Disclaimer: Anything familiar to you, I don't own. This is a work of fanfiction for personal amusement, fulfillment and a bit of self-therapy. I make nothing from any of it.
Chapter Thirty-Two: Elysian
September 15th, 2011 3:22 PM
A few trees near the three of them rustled in the wind. Chloe, despite the growing knot of tension in the back of her neck, spun to lean her back against the table and relax, watching the leaves shift in the breeze. Perhaps, were she not waiting, seemingly in vain, for Max to speak up and spill her secrets, it would be a good day. It was neither too hot nor too cold, classes had been fairly merciful and Eliot had received detention in physics for some offhand comment about how the school would probably need to train new security guards to 'resist persuasion' from students. (Not only was the sentiment generally awful, Chloe knew precisely who it had been aimed at, the rumor going around about an improper relationship between herself and her stepfather remained a topic of discussion among a small faction of students whom Chloe wished nothing but a long life of herpes.) Now she and her girlfriends were sitting around a favored gathering spot and she was about to go home, do homework, cook food, all without fear of David Madsen standing over her shoulder, telling her she was worthless.
It should have been a good day. However, despite being warned very bluntly that Chloe needed Max to start giving her answers, Max remained a mystery. Chloe could recall at least three times throughout the day where she had prompted Max to answer some questions and she could recall all three times the way the girl went silent, shut her mouth and looked down at the table or ground. Chloe had not forgotten the reasoning behind this behavior: she knew that she was asking a lot of Max. She also knew that for a year now Max had asked a lot of them both. In this way, it was time for the photographer to reciprocate. Every passing hour where Max pretended she had not been given the warning just left that knot at the base of Chloe's neck to grow.
Quietly, Chloe almost wished that she hadn't driven to school that day. It was a stupid thing to do, all told. She could have always ridden with Steph. Kind of wasteful on her limited supply of gasoline and even more limited supply of cash. Not that Steph's willing to take a damn cent. I'm starting to wonder if I can find a damn job in this city without standing over a fryer. She didn't find anything wrong with flipping burgers, but Chloe had to believe there was something else for her in Arcadia Bay. Either way, it's probably better for everyone involved if I don't use the truck as often.
"What's the rest of the day look like, Chloe?" Rachel asked her from across the table. Chloe eased herself back around on her seat, frustrated by the momentary impulse to look directly away from the brunette beside Rachel. Instead she let her eyes pass over Max's face and offered a small smile. Pissed as she was getting to be she hated the idea of sending the wrong message. She was not abandoning Max, but there was going to be an argument very soon if the girl did not open up.
"I think I'll go back to the house soon and start some homework. There's also the matter of dinner and I don't think I want Chinese, McDonalds or to step foot anywhere near the Two Whales for the next few weeks." Rachel nodded and Max grimaced. Fair reactions both, but Chloe was a little more emotional at the concept of seeing Joyce again. She wasn't entirely sure how either of them would respond, for one thing, and for another a public meltdown was not something she was prepared for. Don't even really care for private ones. One thing was for sure, if they were to see each other this soon, one of them would end up upset, especially given the story Rachel relayed about her mother's attempts to emotionally manipulate Max.
"Well, I'm proud of you for turning into a model student," Rachel replied, shutting her copy of the Hamlet script. Chloe felt a jolt of guilt bubble up as she realized she had forgotten a little detail. "But it's Thursday."
"The first play practice," Chloe acknowledged. The wind brushed briefly through her hair with enough force that, were it as long as Rachel's, it would have messed it up. Lately, she was given to wondering when that happened how much of it was chance and how much of it was a harmless jab from the blonde across from her. Max's revelation about the extent of Rachel's effect on the environment around her had been surprising to the blonde but not unduly so for Chloe. She still remembered the night after A Midsummer Night's Dream, the sudden and inexplicable winds that had manifested around American Rust Junkyard and nearly blew her from her feet once or twice. Chloe patted the bag beside her. "I've got my script. I promise I'll be back in time."
"Chloe, if you need to take a day, I think people will understand," Rachel added, voice trailing off as if it was only obvious.
