Author note: Is this thing still on? Guys, I am so, so sorry to all of you waiting on this! The last month has been wonderful but has left very little time for writing. My own Patrick Turner asked me to be his wife – and I said a very swift yes and we have also brought our first place together! I wish I could promise a quicker update next time… and to be fair, I think it is more editing than writing that I need to do with chapter 21, but I am going away for about three weeks out of the next six and hot on the heels of that I am going to be moving house… but I am not abandoning this or any of my other fics, so please keep checking back! Thank you so much, all of you!

Chapter 20

Dinner in the garden was a quiet affair. Each of the children had welcomed their mother back with a gentle hug, Bernadette included.

When Elsie had stepped through the door she felt as if she was living a waking dream, to see Bernadette their behind her siblings.

Bernadette – she was going to have to get used to that. She had thought of her by the name which she and Charles had given her for so long, but she would get used to it.

She hung back a little as the other three gave her a more hearty welcome home but when they came face to face, she kissed her cheek.

"Welcome home," she said brightly.

"Thank you."

Elsie did not think she was ever going to know how much it meant to her to see her there with all the others – this was the welcome home which she wanted. Which she had dreamt of.

Now she was up on her feet she felt as if she was truly going to get a chance to know the girl but the first thought in her head when she saw her was how beautiful she was.

Her daughter had shoulder length hair which seemed to be neither brown nor blonde but a mix between, and her eyes were a beautiful blue. There was something in her – she was not sure what it was, but it reminded her of her Charles and for that reason she was even more beautiful to Elsie.

The meal was quieter than normal meal times in the Carson household, the six people present engaging in just the one conversation between them with no one talking over each other– quite a rarity.

As John had had to go to work it was just Elsie, Charles and the four human beings their love had brought forth in to the world which Charles was grateful for.

Though he was in no way as anti-John he had once been – in fact, if anything all of this had lead Charles to believe he was very much worthy of his daughters love after all – he still could not help but be glad to have a little time with his wife and kids on his own.

None of them had ever had this before and he was sure at least four people around this table had wanted it at one time or another. But for him it had been a constant desire. He had never really wanted to give his first child up and had done so only because he had known it was the right thing to do to stand by Elsie. Yet he had had to live with that his entire life – on days like Father's Day and Christmas days alike.

He had missed her for so long that it was going to take some getting used to now – the fact he did not have to. She was home and with her siblings and her mother and he was not fool enough to believe she was not going to be going back to London one day soon… but he was sure that he was never going to have to miss her the way he had before again.

That time was done.

Over dinner they managed to stick to topics which were decidedly safe, such as subjects which their kids had all enjoyed best at school and what they were doing in their jobs right then.

Thomas was loving being at the bar and William the stables. As for the girls, Anna seemed to think that Lady Mary was going to based rather more locally for a time so she was going to get extra time with Matthew - whether or not that was really for Matthew or Elsie, Charles was not sure but either way he was grateful they were going to have their girl close – and Bernadette told them all a little more about her job at the hospital.

And it was all so wonderful that Charles felt his heart could burst.

X x x

Bernadette text Julienne around the time lunch coming to end and she walked to the edge of the village to meet her daughter.

She found her opposite the house looking at it as her mother approached her and Julienne did not think she was ever going to be able to describe the look on her face in that moment.

She had had a lovely lunch and she had left on the provision she would be back the next day.

But Elsie needed her rest now.

Julienne went to her child's side.

"How are you sweetheart?"

"I am good," Bernadette said to her but it seemed as if she was a world away right then.

She had just had lunch with her biological parents and siblings.

And things were going well… it was all a little much to take in – but she would get there.

"Good," her mother said sensing that she was not quite ready to talk about it yet.

And if she was she didn't have the words.

Sensing what her child needed as only a mother could, Julienne put her arm through Bernadette's and then the two of them begun to walk. Together, they found a peace in their closeness and quiet companionship.

Julienne longed to tell her child that it was all going to be well but as it was she could not do that.

These things could go either way so quickly..… But they would hope and pray and with god's grace and a bit of luck everything was going to come up rosy. That was all they had.

On their walk they passed a few other strollers. In Yorkshire, they were in a lovely part of the world and it was clear those people who lived there all the time did not take it for granted and wanted to get out and enjoy it.

