13. Lost Things

(Sonya POV)

I'd been locked in my apartment for four and a half hours, the panic rising as each minute ticked by. Mikhail said there had been an 'incident' and people had been killed, but what did that really mean? A car accident? A hostage situation? A strigoi attack? If Alberta Petrov thought the school needed to go into lockdown it must have been something serious. All the times I'd felt like somebody was watching me, stalking me, flashed across my mind and I started to wonder if I was in danger too. I desperately thought back to the guardian masterclass and tried my best to take control of my mind, using slow, deep breaths to relax the muscles in my body. I imagined the soothing tones of Mikhail's voice telling me to breathe in and out, and eventually the calm, balanced feeling returned.

It was only a few minutes later when a knock sounded at my door and a voice I recognised called out softly. 'Sonya, it's me.'

The man that stood on my doorstep looked exhausted and I quickly urged him inside. There was a muddy tinge to his aura and I could tell from his drawn expression that he was struggling. Normally Mikhail Tanner was the one to take care of me, but this time our roles were reversed.

'Go and sit down on the couch and I'll bring you something to drink,' I ordered him gently, trying to remain calm. I knew he'd want a coffee but my mother had always been a great believer in sweet tea for shock, so I added three sugar-cubes to his cup of Earl Grey and found a few almond biscotti fingers to serve on the side.

When I rounded the corner of the bookcase Mikhail was sitting with his elbows on his knees and his head resting in his hands. He looked up blearily and I moved to sit quietly beside him, waiting for him to speak.

'I don't know how to start,' he said softly, shaking his head as he looked down at the floor.

'Have some tea and then we can talk about it,' I suggested, placing the cup into his hands.

I waited patiently as he sipped at his drink. Soon enough the sweet liquid started to work its magic and he seemed ready to talk. Mikhail placed his cup down on the small coffee table beside the lounge and turned his head towards me.

'I've seen quite a few horrific things in my life but tonight was one of the worst. It was a car crash, Sonya. A stupid, tragic car crash. Five people died – three Moroi royals, their dhampir guardian and a human.'

'How awful,' I gasped quietly, looking at him with concern. So that was why his aura was so dark. I longed to comfort him but I didn't know what to do.

'I shouldn't let it affect me,' he rebuked himself, looking down at his clenched fists as if he felt ashamed, 'but the last time I attended a serious crash was six years ago when I was still living in Romania. I was twenty-three and the girl that died was only nineteen. She was my sister.'

When he paused, his breathing was slightly uneven and he pinched the top of his nose, not trusting himself to continue. I'd never seen Mikhail so vulnerable, so lost, and I instinctively reached out to touch the back of his hand.

'Mikhail… I had no idea,' I whispered sadly, and he turned his palm up, wrapping his fingers around mine like I was his life-line.

We sat there in silence until he felt ready to continue. When he did finally speak he sat back against the cushions but stayed close to me, our knees still touching and our fingers interlaced.

'Sorry Sonya. I haven't thought about Catalina for a long time - her death was extremely traumatic for me. I actually left Romania to distance myself from the memories but tonight's crash brought it all back.' He looked at me apologetically then freed his hand to reach for his tea and took another mouthful.

'Would you like to tell me about her?' I asked carefully, offering him the opportunity to talk but, at the same time, not wanting to pry.

He considered my question for a moment and I could see he wanted to unburden himself but something held him back. 'It's not a happy story I'm afraid,' he said hesitantly. 'I wouldn't like to worry you.'

'You have helped me at my lowest point, Mikhail,' I urged him gently, brushing a tentative hand across his shoulder. 'Please let me return the favour.'

He conceded, shifting around to tuck one leg under the other so he was facing me. 'Well… I only learnt she existed when I was nineteen. It was about six months after graduation and I decided to pop home for a surprise visit, but it seemed my mother already had another guest – my moroi father. I didn't recognise the car parked on the street in front of our house so I decided to take a look inside, and that's when I saw her.'

He took another sip of tea and his eyes had a far-away look as he was lost in the memory. 'Catalina was sitting in the passenger seat of the car. She was fifteen but she looked younger, and there was a kind of frail innocence about her that made me stop. She wound down her window then looked straight at me and said, Do you know that our auras match?'

I gripped the cushion beside me to keep myself from crying out in shock. I'd never met anybody else who could read auras like me – I thought I was the only one. Fortunately Mikhail continued his story, oblivious to my reaction.

'I'd never even considered I might have an aura – I assumed it was a moroi thing so I did my best to be polite and asked her what she meant. She told me hers was gold and mine was blue with gold streaks – quite rare apparently.'

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was it possible that Mikhail's sister had the same kind of magic that I did? I felt excited at first, then depressed when I remembered I would never get the chance to meet her. It took every ounce of focus I had to slow my mind and listen to what my friend was saying.

'We fell into an easy conversation,' he continued, 'and when we discovered that we shared the same father our instant connection made more sense. I felt angry that I hadn't been given the opportunity to meet her sooner, and promised I would find a way to keep in contact with her.'

'When did you see her next?' I asked curiously, my heart still racing with the realisation that there could be others out there like me.

