It was after dinner before Lisa finally trudged up the stairs and went into her room - Lincoln had been watching her like a hawk for hours and by the time she took her leave, he was crackling with nervous energy and seriously considering dragging her off like a caveman. He gave it a few long, tense moments before going after her; he didn't even bother knocking on the door.
"Linka and I had an idea," he said as he barged in. Lisa was sitting at her computer with her back to him and her shoulders slumped, fingers hovering inches above the keyboard like she was just about to start typing. She reminded Lincoln for some reason of the Phantom of the Opera.
"What's that?" she asked without turning.
Leaning against the door, Lincoln glanced at her teleporter - it stood in a corner covered by a heavy white sheet of canvas. "We were thinking we could meet soon...outside of the house. Since the teleporter can go -"
"No," Lisa said.
Lincoln blinked. "What?"
She turned and looked at him. "That's too risky, I'm sorry. This machine, and the multiverse itself, must remain a secret, and teleporting willy-nilly in public is not how you go about keeping a secret."
"But we won't be teleporting willy-nilly," Lincoln argued, his chest tightening at the prospect of Lisa not letting him and Linka see each other. "There's a secluded spot at the park -"
"Lincoln, it's a public park in the middle of a fairly populous area. Privacy is not assured." She whipped her glasses off as if for dramatic effect. "I'm sorry. Levi and I had considered the same, but it's just not a risk we're willing to take."
He opened his mouth to protest further, but she held up a stalling hand. "No," she repeated. "I understand you wish to see Linka as soon as possible, and you will eventually see her, but you have to have patience, Lincoln." She furrowed her brows in sympathy and drew a deep breath at the obvious hurt in his face. It had to show, because he sure as hell felt it.
"I understand," he said finally, and he did, but that didn't mean he was happy about it. Feeling drained of life and as though the future held only ashes, he turned, opened the door, and went out into the hall.
In Linka's world, she followed Levi up the stairs (giving him a minute or two lead). At the top, she met Lane, whose angled slightly down when he saw her. For a second she was taken aback by the coldness in his eyes, then she remembered what she said about his suspenders and felt a sharp twinge of guilt. "Excuse me," he said tightly and started to pass, but stopped and rolled his eyes when she spoke.
"Lane, I'm sorry for what I said. I was just in a bad mood."
For a moment, he seemed to consider her words...then brushed past her and went down the stairs. Linka looked after him with a heavy heart and sadness in her eyes. I really shouldn't have said that - they picked on him for a whole hour afterwards.
She'd be mad at her too.
Should she go after him? Try to apologize again? Or should she give him space? She knew her brothers pretty well, but Lane's personality was a little different. When Luke was mad, he needed to be alone; when Lars was mad, he needed to vent and someone to talk to; Leif usually just needed a hug; and with Loni, you just had to make him laugh or do something sweet for him, and he'd totally forget about it. Lane was back and forth: Sometimes you could get him to open up, other times he was a clam and wanted nothing to do with you until he cooled off. He was good-natured and never stayed mad for too long, but still...and he never teased Linka, even when she deserved it. He was always a good brother.
Now she felt really bad.
Sighing, she continued about her business, knocking on Levi's door and going in when he called out. He sat in his swivel chair facing her, a bag of gummy bears in one hand and the other to his mouth, his cheeks bulging like a cute, bespectacled chipmunk. "What's the matter?" he asked, spraying bits onto his lap, "you look upset."
"It's Lane," she said and leaned one shoulder against the frame.
Levi nodded in understanding. "Ah, yes, the jab you made at his suspenders. Obviously your way of deflecting attention from yourself."
"Yeah," she said.
"That's not why you're here, though, is it?" he asked pointedly and swallowed.
Linka shook her head. "No. I had an idea. About seeing Lincoln."
The little boy reached into the bag and shoved another handful of candy into his mouth, both of his brows lifting as if to say go on. Linka took a deep, steadying breath. "Well, I was thinking, the main problem is us finding time when no one else is around."
Levi nodded. "Correct."
"Why can't we take the teleporter somewhere else? Like instead of using it to go to Lincoln's house, we use it to go to the park and meet Lincoln there."
Blank stare.
Linka squirmed. Oh...not such a good idea?
Swallowing, Levi leaned forward, his arms coming to rest on his knees, and Linka suddenly felt like a little girl who was going to be told a hard fact of life by a caring older relative. "Linka," he started patiently, "we can't do that. You know that the teleporter, and the multiverse, has to remain a secret...at least for now."
"But there's this spot at the park…"
"That is not secluded enough. It is a public recreational area and accessible by anyone. People walk the trails and hike through the woods. The risk of someone seeing us come or go is too great. Lisa and I discussed the matter ourselves and decided that the risk wasn't worth taking." He frowned when Linka hung her head and sighed sadly. "I know you want to see Lincoln. Being apart from the one you care about is hard; it's hard for me, but I imagine it's doubly hard for you."
Linka nodded slowly. "I guess." Her voice was barely above a whisper. She looked up at Levi and debated whether to bring up Lisa. "But...I really like him, and it's worth it."
Levi's expression was stoic and unchanging.
