SomeBloke420: The other universes don't play a role, so in essence it was throwaway information...or world-building. One of the two.
STR2D3PO: The 90s was the last great decade. Things kind of went to hell around the year 2001 :(
Lincoln Loud did what any boy of almost twelve would do after being caught stroking his penis by his little sister: Hid in his room and wouldn't come out.
Not that anyone tried to make him. It was a nice summer day and everyone was off doing their own thing: Lynn and Lana tossing the ol' pigskin in the backyard, Leni and Lori gone to the mall, Luna shredding her guitar and dancing around her room like Joan Jett, and everybody else...well, Lincoln didn't know. He wasn't his sisters' keeper.
Alone with his bitter, abiding shame, he first tried to read a comic book, but couldn't focus, so fired up his X-Station One for a little Call of Honor, but couldn't concentrate there, either. He started off on X-Station Alive multiplayer, but six-year-olds in California who did nothing but play until they were pro-level kept killing him and calling him a fag, so he switched to campaign mode, and the AI took over where the kindergartners left off, only with less homophobia. Then again, the AI were Nazi soldiers, so the homophobia was there, just not front and center.
Giving up on that, he retreated to the center of his bed, where he sat with his legs crossed like an Indian swami; also like an Indian swami, he sought inner peace...but did not find it. He did find the erection that went away after Lisa walked in on him. Yo, Linc, what it do? You tryna nut? No, goddamn it, I'm trying to achieve nirvana, now leave me alone.
Nirvana? You know that song Heart-Shaped Box, my man? It's about a woman's -
I don't care!
Just like Little Red Corvette by Prince. And Sugar Walls by Sheena Easton. My House by The Mary Jane Girls, Cherry Pie by Warrant…
Leave me alone!
You know Girl Jordan? She's cute, isn't she? Wears that skirt. Imagine this: You're at her house for a pool party, wearing nothing but thin, wet shorts that cling to your junk. Man, you're practically naked. You walk by, she's leaning against the wall with her arms crossed and a devilish little smile on her pink lips. "Hey, Linc, there's something I wanna show you in the pool house." She takes your hand - dude, she's so soft and warm and you can smell her perfume -
Lincoln grimaced, his dick beginning to pulse. Stop, please, I'm begging you.
- then she turns around, brushes her teeth over her lower lip...and lifts her skirt up, showing you her bare, pink, glistening pussy. "Do you like it?" she asks coyly. You show her that you do by walking over, kissing her, and rubbing it slowly.
I swear to God, I'm gonna cut you off.
Your tongues lapping and flicking, your fingers caressing her silky folds, getting wet with her juices. She rests her forearms on your shoulders and deepens the kiss, spreads her legs to give you easier access, starts shaking because YOU'RE MAKING HER CUM RIGHT ON YOUR HAND!
Lincoln hung his head and sighed. This is my everyday, folks. Oh, but Linc, that's just how it goes, stop pissing and moaning. I know that's how it goes, but it's driving me crazy and I don't know how much more I can take. Is it normal to be this randy? It legitimately interferes with my life. What if I have some kind of horrible disorder or something? What if it doesn't get better, but worse, like a deadly fever? 101.2. 103.4. 110.5.
At least a deadly fever would, you know, make me dead - I doubt this will kill me, unless it drives me to leap in front of a speeding Mac truck just to get some relief.
You know what? Screw this. I'm gonna go get in on Lynn and Lana's ballgame. Running, jumping, and getting tackled to pulp by my wiry older sister will get my mind off this unbearing itching. Maybe if I'm lucky, Lynn'll hit me so hard I'll get amnesia and forget how sprung I am.
Or that she's your sister which leads to you -
Cold horror filled his chest. Oh, no, fuck that.
Getting to his feet, he snatched his jeans from the floor, pulled them on over his underwear, then sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed his shoes.
Am I really getting so far down the rabbit hole that I'll start looking at my sisters? Jesus, man, that's gross. They're my sisters - ugh.
He stopped and tried to imagine kissing Lynn - with tongue - and a shiver dropped down the length of his spine. Okay, I'm not that far gone yet, but I seem to be well on my way. You know what? Maybe I'll go to the arcade instead and try to find a girlfriend - I mean play Pac-Man. Pac-Man's great. Fifty years old and still as fun as the day it was released. Space Invaders too. In fact, all of those old games are a blast. Atari, Sega, N64. 007 Goldeneye for the N64 was one of the best first person shooters ever. And Driver for the PSOne was a good time even though it played kind of like a low rent Grand Theft Auto: 3. Speaking of GTA 3, that was one of his all time favorites; driving around, running over hookers and screaming on niggas with a bat.
Good times, good times.
How about you scream on a hooker with a bat irl. Your bat.
And get an STI and lose all self-respect because I couldn't get a girl on my own, I had to pay for it.