"No," Chloe replied, feeling a bit of irritation edge into her voice. "You'll understand. No one else knows what happened." A sound like a hum of contemplation escaped the photographer opposite of her. Chloe had to admit Max's quiet was not being received as gracefully as it could be. Maybe part of it was down to wanting to think about anything other than how weak she felt after her confrontation with her mother but the urge to push Max harder was growing stronger. It didn't help that when Max was looking at her or speaking to her she did so as if Chloe was fragile china. That was probably the only real consequence of her explosion at the Madsen house, as long as one set aside that she was living with Steph. Beyond that and Max apparently wearing kid gloves around her, the world was mostly unchanged and if Chloe was honest, that was kind of eerie. Chloe laughed to herself.
Some word, aborted halfway through, reached Chloe's ears and she looked up to see Kate a few steps from the table. At being spotted, the typically somewhat quiet girl's face passed from concerned to relax. Chloe watched her brighten up as she and Max called out to her, gesturing her to the table. A fourth was probably a good addition to the table, at least until Chloe left. There was tension in the air and she knew that at any point someone could pull a knife out and cut that tension. While part of her would rather they all had it out right then and there, Blackwell's public areas weren't exactly what she would call conducive to such personal conversations. Besides, Max would just clam up again.
Kate settled onto the bench beside her. The girl was rapidly becoming one of those people around school that Chloe look forward to seeing. It wasn't entirely about appreciating how close of a friend she was becoming with Max, it was something about the way that, regardless of how different she might be from them, Kate reached out to anyone and everyone. The dirty-blonde (not that dirty, Chloe thought, and immediately-not to mention halfheartedly-scolded herself for taking things into the gutter) was capable, under bad conditions, of being genuinely shy but that didn't seem to stop her. Chloe respected that. She was also capable of admitting that the girl was cute and if that was going to be enough to send Chloe to hell, then at least she knew someone who would let her get used to the flames.
"Hey," Chloe greeted again as Kate leaned against the table. It seemed that whenever a moment wasn't dedicated specifically to just Chloe, Rachel and Max, Kate was with them unless one discounted nights spent at Steph's. Not that Steph would mind. They got along fairly well together at lunch, after all. More than that she usually spent the afternoon doing homework with Max and sometimes Rachel, too, at least until the girls split off for their 'alone' time. As conversation struck up around the table, Chloe quietly relaxed and queried herself on just how jealous she was that Rachel and Max lived feet from each other and could essentially find time to themselves whenever they wanted. Unless one of them came to Steph's or Chloe snuck into the dormitories, it was pretty hard for her to get time with them, time that was becoming more and more important the longer they were together.
"How are you handling school?" Chloe finally asked Kate, when there came a lull in the conversation. For the most part, early on the girl had seemed incredibly overwhelmed and marked her time with Max or Stella as her only real escapes from the that feeling. Now she walked at least with enough confidence in the halls that she was not being constantly eyed, scorned. Though she still gets shit from Victoria Chase and the Mean Girls.
"Honestly? It's kind of… what's the phrase? It's a culture shock." Chloe nodded, swallowing. She sometimes found the topic of conversation they were gearing toward uncomfortable but that came from some internal prejudices. "There's also a lot of reading," Kate added, as if she felt a bit silly admitting it. Apparently the conversation wasn't going to be steered into any minefields today. "Like, I love to read for fun. It's just that I do it at a steady pace and I do it for fun. I can't enjoy it when I'm chugging through that fast. Especially if it's actually a good story."
"Speed reading shit sucks," she agreed. Kate looked a little embarrassed as if the word choice wasn't one she would have chosen but Chloe pretended not to notice.
"I'm with Chloe on this one," Max chimed in, seeming a bit more herself with a fourth person around the table. Just as Chloe had predicted, Kate was redirecting energy away from their little dramas. It meant that Chloe had less opportunity to prompt Max to finally tell them her secret but it also meant that there was less awkward silence. Chloe was getting tired of awkward silence, especially where Max was concerned. "I miss reading for fun but I never get to do it anymore."
"That's sad," Kate told her, sympathetic.
"The only thing other than school stuff I have time to read is the script," Rachel mused, gesturing to the ring bound book in front of her. Again, Chloe felt frustrated. The truth was that she had barely read the script at all. She was going to be a hazard in the play if she did not get her shit in gear, and soon. The good news is that she was not in the majority of the play: relegated to the role of Laertes, she indeed found herself playing a man, but she also had few lines compared to Hayden (Hamlet) and more than Nathan (Osric.) To pretend that she did not find that amusing would be a lie.
