Disclaimer in Chapter One.
A/N: I hope you are enjoying reading this story as much as I am enjoying writing it. The next chapter may be a little later than I have been posting as this is a busy week coming up.
Don't forget, the first person to correctly identify the connection between the story & chapter titles in a PM can give me a prompt for a one shot.
"Yes, dear. As I said yesterday, I understand that you would like to come along with me. But you must also understand that I don't know what I will find when I get there. They won't know who I am. May I remind you that you are nine months pregnant? Frankly I have no desire to deliver your baby in a rest area, no matter how charming it is," Regina had stopped trying to conceal her irritation.
There was a tiny "oh" on the other end of the line. Regina took in a huge breath and exhaled slowly, sounding something like a sigh.
"I'm sorry, Snow. I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just..." Regina's voice trailed off, unable or unwilling to put her feelings into words. It was hard enough to apologize and know she meant it. She drew the line at admitting her trepidation at the task ahead of her to her former nemesis.
"Worried? Nervous? Terrified? Because I would be all those things, Regina. And that is okay. You don't have to be embarrassed by how you feel. It may seem like this is a long shot and won't work out, but I just know it is going to be ok. I just know it." Snow tried to make her voice as confident and optimistic as possible without sounding over the top. "You'll find them because..."
"I swear to God, Snow, if you say you always find each other I will end you." Regina tried to sound as menacing and dangerous as she ever had as the Evil Queen but she knew it was pointless. Snow knew too much to ever believe it now.
"Yeah, yeah. If you say so. Destroy my happiness and all that. I get it. But we do find each other, for the record." Snow's voice sounded the lightest Regina had heard it in weeks. She was very nearly laughing and that made Regina smile. And the fact that it made her smile made her frown. When did she start smiling at anything to do with Snow other than her head on a platter? Oh, right, over the last year. "Well, can I at least come over and keep you company for a bit tonight? David can drop me when he makes his night rounds and..."
Regina cut her off. "No, absolutely not. It is after eleven, Snow." Regina realized she was snapping again and tried to sweeten her tone as she continued, "You shouldn't be traipsing all over town with that belly of yours and to be perfectly honest, I am going to bed in a bit anyway. And it isn't like you won't be over here with Idiot #2 and half the town at the crack of dawn tomorrow to see me off."
"Oh! Who told? Nobody was supposed to tell."
"Relax dear. No one told me. I'm surprised at you though. Even after all this time you still have no idea what I am capable of. Cracking the code on small town gossip isn't that difficult." Regina smirked. She hadn't been told, nor had she overheard this bit of information. She had been guessing and Snow had just given herself away but Regina wasn't about to let on. She might not strike fear in the hearts of her subjects or the princess with her threatening presence these days but she could at least keep them on their collective toes.
"Well, I suppose not. So, there will be a small group there to wish you well in the morning. I recall you are something of an early riser, carpe diem and all that, so we will come by around eight, okay?"
"Alright. Eight is fine. I was planning to leave then anyway so you can wave me off down the road with your handkerchiefs in your hands and tears in your eyes." Regina smiled at the image.
"Regina! Are you making fun of my gesture?"
"Obviously, dear. Do try to keep up." Regina smiled again. At least my sarcasm is intact.
"If I wasn't so glad that you are going to bring back our family, I would cancel the whole thing. But, I am glad and I know you are teasing because you are nervous so... I forgive you."
"And on that note, I really need to go. I'll see you in the morning. Do not knock on my door one minute before 8am. I can't guarantee anyone's safety until I've had my second cup of coffee."
"Yes, ma'am. No knocking. Good night, Regina. Although I wish you'd let me come over..."
"Good night, Snow." Regina's tone said not to push her anymore. A huff on the line meant Snow knew she was defeated and the line went dead. Regina hit end and laid her phone aside.
