"Kate?" I watch her practically elbow Elliot out of the way and stop just inside the door way. She glances around the office before her eyes land on me. She stands there looking at me with a look of complete shock on her face then her mouth starts opening and closing like she's trying to say something but she just looks like a god damn fish. No words come out of her mouth but she starts to make her way over to me, her heels clicking on the floor as she stomps her way over. I want to tell her to stop or say I'm sorry but before I have a chance to say anything her palm collides with my face with such force that my head whips to the side. The sound of the slap seems to reverberate around the spacious office. My hand flies up to cradle my cheek and I look up to stare at Kate in complete shock. Christian comes to stand in front of me and gently pushes Kate back using her shoulders.
"Fucking hell Kate." He turns round and looks me in the eyes, his face is full of concern.
"Are you ok?" He says. I'm to shocked to do anything but nod.
"What the fuck Christian, now you're defending her, after everything she's done!" Kate's shrill voice yells. Christian turns and steps to the side so I can see Kate. Some one has closed the door and Kate and Elliot are standing just in front of it, Elliott is standing behind Kate with his hands resting on her shoulders, I suspect that he's holding her back from lunging at me again.
"She left you remember, just up and fucked off without a word." She turns her deathly glare to me and there's so much hatred in her eyes that it causes my breath to catch. "He thought your were dead, did you know that." I look over at Christian and there is so much pain on his face that it makes my heart physically hurt. "He was convinced someone had taken you and was hurting you to hurt him. He was a fucking wreck and then he got your letter. A fucking letter Ana. I have no idea what you put in that letter but I swear to god it would have been better if you had died."
"That's enough Kate!" Christian cuts in, his voice loud and stern but each word is laced with so much pain that the tightness that was currently constricting my chest worked its way up to my throat.
"No, no it's not." Kate yelled back. "Do you have any idea what it did to us when you left. Christian didn't come out of his apartment for months. And where was my letter Ana? Did our friendship honestly mean that little to you that you couldn't even let me know you were safe." I can't do anything other than shake my head.
"What then Ana! Was it Christian? Did he hurt you? Make you too scared to come back?"
"No! Of course not." I reply, my voice coming out slightly higher than I mean it to. "You don't understand..?"
"No I don't, none of us do." Kate cuts in while taking a step towards me. "Please talk to me." She pleads. Tears that I had been fighting to hold back fill my eyes and threaten to overflow as my mind races with all the words I want to say. I wanted to tell them that it wasn't their fault why I left, hell it wasn't even my fault, it was all Her's. I wanted to tell them everything that happened. But I couldn't tell them, ever. A glance over at Christian's face was enough to break me. His face said it all, he thought he was the reason I'd left, he'd probably beat himself up for months wondering what he'd done or said wrong. I felt like I was suffocating on the sobs that were stuck in my throat and I knew I needed to get out of the office. I wasn't ready to deal with any of this, it was a huge mistake coming here, what the hell was I thinking.
"Im sorry." I say to Christian though the sound is barely a whisper when it escapes my mouth. I start walking over to the office door keeping my eyes trained on my exit. Kate goes to grab my arm as I walk past her but I storm past, catching her slightly with my shoulder and causing her to stumble slightly. I throw the door open and head straight for the lift slamming my hand on the call button. I swipe my hands across my cheeks, feeling slightly betrayed at the tears that are currently steaming down my face.
"Ana wait!" I hear Christian yell from behind me, I don't turn round afraid that I'll break if I see his face again, I resort to pressing the call button on the lift over and over though I know it won't make the lift come faster. I can hear Christian and Kate yelling at one another back in his office and I'm hoping to be able to slip into the lift before they're finished. The lift dings to let me know it's arrived just as I hear footsteps.
"Ana please." he pleads as he catches up to me. I'm just about to step onto the lift when he grabs my elbow and spins me round to look at him and the moment I look at his face I want nothing more than to disappear, to dissolve into nothing and melt away into the cracks in the floor because the look on his face is heartbreaking. The is so much hurt and pain in his expression that my chest physically aches, I want nothing more than to stay and open up about everything, tell him I don't blame him for reacting the way he did because everything he thinks he knows is wrong. But I can't stay, I'd be putting people I care about at risk if I do and I think he sees it in my face, that I'm not going to stay because he releases his hold on my elbow and I step back slowly into the elevator. The doors seem to take an eternity to close and the pain only increases in Christians expression and a loud, unattractive sob erupts from my throat just as the doors are closing and I break down completely. I move backwards and lean against the back wall of the lift and try to compose myself. I wipe my face on the arm of my coat to try and remove some of the tears and snot from my face just as the lift doors open on the ground floor. I rush straight through the lobby without taking my eyes of the floor and burst through the doors out on to the streets of Seattle. I take a deep breath of fresh air and release it slowly instantly feeling slightly better. I can feel a headache coming on and my neck is full of tension from trying to hold back my sobs. As I start to relax a bit more the thought of sitting on a crowded bus for an hour seems less and less appealing so I decide to walk, hoping this will ease some of the tension I'm feeling. The dark sky has finally opened up in a light drizzle as I set off walking so I leave my hood down and let the Seattle sky cry for me.