"Just knowing he's out there and he's mine.." a glowing smile spread across her face and she breathed a dreamy sigh. It was like...being filled with warm spring sunshine, and she could imagine shafts of it shining through every pore in her body like a Linka disco ball. "It's so worth it."
Humming disinterestedly, Levi sat back. Linka was almost certain he knew she was trying to push him toward making a move on Lisa even though she thought she was being subtle. He was a genius, after all; you know how they say you gotta get up pretty early in the morning to fool me? Well, to fool Levi you had to stay up all night. "I suppose," he said.
"It really is," she pressed, and smiled genuinely. "I'm sad, but really happy too." She frowned. "It's actually kind of strange." She shook her head. "When can I see him again?"
Levi spread his hands. "I don't know. That's up to circumstance. I could try and contrive to get the others out of the house one day this week, but I can't promise anything."
'Getting everyone out of the house' was harder than you might think, but not impossible. All of the boys liked playing football at the park (more or less - except for Lexx and Lars, they hated it), so maybe she could somehow 'encourage' them to go scrape up a game.
Sigh. That probably wouldn't happen.
"Alright," she said heavily, "thank you."
Levi flashed a wan smile. "I am sorry."
Yeah, Linka thought, me too.
In her room, she kicked off her shoes, peeled her socks off, and dropped them into the hamper beside the dresser. She climbed onto the bed, crossed her legs, and leaned back against the headboard with a deep sigh. Lincoln probably got the same reaction from Lisa, so that idea was out the window. Ugh, this is so dumb. He's literally a two minute teleporter ride away, yet he might as well have been on the dark side of the moon.
Not really - if he was on the dark side of the moon, she could at least borrow Levi's telescope and see roundabout where he was.
Taking her phone out of her skirt pocket, she swiped her thumb across the screen and shot Lincoln a text. Levi said no :(
She sat it on her lap and blinked against a rush of tears. She'd never felt such strange (and strong) emotions in her life, and she was starting to get really sick of them affecting her this way. She wasn't usually prone to crying and moping around - what good has crying ever done anyone? - but now that's all she did, it had only been two days!
On the flip side, she wasn't used to being so happy: She felt like a giddy, bouncy little girl and it was nice...better than that awful horniness.
Though, to be honest, she could really go for a little R and R with Lincoln about now, and by little she meant a lot. Like...shower sex sounded sooo hot, and so did using blindfolds and stuff like in Fifty Shades of Grey. Don't tell Mom or Dad, but she read all of those books and they turned her on like crazy - though some of the stuff was a little much.
Was it strange that she wanted to have sex with Lincoln in her bed so that his smell would linger on her sheets and pillow long after he was gone?
Also...was it strange that last night she slept with his underwear next to her? And before you ask, no, she was not sniffing them before she drifted off...much. Okay, she totally was, but it wasn't all sexual. Yeah, she could smell his scent but she could also smell him, that warm, comforting, intoxicating, yumtastic aroma his body naturally exuded. Ummm, she loved that. If she could bottle it up and huff it like a junkie she would.
God, I'm so weird.
Her phone buzzed with a text from Lincoln. So did Lisa.
No surprise there. Levi said he's going to try to get everyone out of the house this week so keep your fingers crossed. She stopped, considered, then added, shadow boy ;)
Wait a tick - that's my first pet name for him! Awww.
Actually...I'm turning into Loki. *Gag*
I will. I really wanna see you.
She smiled. Like she told Levi, knowing that Lincoln was out there, and that he was hers...and that he felt the same way she did...was pretty flipping awesome. I wanna see you too. She bit her bottom lip - should I get frisky? And kiss you. There. I'll start small.
Me too, Lincoln said, and hold your hand.
Awww. That made her heart melt...but she was kind of hoping he'd up the ante. Guess he needs more prompting. He is kind of shy.
I can't wait to hold something else of yours.
She hit SEND and smirked. There you go, shadow boy. Let's see what you have to say to that.
A few seconds later, he came back with: With your mouth?
Linka burst out laughing. Well, he certainly upped the ante, but she was the queen of not being one-upped, so...No, with my pussy.
If you were here right now, I'd let you hold it anyway you wanted.
Even on a leash?
A minute later. Well, I'm not into bondage, but I am into you, so if that's what you want….
Not really. I just want you here. In my bed. Naked.
An idea came to her, and her face flushed. Levi warned her that texts and pics might get lost in the great wide yonder and I wouldn't send anything too provocative if I were you buuuut...she kind of wanted to send Lincoln a sexy picture. See, she wanted one of him so it was only fair he get one too. Not too sexy, though; Lincoln wasn't a scumbag and wouldn't show his buddies or anything, but someone might get ahold of his phone and see. She might have dirty thoughts (and like doing dirty things), but she wasn't an exhabitionist and didn't like the idea of random people seeing her body - she may have once thought it was hot, but there was no real possibility of it then; there was now.
Hmmm, should she do it?
She thought for a minute, then decided what the hey. You only live once.
Getting onto her knees, she undid the top two buttons of her blouse and pulled it slightly down one shoulder. She bit one lip, lidded her eyes to seductive slits, and touched the index finger of her left hand to her chin. Pouting, she held the phone up, aimed the camera at her face, and pressed the button on the side. She turned the phone around and looked at the screen. Oh, wow, I look like a dweeb. But kind of a cute dweeb, and Lincoln will like it; I know I'd like any pic he sent me.
