This one wrote itself – Warning: you might need a tissue?

33. Turning and Returning

(Sonya POV)

I thrashed wildly against the straps that tied me down to the bed, my chest heaving as I struggling to be free of my restraints. I didn't know where I was or who had captured me but I knew I had to get out of here. I shook my head in an attempt to clear the haze that addled my memory, trying desperately to remember exactly why I was in danger. Somebody told me I had to flee, somebody I trusted, but I couldn't even recall who that was anymore. The only thing that was clear to me now was an all-encompassing fear that pushed down on my chest like a heavy weight, sucking the air from my lungs and threatening to suffocate me.

I opened my eyes to check my surroundings, squinting through the glare of the bright fluorescent lights that sent stabbing pains through my already aching head. I was in some kind of hospital, but why? Apart from my migraine I didn't think I was injured. I screamed out in frustration as I kicked my legs trying to loosen the straps across my knees and ankles but it was no use. Footsteps sounded nearby, light and quick, and I whimpered in fear when I realised they were drawing nearer.

'It's alright Miss Karp,' a woman's voice snapped through my panic. 'Try not to move. We are doing everything we can to make you comfortable.'

I snarled at her through the dark fog that surrounded me, watching in horror as her face morphed into a hideous mask, the skin igniting into flame and melting away to the bone as she leaned forward to leer at me.

'Get… away from me,' I hissed at the monster.

It retreated to the doorway and screeched something down the hall before being joined by a pair of black-cloaked minions.

'How can we assist you Dr. Olendzki?' the shorter one croaked.

Dr. Olendzki. The name sounded familiar but my mind lost grip of the memory a second later and I shrunk under the gaze of the cruel faces that stared at me from the doorway.

'There's nothing we can do for her now Alberta, but let this strange fever run its course,' the flaming demon moaned. 'I've cleared this wing to make sure Sonya's condition remains confidential but you should probably keep a guard at her door as a precaution. I haven't seen these symptoms before but I have a suspicion that if she doesn't break out of it within the next few hours we may lose her. Is there anybody that should be called?'

'Get out,' I screamed to the foul creatures, twitching in fear as their conversation became garbled and distorted.

All three of them looked at me with black, soulless eyes, but they stepped outside without approaching me and I was left to listen to their faint hissing and grumbling through the crack in the door.

So I was sick? A fever? I raised my hands in front of my face, noticing a silver ring on my right hand before the fingers began to blur and swim before my eyes. That wasn't good. Turning my focus inwards, I became more aware of the gloomy shadows that surrounded me. I had a feeling they should be frightening but, as an alternative to the monsters outside my door, gazing into the hundreds of inky auras was almost soothing. I closed my eyes and searched through the featureless faces, trying to see if there was somebody, something that I recognised, when a solitary figure stepped forward from the slowly shifting mass.

'Sonya?' the young woman breathed, and I felt a chill run through my body as her voice caressed me like an autumn breeze.

I knew her. I'd never met her before, but I recognised something in her eyes and the way she moved. Catalina. Her name was Catalina.

'You've been through so much, dear sister. Come and rest with me.' She held out a hand in invitation and waited for me to come to her.

Was this some kind of trick? I didn't have a sister… why was she calling me sister? I wrestled with the problem before coming up with the answer – maybe I had a sister-in-law? That would mean I was married. I don't think I was married.

'Where?' I asked, my voice muffled and strange.

'Into the darkness. Away from your trouble and pain,' she sung sweetly, and I stepped nearer, entranced by her beautiful voice. 'I used to be like you – confused and frightened. But when I turned away from my gift, from my magic, and accepted the shadows I was free of all fear. Come and join me, sweet one. I will take care of you.' Her arm extended towards me and I raised my own hand, shivering with an unexplainable thrill of hope, wanting to trust her but still sensing something was missing.

'But somebody… somebody is waiting for me,' I frowned, recoiling my hand. 'He said he would keep me safe. I promised to be strong for him.' A fleeting image came to my mind – a red rose and a white rose – and I tried to cling to the memory but Catalina waved her arm and it gone, like smoke blown away on the wind.

'You can wait for him here with me,' she soothed. 'All men pass through these gates at one time or another. We can wait for him together in the safety of the shadowy shores.' I nodded slowly, and felt a wave of peace wash over me.

'Will it hurt?' I asked her, stretching my fingers out to touch her.

'Not at all,' she smiled, and I looked into her eyes, letting myself sink into the pool of darkness.

