completely so I tend to stay out of the water even though I love swimming. And I want to enjoy this holiday so I am going to come into the sea tomorrow with you and Henry. Now you know everything, I think I can do it."
"You can," Regina said at once. "I know you can."
"Thanks," Emma said, managing a smile. "Is there anything you want to ask me or know more about? I want to be completely open with you, Regina. These scars might have happened in my past but they affect me today and will affect me in the future. Is there anything you need from me?"
Regina didn't know what to say. She had no questions; Emma had been far more open and honest than she had anticipated. Regina didn't think there was any correct response for what Emma had just told her. So instead she did the only thing she thought would make Emma feel better, would make Emma forget. Leaning forward, she kissed her girlfriend with all the love and feelings she could muster.
They stumbled blinding into their room, mouths fused in a passionate embrace. Once on the bed, Emma allowed herself to be worshipped. Regina made love to her for hours, trying to convey to the blonde how special she was, how wanted she was, how loved she was, how not broken she was. Emma felt the tears fall from her own eyes as soft lips kissed up and down each of the scars on her back. She felt her heart burst with love and emotion as Regina gently turned her over and kissed her mouth once more. She felt her body crest over and over again as Regina pleasured her.
When she at last fell asleep that night, Emma was emotionally and physically exhausted. But safe. Wrapped in Regina's arms, nestled against Regina's body, consumed by Regina's love. Emma would always be safe.
"What's that on your back?"
Emma raised an eyebrow at Regina who shook her head in mild disbelief at her son's bluntness. Emma had barely taken off her t-shirt on the beach the following morning when Henry had pointed to her scars and asked his question. Although only the tips of a few healed cuts were visible, Emma and Regina had discussed that morning what to do if the small boy noticed Emma's old injuries.
"I broke a vase when I was a kid," Emma said.
"Does it hurt?" Henry asked, edging closer and peering at the puckered flesh.
"No," she said. "Not any more."
"Oh. Ok. Can we go swimming now?"
Regina couldn't help but laugh and Emma smiled too before taking hold of Henry's hand and strolling down the sand towards the warm sea. Regina hurried to catch them up, taking hold of Emma's other hand and they entered the water together.
"This is boring," Henry whined for the umpteenth time.
They were walking slowly around an art gallery, looking at the pieces hanging on the wall and taking a break from the relentless midday sun in Bridgetown. Henry had endured a museum, an abbey, and three art galleries already. Despite the women trying to engage him as much as possible, his patience was wearing thin.
"Hey, Henry. Look at this," Emma said, crouching down to pick him up so he was eye level with a mosaic made out of brightly coloured shells. "What animal is that?"
"Tortoise," Henry replied, reaching out to touch the artwork before Emma quickly stepped backwards.
"Almost," Emma said. "It's actually a turtle. It lives in the sea and tomorrow we're going to go on a boat so we can see some of them swimming in the water. We might even get to swim with them too."
"Really?" Henry said, bouncing on Emma's hip in excitement. "Cool!"
Regina smiled at the two of them as she walked behind them. Emma was great with Henry, she mused. Confident, calm, attentive. She watched as Emma headed towards the small gift shop, offering to buy Henry a small model of a turtle or a pencil with a monkey on the end of it. The monkey won, naturally. Regina had thought Henry was going to explode with joy when Emma had crouched beside him that morning in the hotel grounds and pointed out the Barbados green monkey sitting him up in a tree just metres away. Yes, the wildlife on this island was definitely suited to an inquisitive young boy.
After the art gallery, the three of them bought ice cream and strolled through the capital city hand in hand. It was busy with tourists and locals alike and they all took in the sights and sounds. It was a colourful, vibrant place and Henry in particular didn't know where to look first. They made their way down to the marina where a huge cruise ship was loading up with hoards of tourists, ready to depart. Henry kept glancing around, hoping to see either a monkey or a sea turtle. After half an hour of neither appearing, he requested they return to the hotel for dinner.
Emma knew that in many ways Henry was dictating what they did during their vacation. She doubted she and Regina would themselves have spent three hours building sand castles. Nor would they have spent the morning staring at a tree waiting for a monkey to reappear. They probably wouldn't have chosen to go to the fairground just outside of Bridgetown either. But that didn't mean they weren't having the best time of their lives. And despite Henry's constant presence during the day, their nights were reserved just for the two of them. Emma thought it was perfect.
What Emma didn't think was perfect was the discovery that she got severely sea sick. She had never been on a boat out in the open ocean before and as soon as the small boat left the calm waters of the bay, her stomach began to roll. She had been leaning over the side for about half and hour when the engine was finally silenced and the boat slowed until it was bobbing lightly on the water.
"You ok?" Regina asked, rubbing her back.
Emma nodded and wiped her mouth. She turned around and saw Henry sat opposite her, lifejacket fastened securely and a snorkel already in place. She couldn't help but smile.
"Do you want to come in with us?" Regina asked.
The blonde nodded again. "I think I'll feel better once I'm in the water," she said, reaching for a snorkel set herself.
Emma had never snorkelled before but with Regina's careful instruction, Emma found herself floating on the surface within minutes, staring down through the crystal clear water at the coral reef below her. Henry and Regina floated nearby, the boy trying to get the hang of the breathing and Regina trying to make sure he didn't inhale water.