She sat on her butt, crossed her legs, and attached the photo to a message: Wish you were here. She sent it and waited very impatiently for a reply. When she didn't get one, she started to worry. Your turn.
Still nothing.
Faint dread stirred in her chest. I didn't scare him off, did I?
Nothing.
Maybe one of his sisters is bugging him or something.
Nothing.
Or he had to pee.
Nothing.
Or -
Her phone buzzed, and she snatched it up as though it were a bomb that would blow if she didn't defuse it right the frick now. She swiped the screen, and when she saw what Lincoln sent her, she laughed so hard she bowed her head and cried.
It was an exact replica of her own pic: He was on his knees with his finger on his chin and the collar of his orange polo shirt pulled to one side, revealing smooth, creamy shoulder flesh. Every time she looked at it, she laughed harder, tears streaming down her face. When she finally recovered, she sent him a text. LMAO! I love you. You're such a dork.
A minute later. I love you too. I took like six of those just to get it right. I hope you like it.
I love it. How's it going in Bizarroworld tonight?
Okay. The rain stopped. Maybe I can actually leave the house tomorrow.
That's good. Going to see your other girlfriends? She was joking, but he was pretty great, so she could certainly see other girls wanting him. Sorry, thots, he's mine.
Nope. Just Clyde.
Yeah, I might hang out with Claudia. Does Clyde have a huge crush on any of your sisters?
God, yes, Lori. I love the guy, but it's pretty creepy.
Linka snickered. Claudia really likes Luke. I wouldn't say it's creepy, just kind of sad because she's very much into him and he couldn't care less that she exists.
Does he know that she likes him?
No, but, I mean, it's kind of obvious with the way she sighs and stares at him when he's around. She's like a little puppy dog or something.
Lori knows Clyde likes her - she just ignores him. I can't blame her. If I'm bad with the ladies, he's ten times worse.
That last one took Linka aback. Bad with the ladies? You're the smoothest and cutest guy ever, you can't be bad with the ladies.
I mean the ladies in the real world, not opposite land.
Linka laughed. You're cheeky. That's British for doofus.
No it's not. I know; Luna has an unhealthy obsession with British stuff.
You're an unhealthy obsession with British stuff :P
You make no sense.
I know.
He didn't reply for a long time, but she didn't worry this time because why would she? Lincoln was great and he loved her just as much as she loved him. I really have to stop second guessing the guy. It's kind of disrespectful. Finally, he came back with, Sorry, gotta go. My sisters are bugging me.
Okay. I love you. Sleep good 3
You too. :)
She waited to see if he was going to follow up, and when it became clear that he wasn't, she sat the phone on the nightstand and stretched her legs out in front of her in a V. Despite having her hopes dashed to pieces by Levi (more like Dumbvi, amirite?) she felt good, like her chest with filled with a thousand lightning bugs. She kind of wanted to lay down and let it lull her to sleep, but she needed a shower...and to brush her hair: If she didn't, it would get knotted and she hated when that happened because getting it unknotted hurt like heck.
Curse of being a girl. Sometimes she seriously considered shaving it all off like that woman who ripped up the Pope's picture years ago, but she didn't think that'd be a very good look on her. Some girls might be able to pull it off, but not Linka Loud. Then again, Lincoln was the cutest/hottest/dreamiest thing ever, so maybe she could pull it off.
I better get up and get in the shower.
Exhaling heavily, she got up, grabbed her towel and a white nightgown, and went into the hall, jumping back with a cry of alarm when Lynn slammed back-first into the wall flanking the door - Leif stood by the bathroom, a guilty expression on his face. "Sorry, Link," Lynn said sheepishly. Her eyes went to the football in his hands and she sighed.
"You're not supposed to be doing that in the house," she said sternly.
"But it's raining outside."
Oh, is it? I hadn't noticed. "I know. You can't play football in the rain?"
"Mom and Dad won't let me...not after last time."
Four months ago, Lynn, Luke, and Loki were playing football in the backyard during a rainstorm. Lynn was running the ball when he slipped on mud and snapped his ankle. Dad forbid him from sports activities in inclimate weather (his words exactly), and ever since, Lynn passed every single rainy day in a state of restlessness like a drug addict waiting on his dealer to get back from vacation.
"Too bad," she said, "if you want to play sports in the house, choose something that won't smash a window. Where's your hacky-sack?"
Looking shamefaced down at his feet like a scolded dog, he shrugged. "I dunno," he mumbled.
She knew that look. He was hiding something. She crossed her arms and lifted her brow. "Where is it?" she pressed.
"In my room somewhere," he said, "lost."
She understood totally - his room was a pigsty again and his hacky-sack was missing amidst the mess.
Why are boys such slobs? Linka kept her room neat and tidy, and it didn't even take that much effort. Her brothers, on the other hand, lived in perpetual filth. The cleanest one was Loki, but even he had a bad habit of leaving dirty clothes strewn across the floor until his room stank to high heaven. She, Mom, and Dad kept on their butts about picking up, but like a wise word to a stubborn man, it went in one ear and out the other.