"In general I'm just having trouble adjusting," Kate added. "Mom and dad weren't so sure about sending me here. I know this sounds childish but I don't want them to find out I'm struggling and think they were right." Chloe nodded. Quietly, she wondered if Kate's adjustment issues were about the assignments or the people.
"You know if we ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable, you can tell us, right?" Rachel asked, giving voice to the discomfort in Chloe's stomach. Kate shaked her head once, insistently, but did not speak. Chloe exhaled as quietly as she could, trying to push out the sudden feeling of anxiety the discussion left in her. She was more than down for Kate telling them if they made her uncomfortable but not so sure sure she would be entirely willing to give up little things like holding the others' hands if the girl were to ask. Avoiding major PDAs with Kate around seemed fair, though for someone raised in a strict conservative environment.
Then again, Chloe reminded herself, Kate hadn't asked anything of them. There's no reason to worry, this is just Rachel being a decent person and maybe a little overbearing. Chloe elbowed Kate, whose head was beginning to dip a bit. She shot up quickly and turned confused eyes on Chloe. She was prone to such open outbursts of emotion it was simultaneously hilarious and endearing. Chloe hadn't particularly done it very hard, so it might have looked like an overreaction to someone on the outside. Chloe knew it was just the way Kate was. Or perhaps she's not used to being touched, who knows?
"Chin up, bud," she said, trying to offer the girl the most sincere smile she could even when she didn't feel like smiling much. Across the table Max caught her eye and it was only politeness that made Chloe break eye contact so she could focus on Kate. "The reading will thin out a bit and teachers will stop shoving so much down our throats. They just like to look imposing and shit at the start so you don't slack off during the year." Kate gave a hesitant nod. "They like to pretend to be hardasses because it's a private school." Chloe's voice dropped low and drawled out in an imitation of Principal Wells. "'We have a duty to upkeep a certain standard, a certain reputation for excellence here at the prestigious Blackhell- woops, I mean at the prestigious Blackwell Academy.'" Kate seemed to wear a look saying that perhaps she thought Chloe's imitation a little mean, but before she was done, the dirty-blonde was smiling. Good. Chloe told herself, feeling a bit more like smiling herself. Better that she's smiling. It's always better when they're smiling.
"Thanks," Kate told her, then the others. Chloe took that as her cue, pressing both palms down against the surface of the picnic table.
"And that's my signal. I need to go help Steph with dinner before practice." Chloe parted from that side of the table by giving Kate one rough pat on the back and then crossing to her girls. "What about you all?"
""I'll join these two for homework until practice," Rachel told her.
"And after that," Max said, "We have a date with Captain Janeway aboard the Starship Voyager." Chloe sighed, making a great show of exasperation mostly because it was expected of her as she came to a stop behind and between them. The truth was that she was not feeling super playful toward Max.
"Not this again," Kate mumbled, looking down at her hands. That, at least, drew a snort from Chloe, who threw her hands up in mock surrender and knelt down between them. Rachel and Max turned and matched her eyes, one of them reluctantly.
"I love the hell out of both of you," Chloe said, trying her best to express her honest care. She pecked first Rachel and then Max on the cheeks before she turned to the last. "I hope we can talk soon. I think time's running out, okay?" Max's immediate response was to pale slightly, but Chloe tried to feel hopeful about the girl responding with a nod. Chloe shot Rachel a look promising that she was going to fill her in later and then glanced at Kate. Kate was still staring at her hands and Chloe thought that her face was rather red.
Okay so that was a bit much, maybe? Or maybe she just has to get used to minor PDAs. Or maybe we need to just convince her to talk about the big gay polyamorous elephant at the table? Either way, gonna have to be when she's ready.
"Kate," Chloe called across the table before she stood. "Take care of these girls."
"I'll try," Kate responded. She found her voice again and added, "but they're kind of a handful."
"I know," Chloe lamented, turning to look toward the parking lot.
It was kind of crazy to think she could walk across campus without even a chance of running into David. That, however, is precisely what happened. The only person who bothered her on her walk to the lot was Victoria, who made some crack about Rachel losing a member of her 'carpet muncher harem.' The socialite had been less than pleased when Chloe told her that she thought that Victoria 'doth protest too much' but the honest truth was that if anyone gave off some serious closet case vibes it was probably her, given how obsessive she was about sending hate their way.
