Tony went to work disappearing all day leaving early in the morning and arriving home late at night for four days. The film included two night shoots. Jon and Alex carried on like nothing had happened. Alex had fewer nightmares and appeared calm and collected, settling in to his school routine, which was exhausting enough.
Alex sat by himself in the school library, Tom was mulling over the fact Alex had told him everything. Tom shocked and silent had walked out. Alex was morose. He picked up his phone and called Rick. Amazingly Rick picked up.
"Whats the problem, Alex?"
"I told Tom everything. I think he's in shock."
"Bits and pieces are the normal way to start. Everything? As in Ian's a pedophile, MI6 and the CIA screwed you over, you met a crazy, cool russian and were tortured and raped by your dad's one time assassin lover." the shrink said half jokingly.
"Pretty much. I think I may have destroyed the only friendship I have left." Alex moaned.
"Give him time Alex. Its a lot of information to process. You have a session tonight. We'll talk more. Take one of your tranquillisers, if you feel out of control."
"I don't like taking them, everything feels distant, wrong." Alex hated the feeling of being not in control.
"Alex, thats the idea, it gives you time to cope with your feelings." Rick had explained this at every session.
"OK. I get it. See you tonight." Alex put his phone away and started rummaging in his back pack.
Becka Hughes listening in had caught the end of Alex's telephone conversation. "So Rider, got a date?" she asked cheekily, wondering what type of girl Rider would go for.
"Yeah with my shrink, twice a week every week, once a month family sessions. I bet he suggests I go to his special teen group therapy thing now." Alex made a face. Group had been bad enough in Washington.
She then watched Alex pull out a pill bottle, right in the library and take a tablet. "So what did you take there then, druggie?" said the girl going for broke. If he lied she was going to tell a teacher right away.
"Tranquilliser. Keep me calm." Alex explained showing Becka the perscription label in his name.
Becka softened, "So whats upset you then?"
"I don't think Tom likes having a psycho best friend." Alex put his head on the table at this.
"Psycho?" Becka was a bit worried Alex seemed really upset, normally nothing got to Alex.
"My life is so fucked up you would not believe it. I bet my anti-depressants get increased as well. Fuck I really hate myself." Alex rubbed his eyes willing the numbness to start.
Becka put her hand on Alex's shoulder. "Alex Everything will be alright."
"Sure. It can't get much fucking worse."
The next day started with Becka coming up to Alex crying and asking forgiveness. Alex had already taken a tranquilizer, so was unusually un-phased by the crying girl touching him.
"I'm so sorry Alex. I talked to Sue about you and she must talked to everyone in her phone book. I did not think she was such a bitch. I am not talking to her ever again." Alex just wondered which one of Becka's brain dead friends was Sue.
Then Mitch came up to Alex , slapped him on the back and said "Morning Psycho, see you got a girlfriend."
So Alex got a new friend. Becka stuck by him all day. She and Gabby got on like a house on fire. Alex seemed to have been accepted back into his class, but the nickname Psycho seemed to have stuck, better than druggie. Everyone accepted Alex as being depressed and on therapy. They all seemed to forget about the prolonged period of chinese whispers and sending to coventry that had isolated Alex since Ian's death.
Becka tried Alex's bean salad at lunchtime and kept taking mouthfuls. She approved of Alex's weird diet and asked if he was fully vegan. "Umm no, I occasionally eat meat and fish. Just no dairy of any variety. Makes me puke spectacularly."
"So what caused this?" Becka asked the one question he had never asked himself, it was just one of the things he had deal with.
Alex paused. "I think it was the shit loads of very strong antibiotics I was on last year. They had really bad side affects. My hair even fell out." Alex remembered his hair being shawn off on orders of Alexei, making him practically bald after his hair fell out in handfuls.
