I want to go home, tuck myself in my big double comfy bed and bury myself deep into my covers so that I would never be found again. But unfortunately I was stuck here on the mental ward of the hospital. The same hospital where my best friend is having major surgery to fix her leg. The same hospital where our friends were waiting for news.
Yes I am living a nightmare. But it's my fault why I am here. I think they believe that I am insane. They assume that I want to kill myself and they are right I have thought about it. It would be much easier right? For me, yes but for my friends they would grieve more. Could I do that? Could I do that when there's already been too much grief and loss already?
No. I couldn't. I am in pain. I am in mourning but I will get through it.
My best friend was shot. My boyfriend murdered, shot dead protecting me from the bullet which would have taken my own life. Both were shot right in front of me and there was nothing I could have done to stop either of them from getting hurt. If that isn't enough to send me crazy I don't know what will.
A hand was on my shoulder. I smelt her horrible cheap knock off perfume as she breathed down my neck. "Donna its time to take your meds"
"I hate you" I snarled at the perky blonde nurse in front of me.
She smiled as if she hadn't heard my last comment. "Donna come on take your meds. Someone is coming to visit you in a little while"
Who is it? No-one has come to see me yet. All my friends were waiting for news on Kim. No-one has thought about me.
She put the pill in my hand and a cup of water in the other. I swallowed the stupid tiny pill just so she would leave me alone. I hated taking it. It made me forget Jerry and I never want to forget my guy who died saving me.
I feel like I have been serving a life sentence in here even though I have only been here since this morning.
"Donna they're here" the nurse said taking the water away.
I turned to face the door. "Kim!"
"heya sister!" she squealed as she was wheeled into my room by Jack.
"Oh my god you 're okay. I've been so worried I've had no visitors no-one was telling me anything. I thought I lost you too" I hugged her tight.
"Woah careful she's had surgery" Jack reminded me.
Kim glared at him as I let go of her "I'm okay Jack seriously you don't need to worry about me. He worries too much"
"Kim"
She sighed as she motioned to the wheelchair she sat on "i would be better if I didn't have to use this stupid thing to get around. It's going to be at least six weeks until they think I will recover and even then I may not be able to practice karate any more or be on the squad"
"Kim I'm ..."
"It's not your fault its mine I should never had baited him" Kim admitted.
"I need a favour off both of you I need you to help me escape" I whispered.
"I heard that" The nurse said.
I turned around to face her "Seriously do you need to stay here? Can't I have a private conversation?"
She shrugged her shoulders "you know the deal you are on watch right now. You can't be left alone"
I groaned "But I am not alone if Jack and Kim are here with me"
"Fine five minutes but that's all you're getting. I need to pee anyway"
"Snotty cow" I said as she closed the door behind her. "I hate her"
"She's something all right" Jack said.
Kim held my hands "Sweetie i wish that I could help you"
I shook my head, trying to force my tears back "its not too bad apart from that irritating nurse and the meds they had prescribed me the only bad thing is that I am on suicide watch 24/7"
"You're not coping?" Jack asked me.
I nodded letting my tears flow "i really miss Jerry. I miss him so much"
Kim nodded. "Me too. Jack and I miss him. I am sure that everybody else does too. Its my fault. All of this is my fault. I am so sorry. You must hate me"
I put my hand on her cheek and wiped away her tears "Don't say that. I could never hate my bestie. You didn't shoot Jerry. You didn't shoot yourself"
I could tell she was forcing herself to smile. "Jerry told me exactly the same thing"
Hang on what did she just say?
"While I was under Jerry spoke to me. It told me that it wasn't my fault and that I need to live for the both of us."
I laughed. "Are you sure that was our jerry?"
She nodded "Don't looked so shocked it was like he's grown up in just a few hours. He told me that he is sorry that he never got the chance to tell you how much you mean to them. He truly loved you."
"i loved him too" I said softly.
The door creaked open behind Kim and in walked nurse perky "Right Donna your five minutes have been and gone already. You've had more than enough time to chat"
Kim hugged me "Do as she says, the sooner you do the sooner you may be able to escape with permission."