Lincoln waited impatiently for Lisa to finish with his phone the way an expectant father waited for his child to be born: Pacing, raking his fingers through his hair, drinking copious amounts of coffee from an endless stream of Styrofoam cups, and smoking one cigarette after another.
Okay, he didn't really do those last two, but he did plenty of the first two, his body crackling with restless energy even as his brain told him to chill the hell out. You're being a drama queen, sit down and relax, damn. Yeah, you're right, I guess I am...but that doesn't mean anything, Imma still do it.
It was like Christmas, his birthday, Easter, and the 4th of July (he was patriotic, sue him) were all happening on the same day...but with no set time. Noon? 4pm? 9? When, when, when? He was going out of his mind and racing from one end of his tiny closet bedroom to the other, sweat springing to his forehead and hot, panting exhalations bursting from his lungs. He knew his pad was small, but he'd never realized how small until now - six paces from the desk to the door, three if he goosesepped. Still pretty big for a closet. 1216 was a spacious house, but this closet, man - looked like it belonged in Beverly Hills or something. You know the kind, bigger than most NYC apartments. You see them all the time on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous and Cribs. Speaking of apartments in New York, you ever see those people who live in literal walk-in closets in Manhattan and Queens? Yeah, landlords out ther rent crawlspaces and shit - no kitchens, no bathrooms - and people actually go for it. 'Oh, I love my place, it's so close to everything and it's only 900 dollars a month.' Seriously? You're paying 900 dollars a month to life in a glorified coffin? Are you retarded?
But...the subway is right there, and the Empire State Build -
Where do you poop?
Well...I go to the gas station on the corner…
Oh, nice, so just to move your bowels in December, you have to put on your snow boots, your parka, your gloves and hat, and trek through three blocks of frozen death. Stupid hipsters. Cry, bitch, and moan about capitalism, but gleefully let a hand-wringing, predatory slumlord take advantage of them...then go grab a coffee at Starbucks and work on their Apple laptop for all the world to see. Look at me with my scarf, Buddy Holly glasses, and Wyatt Earp mustache, I'm so much better than you. My slam poetry collection is almost complete and will be the toast of the literary world. You've never heard of my favorite bands and I only drink IPA and Pabst Blue Ribbon.
God, people can be so dumb!
Like you...thinking of random shit.
Yeah, well, it's either that or -
LINKA!
Ugh. Yes. Linka. Her soft hair, glowing eyes, pink lips, and enchanting voice. She's beautiful and perfect, but if I keep thinking about her I'm going to get depressed because she's not here, therefore I think about other things...any other things.
Like...uhhh...he looked around, grasping at straws and seizing on Bun-Bun; the stuffed rabbit sat on top of the dresser between a red plastic robot and a participation trophy from some dumb race he ran in the second grade. This guy's been with me since I was a baby; with those beady little eyes, he's seen me learn to talk and walk, watched me potty train, tagged along on my first day of school...saw me lose my virginity…
Uhhh…
He went over, picked Bun-Bun up, and spun him around so that he faced the wall. Sorry you had to see that, buddy.
I'm not. I liked it.
On second thought, he picked him up, opened the top drawer, dropped him onto a neatly folded pile of undies, and closed it again. There.
I can still hear moans from here.
Whatever. He sighed and looked at the door, willing Lisa to come through and hand him his phone, but it remained shut, like the sealed entrance of an Egyptian tomb, untouched and unseen under the desert sand since 2500 BC. You know the pyramids were originally coated in this white stuff that made them shine at night? It's true. I think Arab invaders stripped it off and huffed it or something. And if I'm not mistaken, Neoplean's men used the Sphinx for target practice in 1798 or something; aimed their cannons at it and blasted the nose right to hell. Or was it Hitler who did that? Sounds like something Hitler would do since, ya know, he was evil incarnate. Anything bad happens, blame it on Hitler. *Shakes fist at sky* Damn you, Hitler, stop making it rain!
I'm joking, Hitler was a douche and blowing the face off a prized historical monument sounds exactly like the kind of thing he'd do because uh, it's not German, uh.