Seeing as they were for then to all intents and purposes strangers, Julienne did not think they were going to see anyone that they knew…

So she was surprised to see her daughter to react on sight to what looked like a father and his boy.

"Bern –"

"It's Doctor Turner."

Julienne was about to ask who that was but then she did the math herself. There was only one doctor which her child had seen since she had come to Yorkshire and that was Elsie's.

She had to say there was something which was rather handsome about him in a disheveled kind of manner.

And he was looking at his daughter the same way as she was looking at him.

Shyly. Tentatively…

He had said to himself he had to forget her for the most likely thing was he was never going to get to see her again and it was wrong…

Because of her mother and his wife and…

And suddenly they were face to face.

"Hello." he said softly with a smile.

"Greetings."

"How are you?"

"Very well."

"And Elsie?"

"Tired, but home with her family."

There was a silence between them which no one in the four dared to break yet…

Her mother and his son looked a little amused.

"This is Tim my son," said Patrick. Once more Bernadette looked at his hand and of course he had his wedding ring on. She felt a bit of a fool for the way she felt, which she hoped her mother had not noticed when in her heart she knew she would have done.

But it did seem as if the lad was charming.

"Hello," he said to her with a delightful smile.

"Hello."

"This is Elsie and Charles Carson's eldest."

The brow of the young men went up for he had lived in that village for all his life and he had thought he had a pretty good idea who their eldest child was.

Apparently not.

The young man had a look on his face which said wanted a further explanation. The look of the father said he was going to explain it all later on.

"Did you have a good day at school?" Shelagh asked on noting his uniform, desperate to make conversation so it did not become awkward.

"I did – we played games a lot!" it was after all coming up to the summer holidays and there was only so much the class could do of any use before the children all ran off for their long summer recess from school.

"And what are you up to tonight? Home to see what your mother has cooked for dinner?" she said as she drilled it in to herself he was a married man and she had to put all those thoughts which she had about his father out of her head.

"Well my mother –"

"His mother is sadly not with us anymore."

If Bernadette had wanted the ground to swallow her up at any time over the last few weeks it was right then. The boy's mother was dead and all she could feel was sadness for him. Before that all she had been able to think of was her own selfish emotions. She thought of the motherless baby back in London and the fear she had had about losing Elsie before she had so much as got a chance to meet her and she just felt dreadful for this lad who seemed to be facing one of the worst things in the world quite stoically.

"I am so sorry to hear that."

"It is ok," said Tim. "It was a while ago now." But whether his father thought what she had said was ok Bernadette had no idea.

Timothy was not going to let it rest.

"You should come for dinner soon!"

If she was new to the village then she was going to need friends.

"Oh I do not know."

"But my dad is friends with Charles and Elsie so I know he is going to want to be friends with you too."

"Tim if Bernadette does not want to she doesn't have to – she is up here to get to know her family after all."

"But it is not that I do not want to- "

"Great then!" the young man said smiling like the cat who got the cream. "What night works for you?"

X x x

It came as a surprise to no one when Elsie was the first to climb the stairs to go to bed that night.

She had had a lovely day and she did not think she was ever going to be able to put in to words how glad she was they had all been there for her when she had got home from the hospital, but when it came to it she could not help but think enough was enough. She was ready for her bed.

"Oh I love you," she said as she embraced all three of her children in turn – the ones who she had got to bring up.

If their sister was there then she would have got the same good night. But for now she was going to have to content herself with Anna, William and Thomas she which she found was easy to do when they were such wonderful kids to have.

"We love you too," said Thomas as he gave her a hug before bed. She had a feeling there were some people who would be surprised by how affectionate her eldest son could be behind closed doors but she was not. And if the truth was known she never had been.

"Sleep well," said William.

"After the nights I spent in that hospital bed I do not think there is any chance I won't," she said with a smile.

"Is there anything else you need before you go to bed mum?" asked Anna and Elsie was quick to shake her head.

She had a bottle of water and some tablets up there as well as a good book if she found she was having trouble drifting off – something which she honestly couldn't see.

"No – I do not think so," she said as she kissed her daughter on the cheek and gave her a smile.

She wasn't one to be self-congratulatory but she was going to deny the fact that she and Charles had done well and between them they had created and raised some pretty fine kids.

They had done well.

