Aloha humani!
Sorry, but this isn't the series of oneshots or the sequel. Still working on those…writer's block… *groan*
Okay, so here's my explanation. Me and my friend were just randomly talking (AGAIN) and we got on this topic of why I titled my PJO fanfic, Death's Deception, as such and why I can't think of the idea that I had to tie the title in with the story. She came up with "Thanatos cheating at poker". We cracked up. Long story short, she started coming up with alternate title meanings for all of my stories. For this one, she came up with…well…er, you'll see.
Takes place when chapter 24 was supposed to.
Warning: total crack…
Chapter 24 (THE ALTERNATE)
Petronius awoke from a nightmare (which just so happened to be about hot dogs) and into another one.
Actually, it wasn't really a nightmare –– just a scene of alarming intensity and confusion. Romulus was yelling something about water and hugging a tree. Iris was chasing Artemis. Artemis was holding a blanket and chasing Cornelius. Cornelius's hair was on fire.
"OHMYGODSOHMYGODS MY HAIR'S ON FIRE!" the male District 11 representative yelled.
"SIT STILL AND WE'LL PUT IT OUT FOR YOU!" Artemis yelled back.
"CORNELIUS!" Iris called. "STOP RUNNING!"
Seems as if everybody's abusing the Caps Lock button today, Petronius mused to himself.
"WHAT'S GOING ON?!" he demanded, standing up.
"MY HAIR'S ON FIRE!"
"Well, thanks Captain Obvious!" That was Artemis, of course. "Now just SIT STILL!"
With the last two words she made a final bounding leap and shoved Cornelius on the ground. When he was down and taken by surprise, she thrust the blanket over his flaming locks of curly red hair. The little flames extinguished under the thick black fabric. Proud of her handiwork, Artemis took the blanket, stood up, and kicked Cornelius for good measure. His voice hit the high C. Artemis was even more proud now.
"What… gasp… did you… wheeze… do that for?" Cornelius choked, holding his agonized jewels.
Artemis glared at him. "You interrupted my thinking time. For that, you die."
"He interrupted my naptime!" Petronius interrupted.
"Ooooooh…" Romulus couldn't help but snicker. "That warrants the death sentence."
"Owww…" Cornelius groaned.
"Oh, man up already," Artemis drawled, kicking him again but being considerate enough to not kick him in that place again.
"Is there something wrong?" Caius asked slowly. No one found it particularly odd that he had spontaneously appeared out of thin air and was currently eating the loaf of bread that had meant to be Artemis's. Except for maybe Petronius, who seemed to find everything particularly odd.
"YES!" five tributes bellowed at once. Caius's thin (nearly nonexistent) eyebrows shot up, and slowly he backed away.
"I'll just be going now," he said.
And so he did.
Silence in the camp save the crackling of the flames that had somehow re-ignited themselves on Cornelius's head, followed by Cornelius's inevitable screaming and everyone's ignoring of him.
"What the heck was Caius doing in our camp anyway?" Iris asked Artemis, her young face screwed into a confused frown.
Artemis shrugged. "How should I know?" Then, to Cornelius: "DUDE! JUST GET THE BLANKET AGAIN!"
He did. In the process, though, he tripped over a rock and landed on top of another one, and spent the next hour or so howling about how "little Cornelius" hurt.
Meanwhile, Caius sat in his cave and listened to the faraway sounds of a very pained Cornelius and the hollering of a very frustrated Artemis.
"Morons," he remarked to the trees.
Naturally, they didn't answer.
I meant for there to be at least a little bit of Caiamis in this…I failed…
Ah well.
...wait a second.
Cai. I think they want you to say something.
Caius: B- b- but you said...you said...
Me: I KNOW I SAID IT WAS ALL OVER! But I feel like giving them another review-begging dialogue so MAN UP AND SAY IT!
Caius: No.
Me: Pretty please?
Caius: On one condition.
Me: ...fine. What?
Caius: *whispers into my ear*
Me: Hehe. Of course. ARTEMIS! GET IN HERE!
Artemis: *extremely irritated* WHAT?
Caius: *grabs her and kisses her on the lips* YES! YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES! REVIEW! YIPA! *dances around room*
Artemis: ...
Wow. Just wow.
Me: What?
Artemis: I told him he wouldn't have any kisses until he bought me the box of chocolate he promised me. Apparently, he's broke.
Me: How could he be broke?
Caius: DON'T ASK!
Artemis: He bought a blueberry farm in District 11.
Me: I see.