Yeah, buddy, well, neither are you, you gonna blow your own -?
*Hitler sticks Lugar in mouth*
Oooookay, I was being a smartass, but carry on.
Sigh.
The door stood closed. Shut. Firm. Imposing. Come on, Lise, it's been an hour, how long does this take? You're probably the smartest person alive right now, this should be a snap. Literally, I should snap my fingers and I have completed the task at hand, male sibling, hark, for I return unto you your telecommunication device that now possesses the capabilities to transcend dimensional confines and broadcast, and receive, signals from other realities. Data rates may apply. I bet Levi's already done on his end. Oooh, he should go tell her that - like his other sisters (and, yeah, him too), Lisa could be preeeetty competitive. Implying that another genius was better than her would light a fire under her ass with atomic force - she'd have it to him yesterday...which, knowing her expressed interest in time travel, might actually be possible.
Lisa (or was it Levi?) said that there are an infinite number of realities and that each contains a version of themselves - wonder how different my other copies are. Like...is there one where I'm an abusive drunk to my kids? Or a Vietnam vet who owns a restaurant? Oh, maybe there's one where I'm married to Ronnie Anne and we have two kids, and another where my sisters beat me up for something incredibly minor because, hey, poor Lincoln, he's so abused and put upon. If there really is an endless number of universes, there might actually be one where I'm the real Ace Savvy and Clyde is One Eyed Jack. Hmmm. There's probably even one where I'm an inanimate object. Hey, guys, I'm a no bedroom apartment on the bus line in Brooklyn, pay 1,200 dollars a month to my owner and live in me.
It's creepy when you really sit down and think about it. So creepy that he'd rather torment himself with thoughts of Linka instead. Like the way her hand fit perfectly in his - it wasn't the same size, but smaller, yet somehow the exact right match; the warm smell of her shampoo; the way her eyes shone like candlelight.
His heart clenched forlornly.
Nevermind, I'll just think about being a soup ladle in another reality.
Putting his hands on his hips, he went to the door, turned, and stalked back to the desk. Anytime now, Lise, anytime; I wanna talk to Linka so bad it feels like my guts are being fed into a thresher. I wanna see her even more, but that's not in the cards for right now, but...you know what...when you come in here, I'm going to ask about it. Hey, sis, can you and your little buddy in opposite world arrange a playdate for me and my gf? That'd be great.
It would take some doing on both ends, but there'd be chances to make it happen. Lisa and Levi might still be playing cat and mouse with each other and not really concerned with making the trip, but he and Linka were, so...as the saying goes, where there's a will there's a way.
Door, desk, door, desk, back and forth like a convict in a six-by-six concrete box. He was just turning to the go back to the desk when Lisa came in, and he whipped around almost like he'd been caught doing something wrong, his arm shooting out. "Phone, please," he blurted.
With nary a facial tic, Lisa slapped his hand away. "Calm down, Lincoln. I must first explain the basics of transdimensional communications."
Lincoln blinked. "Oh. Like...data rates?"
The little genius favored him with a blank stare. "Yes, Lincoln," she said with the faintest trace of sarcasm, "Bell Atlantic charges extra."
At least he thought she was being sarcastic.
Sighing deeply, she said, "Coverage is excellent. You may use the transdimensional uplink on your phone virtually anywhere. The connection, however, is not reliable, and depends on various atmospheric factors such as solar emissions and lunar/solar reflection. The line will sound staticky, but not overly so. The TDTS machine, to which this is connected" - here she produced Lincoln's phone and shook it for emphasis - "overheats after roughly thirty minutes of continual use - phone calls, video chats, etc - and will automatically shut down. Please keep such calls under twenty minutes, as constantly shutting down and rebooting is harmful to the TDTS's circuit boards and will eventually fry them. You may send and receive texts and pictures but be advised that both may sometimes be lost to the ether. I don't know where they go - perhaps to another universe, or maybe nowhere at all - but if I were you, I'd think twice before taking compromising pictures of my genitalia and attaching them to a message."