The next day they had citizenship's class, the topic was sex and relationships. A nightmare of embarrassment and giggling. The last class with Mr Reynolds Alex could remember was talking about families. The knob-head teacher started by asking what classified a sexual act. Alex was the only one brave or stupid enough to stick up his hand,
"Depends if its between a boy and girl, a girl and a girl or two males. Sex is the penetration of the vagina or anus with either fingers, tongue, object or penis and the penetration of the mouth by penis or object, or the simulation of the penis or clitoris using hand or tongue. Girls and boys can both get off as in orgasm without the act of penetration by the stimulation of the clitoris or the penis and testes using hands either directly or through clothes." All of this Alex said while looking out of the window.
"Very clear description Alex." The teacher looked at Alex funny. The boy had given a clear almost legal description including both heterosexual and homosexual intercourse.
"And what construes rape or sexual assault?"
Alex again put up his hand and answered. "When the sexual act is unwanted, forced or coerced or if the one of the participants is not physically or mentally able to refuse."
Again Alex had supplied a text book answer. The Mr Reynold's asked "So, who's had sex?" and Mr Reynolds put up his hand and half the girls giggled.
In the class of fourteen and fifteen year olds three hands went up including Alex's. Alex was sure some of the girls had, but if any girl put her hand up she'd automatically be slag. Reynolds had asked when they had done it. Steve and Mitch had steady older girlfriends and had done it in the last few weeks, they both smiled recollecting loosing it. Then came Alex's answer "I was ten when my uncle forced me to suck him off"
The class was silent. The teacher then looked at Alex "Ten".
"Yep."
Andrew Reynolds did not know what to say. He then continued with his lesson plan. After class Reynolds went to speak with Mr. Bray.
Gabby kept looking at Alex with huge sad eyes during lunch. She looked like she was going to burst into tears. Alex went to Science and Tom sat with him. "Sorry I've been a tit."
Alex smiled. "I did kind of drop everything on you at once."
"My mum is going to go ape shit about sleep overs at your house with Ian." Tom's mum was very overprotective and still thought he was about eight. Mind you she treated Jerry like he was eight as well and he was nearly twenty two.
Alex looked at Tom worried "Ian never touched you, did he?"
"No, but I bet I get the third degree about this."
"I've really dropped a bomb shell haven't I" Alex looked at Tom, who was unusually serious.
Then the old Tom Alex knew and loved surfaced "Mega. Good one Psycho. Keep us all on our toes."
Alex remained serious knowing Tom's home life was difficult at the moment "If you deny everything they won't believe you Tom. They'll think you just suppressed it. It took me over four years to tell anyone." Alex smiled "It might get your parents to act like adults for once."
"Do you think so?" Tom was not convinced. His parents had been at each other throats for the past few years and it was getting old.
"Yeah, just fake loosing your appetite and having nightmares."
"No way, they send me to some a fucking shrink. Not that you seeing a shrink is a bad thing." Tom interrrupted and then noticing his foot had been placed in his mouth, so he backtracked.
Alex ignored Tom's comment and finished "And they'll pay you lots and lots of attention and might stop fighting and acting like complete arseholes."
Gabby was waiting for Alex after science and told him he had to see Mr Bray.
Funny no one thought he was lying. It was a fact Alex was a poor damaged boy. Why the fuck had no one put two and two together previously. Maybe because when Alex came to Brookland, Alex's relationship with Ian had distanced itself to occasional guardian thing again, when Ian could be bothered to remember, he had a home and a nephew. Funny Alex had been closest emotionally to his uncle when Ian had sexually abused him.
Alex was broken from his train of thought by Jon hugging him. Jon had been called into school. He was wearing a nice suit with his security pass still attached to his jacket pocket.
"Sorry" said Alex.
"Don't be sorry." Jon rubbed Alex on the back "I got out of a nightmare meeting with all the department heads."
Alex sat with Miss Bedfordshire as his latest revelation was discussed by the teachers, Mr Bray, Jon and Gabby as representative of Social Services. Jon came out after 40 minutes and smiled and hugged Alex again. Gabby asked if Ian had had contact with any other children Alex knew about. Alex piped up that only Tom had met Ian regularly. James had only been over when Jack had been there. No one else had come over to the house at Cheyne Walk.
