Hope you enjoy this very 'Rosy' chapter.

39. Hope

(Mikhail POV)

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at the intruder, feeling the adrenaline flood through my body as I prepared for her to fight or flee.

'You're Rose Hathaway,' I stated the obvious, buying time as I tried to figure out how a junior guardian had managed to get into the classified archives area without clearance.

She may have graduated from St. Vladimir's by now and been provisionally slated to the become a personal guardian to Princess Vasilisa Dragomir, but that didn't grant her freedom to access and remove information from this highly-sensitive part of Guardian HQ. I had grounds to arrest her on sight and briefly considered pinning her to the wall to ensure she didn't get away, but I decided it highly unlikely she'd make it past me – even though I'd spent the better part of a year in an administrative position I trained intensively twice a day in preparation for my next search for Sonya, and my fitness was at its absolute peak.

Rosemarie's posture tensed and she gripped the folder that was tucked under her arm a little more tightly as she considered the seriousness of her situation, but she tried to cover her anxiety with the same sarcastic bravado I remembered from when she was a novice.

'So it would seem. Who are you?' she asked with a dismissive air, raising her chin to look down her nose at me even though I was nearly a foot taller than her.

'Mikhail Tanner,' I explained with a puzzled look. I know I'd changed a bit since I saw her two years ago – apart from feeling about ten years older from stress and loneliness, my hair had grown out a bit to reveal the light curl that I normally kept in check, and even my buttoned-up shirt couldn't hide the scars I'd acquired during my year of fighting on the streets. Still, she really didn't recognise me? I was her instructor for four months! Oh well, I guess I didn't make that much of an impression after all. I pushed aside the feeling of mild annoyance and directed the conversation toward the one question that really mattered right now. 'What are you doing here?'

The young guardian pulled the file out from under her arm and waved it in my face. 'Running an errand,' she answered in a business-like manner, the lie rolling off her tongue as smoothly as melted butter. 'The guardian on duty down here needed something.'

Nice try kid, I thought, drawing myself up to my full height to establish a more commanding position. 'You're lying,' I called her out. 'I'm the guardian on archive duty. If someone needed something, they would have sent me.'

She might have gotten away with a stunt like this at The Academy but we were in the real world now – actions had consequences, and breaking into the archives was a serious crime. It was high time that Rosemarie realised there wasn't going to be somebody there to bail her out every time she got into trouble, and I was tempted to take her into custody immediately, just to ram the lesson home. Still, that would be a harsh punishment for a guardian at the start of their career - I knew better than most that a bad mark on your service record was difficult to shift, as was the stigma from colleagues who typically viewed any failure to uphold guardian rules as a personal betrayal. If she could give me a good reason for being down here I'd consider dealing with this privately.

Even once I'd decided to hear her out, I kept my expression stern to let her sweat for a bit, and eventually my patience paid off. The young guardian seemed ready to own up to whatever she'd been doing down here, but when she fixed her gaze on me for longer than half a second something suddenly clicked in her brain and her eyes widened with recognition.

'Miss Karp,' she gaped. 'You're the one... you were involved with Miss Karp.'

I stiffened and took a sharp intake of breath. This was not how I'd planned our conversation to go. Hans had done his best to keep the reason behind my long-term absence a secret, but people started to ask questions when I didn't return after my sick-leave and eventually word got around that I had left my job to go hunting for my strigoi lover. I hated that people knew what had happened to Sonya and it was hard enough when I overheard them talking about her behind my back, but now this cheeky little brat had the audacity to bring up the topic right to my face? Seriously?

'What do you know about that?' I asked her coldly.

Rosemarie instantly realised she'd made a mistake in speaking so freely with me and I saw a hint of anxiety flash across her face but she wouldn't let the subject go.

'You loved her. You went out to kill her after she... after she turned,' she pushed on bravely.

The girl probably had no idea, but her words hit a raw nerve and I felt the anger and bitterness rising as so many painful memories came back to the surface. I focused my eyes on a point on the far wall and tried to steady my breathing - if I didn't regain control I was liable to do something I would later regret.

'But you never found her, did you?' she finished quickly.

