Originally this was going to run right after the lovely, sweet reconciliation scene (ch19). It served a number of purposes- backstory, info dump, beginning of Evie's reconciliation with Al, etc. But I dropped it for several reasons. It's way too dark, particularly jarring after leaving Ash and Evie giggling in bed, and much of this information can be used to better effect later in the story when I don't have to be so oblique in the references. Second, I started with one goal in mind, and it ended up taking an entirely new direction, and I couldn't decide how to fix the narrative. The truth amulet makes an appearance, and I've now decided that particular little plot device is a copout so it'll never show up again. But mostly, I felt like I was, as an author, kicking Al when he was down. Al deserves a little dignity, and neither Evie nor the rest of us need to see him suffering so dreadfully (and it really is over the top suffering- I'd intended to tone it down a bit in the revising).

Still, I like this chapter a lot, even if it never happens. The information herein may also change later, so don't be surprised if I contradict any of this stuff later on down the line.

Deleted scene: Ash takes Evie to see Al, in prison

"Tell me why we're doing this, again?" I shivered as Ash led me through the darkened stone corridors. "And didn't you tell me that Newt tossed him in here? Won't she get pissed?"

"For Newt, being pissed is a state of being. And I suspect she knows I'll do something like this. If she disapproves, I get another scolding."

Yeah. A scolding. By Newt. Sure, that sounded painless.

This place was creepy, even by demon standards. I hadn't been cursed with the ability to see in the dark…yet…so Ash was lighting our path with a globe he'd summoned from nowhere. It was dim as a glass of glowworms, and about as cheerful. It only served to make the shadows even sharper and grimmer. Coupled with the sense that we definitely weren't supposed to be here, in the underground warrens that served as temporary demon prisons, I was jittery as a cricket. My ill-spent youth and my night of drunken hooliganism with Al aside, I was not one to break rules like this, and it made me queasy. That, and the fact that it was a demon prison we were breaking into—who knew who or what else was down here? And what the hell kind of crimes did a demon have to commit to get locked up down here, anyway?

Rachel would have loved this, I thought sourly, but I was ready to bolt back to my safe little kitchen. I was an academic, not a runner, damn it!

Ash gave me an aggrieved look as he wrapped an arm around my shivering shoulders. It was freaking chilly down here, and damp, and the pervasive burnt amber stench mingled with other scents that managed to be even less savory. "Evie. Don't worry. It'll be fine. Hell, she likes you."

Is that a good thing…? "Just creeped out. I've never busted someone out of prison before."

"We're not busting him out."

"Then why-?"

"You'll see. Just…trust me."

Another minute of walking, and a low, desperate sound filled my ears. Somewhere between a groan and a whine, soft and throaty as if the sufferer had already screamed himself hoarse and exhausted. I froze, and Ash had to tug me forward. "Please tell me that's not Al," I said.

But it was. Al was lying on the floor, curled in the tattered ruins of his usual velvet. He was drenched with blood, turning his clothing black in the dim light. I stared at him in horror- what I could see of his exposed, bloody skin was deathly pale, streaked with dark veins. He was shivering with the chill, or whatever poison was running through his veins. Now and again a convulsive shudder wracked him, making him groan again. It was more than a shudder, though- it was as if bones were being rearranged under his skin, as if a battle over his very shape were being waged in the muscles and tendons.

I found myself breathing rapidly in sympathy. I hated him, true, but surely Ash hadn't brought me here to enjoy the view. I couldn't look away from Al, but it wasn't fascination or satisfaction that I felt. Just horror, plain horror. Again a convulsion wracked his frame, and again he curled in on himself and moaned, and my fingers clutched Ash's arm hard enough that it hurt them.

"Newt cursed him…?" I asked, then recalled that Ash had been under some kind of curse like this, too, when I'd awoken from my Adrian-induced nap. Whatever was wrong, it was a dozen times worse in Al. I shivered again.

"No." Ash stared at Al, expressionless- or rather, the wide-eyed, blank expression my demon wore when he felt so strongly that he had to turn off his face. "I poisoned him."

Aaah. Adrian's taking so much time to give me backstory about demon physiology was making more sense now. "And he got you, too," I said, thinking of the new puckered scar on his shoulder. He'd been healed of all his dings and scratches between the time he'd rescued me on the surface and the time he'd picked me up in reality—all save the new angry, swollen slash on his shoulder that he'd still been favoring during our…activities. He hadn't answered when I inquired about it. I guess I had my answer now.