It took less than five minutes for them to spot a turtle. And it was Henry who saw it first.
"Mama! Mommy!" he shouted into his breathing tube, the words muffled but distinguishable.
Neither woman commented on his use of the word which had occasionally referenced Emma. Instead they lifted their heads from water and watched as Henry pointed to where he had been looking and then ducked under the surface again. Emma and Regina followed his lead, each holding tight to one of his hands. There, emerging from the cloudy depths, swam a turtle. Its flippers waved lazily through the water as it propelled its body upwards. As they watched, two more shapes appeared behind the first, sharpening until they could see three turtles swimming towards them.
A splashing and spluttering pulled Regina and Emma's attention and Henry bobbed up, coughing.
"Ok, kid?" Emma asked, pulling his breathing tube from his mouth.
Henry nodded enthusiastically and gestured to have the apparatus back. Regina told him to wait a moment and, when his breathing had evened out, replaced the tube. He smiled around the intrusion, making a grotesque but adorable face, and dipped down to watch the turtles which had risen until they were just metres from the little family. All three of them watched as the turtles waggled their flippers, looking inquisitively at the humans floating and staring at them. They swam closer. Reaching out, Emma slowly moved until she was stroking the shell. Henry did the same as the turtle passed him and finally Regina's fingers ran over the hard surface as it swam past. The other two turtles hesitated a little before approaching too.
"Wow!" Emma gasped as she surfaced with Regina and Henry ten minutes later. "That was amazing."
"Agreed," Regina nodded.
"Where did they go?" Henry asked, pushing his face below the water to see if the turtles really had swum off.
"To their home?" Emma suggested. "Or maybe to get food."
"Are you hungry?" Regina asked.
"I'm always hungry," Emma reminded her. "Not least after I've emptied the entire contents of my stomach. Although it's just a shame we have to travel back across the water for me to get fed."
"I have cereal bars," Regina said. "But that might not be such a good idea."
Emma shook her head and together the three of them swam back towards the waiting boat. Once on board, Emma positioned herself near the back where the rocking was least pronounced. The engine revved up and seconds later they were moving back towards the shore, picking up speed. Emma swallowed and gripped the railing.
"Emma!"
She looked up at the sound of Henry's voice and saw the little boy enthusiastically beckoning to join him at the front of the boat. Regina beside him was doing exactly the same. Sceptical, Emma got to her unsteady feet. As soon as they saw Emma was coming they turned back to leaning over the prow of the boat.
"What?" she asked when she finally made it to them.
Neither Mills said a word. Instead, they simply pointed over the edge and Emma looked down. A flash of grey appeared, breaking the water's surface. Seconds later, a second and a third fin was seen. Then, the graceful body emerged fully out of the water, jumping up into the air before curving downwards and disappearing right in front of the boat.
"Dolphins?" Emma gasped.
Regina nodded and reached over, looping her arm around Emma's waist, Henry squished in between them. Dolphins had been Emma's favourite animal as a child and she expressed her wish to see them in the wild to Regina only the previous evening.
Emma forgot her seasickness. She forgot the way the boat bounced on the water and made her legs turn to jelly. She knelt, side by side with Regina and Henry, on the wooden bench at the front of the ship watching as the group of dolphins playing in the spray of their boat. When they finally disappeared and turned back towards the open ocean, they were already approaching the jetty.
"That," Emma said as the boat tapped gently against the wooden pier minutes later, "was the best day of my life."
Scratch that, Emma thought as she settled down in her airplane seat a few days later. That was the best holiday of my life. Ok, she she didn't have much to compare it to. In fact, she had basically nothing to compare it to. But regardless, she knew her time in Barbados with Regina and Henry would be one of the happiest weeks she'd ever experience in her lifetime. It wasn't just the beautiful beaches, the exquisite food, the stunning hotel and service, the exotic countryside, and the incredible animals. It was the people she had shared every experience with.
Once buckled safely into her seat, Emma pulled out her cell phone and began to scroll through the endless photos she had snapped of the three of them over the week. Already a photo of the three of them at sunset had become her wallpaper. She laughed out loud at the picture of Henry and a monkey she had taken the evening before. Just the top of the boy's head was visible, his nose sliced out of frame but wild excitement evident in his eyes and a curious young monkey stalking towards the beach towards him in the background. With Henry safely engrossed in a colouring book, Regina looked over Emma's shoulder at the giggle and smiled too.
"I think we'll need to get that one printed and framed," she observed.
"Agreed," Emma chuckled. "We should show it at his wedding too. Imagine how embarrassed he'd be."
Regina laughed again but she wasn't really thinking about her son's embarrassment on a day at least two decades in the future. She was thinking instead about the fact that she really, really hoped it was Emma sitting beside her as they watched Henry get married. Emma coughed, breaking the silence which had settled over them. When Regina caught her eye, Emma looked away quickly. Evidently she hadn't been the only one thinking of the implications behind the off-hand statement. Regina bit her lip before speaking.
"We should also show that one of him butt naked in the snorkel mask on the beach holding up that starfish," Regina said. "I'm fairly sure he would never forgive us."
Emma felt a wave of relief wash over her. She hadn't freaked Regina out with her ridiculous talk of the future. She smiled widely at both the memory of Henry on the sand and the thought of her future with Regina. Her long, long, long future with Regina and Henry Mills.
A/N: the fluff won't last, just FYI.