Really excited to present this chapter for you – time is fast-forwarding so we get to revisit a lot of major events in the first 3 books of the series in these scenes. Sorry about the cliff-hanger!
Welcome on board to the new readers & a big thanks to Doubtthestarsarefire and others who have been posting reviews – I'd love to hear from everyone who's still reading (we're up to chapter 38 so you've put in a mammoth effort to get this far!) Please fav/follow to let me know you're still enjoying it :-)
38. Life After
(Mikhail POV)
A month's leave soon turned into two - I'd lost Sonya's trail in Seattle weeks ago but a stubborn part of me refused to give up the search. For some reason I had a strong feeling that she was still out there, just around the next corner, and I'd often wake with the image of her face burned into my mind. Strangely it wasn't the gentle, blue-eyed moroi I saw in my dreams, but the wild strigoi version of Sonya. Unlike the spirit dreams we used to share I couldn't see her clearly - I would just get a brief flash of those blood-red eyes, an expression or a mood that reminded me of her, maybe an image of something that felt familiar except I was certain I'd never seen it before. When I began to have a recurring dream that featured a giant clock-face I spent days scouring the city to find the location, but when I did finally stumble upon King Street Station and explored the tall clock-tower it was completely empty. The top level of the tower gave me an eerie feeling and while I had no way of proving it I suspected Sonya had been there recently. I left feeling deflated but didn't allow myself to give up hope - I would find Sonya and release her no matter how long it took.
When I'd searched everywhere I could think of with no success, I remembered the phone number Thomas Karp had given to me the night I left the Torma estate and dug out the crumpled paper from my wallet - if I wanted to find Sonya I realised that needed to ask for help.
Even though Karin Torma had been Sonya's best friend, they were different in many ways; while my Sonechka was fair and softly-spoken, Karin had a much darker complexion with short, wavy hair and a pair of deep brown eyes that flashed with confidence and vitality. From the moment I met the moroi architect I found her to be a kind and helpful host, taking me to several of the old haunts she and Sonya used to frequent when they were younger, and she even let me sleep on her couch for a week or so while I investigated each of the locations she suggested. Even though the search turned up nothing new, it felt comforting to be around somebody who had known Sonya so well and Karin made a real effort to make me feel welcome, holding a special get-together one Saturday afternoon for me and some of Sonya's old acquaintances who I'd met at the bonfire. We talked and ate until the sun went down and the good company took the edge off my grief for a few hours, but as soon as evening fell, my mind returned to the mission at hand and I excused myself from the party to continue my search in the darkness.
Returning to Karin's apartment after another fruitless night of searching, I fell asleep feeling troubled at my lack of progress when I had another weird dream - a vivid image of rolling landscape rushing past like I was looking out from the window of a train, and the word 'east' repeating over and over in my mind. It wasn't much to go on but I had to trust my instincts - it was time to move on and continue my search elsewhere. As soon as I woke up the next afternoon, I showered and packed my bag before heading into the kitchen to say goodbye to my new friend, who had just gotten home from work.
'Thank you so much for everything Karin, but it's time for me to get going,' I said sincerely. 'It's clear to me now that Sonya isn't in Seattle anymore. I have broaden my search.'
The moroi looked across at me with a strange expression then walked over and wrapped me in a close embrace.
'It was no problem at all. If things don't work out and you ever need a place to stay you can always come back here, Misha,' she whispered into my shoulder, and I stepped back from her arms quickly, disturbed that she would use the name Sonya had once called me. Maybe I misread Karin's words, but I think she was offering more than just her couch. Sure, we'd gotten along well enough over the past few weeks and I appreciated all her help, but the idea of being with a woman other than Sonya was incomprehensible to me.
'That's very kind, Karin,' I brushed her arm lightly in apology, 'but I still have my job waiting for me at Court once I've completed my mission. And when it comes to things 'working out' or not, I can't even let myself consider the option of failure. I wasn't able to save Sonya from becoming a strigoi but I refuse to fail her a second time - no matter how long the search takes, I will find Sonya and release her from her fate.'
Karin was silent for a moment as she considered my words, smoothing her hair out self-consciously before finally nodding in understanding.
'Sonya was a very lucky woman to find you, Mikhail,' she said at last.