Still had sex, though.
Well...you're not wrong, but screw you regardless.
Tying his shoes, he got up and went into the hall, stopping when a loud sound crashed against his eardrums.
Silence.
See, silence can be really loud if you're not used to it, and Lincoln was not used to the total absence of noise, especially in the middle of the day. Tilting his head to one side and then the other and resembling a man trying to drain water from his inner ears, he listened, but heard nothing. Curious now, he went to Luna and Luan's door and poked his head in.
Empty.
Hm.
Next he went to Leni's and Lori, but found more of the same. Maybe they're all downstairs sitting perfectly still.
Heh. Fat chance of that.
Turning away, he went down the steps, expecting to see at least one person on the couch: Instead the living room stood deserted and the TV off. Well, that tells me no one's here. What, did they all decided on an impromptu trip to The Pizza Dungeon without me? Is it National No Lincoln Day? Am I going to go crazy and start talking to a car, build a Helga-like shrine to my best friend in the hall closet, and attack a bus with an ax? Or maybe they all died and I'll wind up like that guy from The Twilight Zone, standing alone with a big, stupid grin. Time enough to fap at last. *Both hands fall off* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Oh, or will it be like that movie Left Behind where God raptures all the good guys and leaves the assholes? I mean, I'm not a saint *looks around* but I didn't think I was that bad.
Shouldn't have thought about kissing your sister, Linc.
Well, I didn't think about kissing her, just forgetting that she was my sister and kissing her. Actually, no, I did think about it, but it repulsed me.
Too bad, loser. Hang out with Kirk Cameron and the Antichrist.
God, I can't tell which one's worse.
Wandering aimlessly into the kitchen like Larry Underwood through Central Park after the Superflu, Lincoln found himself in the sun washed kitchen. At the back door, he peered out, and spotted Lynn's football sitting alone in the grass. He was uncomfortably reminded of The Mary Celeste, a ship waaaaay back in the day (when blacks weren't considered people, women couldn't vote, and everyone walked twenty miles uphill through the snow to go to school). It was found adrift with no hands on deck - literally, it was deserted. Plates were laid out on the table and a pipe still smoldered in the wheelhouse, which suggested a hasty disappearance. No one knew to this day what happened to them.
Just like the Loud family.
Whatever, I might as well go jack off.
His stomach rumbled.
After lunch.
Linka...I'm horny again.
Seriously? I just got done playing with you.
I know, but boys...muscles...dicks.
Linka sighed. She was sitting in the middle of her bed with a Jane Austen hardback tented on her lap. It's your fault, she thought as she glared at the book. I was fine until the hero and heroine shared that passionate kiss. See? All it took was two or three lines of type to set her off...and the sad thing, it wasn't even that steamy. Being a girl in the throes of puberty, though, she didn't need much stimulation to start feeling hot under the collar. Sometimes just the feeling of her panties rubbing against her did the trick - she'd be fine, get up, take a couple steps, and start blushing like crazy because oooh, that feels good.
The same thing with her nipples. She was starting to grow breasts so she wore a bra now, but in the beginning she didn't, and the soft touch of her blouse sent quivers through her stomach that made it hard to think, focus, and even speak. Was that normal? Claudia didn't seem to have it that bad, and neither did Mama Stoppie or any of her other friends. From what she'd heard about boys and their puberty, she was starting to think she was more like them then a girl. And maybe she was just a slut.
Sigh, She didn't want to be a slut. Or a ho. Or a thot. She just wanted this freaking awful pressure to stop and leave her alone. She'd be so happy if it did - she'd even do a dorky happy dance in front of the whole school because ahhhh, sweet relief.
Linka...come on, touch me again. Make me purrrr like the kitty I am.
Ugh. You, young lady, are the thot, not me. If it wasn't for you, I'd be reading my book right now and not staring at the wall and fighting back thoughts of boys, boys, boys. I'm to the point where even though I want them, I'm so sick of them I could scream. Go away! Leave me alone! Take your yummy six packs, toned arms, cute smiles, and especially your penises and shove them up your butts.
Blowing a puff of air, she picked up her book and gave it a longing glance. We must part, my dear, because my vagina won't let me concentrate on you. Fear not, though, for we will be reunited *dramatically presses back of hand to forehead*
She snapped it closed and sat it on the nightstand. Maybe she'd play a game on her phone - she had a bunch and some of them were really fun. Her favorite was Ms. Pac-Man. She was awesome, eating orbs and running from ghosts. You really had to admire her ability to have an appetite while being chased by spirits. If it was Linka, food would be the last thing on her mind. Oh, no, the phantoms are gaining on me! Let me stop for a little snacky-poo. She liked old games, they were all a good time. Space Invaders, Centipede, oooh, Breakout. Breakout was nice. She found her Dad's old Super Nintendo in the attic last year, and he hooked it up for her, but it stopped working a few weeks ago. Sigh. She could play most of the games he had online, but having the actual controller in your hands was better.
