"Was it my fault?" I cried into Jack's chest, he wrapped his arms tighter around me as I began to shake. "Am I to blame for all that chaos?"

He played with my hair. "No it's not you didn't know Frank decided on any of that, none of us could have prepared for what Frank had in store for us all. We don't blame you for any of this"

I couldn't stop crying. I guess it was the shock of everything that happened hitting me like a ton of bricks. Jerry's death. Me being shot. Julie's asthma. The blood, the nightmares. I am the reason why it all happened.

Jack was trying his best to comfort me but I was hardly paying attention to what he was saying. I kept crying into his chest, gripping his shirt tightly as he continued to play with my hair in an effort to try calm me.

"Kim?" Jack said unwrapping his arms from my body "The doctor is here to check you over so you need to let go of me now"

I couldn't move my fingers though. I didn't want him to leave me alone with a stranger. "Jack I..."

Jack smiled as he helped me "It's okay". He kissed my wrist "I'll get some drinks I'll be back in a bit"

I slowly nodded and I was left with the female doctor.

"Hi I'm Doctor Halstead I just need to check you over okay?"

I nodded.

"so do you remember what happened?" She asked as she shone an incredibly bright light into my eyes.

"I was shot. That's the only thing I remember"

"Very good" She said turning that blinding light off. She pulled the hospital sheets off my legs and undid the bandage around my thigh. "Kim as you said you were shot. The bullet grazed your thigh bone however we were able to remove it. Its healing well but I need you to know that there is a possibility that you could never train in karate again"

I swear the world stopped moving. Time slowed to a halt. I lost all my words.

"No...that can't be a possibility...its not true" I said. My heart rate was rapidly speeding up, so fast I thought it might jump out my chest. My body temperate was sky rocketing too. "You're lying"

"Kim I need you to calm down" She said holding her hands out in front of her.

I was struggling for breath, hyperventilating. I couldn't contemplate a future without karate. For me it just wasn't possible.

Jack appeared by my side, his mouth was moving but no sound was coming out or at least I couldn't hear him. He took my hand in his and began stroking it. Gradually I calmed down, forcing myself to think about him.

"...not your fault. Kim did you hear that? It wasn't your fault. You weren't to know what was going to happen. None of us know" He was sitting beside me his hand on my knee, the other still held my hand.

How can he say that for sure? None of this would have happened if it wasn't for me. I am the reason that Frank made that decision to turn psycho and attack us all. No-body else is to blame, but me. No-one else is the cause of it. I am the one who kept pushing Frank, eventually he cracked. He wasn't able to take much more and it was all because of me.

I will never be able to forget any of this. I will always be the reason why one of my closest friends is dead. Because of me we will never be able to see him again and I will never be able to change that, no matter how much I want to. And Julie and Donna, they probably need therapy because of everything they saw. They will probably suffer nightmares for the next few months and it is all because of me. Yes everything that happened is my fault, regardless of what Jack may say or even do to try convince me that I am wrong. I will never be able to stop blaming myself but I will never admit it to Jack. After all I don't think there is much need to worry him further.

Jack sighed and put his hands on my cheeks. "Kim say something...please just say anything" He pushed back my fringe which had fallen in front of my tired, sore eyes. "Kim"

I closed my eyes. I feel like I can sleep for years, but I can't right now.

"We don't blame you" he said. He was starting to annoy me now.

I ignored him. He doesn't understand, he wasn't there in the library when I was shot, he wasn't there when Frank shot the window out of library or when he was hurting Donna. I opened my eyes and looked at him straight in his eyes. "i need to see Donna and Julie. I need to apologise. I need to set it all right. I need to see for myself that they are dealing. We went through a lot in that library"

"Kim there is no..."

"Jack I have to see Donna it's important" I said grabbing his arm. "Now are you going to help me or do I need to crawl all the way to see Donna?"