Skyfall

Chapter Seven

A week later, Rebecca came back in from the balcony and sat on the other side of the couch. She watched as Harvey was writing something down for a deposition. "So guess what Katie was calling about?"

"I don't know." He shrugged. "Did Marcus do something crazy?"

"No." She chuckled. "Well kind of I guess. She's pregnant again."

"Really?" He looked over at her and smiled. "Well that's great. Were they trying to have another kid though?"

"No." She shook her head. "It was a complete surprise to her. I guess she plans on telling Marcus tomorrow night with a special dinner. So please, if you talk to him before then…don't tell him."

"I don't think I will talk to him before tomorrow. But if for some reason it happens, I won't say a word." He promised.

"Thank you." She continued to stare at him.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" He chuckled.

"You know…we haven't talked about kids in a while…"

"No, we haven't." He nodded.

"Should we?" She asked hesitantly.

"Should we what?"

"Should we talk about kids again?"

"Yeah. I guess we can if you want." He replied, putting his papers down on the coffee table and focusing on her.

"I'd like to."

"You still want kids, right?"

"Yeah. I still do." She nodded. "But what about you? Both of us need to want kids in order for it to work."

"You're obviously much better with kids than I am." He admitted. "I'm too awkward around them. Laura, James, Olivia, and Ethan…they all like you a lot more than they like me."

"It's not a popularity contest." She pointed out. "And those are different situations. They aren't ours. If we had one of our own, I'm sure they would like you more because you'd probably end up being the fun one. They always like the fun one more."

"I don't know about that." He argued.

"So are you pro-kid or anti-kid?" She asked after a pause.

"I'm not either. I'm ambivalent." He shrugged with a chuckle.

"Can I tell you what I think?" She asked quietly.

"Of course."

"I think you are still worried about our relationship changing. Am I right?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I do worry about that."

She scooted closer to him. "If we have a kid, I'm not going to lie to you. Our relationship will change. We won't be able to do some of the things we do right now, like have sex in the kitchen anytime we want without having to be mindful of where our kid is at that time. It will be stressful and it will be hard to balance work and family, but it will also be one of the most rewarding things we could ever do with our lives."

She paused for a moment. "I really think we could be good parents together. But we both have to want it in order for it to work."

"I'm not sure I want it." He confessed quietly.

She took a deep breath. That wasn't what she expected him to say and to be honest it broke her heart. "You're not sure you want kids now or you're not sure you want kids at all?"

"I'm not sure I want kids." He repeated himself. "I…"

"Harvey, we aren't getting any younger." She interrupted him, standing up and walking over to the window. "I'm not getting any younger. My window of time to get pregnant and have a healthy child is going to close sooner rather than later. I'm not saying we need to have a kid right now, but it's something we need to consider and try to plan for…if it's going to happen."

She turned around to face him. "But it's not going to happen though, is it?"

"I didn't say I never want kids." He told her, standing up and walking towards her.

She looked at his face and recognized the look. She had seen it plenty of times before. It was the look he had when he tried to placate his clients. There was no way he planned on changing his mind. She bit her lip and then put on a fake smile. "Ok. Let's just pause on this conversation for a while then."

He pulled her into his arms.

She laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

"Are we ok?" He asked softly.

"We're fine." She answered back just as softly. She knew it wasn't right to lie to him, but at this moment she didn't want to talk about it anymore. He apparently didn't want to have kids, so she needed to find a way to be ok with that.

"You ok?" Donna asked, standing in the doorway of her office the next day.

"I'm fine." She shrugged, looking at her friend.

"Really?" Donna chuckled. "You don't look fine to me."

"Well I said I'm fine!" She said in a defensive tone. "So just drop it Donna."

"Well now I'm afraid I can't." She watched as Donna shut the door and took a seat in front of her desk. "What's going on with you today? You've been in a mood ever since you came in."

She knew she had two choices. She could lie and hope against all odds that Donna wouldn't realize it was a lie, or she could tell the truth. While she was tempted to lie, she decided on the truth.

