Prompt Six: No Mercy
There had been a reason that Tobirama-sensei had selected him to be the Third Hokage. It had been a long time coming, in fact. So what if he was barely out of his teens when he officially inherited the title? Tobirama-sensei always said it was best to start training early in life. Like at six or seven years' old. It was their livelihood, it honestly was. No one knew if they'd make it past thirty in the shinobi lifestyle.
So nothing odd about a Hokage who was in his very early 20s.
But yes, Tobirama-sensei had started training him in the ways of the Hokage very early in life. In one world that just never happened; Hashirama-sensei persuaded Tobirama-sensei that it should be left open so that all six of their students would grow in their own unique individual ways. Tobirama-sensei still ended up naming him the Hokage when they were trying to run from the Kinkaku Squad.
This world is… slightly… no… very different. As per usual, when Hashirama timidly tried to put his foot down, Tobirama ignored him and did his own thing. Namely train Hiruzen from the age of six (or seven, Tobirama didn't know or care). Tobirama would defer to his brother when it counted, but in everything else, Tobirama was a badass who did his own thing. … Even if that meant taking a little kid and training him to be an adult just so he wouldn't have to deal with the accursed paperwork for very long.
Because Hashirama was a bastard and foisted the Hokage title on him pretty soon after killing Madara. Brother was too depressed, and Tobirama didn't have his usual cold heart to say no. 'Cause when you got right down to it, Tobirama did care for his brother.
He just didn't show it very often.
Yet Tobirama's guiding hand in Hiruzen's training from an early age would have… a unique effect on the boy's (now man's) psyche. Hiruzen was a kindhearted child who found it all too easy to forgive someone, even when the transgression was huge. That would later cause him to let Orochimaru escape, Danzo to keep his Root, and so many other things. But thanks to Tobirama-sensei, he pretty much became a mini-Tobirama. Which pretty much boiled down to…
No Mercy.
Well, there might be an exception or two, as Jiraiya and Naruto would later attest to. But if you threatened Hiruzen's village, or committed some truly vile act or whatever, ohohoho, you'd better summon whatever courage you've got left and run. 'Cause Hiruzen no longer cleaned up other people's messes. Hiruzen no longer had the patience of a saint. He beat them within an inch of their life and made them clean it up.
Because Hiruzen Sarutobi was the Kami of Shinobi who rained down fire and brimstone on Evildoers.
"Danzo, thank you for taking time out of your very busy schedule for this appointment. I promise it won't take long." Hiruzen let out a kindly chortle.
Danzo was not fooled in the slightest.
"Kind of hard not to clear up my schedule when you send three squads of Anbu to apprehend me…" Danzo muttered under his breath.
"What was that?" Sarutobi feigned ignorance.
"… Nothing. "Danzo twitched. "So what can I do for you, Lord Hokage…?"
"It's very simple, really." Hiruzen interlaced his fingers in front of his beardless face. "A little bird tells me that there have been sightings of Anbu with Kanji written on their porcelain masks. Anbu that I did not commission for fieldwork. Do you have anything to tell me about this illegal faction of Anbu?"
Danzo twitched again. There was no way for him to politically bullshit his way out of this one. Hiruzen had made it very clear from day one that even though he was the Anbu Captain, it was Hiruzen who commissioned new recruits. Danzo was more of an… overseer. He could make suggestions to his superior, but in the end, Danzo was limited to managing Anbu already approved by the Hokage.
And like a fool, Danzo had called his old friend's bluff. He really should have known better.
"They are… my personal bodyguards." Well, so much for not trying to politically bullshit his way out of this.
"Bodyguards that just so happened to be in the Land of Earth, assassinating a high member of the Earth Daimyo's court? On an S-Rank mission that I know I rejected?"
Oh shit. He knew that, too.
"Um… The tree that is the Hidden Leaf cannot stand without strong Roots?" Danzo tried.
He knew he was fucked when Hiruzen let out another kindly amused chuckle. Hiruzen was in one of those moods. Pretty soon Danzo was forced to disband his fledgling Root. And be under a decade-long house arrest. Oh, and can't forget the scars left behind for even trying to go against the Hokage's will.
Those bandages around his right eye and right arm weren't just for show.
"Orochimaru."