Lincoln's jaw dropped. "Uh..I don't think I'll be doing that, so we're good."
"You also didn't think you'd be involved in a romantic relationship with your counterpart from an alternate reality," Lisa pointed out, "yet here you are."
Well...she wasn't wrong. They say "never say never" for a reason - you might not think you'll do something, but you might just wind up doing it anyway. Taking a picture of his, ahem, thing though?
And getting a picture of Linka's thing in return. Don't forget about that.
Hmm...we'll cross the bridge when he come to it.
"Is that it?" he asked impatiently.
"Yes," Lisa said and held the phone out. "It buzzed as I was traversing the hallway - it's probably -"
Lincoln snatched the phone away and spun around to the face the desk, his thumb swiping across the screen. "Thanks, Lise, you're the best."
He did not see Lisa's satisfied smile. "You're welcome, Lincoln," she said. She turned and left, shutting the door behind her.
Standing by the desk, Lincoln smiled stupidly when he saw the word LINKA surrounded by hearts, and her message below: "Hiiiiiii!" Apparently Lisa input Linka's number already. Maybe it was because he was kind of emotional (I can talk to Linka now!), but he actually teared up a little. He'd have to thank her again sometime.
Not right now, though; right now was for Linka.
He dropped onto the edge of the mattress, swung his legs onto the bed, and settled back against his pillow like a boy preparing for a long day of talking to his girlfriend...which he kind of was. Right? He didn't know the finer details of relationship management, but he was pretty sure that for it to be 'official' both parties had to explicitly state that the other was their xfriend. Then again, that seemed kind of clunky. Okay, you're my girlfriend now. Sounded like something a kid would do.
You are a kid.
Yeah, a kid who overthinks everything. And has issues.
Most likely, and right now my issue is wondering if Linka's my girlfriend even after we (A) had sex (B) told each other "I love you" and (C) she sent me an obviously giddy "Hi" text with six *squint* no five exclamation points. If that doesn't scream I'm your girlfriend, brother, nothing does.
He typed out a message and hit SEND. "Hi." He added a smiley face so that it didn't sound so dry, and to show her that he was happy to hear from her. She replied almost instantly with a smiley of her own - this one had big pink hearts bulging from its eye sockets. Call me?
Lincoln missed a beat. Of course he wanted to call her (that way he could hear her beautiful voice and have a more engaging conversation with her), but there was one little thing giving him pause: His sisters. If they somehow discovered he was talking to a girl (by barging into his room, maybe), they'd go nuts. Remember that sisternado shit I mentioned a while back? Yeah, I'd really like to avoid that this time around, since Linka has to stay a secret: Lisa doesn't want the existence of the multiverse "getting out" plus...I mean...it'd be kind of hard to explain that I'm with my opposite world girl-self. Kind of...embarrassing too. That's awful to say because Linka's wonderful, and beautiful, and warm, and friendly, and everything else good, but I'd look like some kind of weirdo. You're in love with...and kissing on...and having sex with...basically you. Yeah, that'd make for an awkward brother-sisters powwow.
Then again...it feels wrong to feel that way; you know, to be ashamed of Linka.
Nevermind, I really don't care on the ew, you're a selfcest freak front. I still don't want my sisters meddling. But I don't want to not hear Linka's voice even more. Or less? I dunno, I confused even myself with that sentence.
Foregoing another text, Lincoln hit CALL and lifted the phone to his ear. It rang, and he noticed the static Lisa mentioned: It was very faint, like the distant hiss of rain on pavement, but being so used to crystal clear reception, it was really conspicuous.
One more ring, and the line clicked as Linka answered. "Hi!" she chirped. Her voice was lighter than he remembered, warmer, like an airy, soul-stirring breeze.
"Hey," he grinned and switched the phone from one hand to another, "it's really good to hear your voice."
She giggled. "Yours too. You sound so manly on the phone~"
That made Lincoln laugh. Well...that and being able to talk to her. "You sound beautiful."