Stillness settled over me and I breathed a sigh of relief as Catalina drew me deeper into the abyss, rejoicing in the sensation of weightlessness, but in an instant everything changed. A bright light appeared above me, harsh and unwelcome. The shadows fled and I was left alone, my fear returning as I felt something pounding forcefully on my chest.

'She's crashing,' a man's voice yelled harshly as the heels of his hands jabbed painfully under my left breast. 'Get the defibrillator.'

'Charging,' a higher voice screeched.

'Clear,' the first man shouted. There was a searing pain and I thought I smelt something burning. My whole body jarred violently and I gasped as I was forcibly pulled back into reality.

I was nearly safe with Catalina, and this cruel monster had dragged me back into my world of hurt. Instead of tasting freedom, I was tied down without explanation and attacked without mercy. The assault on my chest stopped for a moment and the man leant over me, pressing his fingers into my throat, probably preparing for some new kind of torment. Something about this situation transported me back to the night I was tortured by my classmates in the woods, but this time I was older and wiser. I wouldn't allow anyone to take advantage of me again. I've had enough, I realised. No more pain, no more fear.

Lifting my head swiftly, I sunk my fangs into the exposed skin of the man's neck that hovered above my face, feeling his energy flow into me. For my whole life I'd drunk the blood of others to survive, but this was different. This wasn't some human junkie, endlessly fed upon until their essence was thin and flavourless – this was a Moroi. He tasted sweet, like summer berries picked late in the season, with a complex savoury note that reminded me of truffles, and I drank him in without pause, heedless to his muffled cries of protest. The longer I fed, the stronger I felt, and as the lifeless body slipped from my mouth my mind cleared. I felt alive and powerful – like when I used spirit magic, only without the accompanying shadow of anxiety and doubt. I sat up, breaking effortlessly through my bonds, and moved across to snap the neck of the female nurse who was cowering in the corner, cutting off her annoying shrieks before making my way to the door. I wanted my freedom and nobody was going to stand in my way.

A single Guardian blocked my exit, poised in a fighting stance with his silver stake drawn. He eyed me warily and feinted to the left as I struck out with my fist but I still managed to clip him on the shoulder, sending him reeling against the corridor wall before he recovered himself and advanced cautiously towards me. My new speed and strength surprised me and I smiled in pleasure at the feeling of my body and mind working in perfect harmony – now I understood what Mikhail meant about achieving a state of flow. Stepping backwards to draw my opponent into the room, I circled around him and closed the door, blocking his flurry of attacks with ease. I could have ended it with my first strike, but there was something about his short brown hair and strong Dhampir features that made me hesitate from landing a fatal blow. Call me sentimental, but I felt a strange attachment to this man who reminded me of my lover. I ducked behind a surgical trolley to avoid a clumsy chest strike but rose again quickly, darting towards the Guardian and stabbing him in the neck with a hypodermic needle. He blinked once in confusion before crumpling to the floor, and I stepped over his unconscious body, shrugging my Gucci bag over my shoulder and exiting the room.

A few others fell as I made my escape. The Guardian on duty at the carpark didn't fare well, and neither did the pair at the side gate, but soon enough I was free of my pursuers. Dusk was dwindling into night as I sped away from St. Vladimir's. I tilted the rear-view mirror down and studied my deep red eyes with vague interest before returning my attention to the road. Whoever that woman in the mirror was, I had no regrets.

(Mikhail POV)

As soon as the plane touched down I grabbed my bag and pushed past the exiting passengers, hurrying up the covered walkway towards the terminal where I found Captain Petrov waiting for me.

'This way, Guardian Tanner,' she led me out of the airport and I climbed hastily into the passenger side of her waiting jeep, willing her to hurry up and get us on the road. Strangely, something held her back and she sat in the driver's seat silently for a moment before turning to face me.

'I'm afraid I've got bad news,' Alberta looked across at me gravely. 'I can't take you to see Sonya Karp tonight.'

'What?!' I spoke quietly but my voice carried an undercurrent of tension and anger. 'I've come so far to see her. She needs me. If you won't take me to her I'll find a way to see her myself,' I breathed.

'That's not what I meant, Mikhail,' the Captain replied softly and I frowned in confusion, waiting for her to explain.

'Sonya's gone,' she said simply.

'She died?' I choked out. 'How did it happen – you have to tell me everything,' I grabbed her shoulder with my right hand and my eyes bored into hers, hoping I would see some trace of doubt, hoping I was wrong.