Orochimaru practically leaped out of his skin as he whipped around to face his kind Sensei who had become more of a father figure to him, really. Sure, he knew not to underestimate the man just because he seemed so affectionate and doting all the time, but Orochimaru really, really hadn't expected to be found out so soon.
Seriously. Just the other day he'd set up this new laboratory and planned out his first very slightly unethical experiment. Did the man see and know all? Oh, wait… That crystal ball. Of course.
"S-Sensei." Orochimaru bowed in greeting. "Wh-What are you doing here?"
Ignoring him for a moment, Hiruzen idly walked over to a table that had a series of beakers and test tubes. He picked up one of the glass instruments and fingered it gently.
"You know, when I gave you your first toy science kit, I never imagined you'd progress to this point. I mean, your eyes lit up, you possessed a genuine curiosity to know things… I'd really thought I had set you on the right path. There was just so much potential in your eyes…
Orochimaru did not know why he began to perspire. Nor why he audibly gulped. Sensei wasn't being very threatening… Whoops. There it is. That subtle Killing Intent that he'd heard whispers about. Now he knew he was screwed.
"… And then you throw it all away." Hiruzen harrumphed and gestured at the hissing and spitting cat strewn out on the nearby operating table. "Experimenting on the Daimyo's wife's cat. Truly, Orochimaru?"
Orochimaru's eyes were wide as saucer plates now as he tried to defend himself.
"But… But… But Sensei, the beast is clearly feral! I just wanted to analyze it, scientifically!" And find out whether it could reproduce or not. Because if it could, Orochimaru had planned to neuter or spay it, depending on the gender it was. The Daimyo's wife certainly didn't know.
It would have saved a lot of grief for future Genin teams.
"That's nice, Orochimaru, but it stops here." Hiruzen told his student in no uncertain terms. "You see, I'm not angry about the cat. I'm angry about what might come next if I let you continue down this path. Eventually you might experiment on our own people, and I can't let that happen."
Even Orochimaru looked repulsed at the very suggestion.
"I… I would never do such a thing, Sensei!" Even he was not that unethical. Yet.
Hiruzen shook his head.
"No, you never will. Because from now on you are going to be my secretary, and you will have no time for scientific pursuits." He held his hand up when Orochimaru opened his mouth. "It starts with a cat. It would not take long for you to progress to humans. Even babies. Your thirst to know all Jutsu would put you in such a position. Eventually."
Orochimaru held up a pointer finger in protest, but he couldn't really come up with a coherent rebuttal.
"Buh… Buh… Buh…"
Hiruzen set the glass instrument down and walked toward the only door to the room.
"You start tomorrow morning at oh-seven-hundred hours. I expect you to use today to donate this equipment and to apologize to the Daimyo's wife, who is very wounded you would kidnap her cat…"
"Buh… Buh… Buh…"
Hiruzen dipped his head solemnly as Team Minato returned to the village with one member missing. Obito-kun had been such a promising shinobi, he would truly be missed…
"So in the end, despite some complications, we did manage to destroy Kannabi Bridge. Obito gave Kakashi his Sharingan. Rin performed the surgery. The two of them were nearly overwhelmed by Stone-nin, but I managed to use my Hiraishin to get to them in time… Only thing unresolved was that we couldn't find Obito's remains. Nothing under all those rocks and boulders."
… but then again…
"Pardon? I don't believe I heard you correctly."
"We couldn't find Obito's body," Minato ran a hand through his hair somewhat embarrassingly. "Not even Kakashi's Ninken…"
Hiruzen's eyes hardened ever-so-slightly.
"Minato, you should know better. If you couldn't find the body, someone obviously stole it. And given who you all were fighting against, who do you think are the most likely perpetrators?" He continued even when Minato adopted a pained expression. He'd been really stupid, and he knew it. "If Obito-kun's remaining Sharingan survived that cave-in, they will use it against us. And even if it hadn't, Obito-kun's body would be a treasure trove for the Hidden Stone. They would have an idea of what weaknesses or strengths our Uchiha have."
"What do you suggest we do, sir?" Minato's face was resigned.
"I will find Obito-kun." Hiruzen told him plainly. "You will file a mission report with Orochimaru, and depending on where I find Obito-kun, you may or may not be punished."