"If you say so," she said.
"I do."
She giggled again and he laughed. Wow, I'm a goober...but a happy goober, so *middle finger.*
"How's it going in Bizarroworld?" she asked. There was a rustle as she, presumably, changed positions.
Lincoln shrugged one shoulder. "Eh. Alright, I guess. It's raining so we're all cooped up in the house."
"Oh, my God, it's been raining here since yesterday," she said and laughed, "my brothers are going to kill each other. When it rains out there, do you and your sisters hang out in the living room?"
Lincoln smiled. It was amazing how alike their families were. "Yeah," he said, "everyone kind of does their own thing, but in close proximity to each other."
"Umhm, same here," she said, "we just kind of...congregate, and every time, they start tearing each other apart. Unless I'm there. The moment I leave the room, though, it's like World War III."
Thunder rumbled and the window pane shook. Lincoln glanced over just as a flash of lightning brightened the glass. "Is it thundering there?" he asked curiously.
Linka thought for a second. "Hmmm, no, not right now. I don't know about earlier. I kind of wasn't paying attention." She sighed. "I was pretty sad about not having you around."
"Me too," Lincoln said, "I almost cried."
"I did cry."
Lincoln's heart clutched and his lips creased in a frown.
"I'm all better now, though," she hastened to add. "Do you wanna play a game?"
The suddenness of her question made his head spin. "A game? What kind of game can we play on the phone?"
"Twenty questions," she said, "or kinda-sorta-like twenty questions."
"Sure," Lincoln said. It might be strange to say this about the girl he loved, but he really didn't know very much about her...at least not on a molecular level. That is, he knew the forest but not the individual trees. They were alike, but not the same, and that meant there was a lot of exploring to do. "Do you wanna start?"
"Yep," Linka said. "Have you ever had a girlfriend? Besides me?"
Wow, she just jumps right - wait a minute. Besides me? That makes us official. Maybe it was dumb, but even though he kind of knew already that they were girlfriend/boyfriend, hearing it out loud, from the lips of an angel, made him with giddy with excitement. I'm a terminal dork.
Anyway, what was the question again? Oh, right, girlfriend. "Uhhh...not really," he said at length, "there was a girl I liked, and she liked me, I think, but we never really progressed past, you know, hanging out and stuff, then she moved away."
"Was she Hispanic?"
Lincoln nodded. "Yeah. Her name was Ronnie Anne."
Linka laughed. "Oh, wow, that's funny. There was a boy named Ron I liked and we hung out a lot. I literally cannot imagine him as a girl. What was she like?"
Hmmm. Lincoln considered his response for a long time, static in one ear and low peals of thunder in the other. "She was...like...tough? Abrasive. Aggressive. That kind of thing. She kind of bullied me for a while."
"Bullied you?" Linka asked, something like concern in her voice.
"Yeah," he laughed, "yeah, she bullied me. Stuck a kick me sign on my back, shoved a sandwich down my pants - nothing major. I wasn't in fear for my life or anything, but it got real old, real quick. I told her to come by my house so I could give her a piece of my mind, and my sisters found out and went berserk. Oh, she likes you, Lincoln, you should kiss her; instead of giving her a piece of your mind, give her a piece of your heart."
On the other side of forever, Linka gagged. "Oh, gross, that's the mushiest thing I've ever heard."
"Yep," he agreed. "So...she came over...I kissed her...and she punched me in the face."
Linka gasped. "She did?"
"Yeah," Lincoln chuckled as he remembered the sensation of Ronnie Anne's knuckles saying hello to his eye, and the heart-dropping fall to the pavement. She hit hard, but not hard enough to really hurt him - he would have stayed standing if he was ready for it, you know? But he wasn't - he expected a kiss in return but got wailed on instead. "I mean, in hindsight, walking up to a girl and kissing her probably wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. I got caught up in listening to my sisters."
A horrible thought occurred to him then. "Uh, that Ron guy...he didn't punch you, did he?"