Tom was cross the next day. "Thanks a lot Psycho. Social Services were round last night. My mum and dad wanted me to sleep in the same room as them. I am not a bed wetting five year old. There are no monsters under the bed."
"No the monsters are all around us." Alex said in a low quiet voice.
"Not got much faith in humanity then." Tom said suddenly serious
"Some. You're OK?" Alex looked at Tom.
"Yeah. Mum made me my favourite breakfast and Dad drove me to school this morning. He's picking me up tonight." Then Becka walked past and waved and blushed when looking at Tom
"Funny I got indian takeaway last night. Do not tell Tony." Alex then looked at his hands "Jon said I'll get bullied something awful."
"No one will try anything. Gabby is bloody scary when pissed off. Whats with Becka anyway?" Tom was looking past Alex to the group of giggling girls as he said this.
"We talked. I think I'm a special project. Poor abused, damaged Alex." Alex was unsure why Becka liked him. It was not his winning personality that was for sure.
"Has she invited you to her party?"
"Oh yeah. You?"
"Yep. Its at the skating rink." Tom looked at Alex like he was insane.
"Umm I skate."
"Right." Tom then did a mime of skating on two false legs. It looked like a mad man tap dancing.
"Tom control is mostly from the knees."
"And toes numb skull, how are you going to stop."
"That what the edge and other people are for." Alex smiled.
At the end of January, Tony was holding a small celebration. Alex was no longer a Rider but, Alex Fletcher-Smith. The adoption was official. Tony's brother was there with his stick thin young wife, Magda. Alex was introduced to a scary old woman, Jon's Aunty Silvia. Tony and Jon had invited friends from work. Derek Smithers had hugged Alex after admiring his legs. Alex invited Tom and Becka and their parents. Alex had been paraded around all the guests at the beginning and then he, Tom and Becka watched DVD's in Alex's room. Then Alex pulled off his legs climbed onto his wheel chair and stated he was going for a sympathy run.
Alex in a loud voice went cripple coming through and as a phalanx they made it to the kitchen to look for snacks and drinks. Alex noted a familiar man across the room, he must have arrived later than the other guests. Dark hair and eyes, tall and fit. Alex then remembered his face. Fox, K unit. Alex went from happy to emotionless like someone had flipped a switch.
"Are you OK, Alex?" asked a concerned Becka.
Distracted Alex answered "I have to speak to someone."
Alex wheeled himself over to Fox who was chatting to a young woman, who Alex remembered being a production assistant at BBC drama. Alex coughed.
"Hello Cub how are you?" asked the man with a Liverpudlian accent
"Spectacular." said Alex in a flat emotionless tone. "So you work for the bank?"
"Yes, since April." Fox answered noticing Cub who was looking at him like he was the devil himself.
"Office 1504?" Alex continued the interrogation.
"Yes, how did you know that?" Fox was now disturbed. Cub knew far too much about his work.
"You got Ian's job." Alex said with a dead voice.
"Ian?" There was no agent called Ian at the bank.
"Ian Rider, liar, child abusing bastard, corpse. My former guardian and paternal uncle."
"Right. I didn't know." Fox offered as a half apology, now seriously worried about the boy in front of him.
Alex then looked at the girl and warned her, "If he's anything like my uncle everything out of his mouth is a lie." Alex then broke into a hard britttle smile and turned back to Fox and said "Give my love to James and the rest of K-unit if you see them".
Alex then spun his chair around, with the intention of going straight back to his room, locking the door and turning on his CD player full blast. Half way there, the sound of Peter letting off fireworks on the roof caused all thoughts of the party, Tom, Tony and Jon to leave his head. He did not hear Becka calling his name. He was suddenly in the dark, on the floor of the killing house, stunned, blind and deaf, retching, helpless.
Alex could smell vomit. He was on his bed and Jon was washing him. Rick was there, watching, concerned. Alex had not had a flashback that vivid since Washington. Seeing Fox had dredged all the bad memories of last spring. Alex thought about the cold roast lamb lunch after Blunt sealed his fate and he was retching again. Jon had a bowl ready. Nothing but bile came up.
