Chapter 23
The day before she was due to go back to London, Bernadette found herself at the Carson's.
She was satisfied that Elsie was not going to go anywhere she could not be brought back from and that she knew was one of the main reasons she did feel as if she could head back to London.
And at this point, she was well aware she felt the need to get back for a while.
She missed her friends and her family and her job - the hospital had been wonderful - going as far as to give her compassionate leave once she had explained the situation but it was time for her to get back to her life for only a little while.
Still, it felt hard to go.
When she got to the house that morning she found Elsie was in a rather humdrum mood. It did not take her too long to explain that her father had been snoring in her ear all night and thus she was left feeling rather tired then.
"Let me do the tea."
"I am not in invalid."
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Elsie regretted it bitterly. If it was any other one of the kids, then they were going to know her character and they were going to let it go but she was not sure her daughter did know her that well yet.
"Oh god I am so sorry," she said as she put her hand over her mouth.
But Bernadette she was a nurse – if Elsie thought this behaviour was anything she had not seen before she was very wrong.
"You know when my dad was sick at the end, he hated it when mum and I made too much of a fuss. He was not often one to say it but I knew it by the look in his eyes."
Elsie blushed.
That felt like a confidence.
The first perhaps which the two of them had shared. And it was good to know – to hear about the sort of man who had brought her up.
"Well, all the same, I am sorry."
"You do not have to say sorry for being human…"
The two of them nodded, understanding one another again.
Elsie sighed. "Well if we are being human, is it human to admit I will miss you very much when you head back to London?"
Bernadette shook her head and felt her heart lighter for it. When she had been on the way up, she had not known if she was going to be welcome here at such a time and now she not only knew her mother but knew she was going to miss her when she went home.
Yes, Elsie could say that.
"It is not as if I am going to be gone for another twenty-eight years - I will be back a whole lot sooner." she had plans to come back before the end of the month.
"I am very glad to hear that. Maybe it was my own fault but I cannot help thinking that I have missed quite enough of your life already."
"Well I assure you, you are not going to be missing much in the future." It was not as if they were living a hundred years ago or even so many as fifty years ago.
Even when she was not here she was going to be able to call, so it was not as if they not going to be able to ring and have a chat whenever they wished.
"What are you going to do with your last night here?" asked Elsie.
Bernadette had wondered about spending it with her mother but as it was, she had a feeling Elsie still needed her sleep, not that she would have admitted that if she had asked to stay for a little while longer.
But she did have plans.
"Well - I am going to go and have dinner Patrick Turner and his son."
"Of course – I was so proud when I heard about your heroics in the shop!"
Bernie blushed. "I was just doing my job."
Elsie smiled at her child modesty. She had been one of the ones who had seen their baby safe in the world…. That was enough for the gratitude of any new young parents. "Well, I know for a fact our vicar and his wife are very grateful to you."
How interesting she should be going to see the doctor for dinner though, Elsie thought to herself.
There was no denying she had liked Mrs Turner when she had been alive.
But he was too young to be on his own.
And if the two of them brought her daughter to the village on a more permeant basis so be it.
She was sure there was a blush there.
"I saw them in the village the other day it looks as if they have been able to bring their baby home," beamed Shelagh with a smile which her mother matched.
There had been a lot of that going on of late- babies making it home.
"Yes." said Elsie. "and they are going to be wonderful parents."
Of that, she had no doubt.
"What about Doctor Tuner?"
"Oh he is a lovely dad – it was very sad when he lost his wife but he and his son make a good team. I suspect you are going to enjoy your dinner with them tonight very much."
Bernadette was not sure why but she had the same feeling.
"Well if I do not go now I am going to be late for dinner," as she said the words Bernadette realised how hard it was going to be to go and wished she had saved her last night for her mother.
She saw regret on Elsie's face as well but the one comfort which they both had was, it was not as if it was going to be forever.
Elsie's had a feeling it would not ever be that long again.
"Well we cannot have that," she liked Patrick – he was a good man and if anyone had plenty of cause to be grateful to him, it was herself.
They got out of the chairs in which they had been sitting and looked at one another as Bernadette wondered how to take her leave. Up until now, she had just given her a quick kiss, knowing she was going to be back the next day but she did not think she was wrong to think that was not enough this time.
Her mother felt the same.
As soon as she saw Bernadette too was trying to figure out too she bit the bullet. She put her arms around her as if she was any of the others.
For just a moment Bernadette felt awkward in her arms before she realised afresh this was the women who had brought her into the world and also she had very nearly lost her before she had found her once more. And with that in mind, she held on to her as tight as she could with a mind to her operation.
Elsie's wished she could tell her just how much she loved she was, how precious she was but she refused to put her under pressure. And so she just held her and smoothed back her hair.
She would be back... That was all that mattered.
Charles had left mother and daughter on their own to have a bit of time to talk as he had figured he had got his time with his daughter when her mother had been asleep – and it was not as if they were not going to get more time with her soon now.
And yet he could not deny the fact he felt right then very much as he had done when his children were new babies and all he had wanted to do was put his head over their cots to make sure they were sleeping easy.
He did not want to be away from her.
And when he saw his daughter wrapped up in the arms of her mother he was so glad he had not stayed away.
He did not remember a more precious image to him than the ones before his eyes right then.
It warmed him soul deep.
Before the lump in his throat got too big or his eyes got to wet, he began to speak.