Oh well. She wasn't that big on games. She was a bookworm - she loved reading, especially classics like Dickens and Twain. She also maaaaay really enjoy Superhero comics, but everyone thinks it's weird if a girl reads those, so she kept it on the DL. Speaking of, she had an Ace Savvy comic on her top drawer that needed a good reading. Maybe she'd be able to focus on that considering it had pictures. She just hoped Rock-Man didn't show up - he was a big guy made of rock and he didn't wear a shirt *fans self*
She leaned over, opened the drawer, and pulled it out, the brush of her inner thighs against her purring kitty sending shockwaves through her body. Ugh, really! Stop!
You know who's super cute, Linka? Boy Jordan.
Ugh, no, don't you even.
Wouldn't it be hot if you were and him were walking through a trail in the woods holding hands, then you let go, lifted your skirt, and showed him your pussy?
She chewed her bottom lip. Well…
Then he puts one hand on your cheek, the other between your legs, and starts playing with you as he kisses you crazy good?
She shook her head. No! Go. A. Way. No bueno.
Ummm yes bueno, especially when you start shaking like a leaf in a tree, your knees turn to jelly, and you cum all over his big, strong, wiggling hand.
She took a deep, determined breath through her nose and let it out slowly - her brow was set and her lips a white slash across her face. She looked like a girl who had had enough because that's flipping, freaking exactly what she was. I don't want to think about this anymore. I want to read a comic, or play a game, or walk down the street, or simply stare at the wall without you chiming in every two seconds about how badly you want to be touched. I know. I get it. I heard you the first fifty thousand times, now shut up.
But -
No! No buts allowed.
Not even the hot, tight, cute boy kind?
Especially those.
But, Link -
I said good day!
She pointed toward the door, and her incessant libido, hanging its head with a sad sigh, trudged out. Good riddance to bad rub -
It turned around and came back. J/k, Linka, I'm here to stay!
Screaming in utter madness, Linka grabbed her hair and pulled, then curled up in a little ball and rocked back and forth like a baby.
Okay, that didn't really happen, but she totally felt like she really could scream and pull all of her hair out. Here's a random thought: In movies and stuff, when someone goes insane, their hair turns white. Hers was already white, so if she tipped over the edge into madness, what color would hers turn? Black? Hmmm. How would she look with black hair? Probably like Lars. She'd considered dying it before, but her mom made a big fuss about you're beautiful the way you are, honey. I know, but...having white hair's kind of embarrassing sometimes; kids didn't really make fun of her for it now, but they used to. *Hangs head* In first grade her nickname was Grandma. In second it was Snow White.
Plus, she was honestly curious about how she'd look. Nothing wrong with that, right?
She scrunched her lips to the side in thought. There was hair dye in the house - because Mom was starting to go gray (what happened to you're beautiful the way you are, huh, Mom?). How disappointed/angry/some third emotion would Mom be if Linka secretly dyed her hair? Probably not too much. The catch was, the dye was blonde. Did she really want blonde hair? For some reason she didn't think that would be a good color on her. You know what might look good? Purple streaks.
Unfortunately, there was no purple dye in the house, though she supposed she could hop on her bike and ride to the Rite-Aid on the corner of Franklin and Rosemont, they might -
Her thoughts cut off when someone knocked on the door. "Yeah?" she called.
The knob turned and Levi poked his head in. "Linka, I require assistance, please."
"Okay," Linka said instantly and got up. Though she was only eleven (almost twelve), she had long been something of a den other to her brothers, especially the younger ones: She baked for them, helped them with their homework, got on their butts when they needed to pick up after themselves or did something wrong, hugged them when they were sad, and made their boo boos all better when they were hurt. She was too young to know whether or not she wanted children of her own, but she did enjoy playing mom to her boys, and whenever they needed her, she was right there to help. Unless they bothered her during one of her shows, then the little creeps were on their own.
*Pretty smile*
Levi withdrew from the doorway and Linka followed him into the hall - Loki leaned against the wall flanking the bathroom door with his head bent over his phone and Lexx stood across from him, glaring. As soon as whoever was in there came out, they were going to make a dash for it. Loki was taller and stronger, so he'd probably brush Lexx aside. Then again, Lexx was smaller and didn't mind hitting below the belt, so it was anyone's game really. Her maternal instincts kicked in and she started to call to them, but Lynn popped up in front of her and Levi and startled her so badly she yelped. "Hey, Link, did you finish my shorts yet?"
During his last game of tackle football with his neighborhood friends, Lynn ripped his gym shorts down the back, thus he brought them to her like a boy bringing his dying puppy to a vet. Can you sew these? Please?