It was with that soothing thought in her head that she climbed the stairs.

Maybe there were going to be those who thought she should feel eaten up with anger right then but she did not. She felt as if she was so lucky to be here on this night in her family home. There was so many people who were not as fortunate as she was… and she swore she was going to treasure every moment which she got in the future.

She was going to make the most of life.

"Do you want to be on your own or it is ok?"

Elsie felt her heart swell with fondness for her husband just then as he stood in the door frame. It was clear what he wanted – just the same thing as she did and yet he went around it in such a considerate way. She had no doubt in her mind if she said yes she did want to be on her own then he was going to go back down the stairs and would probably sleep in the spare room that night.

But that was the last thing she wanted.

"I want to be with my husband," she said to him and he stepped in to their room and shut the door behind him.

"That can arranged."

For the first time in days the two of them could drop their barriers.

The kids weren't about, no nurses would walk in.

It was just the two of them and she did not think she could put in to words what that meant to her.

She had been intending to go straight to the bathroom to wash up for bed but he came and sat by her side on the bed and it was so lovely to have him so close that she found she did not want to go anywhere he was not.

There was a silence between them and she did not know the words that were going to come out of her mouth until they did.

"She is so lovely – and bright and talented and brave."

"She's you." her husband replied.

Neither of them needed to ask who she was.

Elsie nodded at the compliment not sure that was quite right – it sounded more like him to her.

"I did not need to be told who she was – I have not seen her in twenty eight years but when she came to my side I knew who she was," she said as he ran a hand through her hair.

"Well I know the two of us did not bring her up but you are still her mother." And from what he had seen of mothers and children over the years – maybe especially girls – he knew there was a bond there which was bound to last a whole life time. Oh yes, it could be tested and it could go awry and there were some mothers and daughters who did not get it - but she and Shelagh had.

When she had been born Elsie had not felt as if she was mother in any way. She had just wanted to work and to get on with her own life but she had in the years they had been apart grown into being a mother, of that she was sure. And if she would only let her then she would try and be there for her as a mother should… She knew she was always going to share that role – but that was fine by her if it was fine by them.

"It seemed as if the two of you have a bond already too.

She said as she looked at him and he gave a rather stiff and embarrassed nod. He felt much the same. The two of them had not had a lot of time together but when they had been sitting together at her bedside he had felt a beginning of a bond.

"There is a lot of ground to be made up but I think we are going to get there."

With all of his heart he hoped that they were.

He did not want to lose her ever again.

But she was not the only women in his life who he did not want to lose.

There was her mother to consider as well.

"How are you my darling?"

"Exhausted," she said honestly as she moved back on the bed and encouraged him needlessly to do the same.

Before she knew it she was in his arms, nestled against his chest and the bathroom seemed a lot further away than it did before. Lord only knew it was going to be a lot harder for her to get too.

She was warm and she was loved and she was just where she belonged.

And it came as no surprise to her, the world begun to right itself that day.

x x x

After they had left the Turners Julienne had not said a lot to Bernadette. If they were another mother and daughter then maybe she would have told her to stay away from them or to rib of her for her feelings for the doctor which she knew she had.

But as it was she was not going to do either.

If there was one thing in the world which she trusted it was the judgment of her daughter. If she was not able to do that then she had brought her up the wrong way.

What she did with her love life was her own choice.

But she had to trust her own judgment as well she thought over breakfast the next morning.

"Bernadette love –"

"It's ok mum – I know what you are going to say." Julienne looked at her with wide eyes as she waited for her to inform her.

"It is time for you to g go back to London."

Her mother nodded with a shy smile. So she had known…

"It is – but it does not mean I expect you to come with me. And I will not go if you need me to stay."

Somehow she knew she was not ready and she had dinner to have any way.

"I would – but I do not think I am quite ready yet. And as much as I love you I think I am ready to go it alone…" her mother was needed more else where.

There was so much for her to do and say and see her that she felt as if she had to stay and see it through.

Had it been before all of this she had a feeling she would have felt the over whelming need to explain that to her mother but she knew she did not have to. No matter what was going on with her she knew the two of them were tight and her mother was not going to be offended.

"Well I will square it with work, and you take all the time you need."

And when you come home, I will be there waiting for you, she thought with a smile.

But before she did go back to London there was one more thing which Julienne wanted to do.