The drive home was peaceful, or at least as peaceful as her rumbling, roaring truck could get on the road, spitting enough planet killing exhaust to make Chloe wince each second. Given the prior two weeks (not to mention most of the summer) Chloe was more than comfortable with the trip to Steph's house. In a way it really was comforting, like coming home. On the porch, waiting for her when she stepped out of the truck was her favorite deck chair. Sitting just a chair over, Steph looked up from her history text to raise an eyebrow at Chloe.
"You're home early," she observed. Steph knew that there was a little trouble in paradise brewing between she and Max and Chloe figured the girl was quick to see whether or not her early homecoming could be contributed to that. "Or couldn't you stay away?"
"Play practice," Chloe said. "I forgot all about it. I figured I'd come home early and give you a hand with dinner." Steph's book shut with a loud 'clap' and as Chloe reached the edge of the porch she rose.
"Thank Christ," she said. "If I have to read another word about Pompey, I'm going to stab someone on a boat somewhere." Chloe felt like she was missing some context, but that would come with time if she was a good girl and did her homework. She wasn't entirely sure if she was going to be but it was good to get inside and follow Steph to the kitchen, where she finally sat her bag down on the kitchen table. It sounded fairly loud across the room, earning a raised eyebrow from Steph. Chloe tried to ignore it, embarrassed to admit she had taken almost every book she owned out of her locker that day because she was about half a week behind on reading. Note to self, dump bag in your room before practice.
"Right," Steph said, apparently letting it drop. "So what'll it be?" Together the two of them looked at their options. There was some limited produce available which Chloe thought she could throw together with some of the frozen chicken breasts in the freezer and bake into a decent enough meal. Looking at a potential side dish, though, they found themselves relegated mostly to corn or mac n cheese. At Steph's suggestion, Chloe fished a quarter out of her pocket.
"Heads Mac n Cheese wins, tails corn loses?" Chloe asked the girl, playfully. Steph rolled her eyes and simply dropped a couple of boxes of Kraft dinner on the table. For Chloe's part, she flipped the coin anyway and watched it fall, letting it land before she pocketed the quarter and went to hunt down a pot to boil the pasta in and a pan to bake the rest. Tails never fails, she mused, dragging first one and then the other out. Steph started the oven heating as Chloe took a step back.
As a younger teenager she had cooked fairly often. Mostly it was breakfast foods she had been taught by her father or by Joyce. Still, Chloe could count on two hands the number of times she had cooked anything in the last year that didn't involve a microwave. That was probably not good. Max is always saying that I should keep learning, she thought. Then again, she talks like she thinks she can do better. I would love to see it. Who knew, maybe Max was secretly Top Chef material. Maybe that was the power she was keeping to herself: Super Max, able to summon a three course dinner with the power of her mind.
Chloe didn't think so, but there was always the chance.
"So how bad are things going to get between you and Max?" Steph asked her suddenly. Chloe wasn't sure precisely how long she'd been lost in thought but the girl was already starting to spread carrots around the baking pan, among the chicken. Chloe pulled open a bag of broccoli and started to do her part. "You're spacing out a lot. That must mean it's bad."
"Hella bad," Chloe admitted as she turned the bag upside down, spreading a fair amount of what her six year old self would have called 'little trees' about the pan. It was impressive to think that at that age she and Max had only been friends a handful of years. There should not have been a time when they weren't more familiar with each other than themselves. "Like, I'm going to make sure we find somewhere private, like the junkyard to have our fight if Max doesn't tell me what's going on by Sunday."
"What is it she's keeping from you, anyway?"
"It's complicated," Chloe said and then wanted to slap herself. It wasn't like Max hadn't used that particular line to deflect questions in the past. Focus on dinner, she told herself, where's the Caulfield- the cauliflower! Damn it. "Like, it's a lot of things." A lot of things like the things you should probably all tell Steph since she's wrapped up in this too, Chloe? Like those things? There was no one to tell to shut up and stop pestering her with these completely valid points. She wished there was. "But basically, Max- it- ah damn." The bag of cauliflower ripped under her grip and she sheepishly caught it before things could fall everywhere. While Chloe spread a bit of that into their dinner, she thought on the best way to say it. Steph was patient.