"Yeah," she said, "they're on my dresser."
He grinned. "Thanks. Can I get 'em?"
Though her brothers came and went from each other's room unannounced and without permission, they never went into her room unless she said it was okay. "Sure."
Patting Levi hard on the top of the head, Lynn bounded off to claim his prize. In Levi's room, he shut the door and went over to his computer. Linka noticed that the teleportation device that usually sat in a corner under a sheet was pulled out and uncovered. It was a wide, silver and cylindrical contraption with a clear, coffin lid-like door and resembled a rocket.
She froze.
"Uh...it doesn't involve that, does it?" she asked.
In his chair with his back to her, fingers flying across the keyboard, Levi hummed. "Actually,' he said, "it does."
Oh.
Well…
In that case…
"I just remembered, I have something to do."
Linka wasn't a scaredy cat - unless she was watching a super creepy movie or outside alone at night - but Levi's teleportation chamber legitimately frightened her. If the concordinances are not input properly, he told her, you could wind up on the bottom of the ocean or in the cold, frigid vacuum of outer space, whereupon your head will swell and then pop. His eyes shone with excitement when he told her this, as though he looked forward to dying a horrible, lonely death in the dark recesses of the cosmos. Maybe he was, but Linka sure wasn't, and while it might be irrational, she was certain that stepping into that thing, or even going anywhere near it, was as good as stepping off a chair with a noose around your neck.
Presently, Levi jabbed a button, and the chamber began to glow, which meant that it was on and ready to send you to Mars or to the ocean floor. "I assure you it's safe," he said and got up. He went to it and held a card to the black keypad flanking the door; it opened with a pneumatic whoosh. "Now come on. We have to leave at once."
Linka's heart dropped. Was he asking her to get in that thing? He turned, frowned at her distress, and came forward, his normally stoic features softening - just a little. "Linka," he said tenderly, "I wouldn't ask you to get into the teleporter if I was not one hundred percent sure it was safe." He smiled tightly, and in his eyes, she saw earnesty. "Please?"
"O-Okay," she heard herself say, "but...where are we going and why?"
"It's a surprise," he said and patted her hand.
She cocked a stern brow, and Levi chafed like a boy under the intense scrutiny of his mother. "I have a special...day...planned. Just for you. Trust me, you'll enjoy yourself."
Hm. A special day planned just for me. Ooooh, maybe we're going to Paris. I've always wanted to go there: If that cartoon skunk is any indication, French boys are very passionate...they'll trail kisses up your arm until they reach your lips and...nevermind. "Alright," she said, "fine. Let's go."
"Splendid," Levi said. Taking her hand, he lead her over to the machine, and despite his reassurances, her stomach knotted with dread. "Watch your step," he worried, and Linka stepped up into the chamber, her heart slamming now. Levi let go of her hand, closed the door, and punched a few buttons on another keypad. "We'd be more likely to meet with an accident on an airliner," he said. He stood there with his hands behind his back and his chest thrown out in a pose bespeaking confidence, and Linka relaxed a little...but still cried out when the machine began to whirr, and desperately clutched his hand when the glass, through which the room was visible, began to shimmer with electricity. She pressed her knees together and squeezed her eyes closed - this is it, I'm gonna die.
Levi held her hand protectively. "It's alright, Link," he said, his voice warm and soothing, "in fact…" he missed a beat, then another, then one more, the suspense building and building until it was crushing her, strangling her, ahhhhh "...we're there."
The machine, hitherto humming and vibrating lightly, fell completely still. Linka pried one eye cautiously open, then the other when she realized, hey, we're not on Mars, we're…
She squinted through the glass.
Still in the bedroom. Yep, there's the carpet, the door, Leon's crib against the wall...we didn't even leave the house. Lol.
"I don't think it worked," she said.
"Of course it did," Levi said. He punched a few buttons, and the door opened. "Watch your step." He hopped down, and Linka followed, looking around like a woman on a sightseeing tour of Manhattan. Ooooh, there's the Empire State Building, there's the Chrysler Building, there's a pigeon. Awww.
Only...wait a second...something wasn't right. She stopped and furrowed her brow in thought, then it hit her: His lab setup was different: The table with all of his beakers and tubes wasn't in the same spot and his computer desk was bigger and L-shaped rather than...uh...I-shaped, I guess.
Toto...I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
The hairs on the back of her neck prickled, and suddenly, she felt like a whole flock of geese had just walked across her grave. "W-Where are we?" she asked, her voice lowering when she noticed something odd. Leon's crib...the blankets were blue before...now they were pink.
Levi, his back to her and his hands on his hips, scanned the room. "1216 Franklin Avenue," he said, "Royal Woods, Michigan." There was an amused hilt to his voice that told her he was being facetious. She looked around again, and took a deep whiff through her nose.