Christ Alex knew he must have vomited all over the living room floor. How fucking brilliant.
"So what did you eat?" asked Jon, thinking Alex must have eaten chocolate, or cheese.
"Nothing bad. Had a flashback to Brecon. Killing House. Wolf pushed me onto one of the trip wires."
Jon, with remarkable speed, made the connection. "Christ, sorry Alex. Ben Daniels has been hanging out with Derek. I never thought you knew him from the Bank."
"I trained with him and K unit at Brecon. So Fox's real name is Ben." Alex lay down and closed his eyes.
"He was adopted as well." Jon added as an explanation for inviting him.
"My heart bleeds" spat Alex feeling no empathy with Fox what so ever. He might not have been a complete bastard like Wolf but he had still been pretty shitty to Alex. Before Alex could stop himself he was sobbing. Jon hugged him and Rick was telling Alex to relax he was just giving him an injection to help him sleep.
Alex woke to Jon asleep, sat on Alex's computer chair and lying across the end of Alex's bed. Alex looked at the clock on his bedside table. 7:30am. Alex still felt exhausted. He had slept the sleep of the dead, the fuzzy after affects of being drugged was evident. That alone could trigger a flash back to his time with the delightful Miss Stellenbosh.
Alex shifted out of the bed and slid over to his bathroom and sat down for a pee. Jon was still asleep when Alex pulled himself onto his wheelchair and went out in search of coffee.
Rick was sat in the kitchen. He must have stayed the night. The room was clean and tidy no sign of Alex making a complete arse of himself in full view of everyone.
"Morning Alex."
"Morning Doc."
The doc handed Alex a glass of water and a tranquiler.
"What no coffee?"
"Do you want to puke again. Toast or porridge?" Rick began looking in the cupboards.
Alex had to decide on the least offensive breakfast "Umm Millet flakes and soya milk. No maybe rice cakes. I puked more than once."
In a no nonsense tone Rick stated "That you did. Talk to me Alex."
"With everything that happened last summer, the stuff that happened before I kind of forgot about it." Alex frowned as he thought back to his life spiralling out of control after he started investigating Ian's car crash.
"Suppressed, you mean." added the doctor, as he still looked through the kitchen cupboards.
"So. I need to deal with all that shit as well." Alex shuddered at the thought of Brecon.
"Yes." Rick said as he handed Alex a packet of organic rice cakes.
"So its one long session today?" Alex had no choice but to talk.
"Here or at my office. Your choice Alex." Alex knew if he refused he'd be in hospital before you could say Psycho.
Alex settled on the couch and then told Rick all the sordid details of being trained and working for MI6.
Alex lay on the sofa, trying to understand his bad reaction to Fox. "I told Tom a bit. That did not trigger flashbacks."
"You saw a visible reminder triggering your suppressed memories, you saw Fox. It was a very traumatic time for you Alex. Ian had died. You had been threatened and blackmailed. Then thrust into a series of difficult and dangerous simulations."
"Seeing Smithers has never been a problem." Alex liked the gadget man.
"You see Derek Smithers as a type of father christmas figure. He poses no threat to you and has always been pleasant, never condescending or abusing."
"Right, Doc. Father Christmas. Ho Ho Ho." Alex threw a cushion at Rick for that analogy.
Rick smiled. Alex had finished eating the packet of rice cakes. And it was now just after ten.
Alex got onto his wheelchair again wanting a drink "Tea Doc?".
"Thanks Alex. White, two sugars."
"We only have goats and soya milk."
Rick was used to the strange diets here "Goats milk please."
"Yeah soya milk takes some getting used to. Soya yogurt is OK though" added Alex.
Jon then came out of Alex's room stretching his back. "Morning all. Been up long?"
"Yeah" said Alex, "Had a full session of head shrinking already. I made tea and fruit salad. Go get Tony up. By the time we're all dressed we can go to the pub for lunch."
"You up for that then, puker?"
"Umm, maybe. I think I'll just have soup."