Chapter 19

Once they had got up to his room, Thomas and Edward had a quiet time of it and watched a bit of TV. None of the Carson's were as tired as they had been the day before but a day such as that one was not one which you could recover all together lightly from.

And due to his nature, Edward was well aware that for Tom that could go for him even more than most. He felt things so deeply but did not say or talk about his feelings much which could be a dangerous combination.

For a while the two friends were silent together and if there had been no wonderings in that silence then Edward was sure he would have felt more comfortable but as it was he could not stop himself from looking at Thomas as he reclined on his bed and think he was still a beautiful man.

The thoughts which he had been able to repress the day before due to Elsie's illness seemed to bubble to the top that day unbidden and he was not sure he liked himself much for it.

He turned away when he thought his friend was going to catch his eye. He was not going to have him think he was thinking along the lines that he was for it was too much for quite frankly both of them to handle right then.

Thomas had to smile. He knew Edward thought he was trying to be considerate but he had been able to read him like a book the whole time they had known one another and that was no different than to any other time. He was a good friend and he cared and if he was not with Jimmy maybe the last few days would have been different.

And maybe the future was still going to be different.

"For what it is worth I know I have a lot to think about," Thomas said as he looked Edward in the eye. He knew he did not need to elaborate any more than that for his old friend was going to be able to understand well enough. He did not want him to think he was not aware of how Jimmy had treated him of late for he was acutely aware of that. There had just been so much else going on that he had not been willing to confront him but it had got to the time now where he knew he was going to have to.

There was not a lot left to hide behind.

For the first time since he had got there he saw Edward's eyes were filed with pity for him. Funny that it should be the way his boyfriend had treated him of late and not his mother's illness which had brought out that reaction in his old friend.

"And I promise you I will think about it."

"You do not have to promise me anything… and I do not want to see you hurt."

Thomas could not help but think it was a little late for that. For he had seen him hurt of late. He had been hurt by the cancer and by Jimmy and by it felt the world in general of late.

But not by Edward. Never by him.

"Not even if it afforded you the chance to put me back together?"

Edward could not help but wish he knew if he was being serious or not right then, but it didn't matter really for it did not change his answer.

"Not even then."

X x x

"How is Cynthia today?"

Julienne had heard her daughter leave the room early but had been in no rush to do so herself. If Bernadette had needed her then she would have woken her. As it was, she had left her to her slumber which she had been only too glad to be left too. Julienne had stayed in bed for at least another hour before she had risen and ordered a fry up breakfast to the room.

It was a rather indulgent of her she knew but she was away from home and she was sure she deserved a little indulgence.

She was not one who was given over to rushing about and noise. Though both were included in her daily life and she had accepted that when she had chosen to lead the life she had, she had always been a great believer in the gift of silence too.

Silence healed her and soothed her and it helped her lessen her troubles in more ways than she could say and so for just a moment she gave her self over to it so she had the strength to face the rest of the day.

She hoped in every way it was not going to be as trying as the day before, but in so many ways she knew there were going to be repercussions they had to face and she was going to have to be there as best she could to help those she loved her through it.

Thus once she felt she was ready, she picked up the phone and called Evangelina who she had left holding the fort in London.

Though she had not had to dash up anywhere, Julienne could not help but think her oldest friend sounded as tired as she felt and she could not blame her for that. She did not need to be told that Evie had not had the easiest few days.

"She is still blaming herself and I think she is going to be until we get a medical report that says otherwise," which she was sure they were going to get.

Midwifery was a job where colleagues stuck together and everything she had ever known about Cynthia Miller told her this was not her fault.

She was careful with every precious little one she delivered and she was sure she had done nothing to contribute to this situation.

But she was facing the worst thing any of them were ever going to and she knew how that hurt.

She had lost babies in the past and pray god she was never going to again.

Julienne recognized what she was saying too.

"Of course she is not,"– they were all going to believe it – but she would not. "The others are staying with her aren't they?"

The worst thing in the world was for her to be on her own and she had such great friends. "Nurses Franklin and Lee are looking after her."

"Well that was some consolation."

"The mothers on the ward are very jittery though."

"Of course they are," That was sadly inevitable in a case like this.

"Nurses Crane and Mount seem to be doing a fine job of keeping them all under control."

Try as she might to keep it out of her voice, Julienne could hear what she was not saying and that was they were all going to be doing better if they had her there to help.

Maybe to make up for that, it was Evangelina who asked the next question. "How is Bernadette?"

"I have not spoken to her so far today - she went out for a walk as soon as she got up I think but she coped yesterday admirably."

"And the family?"

"Well I can't say I got to know any of them at all as they were all under such pressure – but I can tell you she is one of four siblings."

"Blimey."

Julienne had known that since Anna's visit but she had tried to keep it all under wraps until her daughter was ready to start telling people herself but now she felt as if Evangelina was going to need something to distract her from the troubles which she was having that day.

"And the operation?"

"The surgery was a success."

"Good," Evangelina breathe a sigh of relief. She had not wanted to get too involve but she remembered Elsie.

Even all these years later.

She had always hoped for goof things to come to her as she had been the one to carry and bring her niece into the world. She had prayed for her, not just of late always.

And now she had that news.

"Good." It went without saying that she was not yet out of the woods but she was closer – and that was wonderful.

"I am going to talk to Bernadette in a while and see how much she needs me here."

If Julienne was not much mistaken she had a feeling Bernadette was now confident enough to deal with all of this on her and if that was then case then her mother knew it was time for her to get back to London for she was needed there as well.

She felt as if she was being pulled in two but she knew that was not going to stop any time soon.

"Don't leave her if the lass need you."

Evie didn't want her doing that for her.

"I am not going to – but I know all of you need me as well and for that very reason I am going to talk to her – besides, she is a strong brave girl."

And if she had gone to be with her biological family that day then maybe it was time for her to start thinking about going back to London… already. She and her daughter had their life down there and just because all of a sudden, their world and their family was a little bigger than all that, there was no reason to forget where they came from.

X x x

It had been a long three days in some ways and so it came as no surprise that when Charles got to the hospital to pick Elsie up she was packed and ready to go.

"Taxi for Carson," he said with a smile.

She looked more like herself than he had seen her in a while and gave her a large smile as he came in to the room.

"And not a minute too soon."

"I am sorry if you kept you waiting."

He was here when he had said he was going to be but may be if he had thought about it he would have known to get there earlier.

"You didn't."

The illness had and a decision which she had made years ago had but he had not.

There was a silence for a moment and he knew it did not need to be filled.

Finally, Elsie got up from where she had been sitting and let him pick up her bag.

"All the kids are waiting at home. They are not going to be about all afternoon but they thought we could eat in the garden – welcome you home," he said with a smile on his face.

All the kids. She did not need to ask if he meant three or four for the radiant smile of paternal pride on his face told her.

God she had not thought she was going to go home like this and yet it made it all worth it.

"What a few days," she said to him with a smile and knew she did not have to say anymore for if there was one person in the world who knew how she felt it was him.

It occurred to her right then they had not had a lot of chance to share their feelings with one another – so much had been going on and so much of it had been all about the kids that she had had to just hope he was ok.

"I do not suppose we are going to forget them in a hurry," he said as he wondered about all the history programmes he had watched over the years – the tales of the days which had shook the world. That was just what that day had done for him - they had shook his world.

But they had always given him a chance to put it back together.

She came close for just a moment and lay her hands on his chest as they shared a brief kiss, his hands cupping her upper arms gently. Their forehead touched for a moment, and then they broke apart, he picked up her bag and they left the hospital.

Neither wanted to keep their children waiting.

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