Every house, every trailer, every apartment, has its own distinct smell, and the people who live there are so used to it that they don't even notice it after a while. Linka noticed the smell here, and it was unlike the smell to which she was accustomed. Sweet, in a sickly, rotting flowers on top of a casket sort of way. Her nose crinkled and her lips puckered. "This isn't our house," she said. It was a statement, a bold declaration of absolute certitude: It looked like their house, to an extent, but was positively not.
"You're not entirely wrong," Levi said over his shoulder, "but you're not entirely right, either."
Huh?
"Follow me," he said.
Looking left and right as if expecting an attack (which she totally was), Linka followed Levi into the hall, her fists balled to her chest and her steps uncertain as though the floor were ice. Everything looked pretty much the same, though the end table sat against the opposite wall from where it did at home, and the colors of the vase and flowers were switched: Here the vase was blue and the flowers were pink. "It's just up here," Levi said and nodded toward her room...or what was her room at home. Here it was probably the bathroom or something.
The surreality of everything being so alike yet so monumentally different made Linka's head spin. "Where are we?" she asked, glancing left and right. There was a white spot on the wall next to Lars and Lynn's room where someone patched a hole. There was not one at home.
"You'll see in a second," Levi said. At her door, he laid his hand on the knob and rapped his knuckles against the wood. A voice called for them to enter, and, sparing a glance at Linka as if to make sure she was still with him and okay, he opened it.
What Linka saw made her jaw drop.
It was her room almost exactly, down to the bed being against the north wall and the dresser at the foot. The bedframe was different, though - hers was white metal, this one was wood with a solid headboard instead of bars. The walls were beige vs. her pink. The desk under the window was cluttered, papers, books, action figures, and other things centered around an open laptop. Her desk was neat and tidy.
The most shocking thing was the little girl sitting in the chair facing them, her arms and legs crossed. Clad in light maroon pants and a baggy green sweater, her brown hair messy and tangled, she looked liked Levi.
Exactly.
Except for the clothes.
Linka blinked then rubbed her eyes like a cartoon character who couldn't believe what they were seeing and thought hey, maybe I just need to clean out my cornea and everything will go back to normal. The little girl remained where she was, however, her expression one of flat indifference.
"We're here," Levi announced; he sounded less than thrilled by that fact.
"It took you long enough," the girl said, a faint trace of friendly teasing in her voice, "I was expecting you at 2:05:30 not 2:05:57."
Levi crossed to the bed and climbed on, his little legs dangling well above the floor. "I neglected to calibrate the flux capacitor," he said. "I wasn't expecting to make a trip today, after all."
Have you ever felt so light-headed you almost fall down? Linka had, tons of times, but never quite as strong as now. In fact, her knees gave completely out and the only thing that saved her was the dresser - she rested heavily against it, took a deep breath, and centered herself like Helga McBride taught her - she was a yoga teacher and knew all kinds of tricks and stuff. None to get boys off your mind, though.
When she looked up, Levi and Girl Levi were both looking at her, Girl Levi with a quizzically raised brow and Boy Levi - her Levi - with concern. "Are you alright?" he asked.
No, she flipping wasn't. She was in some kind of bizarro world where everything she knew was slightly askance - not enough to bowl you over but more than enough to unsettle you - and, to top it all off...her brother was a girl. Not really, because he was right there, bu...grrrr...you know what I mean. "No," she said as calmly as she could, "I am not. I was expecting to go to Paris, or to a comic book convention, or to a spa, not…" she cast a stricken look around the room "...wherever this is. Where are we?" The last three words came out as a command, in a tone she reserved for when she really meant business.
Levi instantly opened his mouth to tell her exactly what she wanted to know (ha, it always works) but Girl Levi held up a forestalling hand and looked directly at Linka; there was a defiant glint in her eyes that gave Linka pause. "In due time," she said, "meanwhile, sit next to your brother."
Linka wasn't used to being told what to do - by her parents, yes, but certainly not by her brothers. Usually, it was her telling them what to do. The little girl in front of her, however, was not her brother, even though she looked like him. For a moment she considered protesting further, but the little girl's challenging glare was enough to make Linka buckle; she backed down and sat beside Levi, her arms folding across her chest and a look of displeasure crossing her face. Girl Levi's parents had obviously never taught her to respect her elders; who did she think she was, anyway?
The little girl stared at her for a moment - give me a reason - then turned to Levi, her features softening just a touch. "You were saying?"
Levi's brows furrowed in confusion, then lifted. "Oh, the flux capacitor. It's off by one/eighth. I've had every intention of getting around to it, but it hasn't happened yet."
"How's your research coming?"
Levi nodded. "Well. I'm on the verge of a breakthrough and in several days' time, I should be done. That is if the Pentagon will stop calling me every five minutes for instruction on how to use the goddamn security system I designed them."