"Maybe if you cleaned your room, you'd find your hacky-sack."
Lynn shrugged again.
"At any rate, no ball in the house. Remember the time you broke the vase and Mom and Dad took all your balls away for a month?. Do you want that to happen again?"
Lynn shook his head. "No."
"Then don't play ball in the house." She turned to admonish Leif next, but he was gone and the hall stood empty. Sneaked away while he had the chance. "You should go pick your room up instead."
"Okay," he said, and, like a shot, he was gone. Whether or not he'd actually do as she asked of him was doubtful, but at least she diffused the football situation, so she'd chalk that up as a win.
In the bathroom, she draped her towel over the shower rod, unbuttoned her blouse, tossed it aside, and then her skirt. In her underwear, she crossed to the tub, turned the water on, adjusted the temperature, then stripped and got in.
Because there were so many people in her family, showers were limited to five minutes apiece. They were two minutes and fifty seconds until her and her brothers got sick of it and rioted, Not literally, they just refused to do their chores. Anyway, because of this, Linka was the fastest gun in the west when it came to bathring: She ducked her hair under the spray, wetted it, then squeezed shampoo into her hand and massaged it into her scalp. Next, she lathered her loofa, hit all the important areas on a girl's body that require daily maintenance (armpits, boobies, between the legs, butt) then rinsed.
As she worked, her thoughts inevitably drifted to Lincoln and their conundrum. Hopefully Levi was serious about conning everyone out of the house, and hopefully it worked otherwise she'd have to come up with a plan. She was good at strategizing, don't get her wrong, but sometimes her plans backfired spectacularly, and this was one time that a plan absolutely could not fall apart. Getting Mom and Dad out of the house was cake - they both worked, the others, though, weren't as easy. Oh, they had lives and friends and didn't sit around the house 24/7, but rarely did they all go out at the same time.
Sigh. Curse of having a large family.
Done, she cut the water, toweled off, and got out, the cold air raking her flesh with goosebumps. She got into her gown and went back to her room, pausing at Lynn and Lars' door - the floor was piled with junk, trash, and clothes, Lynn standing in the middle with his hands on his hips and a stricken expression on her face. Lars sat on the edge of hs bed, hands planted on either side of him. "I didn't take your dumb hacky-sack," he deadpanned. "What would I want with one of those anyway?"
"I don't know," Lynn said, a note of accusation in his voice, "but it's not here." He turned and went over to Lars, pulling open his nightstand drawer.
Growling, Lars pushed him away. "Get out of my stuff."
"Don't touch me, Dorkula," Lynn flashed.
"Don't touch my things."
Lynn took a menacing step forward, and Lars shot out his foot, catching the older boy in the crotch and making Linka wince. Lynn's eyes widened and he dropped to his knees with a pained gasp, his hands flying to his wounded crotch.
"Lars!" Linka cried, and the younger boy jumped. Scowling, she went over to Lynn and knelt next to him, her hand going to his shoulder. "Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.
Head down, teeth clenched, Lynn shook his head. "He hit me in the nuts," he said. He looked up at Lars. "You're a dead man," he hissed.
"I'm already dead," Lars said flatly.
"Lars, shut up," Linka said, then to Lynn, "go lie down and forget about him. You shouldn't have been rifling through his stuff. He told you he didn't have your hacky-sack."
"But -"
"No buts." She helped him to his feet and guided him to his bed, stepping over and weaving between piles of stuff; he walked like an old man, bent, limping, sucking gasps of breath through his teeth. Linka didn't have testicles so she had no idea how it felt to be kicked in them, but from what she'd seen over the years, it looked very painful, and she felt awful for him. He did kind of bring it on himself, though.
I swear, sometimes all you can do is throw up your hands.
Being careful not to hurt him further, Linka sat him down and patted his knee with a frown; his face was screwed up in pain and sweat stood on his forehead. "You okay?" she asked.
He nodded. "I'm fine," he said thickly.
She shot Lars a dirty look over her shoulder, and Lars flinched ever so slightly. "You could have really hurt him. What were you thinking?"
Lars favored her with a blank stare. "That I wanted to really hurt him."
*Eyeroll* "Seriously?"
Lars shrugged.
"He's your brother. I get that he gets on your nerves, but you don't really hurt your brother like that. You should have kicked him in the shin."
Lynn gaped. "Linka!"
"Better than where he did kick you."
For a moment Lars regarded her, then sighed. "I guess maybe kicking him in the balls was a little much."
Linka nodded. "Umhm. Now apologize."
Lars hung his head.
"Do it."
He sighed. "Sorry I kicked you in the nuts."
"Good," Linka said, then turned expectantly to Lynn. "Your turn."
His brow furrowed in confusion. "Uhh...sorry you kicked me in the nuts, too."
*Eyeroll x 2* "No," Linka said patiently, "apologize for rifling through his stuff."
Lynn sighed and hung his head, looking so much like Lars that it would have been comical under other circumstances. All of her brothers were so different, yet they were fundamentally the same, whether they liked to admit it or not. "Sorry I rifled through your stuff," he grumbled.
"Good," Linka said, looking from one to the other - neither seemed happy with the situation. "Can I go back to my room now and not have to worry about you two killing each other?"