"Now you have a very safe journey back to London young lady and I have no idea if I have a right to ask this or not but you will let us know you got back safe, won't you?" asked Charles.
Bernadette nodded.
"You have every right and I promise you will. I do not want to lose you again," she murmured realising that was the truth.
"Oh, I promise you won't - there is going to be no getting rid of us now."
Elsie murmured. Never again.
X x x
The one thing that was for sure that going to the doctors was a very different thing she found to going to see her mother and father.
There had been so many nerves when she had first gone to Charles and Elsie's home and yes there were nerves when she went to see the doctor, but they were a different kind of nerves.
As silly as it was, she felt she had not known her parents when she had gone to see them for the first time. And she was not sure she had any more of a real idea about the doctor but when it came down to it, the two of them had already delivered a baby together and she could not count the number of times a friendship had begun like that for her.
When you did something such as that together Bernadette felt you got to know a person in the real ways.
You got to see what they were made of and what she had learnt about Patrick was he was clearly good at his job not that she had had any cause to doubt that, to begin with.
The first thing she had ever done was to thank him for saving her mother's life and she had meant every word of what she had said.
He was a wonderful doctor.
But she also thought he had great bedside manner, which even she found could be slightly lacking in her profession. She was glad to say that sort of thing did not go on so much at the London mainly because she did not think her mother and the rest of the senior staff were ever going to tolerant it.
Still, perhaps it was even more of an asset in a small village doctor and it was clearly one Downton had.
"Hello Bernadette," the doctor said warmly as soon as he opened the door.
The doctor was dressed not in the suit she had got used to seeing him in but a pair of jeans and a checked shirt with the sleeves rolled up. She could not help but swallow a little as she realised how good they looked on him.
"Good evening Patrick."
She stepped inside the house as he opened the door, the wine she had got from the site of their joint delivery in her hand.
"I do hope I am not too early."
"You're right on time - dinner is just about ready."
She smiled at him as she realised the two of them were not on their own.
"Hello, Tim – did you have a good day at school?"
"I did – my friend Colin and I found a bird in the playground and took it to the science teacher!"
And then, maybe because they were about to eat or because of a look from his father he held his tongue.
If he was a different boy then he would have cause to wonder if the bird was already dead or not but Bernadette did not have to ask to know he was not the sort of lad who was going to harm a defenceless creature.
He was a kind-hearted boy and she had a feeling he got that from his dad.
"I hope you liked sausages and mash!" said Patrick as he took her coat.
Sugary had overrun as it was bound to do on a day when he had wanted to get away early and so he had not had the chance to prepare anything more sophisticated. The truth was the kitchen was probably the area where he struggled most on the home front.
"I was born and bred in London – sausages and mash are always going to be alright with me."
"even if they are slightly burnt?" asked Timothy with a cheeky grin and ran into the kitchen before his father had a chance to respond.
"That's nothing short of slander," Patrick murmured to Bernadette as they followed Timothy.
As it turned out it was nothing short of the truth and Bernadette was not sure if she had ever had sausages which were so crispy before.
Patrick admitted defeat and asked her to leave anything which she did not want to eat but Bernadette was sure by the end of the meal she had made a stoic effort to eat as much as she could.
And here was she thinking this sort of thing only happened in romantic films.
Their dessert of jam rolly polly was more of a success made by the young Master Turner of the house and Bernadette could not help be glad that the doctor hand his son had one another. Her mother had been right. They made quite the team and she had a feeling they had been making that team ever since they had lost the most important lady in their lives.
Once dinner was over the moved on to games and when Timothy declared his all-time favourite game to be Cluedo, Shelagh realised the two of them had more in common than even she had thought originally. They were going to have a lot of fun together.
The three of them had two games before Timothy had to go and get ready for bed. He was heading to the land of nod happy, for he had won both.
"You are going to come and have dinner with us again aren't you?" asked Timothy before he left the room.
"Well, I have to go home to London tomorrow but I do promise I am coming back. And I would love to come to dinner again if the two of you will have me," she beamed at the youngster.
"I promise we will!" he said and with that, he left the room.
"I think you have a fan," Patrick teased.
"He is a wonderful lad and a credit to you," said Bernie as Tim left the room.
"I have to say I more think of him as a credit to his mother," Patrick could see a lot of his wife in their boy.
"He must miss her a lot."
"Well, I do know if he feels the lack of her. I do not know if he remembers her well enough to miss her."
Bernie was sure that did not stop a young man from missing his mum but did not say so. One way or another, she was sure they understood each other.
"Just before I came up to Yorkshire we lost a mother at the hospital where I work. I know the young midwife who attended the birth and she is very competent."
"I am sure she is."
"But it was awful all around. For Cynthia, for the dad, the baby and the rest of the staff and patients.
"It was then I knew I had had to come up and find Elsie whilst I had the chance. I am sorry that trust sounds selfish."
"Not at all."
"I just – I did not want to have regrets."
"I once heard it said there is not a more pointless emotion in the world which is a sentiment I agree with," he smiled which was the very reason she had come to see him that night.
"I agree."
The two of them looked at one another knowing.
"You will come again, soon – won't you?" he asked in a much more weighted way than his son had.
She nodded. That she would. "I promise," she repeated gently, and brushed her hand again his. The encouragement was enough for he took her hand in his own and they sat in silence for a while, on his sofa, watching the log fire which dominated the living room of his little cottage burn low.
They sat nothing at all, and got to know one another infinitely well and not at all, all at once.
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