"What you need is a glass of cider," she said aloud to the empty room. Pouring herself a tumbler half full, she sat on the cream colored couch, leaning on the arm and pulling her legs up beside her. Despite it being summer there was a fire dying in the fireplace of her study. Whether the chill she felt all evening was real or imagined she couldn't say but the warmth of the small fire had soothed her.
Regina knew she should go to bed but she wasn't ready. There was still something she needed to do and she had been putting it off. But she was going to do it. Tonight. Before midnight while it's still… She didn't finish the thought. Later, she would do it later but not right now. She still had, she glanced at the clock on the mantle above the fireplace, 47 minutes.
It was Regina's plan to go to New York tomorrow and find her son. And Emma. It had been a little over a year since that fateful day when she had sent the thing she loved most away from the town line and Pan's impending curse. Thing or things? She wasn't sure anymore.
All she knew was that she could have taken Henry herself and run away. She could've left them all to fend for themselves, to deal with the repercussions of Pan's foolish choice to re-curse the recently un-cursed citizens of Storybrooke. There was nothing stopping her from saving Henry and herself, from crossing the town line and never looking back.
Nothing except Henry and Emma and even the two idiots. Somehow she had come to care for them all. She cared what happened to them. She cared what Emma would think of her, what Henry would think most of all. So, she had sent them away with her memories but no memory of her. It had been the hardest and easiest choice she had ever made in her life. She didn't regret it but she didn't intend to let it stand forever either.
Finding them would be the easy part. It wouldn't take long to locate them, even in the Big Apple. But Regina knew finding them wasn't enough. She had to get them home somehow. She had to make them remember. She didn't know how but that wasn't the most important thing right now. All that mattered to Regina right now was seeing Henry. And Emma.
"Yes, and Emma." Regina again spoke out to no one.
It troubled her how often she had taken to talking to herself since they had returned to Storybrooke. She had hoped being in her old home on Mifflin Street would help ease the ache in her chest, but being back among Henry's things, feeling the emptiness that he had filled had been too much to bear. She'd even put some of the pictures of him away. Seeing him everywhere, knowing she'd never see him again, it just hurt too much.
For a few days she had tried staying with Snow and her prince. She had made excuses about the house being so big and being accustomed to them being close since they'd all lived in her castle together the past year. She knew they saw through her ruse but to their credit, the Charming's didn't mention it. But even in the loft Regina had only found emptiness. The apartment was not only full of Henry's absence but Emma's as well. It was worse than the mansion, so she had gone home.
It was then, alone in the quiet home that suddenly seemed ridiculously large for one person, even a Queen, that Regina had started talking to herself. Sometimes she pretended to talk to Henry or Emma. Sometimes, though she would deny it to her grave, sometimes she pretended they answered. She would imagine what they would say or how one or both of them would roll their eyes. Such behavior couldn't be healthy. It's pathetic.
When her curse had been destroyed and they had all found themselves back in the Enchanted Forest, all she had wanted was to disappear. The hollow gnawing in her chest was unbearable. In all her loneliest moments before the curse, or even in Storybrooke, she had never felt this way. Loneliness had been more bearable when she didn't know the fullness of having someone. She had once believed that not having someone was the worst curse but now she knew better. To have someone and lose them was the worst curse imaginable.
Although Snow and David had embraced Regina in the midst of their shared grief, (indeed she and Snow had tentatively buried the hatchet and not in each other's backs), she still felt the weight, the heavy burden of solitude. She had even contemplated a sleeping curse many times after arriving in the old land. But then an opportunity had presented itself in the form of her supposed sister. That witch.
Regina had felt a moment's peace when she directed her thoughts to this new someone to destroy. It hadn't taken long to discover her plan to steal Snow's expected arrival and use the baby's innocence to travel in time and ensure Regina never existed. For a smart and powerful sorceress, Zelena certainly liked to brag about her plans before they came to pass. That had made it easy for Regina and her new allies to formulate a plan of attack or one of escape.