There was an uncharacteristic gentleness in the young woman's tone that surprised me and I glanced down at her for a moment to study her face. As I looked into Rose's honest brown eyes I realised that she wasn't trying to goad me or judge me like so many others had before. It was like she wanted to understand. Wait. There was something else in her expression that was uncannily familiar. Pain? Regret? She did understand.

'No,' I admitted finally, straining to keep my voice calm and controlled. 'I had to stop. The guardians needed me more.'

It wasn't the whole truth, but it was all she needed to know. As I watched for her reaction, something in Rosemarie's haunted expression made me want to confide more of my story, but I stopped myself abruptly when I realised I had inadvertently opened up to a teenager who was currently trying to steal confidential guardian records. I forced my emotions back and let my face return to its expressionless mask. It was time to take the matter in hand.

When I took a meaningful step towards her, Guardian Hathaway saw that her window of opportunity to explain herself was fast disappearing and held both hands up in front of her to slow my advance.

'I know... I know you have every reason to drag me out of here and turn me in,' she said hurriedly. 'You should. It's what you're supposed to do - what I'd do too. But the thing is, this...' she nodded at the folder under her arm.

Finally, we were getting to the point. My expression remained steely but I raised an eyebrow to demand a quick explanation.

'Well, I'm kind of trying to do what you did. I'm trying to save someone,' she said in a rush.

What? My mind raced at the unexpected news. Clearly by 'save' she meant 'kill', but who would she know that had turned strigoi? Maybe a classmate who was lost in the attack on St. Vladimir's Academy six months ago? Think, Mikhail, think… Not many people were aware that a handful of the victims of the attack were turned, not killed, but I had seen the official guardian records and I mentally scanned the list of names. Andrews, Azarov, Belikov,... That's right. Dimitri Belikov was the guardian sent to retrieve Rose and Princess Vasilisa when they ran away from school, and he later became Rose's mentor - it must be him she was after. Knowing the strong connection I'd had with my own mentor I understood why Rose felt it necessary to save him from his fate, but in this case I couldn't agree with her decision. She was practically a child – how on earth did she think she could succeed?

'It's futile, you know,' I finally spoke up, hoping to discourage her from her current course. My search for Sonya had nearly broken me and I would hate to see the same thing happen to anybody else, especially someone with so much left to live for. A protective feeling came over me and I reached out to squeeze the girl's shoulder, my voice cracking slightly as opened up to her, imploring her to see reason. 'I tried... I tried so hard to find her. But when they disappear... when they don't want to be found...' I shook my head and dropped my hand back down to my side. 'There's nothing we can do. I understand why you want to do it. Believe me, I do. But it's impossible. You'll never find him if he doesn't want you to.'

She listened to my advice with a frown, clearly not persuaded. 'The thing is, I think I can find him,' she said slowly. 'He's looking for me.'

'What?' I raised my eyebrows doubtfully. 'How do you know?' What was really going on here? Had Rose's hero-worship for her mentor – the desperate hope that he was alright - made her believe that he was trying to contact her, or was there some kind of teenage crush going on that had clouded her judgement?

Her reply was not what I expected. 'Because he, um, sends me letters about it,' she explained hesitantly, as if she was afraid I wouldn't believe her.

My immediate instinct was to tell her she was mad, but then I remembered the ring Sonya had left on her mother's pillow. It was possible Dimitri Belikov had been in contact with Rose, and the idea wasn't a reassuring one.

'If you know this, if you can find him... you should get backup to kill him,' I advised her bluntly. She needed to understand it wouldn't be easy - fighting any strigoi was difficult, but killing somebody you used to know, respect, even love - that was practically impossible.

Rosemarie flinched at my words but there was something else on her mind and it looked like it wasn't easy to say. 'Would you believe me if I said there was a way to save him?'

'You mean by destroying him,' I clarified. Obviously there was no other way to save a strigoi.

She shook her head vigorously. 'No... I mean really save. A way to restore him to his original state.'

The poor girl was out of her mind - I had to set her straight before she lost herself in this pointless fantasy. 'No,' I whispered roughly. 'That's impossible.' I'd been a guardian for a long time and knew from experience that what she was suggesting was only a dream. There was no precedent – no evidence to support such a idea – and I should know; I'd spent the last year searching the public archives and the contents of this vault for every last scrap of information on strigoi.