"Yes," they both mumbled.
She didn't particularly believe them, but she'd just have to take them at their word.
*Crosses self and hopes for the best*
Lincoln Loud restlessly paced through the house, his hands on his hips and a frown on his lips. Nerves slithered through his stomach like a writhing mass of slimy eels, and his breaths were sharp, quick, like the jabs of a wiry pugilist.
It was half past noon on Tuesday - three days since Lisa modified his cell phone so that he could talk to Linka - and he was waiting for word from Lisa that Levi's plan had worked. If it had, he and Lisa would travel to opposite world the next day. If it hadn't, he'd go yet another day without seeing her, and his depression would grow like a malignant tumor on his heart.
Being able to talk to her was great, but in a way it only made things worse, because he could hear her, but not hold her, he could tell her he loved her, but not show her. It was like starving to death while wrapped in the good smells of a feast wafting from the next room - taunting you, mocking you, driving you out of your mind because it's so close yet so, so far away. Over the past two days, he vacillated between happy and sad like a swinging pendulum, and it was noticeable: He knew his sisters were worried, he could see it in their eyes and in the way they looked at him, but thankfully none approached him about it. He really needed to get a grip before they did; the last thing he needed was to be mobbed by eight persistent girls who wouldn't leave him alone until they found out why he was down and who could each see through his lame attempts at lying.
Pacing isn't going to help.
No, he figured as he climbed the stairs for the eighteen time that day, it wouldn't - it would only make things worse. At the head of the steps, he hesitated, then went to Lisa's door, which stood ajar. The little girl sat at her computer with her back to him and her fingers flying across the keyboard. He started to speak, but she cut him off. "No, Lincoln," she said with strained patience, "I have not heard from Levi. I will contact you immediately once I have."
Lincoln hung his head. Okay. He walked away on heavy feet, pausing when Lana came out of her room with her hands on her hips and her head oscillating back and forth like she was looking for something. When her gaze lighted on him, she frowned. "Hey, Linc, have you seen Hopps? I can't find him."
"No," Lincoln sighed, and I haven't seen Linka either.
That almost made him cry.
Almost.
With a sigh, Lana went downstairs calling Hopps's name. He was probably hiding under the couch or pigging out on bugs in the basement. She'd find him in half an hour, snuggle him with a glowing face, and be happy forever after. I wish I could find Linka that easily, but nooo, I have to wait for the stars to align just right to even see her face. That's gay. And dumb. And every other insult you can imagine.
In his room, he sat heavily on the edge of the bed and put his face in his hands, his foot already beginning to tap. When seeing your girlfriend hangs in the balance, each moment is an eternity. It's almost not worth it.
Almost.
Kind of.
I dunno, leave me alone, it's rough, okay? Lisa was right about long distance relationships sucking, but, then again, Linka's out there somewhere loving me and just the knowledge of that makes me all warm and tingly. I'm kind of nervous about going to her world, though. I've never gone through dimensions and it's a little intimidating. Like she said, if the coordinates aren't exact, you could wind up on the bottom of the ocean, or in the middle of an active volcano. I can see it now: Me and Lisa trapped in the teleporter, like a big metal coffin, screaming in terror as it slowly sinks into a sea of bubbling lava. Hark, for the end hath arrived, male sibling, and I daresay we shan't escape our fate.
He smiled wanly. Lisa didn't really talk like that, but she always did in his thoughts because exaggeration.
I'm also kind of nervous about her actual world, you know? I doubt I'll leave her house (or her bedroom, rather, wink-wink) but...it's weird, being in a totally different reality, you know? And the thought of her brothers - nine overprotective boys - catching us is just a little scary. I mean, the way she makes it sound, they're practically cavemen, and if they find some dude on top of their sister, they're likely to drag him off and start whipping his ass. It'd be worth it, but I'd still like to avoid an American History X situation if I can.
Something dropped into his lap, and he jumped with a cry of alarm.
Hopps cocked his head and looked up in confusion. What's wrong, Linc? You look like you've seen a ghost frog.
"What are you doing here?" Lincoln asked. "Lana's looking for you."
Ribbit.
Lincoln sighed. "I hear that. I'm all over the place lately. Happy one minute, sad the next, nervous, anxious - you ever feel that way?"
Hopps seemed to think long and hard before ribbiting again.
"Yeah, I guess you wouldn't. It's a human problem. All you have to worry about it when Lana's gonna bring you your next batch of bugs."
Had Hopps ever...been with...a girl frog? Had he even seen one? Lana brought him home from the park when he was just a baby, so it's not like he was on the dating scene yet. Surely he must feel biological instincts. Every man has them...every woman too, for that matter. Poor guy had no one to sate them with, no girl frog to love and cherish and fall asleep with at night.
Now, that's depressing.
"Let's get you back to Lana."
Taking the frog in his hands, he went out into the hall and down the stairs, finding Lana kneeling in front of the couch and looking underneath. "Hopps? Where are you, boy? Mama's really starting to worry."
"I found him," Lincoln said.
Lana whipped around, saw Hopps, and lit up light Christmas morning, a high, excited squeal trembling past her lips. She jumped up, snatched him out of Lincoln's hand, and held him close...then twirled around like a woman in a romance movie.