"Levi!" Linka gasped.
The little boy's face crinkled painfully when he realized his mistake. "I apologize. It slipped."
She knew darn well that her older brothers cussed, and while she would chastise them for it when she heard it, she didn't police them the way she did the younger ones. "That's an ugly word. Why is it even in your mouth to slip in the first place?"
Girl Levi watched with detached interest as Levi rubbed the back of his neck and stumbled out a lame reply. Linka could feel her eyes on her like a burning death ray, and it took everything she had to not chafe. She already stood down once, she wasn't going to do it again.
After a moment's silence, the girl shafted. "Well, the Pentagon is filled with goddamn morons, so that's to be expected."
Linka glared, and the little girl grinned almost imperceptibly. She ought to say something (you have a potty mouth and need to go in time out), but wound up going back on what she said a few seconds ago and stood down again. Girl Levi nodded as if to say that's right, you're on my turf now, then turned to Levi. "Have you decided whether or not to take that teaching position at Harvard?"
Being a genius of epic proportions, Levi had already graduated both high school and college, and was highly sought after by many ivy league universities. Linka was very proud of him. I bet Girl Levi is still a senior at Yale or something. Pffft. Maybe if your parents raised you better, you'd have spent more time studying than being rude.
"Probably not," Levi said, "I don't believe that telecommuting will allow me to build a real rapport with the students."
"Telecommuting is the future," Girl Levi pointed out.
Levi ticked his head back and forth in thought. "Not necessarily. Nothing will replace - "
At the same time Levi broke off and Girl Levi looked toward the door, Linka caught a flash of movement from the corner of her eye and whipped her head around.
If she was shocked by seeing a girl who looked just like Levi, she was mortified to see a boy who looked just like her. He stood in the doorway, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open in a perfect O of surprise. For a moment the world seemed to stop, and with it Linka's heart. She felt her mind beginning to blow - literally - and the room started to spin like she was going to pass out. The boy, dressed in an orange polo shirt and jeans, darted his eyes from her, then to Levi, and finally to Girl Levi. He opened his mouth to speak, but wound up looking like a fish gasping for air as it flopped on the shore. "W-W-W-What the hell is this?" he asked.
The uncanny pall broken, Linka shot a withering glance at Girl Levi. Alright, I've had enough. No more mister nice guy. I want answers and I want them now. "I'd like to know too," she demanded.
Girl Levi gestured toward the bed. "Sit."
Boy Linka (God, that's so weird) stared at Girl Levi, then came over; Linka's heart jumped and she shoved closer to Levi as though Boy Linka had the plague...which, for all she knew, he did. For his part, he hesitated, then sat stiffly next to her, scooting over and adding another few inches to the gulf between them. "Alright, Lisa," he said, "talk."
Lisa adjusted her glasses. "Well, first of all, this is Linka and Levi. They come from an alternate dimension where genders are swapped, for lack of a better term."
"Alternate dimension?" Linka and Lincoln both gaped.
"Yes," Lisa said. "Six months ago, I set out to prove the multiverse theory - the concept of multiple universes existing side-by-side."
"At the same time, I set out to disprove it," Levi said.
Lisa grinned smugly. "As you can see, I was right."
"And a braggart as well," Levi said.
"That too," Lisa said, then continued. "I was able to establish contact with several such dimensions, one of them being Levi's. In every one of them, we all exist simultaneously, from you and I, Lincoln, to historical figures such as George Washington and Spartacus. There are discrepancies - sometimes major, sometimes minor - but for some reason, while things change from one reality to another, human beings do not. Their personalities, perhaps, but not them. I liken it to a hall of mirrors in a carnival funhouse. There are a dozen different reflections, many distorted, but all of the same thing. You, for instance."
Linka's head spun, not because she couldn't follow what Lisa was saying (she could) but because the concept was so freaking mind-boggling.
Shifting again, Lisa went on. "Levi's, thus far, is the closest to our own, the only major difference being that males here are females there."
"And females there are males here."
Instinctively, Linka stole a sidelong glance at Lincoln...just as he did the same to her; their eyes met, then darted away like timid goldfish in a bowl. If Linka understood correctly, and she was certain that she did, Lincoln was her but male...and she was him but female. "You said something about funhouse mirrors," Linka said, cutting Lisa off.
"Yes."
"Well...for there to be a reflection," she said, "there has to, like, be something to make the reflection."
Lisa nodded. "Levi's taught you the basics."
Ignoring the little girl's snark, Linka went on. "Does that mean that…?"
"One of us isn't real?" Lincoln asked. There was worry in his voice.
