(A/N: And here it is! A new chapter! I know, I know, it's been way longer than I said it was going to be. In my defence, I really was trying hard to complete this chapter but I've been really busy with other stuff. It also didn't help that my wife's not the biggest fan of this story so she keeps convincing me to work on my other writing projects. Yes, believe it or not, I write more than Twilight fanfiction in my free time. But yeah, it's fairly late but I still had a lot of fun writing this, so I hope it shows. Won't make any guarantees but I'm hoping the next chapter won't take a month for me to put out next time lol. Let me know what you think.)
Tracking Alice wasn't turning out to be as easy as it seemed. For one thing, wherever Alice was, it was somehow in an open, sunny area. The only way they were able to even travel there was during night time. This unfortunately gave them a lot of alone time together...which meant that eventually the quintet was going to have to talk.
"Okay...elephant in the room here, so...do you...have 2 girlfriends or what?" Mike asked Emmett. He couldn't deny that the specifics were driving him crazy with them making a point of not talking about it.
Emmett chuckled. "I have a wife...who has a girlfriend."
Mike nodded. "Oh okay."
"Who I get to fuck sometimes." Emmett added.
"Dude!" Mike exclaimed.
"Emmett!" Bella growled.
"What? That's what he was fishing for, I just gave him the fish." Emmett defended.
"It was none of his business, Emmett." Rosalie chimed in.
"So what you're saying is that if the situations were reversed, you wouldn't have asked the same question?"
Rosalie paused. "That's beside the point."
Tanya chuckled. "Not from where I'm sitting."
"Nobody asked you." Rosalie growled.
"Okay, how about this? It's obvious we have a lot of questions for each other, so how about we just get them all out the way?" Bella suggested. After which, there was an ironic silence all around.
"So..." Tanya started.
"Don't." Rosalie gave Tanya a threatening look.
"What? It was Bella's idea. I just want to ask one question."
Mike gave Tanya a wary look and then turned to Rosalie, who let out a sigh, which she could only construe as a 'go ahead'. "Okay, Bella..."
"Pass." Rosalie immediately stated.
"Wait, hear me out. So, Bella, when you first had sex with Edward-"
"Pass." Mike interrupted.
"Oh come on, I've only said half the question. Okay, so when you first had sex with Edward on your Honeymoon, you were all bruised up and stuff, right?"
"Pass." Bella replied, with a mute expression.
Tanya decided to continue with the question, regardless. "Why weren't you on top?"
Everyone, including Emmett, who was the only one who actually wanted to hear the question to completion, thought about it, then looked towards Bella. Bella knew if she still could, she'd be blushing beet red right now. "Why wasn't I-?"
"He was obviously the more durable of the two of you. Sure, since it was his first time and all, you would have still gotten hurt, but you wouldn't have gotten hurt nearly as badly if you'd been on top."
"Well, we can't all be human fucking savants, can we?" Rosalie defended.
Tanya chuckled. "That's not being a savant that's just common-"
"It honestly...didn't occur to me...or...either of us...I don't know..." Bella murmured.
Rosalie decided to change the subject. "So why do you, or should I say, did you enjoy sleeping with humans so much?"
Tanya blanked shortly and then chuckled. "Well...a couple of reasons really. For one, humans are just so warm. It makes the sex just awesome, and then there's the fact that they're not as accustomed to how we look, it makes you feel like a goddess."
"I still look at you like that, though it makes me wonder...do you wish you hadn't turned me then?" Mike asked, with a coy smirk.
Tanya rolled her eyes. "God, no. For every reason I liked human men, the lack of a refractory period was definitely not one of them." Tanya then smiled as she touched Mike's cheek. "Not to mention you mean more to me than any fling ever could."
"Awww." Emmett teased.
"I'd say you were just jealous." Mike started. "But given the situation..." He let his sentence trail off as he looked at Bella and Rosalie.
"Anyway..." Bella tried to change the subject. "Mike, what do you miss most about being human?"
"Sleeping." Tanya answered.