Mikhail smiled at my interest. 'We met on the last Sunday of every month, provided I could schedule time off from my guardian duties with the Ivashkovs. We would meet up at the chapel service in town and afterwards we always shared a bublik while we caught up on one-another's news.'

'My mother used to make those bagels for me when I was little!' I exclaimed softly, enjoying my own happy memory. 'Now I know what to bake for you next time you come around,' I beamed, then felt slightly awkward that I had assumed there was going to be a next time.

'The second I smell them cooking I will be at your doorstep,' his eyes crinkled with hidden amusement as he held my gaze briefly, then our conversation took a break as we each crunched into a biscotti.

After a minute or so Mikhail stretched out his legs and rested back against the cushions, his expression sobering as he resumed his story.

'As the years went by, my job didn't allow me to see Catalina as often as I would have liked, and each time we did meet she seemed increasingly troubled. By the time I realised she was sick it was too late to help her. She withdrew into herself and started taking drugs to escape her demons. When she died, the coroner's report said that she crashed her car after losing consciousness due to a drug overdose.'

His hand crept back into mine and I squeezed his fingers, not sure what to say. We both fell into silence, each lost in our own thoughts. There was something uncannily familiar about this girl, and I only hoped my own struggle with the darkness wouldn't end the same way hers had.

Eventually Mikhail's voice broke through the stillness. 'Sometimes I think you remind me a little bit of her, and that's why I feel so protective of you,' he trailed off, unsure how to continue.

So he thought of me as a sister, I realised sadly. I'd been preparing myself for this for a few weeks now, but the disappointment still stung like raw wound.

'But it's more than that, Sonya,' he turned to look into my eyes, his accent thickening slightly with some unspoken emotion. 'When I'm with you I feel like I'm… home.'

Now I was thoroughly confused. There was an unmistakable intimacy in his words that matched the steady purpling of his aura and I froze under his gaze, hoping he couldn't hear my racing heartbeat. I felt I needed to say something in return but it was hard to find the right words. I lowered my eyes and forced myself to be brave – not my strongest suit.

'When I'm with you I feel safe, Mikhail… and that hasn't happened in a very long time,' I admitted shyly, and any trace of self-consciousness was hidden as he drew me close, folding his arms around me and resting my head on his chest.

'We guardians do what we can to make our moroi feel safe,' he whispered into my hair.

I closed my eyes as I felt his warmth surround me, and held myself perfectly still as I breathed in his soft musky scent, afraid any movement might break the spell. We lingered together like that, far longer than a casual friendly hug, but eventually he broke away.

'I'm so sorry Sonya but I have to get going soon,' he apologised quietly, one hand still resting on my arm. 'I just can't help feeling like a complete fraud – I came here to check if you were alright and you ended up comforting me. I invited you to the masterclass and we didn't even get to talk about the self-defence strategies.'

'I'm sure there will be another chance,' I assured him with a smile.

'Actually, I probably won't have much time to spare over the next few weeks,' he confessed. 'Oh, God. I didn't even tell you about the crash.' He ran his fingers though his hair in frustration.

'What about it?' I frowned, confused by his sudden change in mood.

'The three moroi that died in the crash were Eric, Rhea and Andre Dragomir. Vasilisa was injured but she is in a stable condition recovering in the medical centre. Sometime over the next week or so there will be a funeral service at The Academy and we expect up to two hundred royal guests will attend. All guardians have been rostered to work double shifts until the arrangements have been sorted out. I'm so sorry. I feel like I'm abandoning you,' he finished remorsefully.

'I'm a big girl – I'm sure I'll be fine,' I did my best impression of a smile. 'You need to take care of your job before you take on an extra student anyway, especially one as difficult as me!'

He shook his head and sighed, standing up and pulling me into a brief farewell hug.

'Thank you for understanding. The moment I get a break I'll try to catch up with you.'

'You know where to find me,' I joked lightly, leading him to the door.

After he had left, I wandered back over to the couch and sat down, absently running my finger around the edge of Mikhail's teacup as I tried to absorb everything I'd learned in the last few hours.

So much had been lost tonight – five innocent lives were gone in a moment, and it felt like Mikhail's sister had died all over again, taking any knowledge of her magic – our magic – with her. We had nearly witnessed the end of the Dragomir line, and the sole surviving member hadn't even been declared fit to leave the medical centre yet. It was all too tragic.

Something else niggled at my mind and my face fell as I finally made the connection. The death of Eric Dragomir meant more than the loss of a royal prince. Now, somewhere over in the elementary campus, there was a young girl – my cousin Emily's child – who would never get the opportunity to know her real father.

With Mikhail gone, my apartment felt eerily quiet and empty, and a heaviness settled over me – something very different to the darkness from burning out on magic. Grief for all the lost things washed over me in waves and I let the tears fall.

Author's Note:

Hmm… Mikhail & Sonya's growing trust is turning into something a little more romantic, I think! I liked giving Sonya a chance to be the strong one in this scene, and how she is starting to apply Mikhail's training to get some control back in her own life.

I've had the idea for Mikhail's backstory with his sister for a while – to me, this explains why he has such a close bond with Sonya and isn't scared off by her (occasionally) strange behaviour.