"I was worried I'd never see you again," she said, and a pang went through Lincoln's stomach. He knew the feeling.
Hugging him tight, she turned to Lincoln. "Thanks, Linc, where was he?"
"My room."
Lana rolled her eyes and fixed the frog with a stern, motherly look. "What have I told you about going into other people's rooms without permission?"
Ribbit.
"Don't back sass me, mister."
Lincoln grinned. Lana was the last of his sisters you'd expect to have maternal instincts (well, along with Lynn and Lola), but she was a total mom to all of her pets, and it was cute.
Well, at least she's happy now. Leaving them to their reunion, he went back to his room and sat on the bed. Come on, Lise, damn. Or Levi. Whoever was at fault. I need to see Linka - it's a deep, gnawing ache in the pit of my stomach. Ahh, it feels like I'm being eaten alive over here while you're messing ar -
The walkie talkie on the nightstand crackled and Clyde's voice issued forth. "White hair, this is four eyes, come in."
I completely forgot this dude existed.
Joking, but, yeah, I've been pretty preoccupied the last couple days.
He picked the radio up and depressed the button on the side. "Four eyes, this is white hair, do you copy?"
"Loud and clear, buddy! Wanna hang?"
Lincoln started to say no, he wasn't in he mood, but stopped. Actually, hanging out with Clyde sounded like a nice distraction. Better than pacing the floors and consuming himself with worry. "Sure," he said.
"Awesome. Meet me at the arcade in fifteen minutes. I got a pocket full of quarters and a hankering for some gameage."
"Alright, see you there. Over and out."
He sat the walkie talkie on the nightstand and sighed. Alright. I'm gonna go hang out with my best friend, play some games, and not think of Linka.
Right.
Across the universe, Linka stared into her milkshake as though it held all the answers, but instead she saw only microscopic bits of strawberry. Sigh.
"You sure you're okay?" Claudia asked from across the table, her brow creased in worry.
They were sitting at a booth along the far wall of Jill's Grub and Games. The electronic sounds of beeping, booping, and binging drifted in from the adjoined arcade. They'd been here close to an hour sipping shakes and munching fries. Well, Claudia munched fries, Linka didn't have much of an appetite; she was wracked with nerves and waiting to hear from her little brother whether or not his plan had worked. She didn't know what it was (he wouldn't tell her), and she couldn't decide it that made her feel better or worse.
She glanced at her phone sitting next to her glass, but Levi hadn't texted her.
"Yeah," she said, "I'm fine. Just...out of sorts." She forced a laugh and threw up her hand in a what are you gonna do gesture.
Claudia took a sip of her shake and nodded. "I've noticed." A short girl with glasses, she wore a pale yellow dress and a blue bow in her hair. She and Linka had been best friends for as long as either could remember, and knew each other like a favorite book. "You've been kind of spacey. Is something up?"
"No," Linka said and shook her head. "Not really.'
Claudia lifted a critical brow and Linka squirmed under her scrutiny - she wasn't a very good liar, especially when the person she was lying to was her best friend in the whole world. "Really, it's nothing."
"Oh, it's something alright. But what?"
Linka shrugged.
Claudia scrunched her lips to the side and furrowed her brow in thought. After a moment, she grinned. "It's a boy, isn't it?"
A hot blush burst across Linka's face and she shook her head. "No," she said quickly, "i-it's not. I swear."
Claudia smirked. "It's a boy," she said with absolute certaintude. "What's his name? What's he like? Is he cute?"
"It's not a boy," Linka said. "I swear. It's…" she looked around the room for something, anything to seize onto. Her eyes landed on the jukebox. "My favorite song isn't in the jukebox anymore and I really wanna hear it."
Claudia laughed. "Oh?" she asked incredulously. "That's awful. Too bad we don't have handheld devices that can access our favorite music whenever we want to hear it."
Linka grinned sheepishly. See what I mean? I'm an awful liar.
"Oh, wait," Claudia said, a mocking hilt to her voice. She picked up her phone and shook it. "We do."
Sigh. Linka hung her head and kicked herself in the butt. That was dumb even for me.
Setting her phone on the table with a clink, Claudia leaned over with wide, inquisitive eyes and a knowing smile. "Spill the beans, Link, what's he like?"
Linka considered her options before replying. She could either keep denying it or she could just tell her. Claudia was like a dog with a steak sometimes...or a crocodile with a death grip on a tasty hunk of meat: She just would not stop. Finally, she decided. "He's really cute," she said, and instantly felt herself smiling. "And sweet and smart and everything else."
Claudia giggled. "That's so awesome, who is he?"
Uhhh...should she say his name? Yeah, why not? It was kind of close to hers, but that wasn't too weird: Her Mom was friends with an old woman named Jean who was married to a man...named Gene. Now that was weird. Like, can you imagine them having sex? Oh, Jean; Oh, Gene; God, Jean; I'm cumming, Gene. Lol. "His name's Lincoln. He...uh...lives in a different town."
"How'd you meet him?"
"Internet."
"Ah. Have you actually met in, like, in person yet?"
Linka's mind flashed back to hers and Lincoln's lovemaking...kissing, touching, exploring each other's bodies and giving one another their hearts and virginities.