He nodded. "Yeah. Worse. Not that dosage really matters, not in the long run. Any exposure is…well. Not good."

He was silent for a long time, watching Al. "Will you tell me why you did it?" I asked, suppressing a shudder of sympathy when Al writhed again. The tortured demon hadn't reacted to our presence. His slitted eyes showed only whites, his face only agony. I had hated Al with every fiber of my being. I'd been ready to kill him. Eager, even. For a few moments, Therese and I had been in perfect agreement—Al had to be punished, and I had to do it, and I would enjoy it. I would draw it out, make him beg for his life, then make him beg to die.

I didn't feel that way now. Now I just felt sick, as anyone would feel upon watching the torture of a stranger. And Al wasn't really even a stranger, not now that I knew that he had depths to him, knew how to love. Could love, still did love. Now that my pain had been partially assuaged, my guilt absolved and my demon restored to me, there wasn't an ounce of that former desire for vengeance left in me.

Ash hadn't answered for the long moments it took me to come to the realization that I honestly didn't want to watch Al suffer. Surely Ash knew that...? "Why did you bring me here?" I demanded, unable to keep the accusation from my voice.

"You had to see it," he said, eyes fixed on Al. His face was severe in the dim light, merciless and blank. I had to suppress a shiver when he turned those cold eyes on me, and a jolt of foreboding and fear speared into my gut.

"OK, I've seen it. Let's go." My voice shook. I didn't like this. Not an hour after this same demon had pinned me down on his bed and kissed me with such gentle ferocity that I felt my heart open to him like a flower, he was doing this? What did it mean? Was it some sort of perverse demon gift? Or a warning?

But he tilted his head a little and his brows creased in confusion. "No—no, I didn't mean to frighten you, Evie," he said, as if he hadn't considered that I might be at all freaked out by this. He unfroze enough to place a hand to my hair, then dropped it, looking away. He opened his mouth, then closed it.

"Ash, what's wrong?"

He cursed and fished in his pocket. I was amazed when he produced the truth amulet, clutching it like a talisman in a hand that shook a little. "I'm a compulsive liar," he said, a hint of belligerence in his voice.

The amulet glowed green. I tried not to smile. "Ash, I know that." My heart warmed at the gesture. "Put it away. Tell me a comforting lie if you have to."

He swallowed, then swore again as his light vanished and I squeaked with involuntary fear. It was back a moment later, its dim glow brightening a little as he regained his concentration. "It's not for you," he said.

My heart's glow sank back into my spleen. Ass. Who was it for, Al? Al was so lost in his delirium that he hadn't even twitched in response to my shriek. Who else was there?

Oh.

"I had to show you, so you'd know—" He stopped when the amulet betrayed him with a dim scarlet glow. "Fuck."

Eyes wide with wonder, I watched him fight for words. I dared not interrupt.

"I didn't want to do this—damn!" His fingers tightened over the disk, nearly crushing it. He stared at Al, his agitation growing. "Hell. Just ask me a question."

OK…."Why did you need me to see this, Ash?" I asked softly.

"A different question," he clarified, testily, and I smiled.

I thought a moment. "What do you want me to do?"

"Bloody hell, woman," he said, fidgeting, voice angry. "Whatever you want to. Help him, kick him, kill him?"

Ash was so totally beside himself that I couldn't help but stare at him in bewilderment. "I know you didn't bring me here because you thought I'd enjoy this, Ash. And I know you know I'm not about to go and kill anyone, even him." I closed my eyes, looking for patience. Ash was trying so hard to tell me something he couldn't bear to admit, not even to himself. The urge to simply shake him, to see if the answer would fall out of his ear, was strong. But my demon was in pain. Whatever reason he'd had for poisoning Al, he was at war with himself over the action now. "Why did you do it?"

"He threatened you," Ash said. "I saw it all in a flash. You'd never be safe from him unless I did it." He didn't notice the dim scarlet glow between his fingers, but it had only disliked the last statement, not the first.

"Why?" I tried to keep my voice gentle. My mind was working furiously. I'd left Ash with Al when I'd gone to talk to Adrian. Ash had been off kilter that entire conversation. He'd been suffering the early effects of the poisoning, even as he bargained with Adrian. He'd been upset. He must have fought with Al. Al had threatened me, and Ash had done this, had poisoned his enemy. His friend? Had I misjudged his relationship with Al? How much did I actually know about them? Hadn't he said once that their relationship was a lot more complicated than mere rivalry?