The two geniuses exchanged a look, and Levi sighed. "We don't know. It's possible that one of our realities is simply a reflection of something else, a 'real' world, and it's possible that both of our realities are a reflection. Or neither. All of us, however, are indeed real. We live, breathe, bleed, and experience the full range of human emotions."
Linka's head was starting to hurt. She put her hand to her temple and rubbed. "This is crazy," she said, and a sharp, humorless laugh escaped her throat. Somewhere in the great wide multiverse, there was very likely a girl, or a boy, who cast a shadow, and it's name was Linka Margaret Loud.
"This does not invalidate our humanity, Linka" Levi said softly and squeezed her shoulder. "We're still us."
Yeah? Well...what if we aren't? What if we're just someone's reflection? And what if everything we are is dictated by someone else, someone real, unlike us?
Next to her, Lincoln raked a trembling hand through his hair and drew a burdensome sigh. If he was really her, and she was him, he was probably thinking pretty much the same thing. "H-H-How does this work?" he asked.
"I could give you theory, but it would be so steeped in scientific jargon you wouldn't understand it. Suffice it to say, there are possibly an infinite number of realities, and an infinite number of us-variants all, at their core, more similar to us than not. By no means identical, though. You and Linka, for instance, are very much alike, but not entirely the same. We are molded by various factors, gender, of course, being one. Society does not treat boys exactly the same as it does girls. There are different standards, customs, and expectations for both, and both are treated differently, therefore we are shaped differently." She took a deep breath and continued. "The two of you share many, many traits, however, and would get along splendidly."
Linka and Lincoln glanced at each other again, their eyes lingering a little longer as their curiosity slowly overcame their trepidation.
"Linka," Lisa said, "why don't you tell Lincoln a bit about yourself?"
Linka's heart sputtered. Oh...wow...uh, way to put me on the spot. "Um...well...I like to read," she offered as she looked at her hands; they rested firmly in her lap. "And bake."
When it became clear that that was all, Lisa looked at Lincoln. "Tell Linka about yourself."
Swallowing nervously, Lincoln rubbed the back of his neck. "I like comic books," he said at length, "and video games. I mean...yeah."
Oh. She liked those things too, but not as much as he must, since those were the first things he thought to bring up.
"See?" Lisa asked with manufactured delight. "Very much alike."
From the way she said it, Linka got the impression that the little wanted them to find similar qualities in each other. Which begged the question: "Okay. Why are we here? There's a reason, right?"
Lisa nodded. "Yes, actually, there is a reason."
When she didn't continued, Lincoln made a circular motion with his hand. "Okay, so?" he asked impatiently. "D-Does she need a kidney or something?"
Uh, no. My kidneys are fine, thank you. I think. I hope.
"No not quite," Lisa said, "but she does need something."
Linka's heart jogged, and she whipped her head to Levi. What? What do I need? A heart? A spleen? Whatever it was, he didn't tell her; instead, he blushed slightly and turned away.
"And so do you," Lisa told Lincoln.
Lincoln blinked in something approaching surprise. "W-What do I need?"
Lisa glanced at Levi, and he stared down at his lap in embarrassment. Oh, God, it must be really bad; Linka was starting to get scared, her little heart pounding against her breast and her lungs beginning to squeeze. Every once in a while, she had, like, mini panic attacks, but only when big things happen, like the time she was babysitting Lexx and Leif and they caught the kitchen on fire. She sprang into action and put it out then, standing among the charred ruins, she started...shaking...gasping for breath…
She took a deep, calming breath. Lisa was staring at her, and Linka was getting really tired of the suspense. "What is it?" she demanded.
Lisa regarded her for a moment, the slowly took off her glasses and polished them with the hem of her sweater - Levi often did the same. It was a nervous tic or something. "Well, both of you are of a...certain age, and are dealing with similar...feelings."
Both Lincoln and Linka cocked their heads in confusion.
Putting her glasses back on and, apparently, taking strength from them the way Samson derived strength from his hair, she said, "You're both horny toads."
For a split second, Linka had no idea what the little girl was talking about...then it hit her and her heart exploded, sending a hot red blush across her face. Next to her, Lincoln's cheeks burned crimson and horror filled his eyes. "Uh, no I'm not, you know, I -" he fumbled, but his sister held up a hand like a crossing guard. Stop.
"Don't deny it, Lincoln. I caught you masturbataing earlier."
The little air remaining in Linka's lungs squeezed out in a rush, and she reflexively glanced at Lincoln like you'd glance at a car wreck as you passed by. Though she was weirded out, unsettled, and extremely embarrassed, she couldn't stop the image that came to her mind: A hard, yummy penis in a hand. Her core twinged...then she remembered that it was basically her penis and things got awkward.
When she realized that Lisa was looking at her, self-conscious alarm flooded her chest and she sputtered. "I-I-I'm not," she lied. "I-I-I don't…"
"Yes you are," Levi sighed. "It's quite obvious."