Suddenly, she felt very warm, very tingly, and very giggly. "Yeah," she said.
Claudia lidded her eyes. "Something happened, didn't it?"
Linka nodded. "Yeah, something happened."
For a moment Claudia looked indecisive, then hesitantly asked, "How was it?"
"Amazing," Linka said.
In Lincoln's world, he leaned heavily against the Space Invaders cabinet and watched as Clyde blasted rank after rank of alien spacecrafts to intergalactic hell. Or tried to watch, since his mind was on other things.
They'd been at the arcade for half an hour and in that time, Lincoln had flubbed every game he played, even Pac-Man, at which he was God.
"...off your game today," Clyde said as he moved the joystick back and forth. Soft electric glow bathed his face and reflected off the lenses of his glasses like quicksilver, lending him a somehow robotic look. "Everything alright?"
Lincoln and Clyde had been friends since kindergarten, and they each other backwards, forward, and side-to-side, so of course Clyde noticed something was up, why wouldn't he? I have a bad habit of wearing my emotions on my sleeve. When I'm mad, you know it, when I'm happy, you know it, when I'm turned on...well...I hope you don't know that. "Yeah, everything's fine, I just...I dunno...lot of my mind."
Onscreen, the final spaceship exploded and the next level started. "You wanna talk about it?"
"No,' Lincoln said, "it's not major, just...personal stuff."
For a moment Clyde didn't reply. "Well...I'm here if you need me."
Lincoln appreciated that. A lot of people don't have anyone to turn to in their times of need - they're alone in the world and everything they think and feel kind of atrophies - but he had a pretty impressive support system between his sisters, his parents, and Clyde.
And now Linka too. Things were kind of awkward at first as thing are between a boy and girl, the doppelganger aspect aside, but over the past couple days he'd come to feel like he could talk to Linka about anything...even things that he might not be able to talk to Clyde or his sisters about. She was him, after all, so many of her problems were like his even if not the same, and she understood him in a way that no one else ever would. Hell, she might even understand him better than he understood himself.
"Thanks," Lincoln said, "it's-it's nothing. Just nerves." He chuckled humorlessly.
Clyde's ship took a direct hit and exploded into a million pieces. GAME OVER appeared across the screen and Clyde let go of the joystick. "Dr. Lopez says that you shouldn't dwell on things beyond your control. I know it's hard and I do it myself, but I try not to, because she's right. The only thing fretting can do for you is give you an ulcer."
True, but how can you not worry when it's something important like whether or not you're going to be able to see your girlfriend? You might not be able to control a situation, but...look at the Cold War. Most people couldn't control the threat of nuclear annihilation, but they still worried about it, and rightfully so; an atomic holocaust would be terrible.
Just like not seeing Linka would be terrible.
His stomach clenched, and he winced in pain. "You wanna talk a walk?" Clyde asked. "Clear your head a little?"
Yeah, yeah he did. "Sure."
Back in Linka's timeline, she slipped through the front door and closed it softly behind her. Loki sat in the middle of the couch Facetiming with his girlfriend, Bobbie, and Luke was perched on the edge of the coffee table next to his friend Sam, a thin blonde with a blue streak and peach fuzz on his chin. They were both strumming guitars, Luke directing Sam. "Nah, man, you're doing it wrong."
"Sounds good to me," Sam said, "quit tripping."
"Man, fuck you, your playing sounds like shit. You don't wanna improve?"
Linka went up the stairs and started for Levi's room, but stopped at Lane and Luke's door when she caught a flash of movement from the corner of her eye. She turned, and Lane glared at her from his bed, making Linka's heart sink. He was still mad at her about the suspenders jab. She felt bad, but she was also starting to get annoyed: Loki twisted his arm, Luke called him a fag, Lexx stuck out his foot and tripped him, Loni said he had a small dick - and he got over it like that but she makes a comparatively harmless joke and he holds a grudge. Seriously?
She started to snap, but stopped herself and took a deep breath. He had every right to be upset with her even if he was taking it too far. "Lane," she said patiently, "I said I was sorry. Why are you still mad at me?" She lifted her hand and let it drop as if to say really?
Lane stared at her for a moment, then sighed. "Because you hurt my feelings."
That stuck her like a blade in the stomach, but still. "I'm sorry," she repeated earnestly, "I shouldn't have done it, okay? But you're making a bigger deal out of this than it is. Everyone else savages you, and you don't stay mad, but you're staying mad at me."
"Because it doesn't bother me when they pick on me," Lane blurted, "it does when you do it."
Linka blinked in surprise, then hung her head in shame. She was an eleven-year-old girl, and sometimes she forgot that her brothers looked at her as more than just a sister; hers was an ill-defined role, and it was easy to act outside of it. She had only herself to blame - she started playing mother before she could even form complete sentences and everyone just got used to it. Coming from one of their brothers, an insult didn't mean anything, it happened everyday and that's just how they operated. Coming from her, it did mean something and probably hurt.
Now she felt like crying.
"Lane, I'm sorry," she said heavily. She went over and sat on the edge of the bed. Lane watched her suspiciously, then his brow softened a little when he saw the remorse in her eyes. "I just...I was afraid everyone was going to bother me about...how I was emotional. I have...a lot on my mind and I wanted to get the focus off of me, so I made that joke knowing they'd run with it. It was really wrong and I'm sorry."
