Hello world… Sorry I haven't updated in a little while. I kind of fell ill… It literally felt like flu combined with a migraine. I have been hiding in my bedroom with the curtains drawn for the past week. But now I'm back! My more vampire habits are under control and I can write again.

As you should know, I don't own Harry Potter, I do claim all original characters though.

Enjoy and if my remaining illness has scrambled my brains more than usual I apologise.

The next day dawned bright and early. As usual, Paradox and Death were roused from sleep by the giggling that informed them that the twin menaces were awake and up to something. Again. Honestly, if Death didn't know any better he would swear they were the true blood children of his insane sister. This morning, the chaotic duo had animated all of their toys and were directing them around the room. As soon as the gods set foot in the room they were assaulted by dragons, unicorns, kelpies, tigers, knights and many others accompanied by the war cry of "Mummy!" originating from the instigators themselves. Death merely stood in the doorway, observing the latest in a series of apparently impossible events that surrounded his adopted nephews. Once the room was in a semblance of order and breakfast was taken care of, Paradox settled the two restless one year olds down with some colouring in, (pretty scribbling). Then she turned to her brother.

"I need you to collect Severus Snape and Sirius Black for me. We need to explain everything we're doing to them and remove that hideous mark for Sevvy."

Death merely smirked in acknowledgment. The mark was his jurisdiction unfortunately. He was truly disgusted with what that monster had done to the noble art of necromancy.

"Do not forget the highly unstable and abused teenager you have hidden up in my room."

He drawled in response. People were entirely up to her, he never got as involved as she did. She dignified him with a glare before flouncing off upstairs to check on Barty. He laughed fondly and disappeared to deal with his instructions.

He went after Sirius first. Harry would recognise him even with being raised from birth all over again. The wonders of his sisters magic. Not only had Harry kept his previous memories but she'd also gifted both boys with eidetic memories. When he arrived in the Auror room dedicated to the kidnapping case, it was to find Sirius Black slumped over the table, sound asleep with his sisters letter still clutched in his hand. Death didn't have the heart to wake him so simply transported them both straight home and settled him on the sofa bed he'd used last night. Then he was off to find Severus Snape. He couldn't wait for the first time Paradox called the Potions Master 'Sevvy' to his face. That would be a wonderful, treasured moment. It came as no surprise that Severus was camped out somewhere remote and heavily warded. Good, he'd taken their warning seriously. Instead of just transporting the man away, he instead chose to show himself first. This man had been a spy for about a year now. You don't ambush spies. It never ended well. So, stepping out of the shadows he said;

"Severus Snape, it is time to answer your questions regarding Halloween. Please come with me and I will take you to my sister and Harry Potter."

"About time!"

Severus snarled viciously.

"I've been avoiding Dumbledore so far, but I can't hide for much longer. Add the Aurors going after Death Eaters and I'm a dead man."

Death smirked at that. I will have removed that mark by the end of the day. They can't arrest you if you aren't marked after all."

This statement actually succeeded in shocking the spy speechless. He could be free of the mark. If this was a dream he was never waking up. He finally came back to himself enough to notice that the strange man with that tattooed face was still talking.

"…I bet you anything she'll make me free her newest stray at the same time. Honestly. The girl's too kind hearted for our own good."

"Who, exactly, are you wittering on about?"

Severus bit out. Too shocked to react calmly.

"Oh, my twin sister of course. She's the instigator of this whole mess. You actually met her at Godric's Hollow."

Severus finally worked out why the man looked so familiar and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"I should have know."

"Well? Are we going?"

Death was getting rather impatient now and was wishing he'd gone with his original method and damn the consequences. Severus' sharp nod caused him to sigh his relief and hold out an arm. As soon as Severus had a firm grip on his arm they were away.

They arrived to find Sirius still sound asleep while Harry and Tom crawled all over him, giggling quietly. Death was immediately on his guard. Those giggles meant magic.

"Paradox! They've done something to Sirius! Come here and help!"

At that Paradox came tearing down the steps two at a time looking extremely worried.

"What is it now? Hovering? Flying? Animate inanimate objects? Coloured rain? Rainbows? Knives? Flooding? The apocalypse?"

Severus' face grew more and more incredulous as the list went on.

"You don't expect me to believe they've done all that."

Paradox waved distractedly at him.

"We haven't had the last one yet. We expect it any day now though. Luckily it appears that it's just a sleeping charm this time."

Severus found himself gaping for the second time that day.

"Mort, grab them. They look like they're about to fly again and I'm not chasing them around the ceilings again. I'll wake up Sirius."

That's when Severus finally realised exactly who the toddlers had been tormenting and recoiled.

"What is that filthy mutt doing here?!"

He spat, looking livid.

Paradox whirled around, eyes flashing.

"Severus Tobias Snape! This man may have bullied you in school and I may plan on punishing him for it severely but he is also Harry's Godfather so has a right to an explanation just like you. I am trying to help you all you stubborn man so I would be grateful if you could manage to be civil."

Severus was left gaping for the third time that morning. The last person to tell him off like that had been Lily. The surge of grief that stemmed from that knowledge was enough for him to offer no further protest. Instead he stood back and watch as she bent over Black muttering a spell. Wandlessly, he belatedly realised with a start.

"There."

The woman the other man had referred to as Paradox stepped back with a satisfied smirk. Curious now, he stepped forward and enquired delicately.

"What did you do?"

He was almost hit in the face as she waved her arms vaguely around.

"Oh, not much. Just forced him to experience every encounter you had with the Marauders from your point of view, emotions included. Simply trying to make him realise that his actions have consequences and that not all Slytherins are evil."

Severus could only stare at her in a fascinated kind of horror. That was perfect form of payback. Make the bully become the bullied. His respect for this woman rose exponentially. That was a move worthy of a Slytherin.