'No. I was the lucky one,' I smiled softly at the memory of my beautiful Sonechka, shaking Karin's hand warmly before I left her apartment and Seattle for the last time.
That was two years ago.
Despite my best attempts, I had failed Sonya again. I searched for a whole year – every major city on the east coast, Emily Mastrano's hometown in Michigan, I even made enquiries with my old guardian colleagues back in Romania who had contacts throughout Europe but Sonya seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth. Fourteen months after her disappearance I was at an all-time low when I received a message on my phone from Hans Croft.
'This is how it is Mikhail,' he told me bluntly. 'We're working on a guardian staffing reshuffle at the moment. I am preparing to send a small team to St. Vladimir's Academy to assist Alberta in the search for the missing Dragomir princess and her friend Rosemarie Hathaway. I'm running low on experienced guardians as usual - even had to call in a favour from Russia to get their latest hot-shot on board - Dimitri Belikov - do you know him? Anyway, I need you back at Court. I can't hold your position open forever, but if you're ready to return, we could really use your help. Let me know by the end of the week and I can organise your travel arrangements.'
I got up from the single bed in the seedy motel where I was staying and walked into the bathroom to study my reflection in the small, dirty mirror. After so long out on my own, living in the darkness and hunting strigoi like some crazed vigilante I had become a bit wild around the edges myself. I'd given up shaving my beard months ago and the clothes I wore made me smell like a tramp. My upper body was covered in scars – evidence of the endless altercations with rogue strigoi and other nameless trash I'd met along the way, and my face seemed older now; transformed by tiredness, guilt and grief.
With no more leads to follow up and my savings already dwindling, I couldn't keep this life up forever. With great heaviness of heart, I decided to postpone my search for Sonya – if I returned to my job at the Royal Court I could get my focus back and save up again for another attempt. When I'd accrued some more time off I would be able to continue my mission and finally get a sense of peace. I found a razor in the cupboard underneath the bathroom sink and gradually freed my face from the wild thicket of growth that covered my jawline before showering and putting on my neatest set of clothes. When I was done, I checked the mirror again and was shocked at how thin and unwell I looked – I might have become quicker in my reaction speeds and my muscles were hardened from constant fighting, but there was no way you could describe me as mentally or physically healthy. Turning from the stranger in the reflection, I grabbed my bag and took out my phone to make two important calls; the first to Thomas Karp explaining that I wasn't going to give up, and the second to Hans Croft telling him I was coming home.
The first few weeks back at work were difficult to adjust to. There were so many people around all of the time; guardians asking invasive questions about what I'd done in my time off, moroi completely unaware of what I'd been through still expecting me to behave as though nothing had happened. My temper snapped frequently and if Hans was a less caring man he would have had grounds to suspend me on the first day, but he answered my stubborn, surly attitude with patience and support until I finally came around. We agreed it wasn't a good idea to put me out on active service until I'd had a chance to recover from my ordeal, but I was given an administration role in the records archives at Guardian HQ which suited me well enough. I was glad to be working closely with my buddy Don Kardos, and I had hours free to delve through secret documents, hunting for any scrap of information that might help me in my next search for Sonya.
I was just beginning to get used to the pace of court life again when a spate of tragedies rocked the vampire world. A few months after Princess Vasilisa and Rosemarie Hathaway had been safely returned to St. Vladimir's by Dimitri Belikov and his team, everybody at court was stunned by the news that the Dragomir princess had been kidnapped. Thankfully, a team of school guardians rescued her before any permanent damage was done, but the real shock came when the perpertrator of the crime was revealed to be the royal prince, Victor Dashkov. Several of Dashkov's personal guard were killed in the battle to save Vasilisa, including my so-called friend Spiridon, and the prince's only daughter Natalie turned strigoi before she was executed. While the news came as no surprise to me, I found I couldn't take any pleasure in the old man's arrest and eventual incarceration. Retribution meant nothing when I'd already lost Sonya.
Soon after that scandal we were confronted by an increase in unusual strigoi activity. The Badica family were targeted first in a co-ordinated attack that nearly wiped out an entire royal line, not to mention their household guard that included the highly respected guardian Arthur Schoenberg who I'd known personally and looked up to for many years. While we were still reeling from those losses, several moroi and dhampir students broke out of The Academy to hunt for strigoi in Spokane - some reckless attempt at retribution for the Badica killings - and one of my old students, Mason Ashford, was slain.