"What's on your mind?" he asked worriedly. He swung his legs out from under him, dangled them over the edge, then slided closer, his hand going tentatively to her shoulder.
Darn it. I shouldn't have said anything. "Nothing I just...I didn't feel like being smothered by everyone."
Lane nodded understandingly. "Yeah. I guess it must get old."
"Sometimes," Linka allowed, "but only when I wanna be left alone." She patted his leg. "I'm sorry for saying that about your suspenders."
Lane shrugged. "I guess they are kind of gay."
"No," Linka said, "they're perfect. Just like you."
Lane grinned. "Well, I wouldn't say that but okay!"
She held her arms out. "Hug?"
Lane swept her into a tight embrace and squeezed; her eyes bugged out of her head and her tongue shot out from her mouth. She hugged him back, though. "Wanna hear some new material for my act?" he asked and released her.
She started to say no, but figured why not? Levi hadn't texted her, which meant going to his room and bothering him probably wouldn't achieve anything. "Sure, what do you have?"
"Well…" he cleared his throat and straightened his bowtie. "It's not much, just a few things I cooked up for the Fifth Annual Royal Woods Joke-A-Thon."
The Joke-A-Thon was a talent show/charity event held each year during the first week of August to benefit the children's hospital in Elk Park. Lane entered every year but never won; he had a good time, but it bummed him out to not even rank in the top ten. "I decided that I needed a more mature act," he said, "no more kiddie humor."
Uh-oh.
Mature was often code for dirty, and while Linka could stand dirty jokes herself, she didn't think the organizers of the Joke-A-Thon would like it very much. "I hope they're not smutty," she worried.
"Nah," Lane waved his hand, "they're fine. Wanna hear?"
The glint in his eye told her that she would regret saying yes, but she said it anyway.
"Great. What has 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet?"
Linka thought for a second. "What?"
"The finish line at the Boston Marathon."
Linka's jaw dropped in horror.
"What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present."
Lane smacked his knee and laughed. Linka simply gaped. Wow, those were mean...but the no hands one was kind of funny.
"How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles."
A shocked laugh escaped her throat. "Lane, that's awful."
He hitched laughter. "What about this one? What's the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter? Harry can escape the chamber."
Call her what you will, but Linka laughed until tears streamed down her face; the fact that they were awful and not the kinds of things you make jokes about, delivered in Lane's typically upbeat way, made them all the funnier. "You're evil," she said fondly and brushed a tear away from her eye.
"You're laughing, though," Lane said archly.
"I know," Linka said, "I'm evil too."
"Nothing wrong with a little evil now and then."
Well...I don't know. "You totally shouldn't do those jokes."
Lane's smile dropped a little. "Come on. They'll knock the judges dead."
"Not in a good way," Linka pointed out.
Lane started to protest, but closed his mouth. "You might be right."
She patted his leg again and stood. "I know I'm right. I'm Linka freaking Loud. I'm always right."
He didn't laugh her out of the room, he just happened to be laughing when she left. Wink. At Levi's door, she took a deep, steadying breath. Alright, he hasn't texted me, but I should go in anyway, just to check up on things. In fact, he might be waiting for me, since he knows how impatient I am. Gasp, it's probably bad news and he wants to break it to me in person. I'm sorry, Linka, but not only are our parents and brothers not leaving the house, you've also developed a sudden and life-threatening allergy to Lincoln. If you some much as enter the same universe as him, you'll begin to bleed from every pore in your body and then explode into a million little pieces like Linka confetti. Well...in that case, dear Levi...you better bring a Tupperware container and a pair of gloves to pick up my cold, quivering remains, 'cuz I'm seeing Lincoln even if it's the last thing I do. Literally.
Balling her fist, she knocked on the door, then went in when Levi called out. He was sitting at the computer with his head tilted back and his eyes closed as though he were catching a quick nap between equations. "It's either Lynn or Linka. If it's Lynn, put ice on it until the swelling goes down, it it's Linka, it's a go."
Linka blinked. "It is?" she asked hopefully.
"Yep," Levi said. "Lincoln and Lisa are coming here tomorrow at two. Our parents, of course, will be at work, and our brothers will be at a birthday party."
"Birthday party?"
Levi turned in his chair, his arms crossed and his eyes bleary. "A birthday party," he confirmed.
Linka started to ask whose, where it was, and why they all agreed to go...but forget that, she was going to see Lincoln! That was flipping the best thing ever! She beamed and almost broke into a happy dance, but restrained herself. She did allow herself a little shake/fisting hands/squee combo that brought a ghost of a grin to Levi's face. "The party shouldn't end until well after sundown, which gives you and Lincoln at least three hours before our parents return. I advise prudence, however, and urge you to not plan for more than an hour and a half."
"I won't," she churiped. An hour and a half wasn't very long...then again, it was a whole hour and a half of holding Lincoln's hand and talking to him and kissing him and *SQUEE* "Levi, you're the best."
The little boy smiled. "Thank you," he said, "I certainly try."
"You succeed." She turned to go. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date to get ready for~"