'No, Mikhail. She turned. She's a Strigoi,' Alberta whispered.

'Jesus Christ!' I shouted, tightening my grip on her arm and shaking her. 'Tell me it's not true.' My sweet, gentle, passionate Sonechka a soulless monster? It couldn't be right.

'I'm sorry, child,' the woman's face was lined with stress and grief and I could see she was telling the truth. My hand slipped down weakly and I stared blankly out the window, oblivious to the expression of concern on Alberta's face, as I struggled to comprehend the devastating news.

'How many were hurt?' I asked finally. Apart from being forcibly turned into a Strigoi, there was only one other way to make the change and that meant at least one person had died.

'Two Moroi and two Dhampirs dead. Several more wounded, one still critical. No students were harmed thankfully,' she answered in a tight voice, and my heart sank as I imagined my beautiful Sonya draining an innocent, robbing them of their life-force. She must have been so lost in the darkness if she felt that was her only way out.

'It's my fault,' I whispered to myself. 'If I was there I could have stopped it. I should have protected her.' My voice broke and my breathing became ragged as tears filled my eyes.

A pair of calloused hands reached out to me and I let Alberta draw me into a motherly embrace, holding me like a young child as I unleashed my grief into her shoulder. 'It's nobody's fault, Mikhail, least of all yours,' she counselled, patting my back soothingly. 'You loved her and she clearly loved you, but some problems are just out of our control.'

Her words didn't change anything but I appreciated the effort. An ache in my ribs finally reminded me I was still injured and I straightened up in my seat, staring grimly ahead, unsure of what to say.

'If there's anything I can do to help you through this time, I'm happy to offer my assistance in any way,' Alberta was saying. 'You can stay at The Academy for the remainder of your leave, or I can organise a return flight if you prefer?'

I heard the words but it took me a minute to process their meaning. Alberta wanted to know what I planned to do next, but I had no idea. I thought I was coming to Montana to be reunited with Sonya and now I'd been told that the light of my life had chosen to become a monster and I would never see her again. How could I possibly think of life after Sonya? In my mind there was no such thing as life without her.

'I don't know yet, Alberta,' I heard myself reply.

'Well, how about I book you into a hotel in Spokane for a few days and you can let me know when you've had time to think about it?' she suggested, and I nodded in consent, barely noticing we'd left the airport before Alberta checked me in at the hotel lobby and delivered me to my room.

When the old Guardian was gone, I dug my hand into my bag and found the box I'd hidden there. Moving to the bed, I tucked my legs under the covers and opened the tiny lid, taking the engagement ring out and holding it delicately up to the light. I'd lost my passion and my peace – my everything. I kissed each jewelled flower and summoned every sacred memory I had of Sonya Karp, determined to remember her the way she was. Our first shy encounters in the classroom; treating her wounds in the supply room; sharing stories about our families; going shopping together and seeing her in that dress on the balcony after the royal banquet, the look of uninhibited ecstasy on her face when I moved in her and the peaceful radiance to her cheeks after I'd claimed her as my own; and whether we were together or apart, wanting her and loving her with every fibre of my being.

But with the memories came a deep, inexpressible grief that arrived in the form of exhaustion, and eventually my body had to give in to sleep. Before I closed my eyes, I slid the ring onto the thin, silver chain around my neck so I could carry my Sonechka close to my heart always and forever.

Author's Note:

Waaaaah! :-( I always cry when I read about strong men hurting (even if I write it myself!)

So Sonya has finally made her decision – I hope you think her reasons were good enough. The idea that Catalina would offer Sonya the option to sink peacefully into death was my way of showing that Sonya didn't really want to become a Strigoi – but when all her other options were taken away (including Mikhail's support) it was all she was left with. Poor girl.

There is a German folktale (a famous peom by Goethe & later put to music by Schubert) about the Erlking (elf king) who entices a young boy to live with him in his shadowy kingdom of death. I had this in mind when I wrote Catalina's scene. If you haven't heard the song, I recommend checking out the youtube video posted by 'OxfordLeider' - it is beautiful but so, so creepy.

I did like the image of Sonya as a new Strigoi, getting to grips with her new skills and the fact she saw herself as 'sentimental' for saving one Guardian even though she had just brutally murdered two Moroi medical staff – kooky Strigoi logic!

The ring is back again. I forgot to mention in the last chapter notes that the closest image I could get to match what was in my head was… Ruby Diamond Gold Flower Ring by Van Cleef & Arpels