Rose frowned at me, obviously frustrated that I wasn't giving her crazy theory any credence. 'It might not be impossible,' she persisted. 'I know someone who did it - who turned a strigoi back.'

'That's ridiculous,' I objected more forcefully. 'Strigoi are dead. Undead. Same difference.'

She shook her head, refusing to give up. 'What if there was a chance?' she challenged me. 'What if it could be done? What if Miss Karp - if Sonya - could become moroi again? What if you could be together again?'

I used to fantasise about 'what-ifs' but in the end they always failed to come true, and I was very wary about setting myself up for a fall by chasing an unreachable dream. 'If what you're saying is true - and I don't believe it - then I'm coming with you,' I replied at last. At least that way I could get the disappointment over quicker than waiting around to find out Rose had been unsuccessful whenever she returned - if she returned.

My suggestion didn't go down well.

'You can't,' the girl objected swiftly. 'I've already got people in place. Adding more might ruin things. I'm not doing it alone,' she explained, clearly beginning to lose patience with me.

I opened my mouth to protest but she cut me off.

'If you really want to help me - really want to take a chance on bringing her back - you need to let me go,' she urged, looking meaningfully past my shoulder towards the door.

'There's no way it can be true,' I repeated to myself, trying not to get my hopes up, but I already sounded less convincing in my own ears and a tiny flicker of hope was beginning to kindle in my spirit.

'Can you take that chance?' Rose eyed me insistently.

And there it was. My breaking point. I thought back to the advice that Father Andrew gave me so long ago, before Sonya had agreed to be mine. 'Which holds more power over you; your worries and fears about what might go wrong, or the potential for your combined happiness if you succeed?' What if there really was a way for Sonya to change back? It seemed so impossible, but was I willing to let my fear get in the way if there was even the tiniest chance that we could bring my beautiful Sonechka back?

I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath as I came to my decision. My eyelids flickered open and I stepped aside, gesturing Rose towards to the exit.

'Go.'

The young woman's relief was immediate and she rushed forward to carry out her mission – our mission – but hesitated briefly as she reached the door. 'Thank you. Thank you so much,' she said sincerely, giving the folder in her hand a little shake.

The sense of hope I'd felt only moments ago was already dwindling as I realised how slim our chance of success was. I didn't even know what file she'd taken or how she planned to use the information. "I could get in a lot of trouble for this," I shook my head wearily, hoping she wouldn't betray my trust. 'And I still don't believe it's possible,' I added pessimistically.

'But you hope it is,' she countered, and I knew she was right.

When Rose opened the door to leave I finally let my guard down as the fresh reminder of my grief and loneliness weighed heavily upon me. I leant one hand on the nearest filing cabinet and pinched the bridge of my nose in exhaustion, but my private moment was interrupted by a small cough from the doorway and I turned around again to see that Rose was still here.

'If you mean it...,' she began hesitantly, 'if you want to help... there might be a way you can,' she suggested before briefly explaining what she needed.

It sounded like a sketchy plan, but Rose wanted a lift to the airport for her and two other passengers, and she needed to make sure nobody found out they were missing until they had left the tarmac. I didn't ask who she was taking with her or where they were going - it was probably best if I knew as little as possible - but I agreed to arrange a vehicle and meet her crew in the carpark before my shift started the next day. Whatever she was planning, it didn't sound legal and I realised I would be implicated in the affair if my involvement was discovered. Still, if it turned out that we weren't both completely mad and it was actually possible to bring strigoi back to life, I was willing to risk everything - reprimand, demotion, dismissal, prison - for the chance to be with my beloved again.

Author's Note:

This was obviously going to raise a bit of interest seeing as Rose is featured in the chapter!

I have to admit, I put off writing this chapter - procrastinated by moving ahead to the next Sonya chapter - because I knew it was going to be difficult. You'd think that having the dialogue already written for me (ripped directly from Spirit Bound) would make it easier & quicker to write, but it seems to have the opposite effect on me...

Sometimes Mikhail went from seeming to accept Rose's point of view in once sentence to completely disbelieving her in the next - I had to really stretch my brain to make sense of his feelings in this scene. Also, it was difficult trying to portray Rose from his perspective as I don't think he would have had a huge amount of respect for her after catching her breaking into the archives, but at the same time I had to be careful not to hurt the readers' feelings who love Rose through and through!