Oh, God, it is?
"As it is with you, Lincoln," Lisa said. He sat hunched over with his elbows on his knees and his face buried in his hands, reminding Linka of an ostrich with its head in the sand. Poor guy was probably humiliated; she would be too if Levi said something like that about her in front of people.
"I can't believe this," he said like a dazed man who'd just watched his home carried off by Godzilla. The atmosphere was heavy with tension now, and Linka started to chafe.
"Well, believe it," Lisa said, and looked at Linka; the older girl cringed. "I assume you masturbate as well."
Linka shook her head quickly. "Ew, no."
Humming incredulously, Lisa turned to Levi. "Are you aware of her mastubatory habits?"
"No," Levi said just as quickly, and it was clear from the guilt in his voice that oh, my God, he does. Linka blushed even harder and crossed her arms; she felt cold and like she was going to be sick.
Lisa hummed again. "Right." She turned to Lincoln and Linka. "Anyway, both of you are out of your minds with hormones, and it's frankly painful to watch. Levi and I have done research - perhaps you remember me taking everyone's DNA sometime back - and we've reached the conclusion that while we, in all universes, are technically the same person, our genetic makeup is, in fact, unique, meaning that you are not actually related. It is also different enough in composition that cold germs from our universe, say, would not be able to affect Linka and vice versa."
"What are you getting at?" Lincoln asked with a long-suffering hilt.
Linka wanted to know too.
"Well," Lisa said, "we've brought you here today so that you can...help each other with your problem."
Again, Linka was totally baffled for a beat, then the implication of the little girl's words sank in, and her stomach clutched. Next to her, Lincoln whipped his head up from his hands, the shock and horror on his face much, much stronger than before. "Don't play coy," Lisa said, "you're both consumed with lust and need to get it out of your system. Why not do it with each other? As I think I've made clear, you're extremely compatible."
Lincoln opened and closed his mouth. "W-W-We're also extremely identical." His eyes flicked to Linka, then to her bare leg, lingering for just a second before going back to Lisa.
"No, you're not," Lisa said. "Linka's features are softer and her facial structure is slightly different. She's a very attractive girl, actually."
Linka was too gobsmacked by everything happening to notice the compliment.
"And, Linka, Lincoln is a handsome boy. Notice his muscular arms - he's been training with our sister Lynn recently and building muscle mass."
Linka couldn't help it - she darted her eyes to Lincoln's arm, and yep, it was pretty toned. Still...he was her! Basically. Kind of. Right? Between her legs, the source of all her troubles twinged a little. He's horny just like you! Isn't that hot?
No!
Are you sure about that?
Pretty sure, yeah.
I bet if you took your clothes off and laid back on the bed, he'd explore your body just like in your fantasy. Then you could explore his~
Shut up!
Beside her, Lincoln was having similar thoughts, his eyes tracing the soft curve of her leg from the swell of her thigh, against which the hem of her skirt lay lank, to the top of her purple sock, pulled high up her calf.
Bro…
Dude…
Girl…
But she looks just like me. That's...that's some next level weird. Who can get it up for themselves, I mean…?
You got it up for yourself earlier…
No, no I did not. I got it up thinking about a girl who looked nothing like me.
She's as horny as you are, though. That's really fucking hot. Lookalike or not.
Well...she didn't look exactly like him. Lisa was right, her features were softer, her eyes bigger, her lashes fuller, cheekbones higher. Her throat was different too...more smoother, more delicate, more kissable.
*Hank Hill uhhhhh of disgust*
She stared down at her hands, fisted in her lap, her cheeks pink. Her hair was like his, only longer, and looked softer, shinier. She wore an orange hair clip, pearl earrings, and a sleeveless blouse that bared her gentle arms. He caught sight of her budding breasts pushing against the front, and he couldn't stop himself from imagining how they would feel in his hands.
He shuddered.
"You're both noticing each other," Lisa said, "good."
Linka blinked. He was looking at her? She glanced over just as he glanced away, and her heart started pounding even faster. The idea of a horny boy looking at her made her core quiver, doppelganger or not.
She was totally looking at him! He couldn't help it, his body started to respond because there was a horny girl checking him out: His heart throbbed and his stomach gurgled while Lil' Lincoln whipped up to a standing position with an earth-shattering roar, like a Kraken rising from the depths.
A sly grin crossed Lisa's face, and she looked at Levi, who squirmed uncomfortably. "Levi and I have something to attend to. Why don't you two...hang out? Play a video game or...something." She put suggestive spin on something that made Linka's heart crash with a mixture of nerves, anxiety, and excitement. Lisa got up, nodded toward the door, and Levi followed, sparing Linka a longing glance...and shooting a withering look at Lincoln.
Then, like that, Lincoln and Linka were alone.
Together.