They all had something at stake. Besides the horrible image of Zelena stealing an infant from its mother, there was the realization that without Regina there would be no curse. And without the curse, Emma would never have met Neal and that would mean there would never have been a Henry. Even those who didn't care one whit about Regina's well-being were spurred into action for Henry.
As time passed, a council was formed and this time it had included Regina. While there were some who resisted the idea, there was no denying she was a brilliant war strategist and natural leader and soon it became clear she was an asset and old grudges would have to be set aside in the name of survival.
It was in that spirit of letting the past go that Snow had knocked timidly on the door to Regina's private chambers. A slightly surprised and suspicious Regina had invited Snow in and although it had been awkward, they had tried to talk through some of their issues and heal some old wounds. They may have been fairytale characters, but neither of them lived with the fantasy that one heart to heart was enough to settle years of hurt, but it was a start.
The next visit was easier and the next easier still because they had something in common now, something that made them seek each other out. They both new the loss of a child. They both missed Henry. And it hadn't taken long for Snow to realize, they both missed Emma.
~ ( SQ ) ~
"You miss her, don't you?" Snow's voice showed no hesitance or doubt.
"Who?" Regina had suddenly found an invisible thread on the cuff of her sleeve fascinating and refused to look Snow in the eye.
"Who? Regina. Is that the best you can do? Who? You know who. Emma. You miss her, don't you?"
"Miss her? Ha! You must have pregnancy brain, my dear. Why on earth would I miss her? I mean—"
"Regina—"
"—seriously, Snow. She was nothing but trouble to me from the moment I laid eyes on her. How could I possibly miss her? Why, she is—"
"Regina—"
"—the most frustrating, difficult, stubborn person I have ever met in my life. Sure, she loves Henry and takes good care of him. And I guess she has a certain charm, an allure to some people but—"
"REGINA!" Snow had tired of trying to interrupt Regina's litany and yelled in frustration.
"What?! Why are you yelling?" A look of shock crossed Regina's face at Snow's outburst.
"I'm sorry," Snow said around a forced smile. The resulting expression was unnerving. "I'm sorry I yelled but you were going off on a tangent. Just forget it. If you say you don't miss her then you don't miss—"
"I do miss her," Regina nearly whispered. She cursed her traitorous lips for revealing what she was trying so hard to hide. But somehow saying it, admitting it to someone felt like freedom from a cage. "I don't understand it, but I do. I miss her so much. What's wrong with me?" There was a look of such confusion in Regina's eyes that Snow's heart clenched in sympathy.
"Oh Regina," Snow's voice was as soft as a cloud gently floating toward Regina. "There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with saying you miss Emma, or that you care about her. We all know you care just like we know she cared for you—"
"She… cared for me?" There was a wonderment in Regina's voice as she interrupted Snow.
"Yes, of course she did. How many times did she save your life back in Storybrooke? You don't do that if you hate someone. At a minimum I always thought you would have made great friends if you had ever had a chance. But there was always some monster to destroy, some villain to vanquish. But yes, of course she cared."
The look in Regina's eyes made Snow's heart break. Not the confusion of one who hears an enemy is actually a friend, but in Regina's eyes was the surprise of hearing anyone cared at all and the fear that it might not be true. For all her bravado and swagger, the young innocent who had lost her first love and with him her faith in the love of others was still there, scared and confused by her own emotions. It was so obvious to Snow in that moment she almost shook Regina's shoulders and screamed into her face you love her, but she knew that was something Regina needed to learn on her own.
~ ( SQ ) ~
After many skirmishes with Zelena and her simian army it had become evident they would not win the war. Regina was indeed a formidable foe and a powerful sorceress in her own right, but she was no match for Zelena in the dark arts. Without Rumple to combine his darkness or Emma to bring the light, Regina couldn't win. Snow was nearly ready to deliver the baby so they knew they must act fast. They would do the only thing they could—enact the dark curse and return to Storybrooke.