Mike chuckled. "She's right. I loved sleeping. I still do it from time to time actually."
This caught the Cullens by surprise. "Wait...you sleep? How do you do that?" Bella asked.
Mike shrugged. "Well...I don't sleep technically. I just lay down for a few hours with my eyes closed and daydream for awhile."
"It's weird." Tanya chimed in.
"It's fun. And oddly soothing...when I'm allowed to do it, anyway." Mike muttered.
Tanya snickered. "I get all bored when it's just the two of us. I do make sure you...enjoy my distractions..." She grinned, thinking about it.
Mike grinned, "Okay...I'll admit I don't completely mind that sometimes..."
"Have you guys been up to anything interesting that doesn't involve sex?" Bella asked.
"Hey!" Mike protested. "Didn't you already ask a question?"
"That's technically a question for the both of you. At least none of her questions are embarrassing." Rosalie pointed out, with a grin.
Tanya narrowed her eyes but decided not to argue it. "Hm...something that doesn't involve sex...Oh! We ran across a werewolf when we were in Siberia."
"Siberia?" Bella questioned before remembering the area's significance. "Wait...do you mean-"
"One of the Children of the Moon." Tanya said, with a nod. "Though our resident genius here thought he was one of your shapeshifting werewolves."
"In Siberia? You do realize that those particular mutts almost never leave the reservation." Rosalie pointed out, noting Bella's glare. "Sorry. I take back my use of 'mutt'." Rosalie said with a coy smile.
"It was an easy mistake to make." Mike defended. "It was a reddish giant wolf, it looked like Jacob."
"Dude, you're a vampire. Shouldn't you have been able to tell?" Emmett asked, chuckling to himself.
"Hey, when I met Jacob after being turned, I hadn't gotten ahold of my sense of smell yet. He smelled like the whole pack. And that wolf smelled like a whole pack. Yeah, it was slightly different but the smell was similar enough..."
Tanya gave Mike a placating smile. "What about the fact that it was significantly bigger than the other wolves?"
Mike rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, cuz Jacob isn't prone to random growth spurts." This got a few chuckles from the other vampires.
"Okay okay, I suppose given the circumstances, it was slightly understandable that you confused it." Tanya admitted.
"Thank you."
"It was still stupid though." Tanya replied with a wink, to which Mike replied by playfully sticking out his tongue. "Anyway, Mike here, goes up to the damn wolf going, 'Hey Jacob', forgetting that in the off chance that it was Jacob, they weren't friends, and that was before I turned him. So of course as soon as the werewolf sees him, he charges and would have been one dead vampire if I hadn't saved his adorable ass."
"You were able to take on a werewolf by yourself?" Emmett asked, curiously.
"Not...exactly. After all, those things were able to take on the Volturi...and I'm not the Volturi." Tanya continued.
"That's for sure." Rosalie stated, rolling her eyes.
Tanya gave Rosalie a short look but kept going. "Anyway, I was doing alright, but despite their size those things are really fast, it got me with a couple of hits and before I knew it, it was on top of me. I thought I was a goner until Mike practically tackled it off me. He was fighting it like a madman."
Mike looked like he'd be blushing if he had any blood circulating. "It hit you...hard...and you stopped moving. I haven't quite gotten the hang of the 'As long as you're still solid then you're alive' vampire rule yet..."
"That's really awkward to get used to, isn't it?" Bella asked.
"I know, right?" Mike agreed. "But yeah, I was seeing red at that point so I just let it have it."
Tanya nodded. "And when I was able to join in again we were finally able to take it out. It still wasn't easy though. I'm thinking next time, we just run."
Mike chuckled. "I'm with you there." He said, shaking it off. "I'd say that was the most interesting thing though, well since that whole thing with the Volturi anyway."
Tanya quickly gave Mike a look. It seemed to be almost pre-emptive. "I wasn't going to say anything." Mike defended.
Needless to say this caught Emmett's attention. "And just what weren't you going to say?"