Ash exhaled through gritted teeth. "What the witch told you is true, but he didn't mention that if Al ever so much as touches my blood again, he'll die. And vice versa. If you mate with me, the same will hold true for the two of you. He'll never be able to touch you, nor you him. Ever."

"Because I'll have your venom in me?"

He nodded.

"You did it to protect me?" I kept my voice gentle, but I needed clarification.

"Yes. No." The amulet didn't accept either answer. Odd, that. "Me," he clarified. "To protect myself. Us."

"Okay," I said, still wondering why the heck he was so agitated over it.

"You don't understand. What I did, Evie, it's irreversible. We can never risk so much as touching each other again. He'll never forgive it."

I stared at him, trying to read between the lines and failing miserably. "Does it matter if he forgives you? Or us?" Ash gave me a tortured look. I thought I got it. I looked down at Al, still oblivious, on the floor. "I don't think there's anything I can do about this—I'm out of healing curses."

"You don't have my venom in you yet," Ash said quickly. "Not enough to cause a reaction in you, or him. You can draw it out, now, while your blood's still free of my…taint."

I blinked. "I can do that?"

He nodded, face still blank. "He won't thank you. Walk away and he'll never know you saw him like this. He'll be ten times worse if you show him compassion than if you kick him while he's down."

I could imagine, but at least now I knew why Ash hadn't bitten me. He wanted me to do this. He was wracked with…guilt? Well, indecision at the very least. And he very much wanted to tell me something, without being able to say it. Pressing him wouldn't help, not when he'd gone to the trouble of using a truth amulet to ensure he couldn't keep lying to himself and was still unable to say it.

What was my demon so afraid that I'd find out about him? What was he afraid to admit to himself? God, I was dying of curiosity.

And what did I want to do about Al? As I stared at Al and waited for Ash to say more, I knew the answer. Were our positions reversed, Al wouldn't spare me a thought. Hell, he might even add to my misery. Then—my mind flashed back to that odd little scene with the knife, right before Al had coerced me into the taking him as a familiar. He'd returned the scar. It had been so unlike him, and it had been…kind. After all that torment, all the lies and abuse and being poised to heap on more, in that one instant he'd returned a slip of my dignity.

I'd been so deep in misery at the time that I'd forgotten it entirely. I glared at the ceiling, now royally pissed at Al for making the tiny little gesture would later save my life. If he'd just been 100% pure rotten, I could have walked away. "I may be a demon, but I don't have to act like one," I said. "And I know that…shit, it doesn't excuse Al's behavior, but I know that he's royally screwed up over Rachel."

Ash shifted beside me, a brief, low growl emanating from his throat. He turned it off quickly, but I found it peculiar anyway. "Yes. Of all of us…I believe he still feels…"

And you don't? I didn't broadcast the thought, but he must have picked it up, because he shifted again, agitation growing. "All right," I said. "What do I do?"

Ash opened the barred door of the cell as if it were unlocked, and bade me enter. "Just…touch him. Touch him long enough and the venom will recognize you, and flow to you. There's not much of it. It was just a little cut. It seeks a female, and will be drawn to you."

I knelt beside Al and, glancing back at Ash for confirmation, placed a hand on his forehead. Al was hot, feverish, and he jerked away at my touch, leaving my hand smeared with blood. Ew. I replaced my fingers, touching his skin lightly in case it the contact was painful.

Al shifted, glazed red eyes trying to focus on me under a sheen of bloody tears. He rasped something unintelligible. But he didn't jerk away from my touch again, simply leaned against my hand. Damned demon. I hated him, but compassion was rapidly winning out. Even Therese was silent, in perfect agreement with me that, while we were many things, a cold-blooded bitch who could enjoy someone's pain wasn't one of them.

"Keerin," Al rasped, eyes focusing briefly on me again. He reached and, to my horror, began slowly, painfully, clawing his way closer to me. My heart stuttered when I realized he was mistaking me for his dead wife. Oh, God. Do I let him? Do I tell him no? "Keerin."

"He's delirious," Ash said.

"Tell me something I don't know," I snapped. I didn't push him away, but I didn't encourage Al with a false answer, either. Al pressed his face to my calf, shuddering violently. I felt tears prickle and glared at Ash. "This is killing me. You know that, right?"