Linka laughed. "No," she said, "he didn't. He didn't really bully me either. He used to sit behind me in math class and he'd flick my hair. Everyday. I'd tell him to stop and he'd pretend it wasn't him even though it was super clear that it was. Finally, I blew up on him one day." She giggled. "Later on, when I was getting my books out of my locker, he came up and apologized, and we started hanging out. Did you ever kiss her?"
Jeez, you're going to give me whiplash with how fast you go from one line of thought to another. "Yeah," Lincoln said, "I kissed her on the lips once. Not with...you know...not with tongue or anything." Suddenly he was really uncomfortable; talking with your girlfriend about girls you liked in the past? Awwwwwkward.
Linka hummed. "I kissed Ron on the cheek once. That was more like a friendly kiss, though. Who's your best friend? He's black, isn't he?"
"Yes," Lincoln said, "his name is Clyde and he has -"
"- two dads. Claudia, my best friend, has two moms. Wow, it's so strange how everything's so different but not at the same time."
Lincoln opened his mouth to reply, then an idea struck him. "Uh...your mom and dad. What do they look like?"
Since genders were swapped in opposite world, it stood to reason her mom would look like his dad and his dad would look like her mom. Or...I just confused myself again. You know what I mean.
"Oooh, I see what you're thinking," Linka said. "My dad's kind of...uh...overweight and has blonde hair and my mom's skinny with brown hair. What about your parents?"
"Other way around," he said, his mind reeling. Then another idea came. "Is Jesus a man in your world?"
"Yep. Is he in yours too?"
Thunder, farther away as the storm moved over town. The rain slackened, and long rivers sluiced down the window. "Yeah," Lincoln said.
"Strange."
Yeah, actually, it was. "What's your favorite book?" he asked.
"Pride and Prejudice," she said instantly, "I love that book. I also really like A Tale of Two Cities, but not as much. You really like video games, right? Which one's your favorite?"
Now, that was a hard question to answer - his favorite anything tended to change. One day his favorite game would be Pac-Man, the next it would be Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Two very, very different playing experiences...which is why he tended to create mental subcategories. FAVORITE EIGHTIES GAME; FAVORITE FIRST PERSON SHOOTER; etc, which further complicated matters. "I don't know, that's a tough one," he said, "I like old games a lot."
"Me too! I have a bunch on my phone. Like Pac-Man and stuff. I'm not very good, though. I get to level five and the ghosts gang up on me. Pout."
Lincoln was surprised into laughter. "Did you really just vocalize a facial expression?"
"Yep. Why not? Lars is always saying 'sigh.'"
Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Lucy does the same thing. I-I don't get it."
"Neither do I. It feels so -"
"Contrived."
"Exactly. Like he's -"
"Exaggerating."
"Yep! He's kind of a drama queen. I don't wanna sound mean, but he's like a walking soap opera sometimes. I feel really bad for him because Luke and Loki are always picking on him, though. I mean, they go pretty hard."
Lincoln switched the phone to his other hand. It was really warm. How long had they been talking? Certainly not twenty minutes, so they were good...for now. "Your brothers sound like a joy."
"Eh. They're not bad. It's just how they are. Your sisters aren't like that, are they?"
"No. They do like to tease each other...and me. Like, during breakfast, every morning, everyone dog piles on one of us." He chuckled at the memory of morning roasts past: The time his sisters made fun of his, uh, penis size; the time Lisa got so mad she turned red, shook, and threatened to unleash a plague on your asses; Luan stalking out because Lynn said she had a mouth like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. "It can get pretty savage, I guess."
Linka giggled. "My brothers do that. The other day, I guess Loki was making fun of Lexx and calling him...the F word...that rhymes with bag...and I walked in just as Lexx threw his pancakes in Loki's face."
Lincoln snorted. "Wow. How'd he take that?"
"Well," Linka said, "he called him a little...a little shit and reached across the table, but Lexx got away. He's fast, but you have to be around here, I guess." She laughed. "Never a dull moment."