Minato nodded sadly and left the Hokage's Office without asking just how Hiruzen would find him. Hiruzen snorted breezily through his nose in irritation and pulled out his crystal ball. With it, he should at least be able to glean the location of Obito-kun's Sharingan, which would still be active.
When the crystal ball showed an ancient man hovering over a bandaged-up Obito-kun, Hiruzen instinctively called for his Anbu. Hiruzen would not be relying on anyone to retrieve the poor boy; he would be doing it himself. But he would be bringing backup in the form of, oh, a dozen squads of Anbu…
Madara Uchiha twitched as the huge boulder covering up the entrance to the cave was utterly disintegrated. More or less. Zetsu had, of course, informed him of the approaching force of shinobi, but really, there was nothing to be done. Even if Zetsu slowed them down by confusing them with his Clones infiltrating the party, Madara wasn't in any shape to leave the cavern, and neither was Obito. So Madara accepted that he would be confronted.
He would not accept these Leaf brats stealing back his brat. Madara needed a successor to guide young Nagato.
"Hiruzen. So I see Tobirama got around to training you." Madara rasped at the Third Hokage, who was decked out in his battle armor and wielding his Adamantine Staff. Only Tobirama would churn out a militaristic successor…
"Madara Uchiha. I cannot believe you have survived this long." Hiruzen huffed and made a show of slamming an end of his staff on the stone floor. "Still... You will die here. You are decrepit and your army of plant men is systematically being taken out. We are taking Obito."
Madara hissed and was about to will the Gedo Mazo into attacking, but Hiruzen merely made the Adamantine Staff (which was of course Monkey King Enma under a Transformation) extend all the way to Madara, who was sitting on his throne, and shoved him through the throne and into statue. Then Hiruzen began slamming the extended Adamantine Staff onto Madara. Over. And over. And over again.
And extended longevity because of the Gedo Mazo or no, Madara could feel his brittle bones cracking and his inner organs being flattened. Moments later Madara was dead from the brutal beating, despite still being connected to the Gedo Statue.
Three Anbu shot over to where Obito was still sitting up in his bed, dazed at the sudden appearance of the Hokage and his entourage. A few White Zetsu Clones tried to get in their way, but they were cut down without even thinking about it. Hey, these guys were Anbu, and White Zetsu weren't combat specialists. At all.
Black Zetsu, who knew when a plan had backfired, managed to sneak out without being detected. The Third Hokage would either destroy the Gedo Statue or he would keep it to use as a weapon. Black Zetsu hoped he would do the latter, but his hopes were kind of dashed when the mother of all explosions rocked the cavern and reduced the Gedo Statue to little more than rubble.
… So yeah. Now Black Zetsu had to think of how to create a new container to bring about Mother's resurrection. 'Cause without something to put all the Tailed Beasts in, the Ten-Tails couldn't be resurrected. Without the Ten-Tails, no one could be its Jinchuriki. And without a suitable host, Mother could not be brought back.
Understandably, Black Zetsu was very, very pissed.
"L-Lord Third!" Obito cried out, completely unaware of the very pissed ancient being that was getting away. "H-How'd you find me?! I thought I'd have to listen to that old fart for eternity!"
Hiruzen chuckled kindly and used hand signs to order his Anbu to carry Obito home.
"Obito-kun, a ninja never reveals his secrets. Now, let's get you home and examined. Your team will be very happy to see you."
Indeed, upon returning home there was much rejoicing.
"But Lord Third, wouldn't it be safer to take Kushina out of the village and deliver Naruto there? If the Nine-Tails gets out…" Minato trailed off uncertainly.
Hiruzen smiled disarmingly at his successor.
"I assure you, I will handle everything. The Hokage's Office will be just fine. You just comfort Kushina-chan and hold her hand. This way, we make any enemy attacks less likely to happen. We don't want them distracting us at this crucial time."
"You really think a Missing-Nin would try something at this point?" Minato asked skeptically.
"After finding Madara Uchiha lived to be an old fossil? Nothing would surprise me anymore." Hiruzen grumbled.
"You… Just how did you get in here?!" The Nine-Tails snarled at Hiruzen, whose consciousness did indeed appear in Kushina's mindscape, with a little help from Inoichi.