Ash shuffled his feet and looked away. "I'm sorry," he said. The forgotten truth amulet he held betrayed him again, but he didn't elaborate.

OK, so he wasn't really sorry, but that he'd even said the words melted my heart just enough. Damn it. Cursing them both, I reached, lifting Al and gathering him into my arms, trying not to flinch as his blood soaked through my clothes. I smoothed his gory hair from his forehead, and he clutched at me even as he shivered with fever and pain. No, he'd never, ever, ever forgive me for seeing him like this, but I didn't care. If Ash needed me to do this, I would do it. For Ash.

Al choked out several phrases I couldn't understand.

"He begs your forgiveness," Ash translated, turning away. "Not yours, hers," he clarified.

I bit my tongue before I could reply Thank you, Captain Obvious. Of course Al would never ask my forgiveness. But I imagined he'd done plenty he'd want his dead wife's forgiveness for. I debated for a moment whether or not I should answer.

Al spoke again, desperation in his voice.

"Well…?" Ash gave me a what are you waiting for? look.

Well, what? I'm not her, I can't speak for her, I snapped silently. Isn't it enough that I'm playing nursemaid? Do I have to play priest as well? Ash shrugged, but I could see disappointment in his slumped shoulders. I made an exasperated noise. "What for?" I asked Al gently. Mystified, I glanced at Ash for clarification. He wasn't forthcoming, so I did my best. "It's all right. You should let me go. You should move on."

Al made a confused noise, half whine, half groan. His breaths came quicker, hitching. I was rapidly regretting my compassion and looked to Ash for an escape or at least advice, but he wasn't helpful on either front. Fuck. I smoothed Al's hair off his forehead again, for lack of a better place to touch him. He writhed in his delirium, the whites of his eyes disconcerting in his red, bloody face. He was in agony, and he clutched at me like a man dying, and I prayed that Ash's venom would hurry up already so I didn't have to keep pretending to be a dead woman. Instead, Al shook with another convulsion Oh, God. This was demon biology? It sucked. Really, really sucked. "Ash?"

"He loved too deeply to refuse her." Ash's voice was hollow. "It killed him to do what was necessary."

I felt my heart chill. Do what was necessary…? I had a sick feeling, from what Adrian had said, that I knew what "do what was necessary" meant, when it came to mates and potential consequences of using magic. In my arms, Al hiccupped and groaned again, clutching my arm tight enough that even my curse-toughened skin would be bruised. His feverish flesh felt a little tingly under my hand. Were we almost done here? I prayed it would be over soon. "Ash, are you telling me that Al's wife went mad and he couldn't save her?"

Ash stared into space. He made as if to speak, halted, closed his eyes…he fought this battle for a good minute while I fought the urge to scream in frustration. "Ash, what am I supposed to forgive him for? Why did you bring me here?"

"Evie, we're a cursed race," he said finally, face hollow in the dim, eerie light. "The evil we've done to others is only surpassed by the ruination we've brought upon ourselves."

"Okay, Ash, now you're freaking me out," I complained, my attempt to lighten the mood failing miserably.

He ignored this, voice bleak and face shadowed. "Our most hideous curse was the last one we ever cast as a collective. Our immortality. Forever bound together, even those who succumb to the dementia of the lines—those we banish to the surface, to exist in madness and agony until the worlds collide."

I stared at him, letting his words sink in. Al shifted in my arms again, shoulders shuddering, chest heaving. I forced myself to glare at him, silently promising him a world of hurt if he hurled on me. But the full horror of Ash's words was seeping around the edges of the distraction I'd focused on, reaching me anyway. "They're immortal? Mad and can't die? And you just…leave them there?"

"There aren't enough of us left to power a full resurrection without them."

The curse that had brought my demon back to me had been drawn from the souls of the damned. Their own kind, abandoned on the blistered, ruined surface. "And…she's up there somewhere?" I asked in a small voice, horrified at the thought.

Ash's empty, haunted gaze rested on me. I shivered, and Al gave a low moan as the movement jarred him. "She fought him," Ash said, voice toneless. "She no longer recognized him. She knew not what she faced, or even who she was, and she fought for her life. He ripped her from the collective. He murdered her rather than see her damned."

I looked down at Al, horror warring with compassion in my gut. He'd been quiet, listening, head pressed to my chest.

"Such are the choices we face. Such is the choice we may one day face, my Yvette, if you would cast your lot in with us."