Taking the phone away from his ear, Lincoln looked at the screen. He and Linka had been talking for ten minutes and twenty-nine seconds. Sweet, they still had ten minutes left. "When's your birthday?" Lincoln asked. "Mine's July 12th."
"So's mine!"
Wow. "That's kind of cool. We can have joint parties."
Linka gasped. "That's a good idea. We'd better do it in your world, though - your sisters haven't gotten you kicked out of every party spot in town, right?"
"No," Lincoln said and furrowed his brow, "like...the bowling alley and stuff?"
"Umhm. My brothers and their constant horseplay has earned us a hard ban from everywhere except The Pizza Dungeon, and that's because you'd, like, have to shoot the place up before they ban you."
Lincoln sighed. "You have that place there too?"
"Yep," she said. From her tone, Lincoln could tell that she didn't like that place anymore than he did, and why would she? It stank: It was a low rent Chuck E Cheese knockoff filled with games that sucked, pizza that was marginally better than the kind you get at a gas station, and the mascot...ugh. "Dinette is the worst."
Dinette? Oh, right, gender-swap. "Here his name is Dino and he does this dumb gangster rapper routine."
"In normal world, she's like...I don't wanna sound racist...but, like, a big, sassy black woman. And she's pink. With a weav."
"Oh, jeez."
She laughed. "I know. She's ridiculous. She also hits all the guys. Like, we went there for...I think it was Lane's birthday but it might have been Luke's...and while me and Loni were playing skee ball, she came up -" she laughed again. "Oh, my God. She came up and said to him Your name should be Campbells 'cause you are mmm-mm good."
She giggled so hard she gasped for air, and Lincoln smiled. He'd never heard a more beautiful sound in his life, and if he could, he'd listen to it all day as though it were a cherished melody. "Poor Loni was so confused."
"Dino did something like that to Lori," he said. "We were sitting at the table and he comes up. 'Cuse me, girl, are you a magician? 'Cause abraca-damn."
"Oh, my God," Linka laughed, "that's funny. That place is wreck, though. Do you have Flip's? God, tell me you have Flip's."
"Yeah, we do. That guy's a real...jerk." He was going to say 'asshole' but pulled back at the last minute.
Linka hummed in agreement. "Obviously she's a woman here. A big, fat, mean, cheap, lazy woman. Me and Claudia worked for him for a while, and it was not fun."
"Me and Clyde worked for Flip," Lincoln said. "I swear, there was stuff in there that expired -"
"- twenty years ago."
"Yes. It's like, really? How have you not been shut down yet?"
"Oh, I know how she hasn't been shut down," Linka said confidently, "she bribes the health inspector."
Lincoln lifted his brow. "She does?"
"Yep. I saw her do it."
"I wonder if my Flip does the same thing."
"Probbly," Linka said. "If he's as bad as his normal world self."
Lincoln snickered. "You mean opposite world."
"Nope," Linka replied. "I am one hundred percent confident that mine is the real world and yours is just a reflection." There was a jocular tilt to her voice. "Shadow boy."
Static crashed across the line like a storm surge on rocks, and Lincoln snorted. "I think you're mistaken," he said. "My world is the real world, your world is a deleted scene on the DVD we call life."
Linka laughed deeply. "Wow, that was deep, shads. I didn't know a copy+paste could philosophise."
"That's right, me-in-drag, I'm pretty smart."
"Oh, really?" she drew.
"Yep."
The line was quiet for a second. "You're also really hot."
A blush spread across Lincoln's face, and he bowed his head demurely as if to hide his embarrassment from Linka...even though she couldn't see him. Maybe it wasn't actually embarrassment, but...being called hot by a pretty girl...man, that's all kinds of cool, awesome, awkward, and everything else. She thinks you're hot, dude...keep doing what you're doing AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T DO ANYTHING TO SHATTER THE ILLUSION! Or delusion since he didn't think he was 'hot' (cute, at best). "You're really hot too," he said, not liking the shy inflection in his voice.
Linka giggled. "I disagree, but you certainly make me feel hot, so I'll take it. I really miss you."
"I miss you too."