"It has to do with why Max isn't doing so hot mentally. Why she freaks out about certain things, or why she has trouble eating, why the anxiety, why the depression. I mean sure there's probably a massive physiological component to it but there's some sort of secret at work and Rachel and I have been right on the verge of knowing it for a year and I don't think we can do what we should do to make sure she gets help without knowing it." The brunette beside her sat a pot half full of water down on the stove and began to open and pour in the two boxes of pasta. "Basically it's one of those things she's given little hints about for all this time and it's just to the point where if she doesn't talk soon, I'm going to lose my cool."
"It can suck not knowing what's going on with someone you care about," Steph said. This time Chloe definitely felt guilty. It was the kind of guilt where she felt herself bowing under it a little. The words were said with special significance and the girl's sharp dark eyes were on Chloe. She tried not to think too much about the implications of bringing up 'caring about' someone in a context where Chloe was talking about one of her girlfriends. That was an entirely different beast of a question and not one Chloe was prepared to dedicate her limited processing power to. The main part, though, the fact that Chloe was not being entirely forthcoming with Steph, Chloe could admit.
After all of this time it would have been a sign of abject stupidity for the other girl not to catch on that something was not particularly normal about Chloe, about her girls. If Steph was looking at Chloe demanding answers from Max, there was bound to be a day where she might do the same to Chloe. And what happens when that day comes? We'll burn that bridge when we get to it. That being said, Chloe's guilt did not let her shrug the moment off, not if she were to turn and see Steph still staring at her, insistently, or perhaps just pointedly. By the time Chloe dared to look, though, Steph was retrieving butter and cheese from the refrigerator, as if no moment of serious importance had just passed between them.
Damn. That girl might be a Dungeon Master, but she sure knows how to play.
"So, the session tomorrow?" Steph prompted in a moment such coincidence that Chloe almost shivered. Christ, if there's anyone else with a super power out there, can it please not be Steph reading minds? Please and thank you. As dangerous as an angry Rachel could be to someone she hated, somehow Steph with the ability to read minds seemed like a hazard waiting to be unleashed on an unsuspecting public. "Are you ready?"
"Am I ready?" Chloe asked, affecting an air of superior confidence. "Are you sure you're ready not to be the one pulling the strings again?" she teased. Steph shook her head dismissively. "Okay but for real, I'm nervous but I've got everything up here," Chloe poked the side of her own head. "And in my notes, so I should be ready." That wasn't entirely true, there were still loads of questions she had and she knew that inevitably she was going to have to make rulings on rules and mechanics. Ironically, Steph was probably the person she should have been talking to about these concerns, but Steph was going to be playing. That wouldn't be very fair to her. Between the internet, Dungeon Master's guide and a couple of other books she had picked up as well as the SRD online, Chloe thought she could manage it. They had had a good campaign under Steph but it was very focused between about six localities. Chloe wanted to go out there and give them a chance and an excuse to go exploring, adventuring without the threat of a horde of undead pouring down and eradicating civilization.
Not that beating up skeletons wasn't fun as hell, hypothetical mindreading Steph. The whole bit had been mostly in jest but Chloe found herself shooting a glance at the girl beside her as she swept her beanie from her skull. Steph did not seem to notice her looking. Okay, you're being absurd now, Chloe. Mind reading. Laughable. As opposed to fire, air and water bending or sneaking into peoples' dreams at night. Chloe had more than a few stories she could tell about accidental forays into Steph's mind at night. She kept them to herself, but it did make her consider that her ability was not closer to mindreading than not. Certainly, she knew things or suspected she knew things about the girl that no one else did. Despite having only met her mother once, Chloe certainly had enough basis to not care for the woman. Which you're basing off of her not being in any dreams, ever.
While the oven heated the kitchen, she retreated with Steph toward the living room. There was time still for a little bit of television, a little bit of music and surfing the net while the food cooked. There would be time enough to eat and then split. Chloe just had to learn to take things a little more calmly. Inside these walls, the timer ticking away in the back of her head, counting down to a showdown with Max was allowed to go quiet. Inside these walls, she was allowed to relax. This was what she remembered home being like in the days of William Price. That gives me an idea.