"I'm sorry Donna. Harvey and I had the kids discussion last night and I realized that he's never going to want to have kids with me." She explained.

"Did he say that?" Donna asked.

"He said not now…which is what he has been saying every time we talk about it. But the look on his face when he said it…I know that look. He doesn't want kids, Donna. And I do. So where does that leave us?"

"It leaves you needing to talk to him about this again." Donna told her. "You have to…"

"To what?" She scoffed. "Somehow convince him to have kids with me? Bribe him into saying yes? I shouldn't have to beg my husband to want to have a baby with me. He should want that too."

"But in all fairness you did know he wasn't sold on the idea before you married him…" Donna pointed out.

"I know." She nodded. "I just…I thought maybe he would decide that he did want to have a baby with me. Obviously I was wrong."

"You need to tell him what this is doing to you." Donna advised.

"I know." She gave her friend a small smile. "Thank you Donna."

"Anytime." Donna replied. "So I actually came here to let you know that Jessica wants to see you."

"Great." She laughed. "Ok. I'll go see her now."

"Good luck." Donna called after her.

Rebecca walked down the hallway, stopping outside Jessica's door. She lightly knocked.

"Ah good. Please, come in." Jessica greeted her. "And close the door behind you."

She did what she was told and then walked over to the chair Jessica pointed to for her to sit in across from her desk. "I feel like I was just called down to the principal's office. Am I in some kind of trouble?"

"That depends." Jessica smiled. "Have you done something to get in trouble?"

"Not that I know of." She shook her head.

Jessica chuckled. "You aren't in trouble. I wanted to bring you in because I haven't seen much of you lately."

"I've just been plugging away at my cases and helping Mike since Rachel is still on maternity leave." She explained.

"I know. I have seen your billable hours. Even while helping Mike, they are rather impressive." Jessica nodded. "For the past two quarters you have been the senior partner with the highest billable hours and you have brought in the most new clients."

"Really?" She laughed out of nervousness. That was something she wasn't aware of.

"That's not something I would exaggerate."

"Of course."

Jessica smiled. "So I also wanted to talk to you about what's next for you."

"Ok." She nodded. "What exactly do you mean?"

"Where do you see yourself in the next five years?"

"Do you want the honest answer?" She asked.

"Of course." Jessica nodded.

"Within five years, I'd like to be a name partner. I want my name up on the wall." She knew it was a bold thing to tell the managing partner of the firm that you want your name added onto the letterhead, but it wasn't like she just came in and announced it without preamble. She was asked her goals.

"That's certainly ambitious."

"I realize that."

"Hypothetically, how would that work?" Jessica chuckled. "Pearson Specter Litt Specter? Pearson Specter Specter Litt?"

"No." She laughed. "More like Pearson Specter Litt Monroe. Since I still use Monroe as my professional last name, putting Specter up there twice would just sound weird."

"Indeed it would." Jessica nodded. "What would you say if I told you that you may not have to wait five years to see it happen?"

"What are you saying?" She knew what it sounded like, but she needed to actually hear it from Jessica's mouth.

"I'm saying you have done impressive things here since you came onboard. The pro bono department is flourishing thanks to your influence and you've brought in some very high-profile clients. I wanted to tell you that I'm considering you for name partner. I don't have a timeline in place for making my decision though."

She knew what that meant. If she wanted to make name partner, she needed to do something even more impressive than before. That wasn't daunting at all. "I understand."

"And let's keep this conversation between us for right now."

"Even from Harvey?" She questioned.

"Yes." Jessica nodded. "Especially from Harvey."

That was going to be difficult because Harvey was the person she wanted to tell the most. Jessica was basically telling her that she wanted to make her a name partner. It was the kind of thing that she immediately wanted to tell him about. But if Jessica didn't want her to say anything she must have a good reason.

"Is that alright?" Jessica asked.

"It's fine." She gave her boss a smile. Harvey wouldn't like her keeping something from him, and she wasn't thrilled about it either. But Jessica was her boss and she had to do this for now.

"Wonderful." Jessica smiled back. "So let's see what good things you can accomplish."