His thoughts were interrupted however when the man named Mort appeared declaring that the boys were watching some nonsense called 'Panda go Panda'.

At almost the same time, Sirius groaned and sat up, gazing around blearily. His eyes caught on Snape first, but instead of the usual taunts and insults, he looked ashamed and glanced away. It appeared the punishment had worked rather well. Sirius finally noticed the twins standing at the end of his bed and seemed to gulp. Severus had to admit, they were intimidating when seen together. Bother were tall, the brother being quite a bit over 6 ft with his sister at around 5 ft 9 inches. They were well muscled and seemed to ooze power from their eyes. Morts tattoo certainly didn't help matters at all. Of course the whole image was ruined when Paradox bounced across to Sirius and flung herself down to say;

"Hello dear cousin, ready to hear all about our story?"

"Where's Harry?"

Sirius countered.

"Being kept busy after we rescued you from his and Toms clutches."

"Who's Tom."

"That's part of the story!"

Severus watched, vaguely amused as Sirius Black pouted like a small child.

"Fine! Start already!"

Paradox beamed at him and conjured four chairs by the fire before bouncing across to one like an over excited teen. Severus merely sighed and followed, he was not in the mood for offering resistance. Once they were all seated. The twins opposite the two confused men, Paradox began.

"Alright, this will all sound completely unbelievable and you'll want to lock us up in a secure ward somewhere but I swear on my magic and life that everything I say here is the complete truth. So mote it be."

Severus and Sirius both relaxed slightly at the safeguard against lies. Although they were scared as to what could possibly warrant it.

"Ok then, me and my brothers real names are Paradox and Death. We are, in reality, Gods. Deaths jurisdiction should be obvious from his name. I'm a bit more complicated. I preside over a few, smaller issues. Specifically, Time travel, impossibilities that still occur and chaos. Technically, that puts magic under my jurisdiction too."

At that she paused, but the two men were too stunned to talk or do anything except stare.

"Um… right. The thing you need to understand before I continue is that me and Death are the youngest in our family, meaning we aren't given a lot of leeway and have to bow to their wishes, even though my brother and by extension me, will outlive them all. Our worst adversaries are our mother Time and her sister Fate. They hate us rather viciously and always cause problems for us. If we go against them we could end up imprisoned for a couple hundred years."

Sirius finally found his voice at that.

"That gives a whole new meaning to the term 'family issues'."

The gods chuckled weakly at that.

"You have no idea. Anyway, I have a bad habit of getting involved in mortal matters and changing things. Ultimately ending in the creation of a parallel universe. I wanted to sort out the mess that the wizarding world has become and in the process hatched one of my maddest, most complicated, brilliant plans to date."

"I'm just hoping we don't have another incident like with those pirates"

Death grumbled good-naturedly. Paradox reached across and swatted his arm.

"Hush you. Insane mastermind rant going on here. As I was saying, I planned a way to bring down Voldemort once and for all. How? Very simple. I messed with time quite majorly. Tom that you saw earlier is in reality Tom Marvolo Riddle, a young Lord Voldemort, taken from his time the day after he was born. I left a copy that did exactly what he would have done in the original timeline so nothing changed during those years. That was one of dearest mothers restrictions. I couldn't simply prevent Voldemort from rising. The other major things I have done are to remove Harry from Godric's Hollow and transport him back to the 1st of August, de-aging his body while preserving his memories. The other thing I was prevented from altering was the deaths of James and Lily Potter. She was painfully persistent on that point. I've been raising them as twins. Going as far as to blood bond them as such. You'll see the differences when you see them. And last night we saved the Longbottoms from being tortured into insanity and Barty Crouch Jr. from going to Azkaban for trusting his friends and being Imperiused. He's upstairs now, I explained briefly to him earlier and he's still processing everything. Any questions?"

Sirius sat forward at that,

"Is it possible to murder your mother for her spitefulness?"

"Unfortunately not. I've lived with her since this universe began and I'm still at a loss."

Severus was watching her closely then barked out;

"Who can we trust?"

The twins grimaced slightly at that.

"Not Dumbledore certainly. If he got his way Sirius would spend 12 years in Azkaban, Severus would go back to spying and be forced to give up everything and Harry would walk to his death like a sacrificial lamb at 17."

The two young men's faces were ashen by the time she was done.

"Right… No trusting the bearded wonder then."

Sirius quipped in an attempt to lighten the tense atmosphere. Severus snorted and raised an imperious eyebrow.

"Indeed."

The room relaxed slightly after that, that was, until Paradox heard giggling. She promptly froze before slowly facing her brother. Her look of horror was mirrored on his face.

"The giggling is near the ceiling"

She whispered.

"They're flying again."

Death whispered back. Looking like the world was ending.

"Death, you can get rid of that disgusting brand on Severus' forearm while I fetch Barty for the same treatment. Sirius, my dear, noble friend, you have the job of capturing the flying twins. Good luck my friend. You'll need it. You too, Sevvy!"

And before Severus had time to do more than splutter, she was out of sight. Death was currently roaring with laughter at the look of pure indignation on the Potions Masters face. When he was finally able to control himself he grabbed Severus' forearm and dragged the sleeve up as screeches of

"Unca Siri!" and "Help!" echoed in the background. Death glared at the offensive piece of butchered magic before he casually vanished it with a wave of his hand. Severus was still staring at his unmarked forearm when Barty was led in and freed from the mark in a matter of moments. Paradox grinned as the sound of crashes and Sirius' pleads for help reached her ears, she got the feeling she was going to be needing new rooms from now on.

A/N Thoughts? I was trying to work out their reactions when I realised that with something this big they might just be too shocked to react until later. So their explosions will be witnessed next chapter.