"A ninja never reveals his secrets." Hiruzen chuckled. Then his eyes hardened. "Now… we're not going to have any trouble here, are we?"
The Nine-Tails snorted derisively.
"When I get out of here, you'll be first. Then your pathetic fleshbag family… and then your pathetically pathetic village." The Nine-Tails smirked maliciously.
Bad move, Nine-Tails. Very bad move.
Hiruzen was quiet for a long time, but when he spoke next, it was with some false levity.
"I happen to be able to summon the Shinigami himself. Admittedly at the cost of my own soul. Tell me, do you think an old man like me fears giving up his life if it meant that I would take you with me?"
The Nine-Tails narrowed his eyes at Hiruzen.
"You wouldn't dare."
"Try me." Hiruzen challenged.
The Nine-Tails growled, but he did stop resisting even with the weakened seal. And that was the day… Hiruzen really earned his title 'Kami of Shinobi'. Because not even the mightiest of Tailed Beasts intimidated him. Rather, it was the other way around… and wasn't that just terrifying?
"Old Man, Old Man! I got my headband today!" Naruto Namikaze called out affectionately to the man he had come to know as 'Grandpa'. Hiruzen chuckled lightly; Naruto would often run into the Sarutobi Clan Compound without any sense of formality. He had instructed the guards at the gate that Naruto was a… special case. So Naruto was allowed, despite how informal the visits were from the young blond.
"That's very nice, Naruto-kun," Sarutobi patted the boy on the head and resumed looking at the Shogi board before him. His former 'rival' sitting across from him. "And whose team will you be on?"
"Um… Well, Obito's gonna be my Sensei," Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I don't really know the other two. One o' Sasuke's cousins and… I think a guy called Sai."
Hiruzen nodded in understanding. It wasn't really Naruto's fault that he didn't know his teammates. If what he heard from Minato was true, Naruto graduated on his first try – which is to say, a full year ahead of the class he should have stayed with. Under normal circumstances you could try to graduate early by a year, though there was the 'three strikes and you're out' facet to consider; most kids never succeeded, so Minato thought the failure might teach his son humility.
Boy, was he wrong.
"Well, at least you'll learn a lot from Obito-kun, Naruto," Hiruzen smiled at the boy. Then in a slightly harsher tone, he barked, "Orochimaru! Go fetch Naruto his graduation present!"
Orochimaru, who was never too far away from Hiruzen, scooted off to comply with his Sensei's order. When Minato became Hokage, Orochimaru hoped he would have a kinder… 'master' that would allow him some freedom. Just enough to get away from the accursed paperwork, really.
Nope. He went from secretary to butler for a retired Hokage.
"Why're you like that with Orochimaru all the time, Old Man?" Naruto asked with a tilt of his head. "Did he do something bad?"
Hiruzen laughed lightly.
"A little, once upon a time. This is more to keep him on the right path. He would have become something much worse without my guidance."
Danzo, still heavily bandaged on the right side of his body, muttered to himself.
"You mean without subjugating him…"
Hiruzen tilted his head a little at Danzo's remark.
"What was that, old friend…?"
Danzo twitched his visible eye.
"Nothing. Nothing at all."
In the end, there was still other villages to worry about, but thanks to Hiruzen Sarutobi, there were no problems within the Hidden Leaf. None.
Author's Note: Kind of a weak ending, but I really didn't know how to just… stop. lol Let's just say last night I had a huge, HUGE spurt of inspiration for Anti-Quirks, and this was one of the ideas that arose to the forefront. An unmerciful Hiruzen (at least for the most part).
Other people I got inspiration for last night: Tsunade, Jiraiya, Hinata (just a little, compared to the rest), Konan, Obito, Kakashi, Rin, Minato, and Kushina. Not necessarily in that order – although Tsunade MIGHT be next. 'Cause there's a little scene rolling around in my head. Kakashi and Minato kinda have interesting scenarios, too. XD
Still, this'll probably be the last of the crackfic stuff for a bit. I really need to devote my time and energy to TToNU's Chunin Exams… Mainly the first one, 'cause I wanna make it somewhat unique. The writing for it is just so slow, and amusing stuff like this just creeps into my brain in the interim. :P Bad muse. Bad.