"I was thinking of talking to Levi and seeing when we could come out there again. Or if you could come here. I know it's hard to make time and all, but I had an idea literally two seconds ago."
Lincoln shifted his butt. "Because you're smart. What is it?"
"Wellll," she said, "it's a teleporter, right? Levi says if you input the wrong cocondincenes you'll wind up at the bottom of the ocean or something, which means -"
Understanding dawned on him. "It can go anywhere."
"Yep," she said, "we can, like, meet somewhere that isn't your house. Or my house. How do you feel about the park?
Lincoln lifted one shoulder. "I can park."
"But can you parallel park?"
Groan.
"Sorry, I've been hanging around with Lane too much. But yeah, that'd be easier, wouldn't it?"
Lincoln thought for a moment. Yeah, as far as he could tell, it would be...though they'd have to pick somewhere fairly isolated so that no one saw the teleporter arrive and depart.
"...somewhere out of the way so that no one sees the teleporter come and go," Linka was saying, and Lincoln grinned at the synchronicity of their thought process. "There's a spot -"
"- overlooking the river."
" - that's pretty secluded. You have it there, too?"
He did. Ridgewood Park was a vast expanse of hilly woodland spread out on either bank of the Royal River and crisscrossed with trails. There was a certain hill off a certain path that was flat on top and surrounded on by trees on three sides and the river (and the trees crowding against the far shore) on the fourth. He stumbled across it after getting lost in the woods - Lynn and her gal pals needed an extra player for a football game, and he said oh, hell no and dipped; the last thing he wanted to do with his Saturday was get tackled by a bunch of female jocks. They hit harder than the boys because they have something to prove. "Yeah," he said, and explained how he found it.
Linka laughed. "You know what's funny? Over here it was Lars who got drafted to play and ran. Me and my brothers beat down the whole forest looking for him then followed the sighs." She giggled and Lincoln couldn't tell if she was joking or not, but he didn't care - he just liked listening to her. "I'm sure we can talk Lisa and Levi into it. I mean -"
"- they like each other."
" - and they're both too weird to make a move. We should get them to profess their love for one another. We can be their wings persons."
That wasn't a bad idea - he knew Lisa liked Levi...she just thought having a relationship with him (beyond video conferences and light flirting) wasn't feasible. She wasn't wrong in that loving someone you couldn't see very often was hard, but despite the past two torturous days, Lincoln wouldn't trade Linka for anything. "Sure," he said, "I'll talk to her and you talk to him."
The phone was hotter now, heat flowing into his hand and up his arm. He looked at the screen. 17:18.
"I think we should probably get off soon," Linka sighed. "My phone's getting really hot and Levi said we have to keep calls under twenty minutes."
Lincoln blew a mournful puff of air. "Yeah, Lisa said the same." He didn't want to get off, though; he wanted to talk to her forever and ever.
"I don't wanna, though," she said with a pout, "I wanna talk to you forever and ever."
Lincoln smiled. He couldn't see her, but he could picture her sitting on the middle of her bed, like him, with a sullen expression on her face - and she was so cute his heart ached. "Neither do I, but if we don't the TSDD machine or whatever will break and we won't' be able to talk at all."
"I know," Linka sighed. She didn't speak for a long moment, and Lincoln was just beginning to think the call had been dropped when she said, "I love you, Lincoln."
No three words had ever sounded sweeter, and none had ever made his chest swell with such a strong feeling of warm, tingling goodness. A goofy grin broke across his lips. "I love you too, Linka."
She hummed contentedly. "I better get off now because if I don't I'll never do it. You hang up first."
"No, you hang up first," Lincoln teased, "sugar-boo-boo-bear."
Linka laughed so hard it sounded like she cried. "Ew, gross, you did not just say that! You sound like Loki."
"Lori does it too," he snickered, "it's awful."
"Isn't it? Like...I'm not against love and affection or pet names or whatever, but that's just gag. Luke and Lexx tease him mercilessly for it too, and to be honest….he totally deserves it." She giggled. "That's what you get, sap."