I began to put it together in my head. Immorality meant that death could only come through a deliberate act of murder or suicide. Mating opened new abilities in a female, but also increased the danger to her mind. My psyche was damaged, perhaps permanently. Using the full power I could command could one day lead to my own mind's collapse. A mate was the only one who was immune to a female's power—the only one who could easily kill her. "But…I'm not part of the collective," I replied, voice small.

Ash didn't reply, simply looked at me.

He'd cursed me while I was out. He'd refused to say what the curses did.

Oh no. Please no.

"Tell me you didn't," I said, feeling suddenly hollow with betrayal.

"I didn't," he said quickly, and our eyes both lit on the green glow from his fingers. "I would never force our damnation on you."

Had I not already been sitting, I'd have melted to my knees in relief. Thank God. I didn't want it. God, I didn't want their immortality, not at the cost of feeding off the souls of my own kind—or anyone's, for that matter! I sighed, looking again at the still figure in my arms. He'd ceased his convulsive shudders in favor of a mild tremor, and I tried not to notice that the blood on his face was streaked and damp. Another gear clicked into place in my thoughts. "I get it. They'll make me join the Collective sooner or later, won't they? If it's numbers they need, and I'm a demon soul that will help, there's no way they'll let me get out of it, is there?" Ash's confirming head shake made my stomach clench. "Can I do it without being bound to that…resurrection curse?"

"No. I'm afraid that's what joining the Collective means. Your options are limited to joining those of us who return to ourselves, or joining those on the surface who…don't. So put yourself in her place, Yvette. Did he do right by her?"

I looked back at Ash, appalled. "Jesus, Ash, I have no idea what she'd—"

"Please. It matters. Were it you…?"

Were it me…? "It's going to be me someday," I said. "Isn't it? If we mate…? I can see it on your face."

"Possibly. I vow I'd do all in my power to prevent it." Ash hunched in on himself. "We don't have to. Not having access to those abilities would…greatly decrease your chances of damaging your mind."

I closed my eyes, thinking it over. Death or damnation? Honestly, it wasn't that difficult a choice. I started when Al spoke again, low and urgent. I still couldn't make out a word, nor could I even begin to identify the language he was speaking. "You made the right call, Al," I told him quietly, marveling suddenly that, having been forced through such an awful experience, he dared to love another demoness again. His enmity toward me was almost understandable, for all it had cost me. It didn't explain or excuse his actions, but I thought that I could say the next words for myself, as well as for his lost Keerin. "I forgive you."

Ash's breath hissed out as he slumped down beside us, presumably translating what I'd said for the delirious demon in my arms. Al didn't respond beyond a hitching sigh and a slight release of the tension that filled him. A moment later he relaxed even more, tumbling into unconsciousness, and I carefully peeled him off me and laid him back on the stone floor, wincing at the gore that covered us both.

Head slightly bowed, Ash gazed up at me with his blank, feeling-far-too-much face. He probably felt just as numbed by the sheer quantity of oppressive grief in the room as I did.

I was still reeling from the realization that all those times Ash had said I would die by his hand, he hadn't been kidding—and that Therese had known all along. She had trusted him to do right by her. And I'd thought for a moment that Ash would die for me…? I looked at the demon sitting beside me, arcane dimly glowing orb in his hand, and contemplated again why I hadn't just chosen to chuck it all and live a normal, non-magic life. The secondary reason was simply how dull and empty my attempted "normal" life had been. But the primary reason was simply…if my life had no devilish Kaviashemedaeva in it, it just wouldn't have been mine. Until this year I hadn't exactly been happy about the scar or the memories, but without them, who would I have been?

"Hand tingling yet?" he asked after a moment, his voice almost back to normal. I nodded, and he gave me a quick lesson in the curse I needed to twist to complete the transfer. We left quickly thereafter, on the off chance that Al hadn't really registered our presence. A foolish hope, as our intervention would cut down his recovery time by a day or two and he wasn't an idiot—not to mention my scent was all over him, as thickly as his blood was now all over me.

"Why did you bring me to see him, really?" I asked Ash, after I'd showered the blood and nausea away so he could touch me again. He still seemed reluctant to do so, holding himself at a distance even after there was no chance of his contacting Al's blood. "You're not a good Samaritan, Ash."

Ash studied his hands. He'd ditched the truth amulet once again, I noticed. Just my luck. "Saenat…I can't answer that. Not won't, can't. Think on this incident, when next you seek answers from me. I've just given you what answers I can."