Only three months later there was a unprecedented attack on St. Vladimir's Academy – someone had intentionally broken the wards that protected the school, allowing a swarm of strigoi to penetrate the grounds and buildings, killing staff and students as they advanced and carrying dozens more away for future feedings. Captain Alberta Petrov and Guardian Janine Hathaway chaired the historic meeting that resulted in the decision to send a rescue party to retrieve those who had been taken, and an army of fifty guardians, bolstered by a team of magic-wielding moroi teachers and students, were assembled to confront the strigoi survivors who had taken refuge in a cave system not far from the school's boundary.
I begged Hans Croft to allow me to join the rescue party, half-believing that Sonya might be among the strigoi who'd attacked the school. If anybody had to kill her I wanted it to be me – she shouldn't suffer or be afraid in her final moments. As it turned out, Hans refused my request and I had a long, anxious wait until news of the operation filtered back to us at Court. Several of our number had been lost in the battle, including the young Dimirti Belikov that Hans had spoken so highly of and two of my closest friends from St. Vladimir's – Yuri and Celeste. Despite heavy losses, the rescue was deemed a success overall and for months afterwards people were talking of the event - you only had to look at the necks of the guardians who had been there, tattooed with the Zvezda mark for multiple kills in a single battle, to imagine the horror and devastation of such a large-scale attack.
Even though the Royal Court was practically on the other side of the country from Montana, there was a general unsettled feeling in the wider vampire community, and the gradual lull in physical violence was replaced by rising political tensions at Court. Moroi were more afraid for their safety now than at any other time in living memory. Some believed they would be safer if there were more dhampirs to guard them and insisted that the age of graduation should be lowered to sixteen to increase guardian numbers. Others wanted the right to defend themselves by legalising defensive magic use and instituting more intensive magical training for young moroi. No matter what their position was, everybody had their own opinion and there were many heated debates in the Moroi Council chambers and on the streets that seemed to result in nothing but further divisions and greater tension.
There were the usual royal squabbles as well - Queen Tatiana trying to groom the young Dragomir princess as a potential successor, while all kinds of sordid affairs were going on behind closed doors. As the politically charged environment built up around us like a pressure cooker, I longed to escape now more than ever. It had been nearly a year since I had returned to Court, two years since I'd last seen Sonya, and I was ready to resume my search.
Rostered on for my regular graveyard-shift in the guardian archives, I had just finished my break and was pondering the best way to request leave without pay when my mind was brought roughly back to present. As I punched in the secret code to the open the lower vault, the door swung open to reveal a young female guardian. Her surprised and guilty expression put me on instant alert and I advanced towards her, blocking her exit from the room. There was a lot of sensitive information stored down here and very few people were granted access to the restricted area. If I recognised the newcomer correctly, this particular woman was definitely NOT on the clearance list. It was my ex-student Rosemarie Hathaway.
Author's Note:
This chapter is basically a whirlwind summary of the months-years between when Sonya turns Strigoi & when she is returned to her Moroi-state (soon!).
I realise that giving Mikhail flashes of Sonya's dreams might be a bit controversial seeing as it says in the lore that Moroi lose all of their magic when they become Strigoi… but Sonya wasn't just any Moroi – she was a Spirit user so she's already a unique case. Also she had a special bond with Mikhail through their auras so I think it's reasonable to assume that there might be some residual connection between the pair even after she was changed.
I wanted to include a Tasha-like character to tempt Mikhail away from his quest, hence the original character of Karin Torma - I actually planted Karin's character in the book way back in chapter 25 & glad I finally got the chance to bring her out again! Good thing our Misha is strong enough to resist the allure of a 'normal' life just like Dimitri was in the end. * I've written a spin off story featuring Karin & Don if you want to check it out - 'My Best Friend's Wedding'
Speaking of Dimitri, I had to stick in the passing reference to his employment at St. Vlads & his demise in the cave rescue!
My favourite scene is actually Mikhail realising how haggard he's become in his year of vampire hunting. There had to be a good reason why he'd give up on the search, and I think this poor guy just needs a break to get his mojo back. I also like that he's physically changed as a kind of reflection of Sonya's change, and it gives a reason why Rose might not recognise him from being his student a few years ago.