"It's funny because Lori's so...I dunno...uptight, but as soon as she talks to Bobby, she's like a gushy little girl."
Linka hummed. "When I was in a bad mood once - that's what I call being on my period - I told him he acted like a bigger girl than me and everyone laughed him out of the house. I felt so bad."
The phone was really hot now.
"I have to go," Linka sighed. "I love you."
"I love you too."
"I'll text you later."
"Okay," Lincoln grinned.
Neither of them moved to end the call.
"On three?" Linka asked.
"Okay. One…"
"Two…"
"Three," they said together, and hit END
Alone now, Lincoln dropped the phone into his lap and drew a heavy sigh. He was sad because they had to hang up, but still flush with happiness because he got to hear her voice. Also excited about the prospect of seeing her soon.
Getting up, he went out into the hall; it stood empty as a tomb on Judgement Day, but sounds of life wafted up the stairs. The TV. Lola and Lana bickering. Luna singing along to a song on the radio very offkey (she was a good guitarist, but a lousy vocalist). He crossed to Lisa's door and knocked, waited, then knocked again. When he didn't get an answer, he turned the knob and poked his head in.
Empty.
She was probably downstairs...which meant he'd have to wait to get her alone. He sighed and closed the door. Whatever - talking to her now vs later wouldn't make much of a difference. The earliest possible time they could do it would be tomorrow (that was really short notice, so it probably wouldn't happen).
Yeah...he was still bursting with impatience though.
Downstairs, everyone was where he'd left them, and when he dropped into the armchair, they all looked at him - with the exception of Lisa. Do I have something in my teeth?
Then he remembered.
He kind of ran outta here like a bitch earlier.
"Hey, guys," he said easily to show them that he was okay and not on the rag. "Lovely day."
Lori lifted her brow. "Right. You feeling better?"
"Yep," he said and snatched his comic off the floor, where it landed after he dropped it. "No one picked up my book, though?" he asked archly. "Nice."
"Oh, can it, Lincoln," Lori said with a roll of the eyes.
"Yeah," Lynn said, "we're not your maids."
"You're mine," Lola corrected from her spot in front of the coffee table.
Lori clucked her tongue. "Keep dreaming."
And that, my friends, is how you get your sisters to shift their focus off of you.
Across the multiverse, Linka knocked on Levi's door, and when he didn't answer, she peeked in. Nothing. Hm. Guess I'll have to wait. Not that asking now will make too much of a difference, still, I don't like suspense. Unless it's in a good book.
Sighing, she went down the steps and crossed to the armchair, all of her brothers turning to look at her as she sat, even Lane and Lars, who'd come back out of hiding while she was gone; they sat shoved up between Loni and the arm like sardines in a tin. Is something wrong with my hair?
That's when it occurred to her that she flew out of here in tears a little while ago.
"Hey, Link," Luke hesitated, "you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, "I was just in a bad mood."
Like she told Lincoln, that was her code word for I'm on my period. She used it because it was better than coming outright and saying I'm bleeding from my privates. It might be natural, but so's pooping, and unless you're Leif, no one really wants to hear about your bowel movements.
"You sure?" Loki asked worriedly.
Linka picked her book up and opened it. "Yep. All better now."
"You're absolutely sure?" Luke pressed.
Sigh. Yes, I'm absolutely sure, not that you're going to listen and leave me alone.
She had to think quick and get the heat off. She looked around, and her eyes landed on Lane, who smiled encouragingly. I am on my 'period' after all, so...please forgive me, Lane, I'm so sorry. "Yep. I like your suspenders, Lane."
"Thanks," he said proudly.
"When's the pride parade?"
His face fell, and everyone laughed mean-spiritedly. "Yeah, homo," Loni said, "when's the parade?" He nudged Lane's arm with his elbow.
"And who's your date?" Lexx asked. "Benny?"
Luke snorted. "You. You're a bigger fag than he is."
And that, as mean as it is, is how you get your brothers to stop worrying about you.
Sorry, Lane.