Regina had nothing to sacrifice for the curse so she and Snow had worked together and David had offered himself in favor of protecting his wife and child from the witch. It had been Snow who had asked if it were possible to leave Zelena and her monkeys behind as part of the curse since Regina had selected Whale and no one else from his land in the original curse.
Regina had been ashamed she hadn't thought of it herself. She had only planned on giving Zelena a cursed identity that knew nothing of magic. But leaving her behind was an even better idea so Regina had worked it into the spell.
As the curse had billowed out into the land and Charming lay dead, Snow had insisted Regina split her heart and save him. She had been doubtful and was sure she was going to kill Snow White when she had just started to like her, but she had done as Snow asked. To her surprise, Idiot #2 had awoken and Idiot #1 had lived.
~ ( SQ ) ~
In what seemed like days and seconds all at once, they opened their eyes in Storybrooke again, memories intact and the Wicked Witch blissfully absent. That had been two weeks ago. And now, in a few short hours, Regina was going to find her son and his mother and bring them home.
Regina had done a lot of thinking in the days and nights since Snow had first insisted that she missed Emma. The organized, rational parts of her had made a list of Emma's good attributes and her bad ones in hopes of uncovering what it was she missed about her. That had only made Regina uncomfortable. The good attributes side has started getting too long. And some things were on both lists.
When she had added beautiful eyes and infectious smile to the list, she had thrown it across the room. Those were not attributes she should even be considering. But in a few minutes she was picking the list up and adding she makes me feel safe. And with those five words, Regina had known.
Oh dear god. I love Emma Swan.
Regina hadn't told Snow of her revelation but the blush blooming across her face every time someone mentioned Emma had given her away. Snow had been surprisingly okay with the idea that her former enemy and former step-mother might have more than friendly feelings for her only daughter.
"It's poetic, Regina. In fact, it is perfect. The Savior and the Evil Queen. Now that should be a fairytale."
Regina sat her cider down, nearly untouched. She'd gotten so caught up in her musings she had nearly let time get away from her. Five minutes until midnight and she had something to do. Can't put it off any longer, dear.
~ ( SQ ) ~
On the island in Regina's immaculate kitchen stood a solitary cardboard box. It was small and the label atop it boasted "Sugarlicious Bakery." Regina had been avoiding the box and its contents all day. But she knew, if she didn't do this now she was going to miss her chance.
She stalked over to the island and lifted the lid. Carefully she lifted a single cupcake out and set it on the counter. The white icing was dusted with crystalized sugar to make it sparkle. Regina opened a drawer behind her and pulled out a single blue candle and stuck it in the top. With a snap of her fingers, the wick was lit and, leaning in close, she began to sing.
"…happy birthday dear Henry, happy birthday to you." The silent tears slid down her face as the song ended.
"Well, I suppose I better make a wish," she whispered to no one. "Oh darling, I wish you and Emma were here with me. I miss you both so much. Happy birthday, my sweet prince." And with that her eyes closed and she blew out the flame.
Her eye sprung open at the sound of a quiet knock on the door. Snow.
Regina walked gingerly down the few steps to the foyer and pulling open the door she called out, "Snow, I told you there is no need in you coming out toni—"
She stopped mid word at the sight before her.
It can't be. It just simply can't be.
"Hi."
Emma?
"I'm sorry to bother you so late, but my son and I…"
Henry?
"…are lost and our car broke down a couple miles back. Could we use your phone to call a wrecker?"
What's going on? How are you here? This isn't real. Henry? Emma?
"Ma'am, are you okay? Do you need…"
Regina never heard the last of Emma's question. It seemed the world stopped spinning and instead Regina was a whirling dervish, a top spinning out of control. In slow motion and yet all at once, her body began to fall like a rag doll to the foyer floor, darkness clouding her vision as unconsciousness claimed her. Abruptly the spinning stopped and all the world was black.