"Well..." Mike started, which was followed by a sigh from Tanya but nothing else. "It wasn't just me, was it? Who thought that it was a bit lame that all that preparation and everything for that huge fight with the Volturi was ended with just...talking it all out?"
There was a silence between everyone as Tanya merely pinched the bridge of her nose. "You can't be that stupid..." Rosalie growled. "You are aware that even if we won, most of us would have died if that fight would have actually happened."
"Hey I didn't say I wasn't glad it turned out that way. I'm simply saying I was expecting a huge brawl and there was all this build up and then...nada." Mike defended. "I can't be the only one who was a little let down."
"I totally get ya, man. Was expecting a big throw down myself. But eh...what can you do? With Bella there's always going to be a big fight going on eventually." Emmett said with a shrug.
"I haven't attracted any trouble in ages!" Bella hissed. Emmett merely gave her a look while Rosalie looked innocent. "Oh...right...that whole thing with Edward...nevermind..."
Rosalie tried to change the subject "What is it with you guys and actually wanting a big fight?"
"It's a guy thing. They always want to show whose the biggest. Oh, I meant best...did I say biggest?" Tanya teased.
Mike got an unusually thoughtful expression. "Don't." Tanya stated, giving him a stern expression. "I know that look. Don't ask whatever you're about to ask." There was a slight smirk on Mike's face but he remained silent.
"Oh come on, it's all going to bug us if you don't let him ask it." Emmett pointed out.
"I personally think I'll survive." Rosalie stated, dryly.
Apparently, one person condoning the question was enough to have it asked, though Bella, it's intended target as it were, didn't give an opinion. "Okay, I'm a guy, if the girl's hot enough I genuinely don't mind her totally freezing, but Bella, you're a girl, right? Wouldn't having sex with Edward be like...shoving a popsicle up there? Or you know, the thingie that you put in your thingie when you do the thingie."
"A speculum." Emmett answered. It took Emmett a bit to realize everyone was staring at him. "What? It's called a speculum."
"Yeah, but...how do you know...you know what...nevermind..." Bella grumbled, unfortunately turning attention to herself. Once again, the electric charge that was associated with the lack of blood that would be rushing to her cheeks, filled her face. "Well...he was really cold, but...we were in a really hot island...and...stuff..." Bella's voice trailed off.
Mike nodded, "Oh, I get it, so it was refreshing. Like that Sierra Mist commercial. The one where the guy was all hot and sweaty and he put on those boxers that were in the freezer."
Emmett let out a loud laugh. "Ha! I love that one!"
"Exactly! Sounds like the same thing. Just instead of boxers it's a penis and Bella's vagina." Mike replied.
"Okay...new rule. No more questions that involve my vagina or anything going into it." Bella said with a sigh.
"But...you know...technically your vagina is part of you so any question that involves you at all involves your vagina." Emmett stated, to a very harsh glare from both Bella and Rosalie. "Err...I mean, I'm shutting up now."
"The questions can involve me. But nothing below my waist." Bella specified.
Mike seemed to think about it and Tanya groaned as if knowing what was coming. "When I was human, Tanya purposely wouldn't let me go down on her because she thought it'd be awkward. Did you ever go down on Edward? Cuz I'm picturing a tongue stuck on a frozen pole kind of a deal."
There was once again a pause. "New rule." Bella said through gritted teeth. "No questions involving a penis entering any orifice of mine."
Tanya, Mike and Emmett all traded a look at the word 'orifice' and Bella pinched her nose as she could see Mike and Emmett trying to figure out a loophole to ask the question they wanted to ask. "Please...please just leave it alone and don't ask me that...I'm begging you."
"I think that's a yes." Mike said with a smirk.
"It's not a fucking y-...!" Bella stopped herself mid-yell. "No more questions about my sex life. Current or past. Period."
"Agreed."
"Thank you, Alice!" Bella exclaimed.
"Don't mention it." Alice replied, with a grin.
"You have no idea how glad I am to know that not everyone here is a total p-..." Bella blinked as she looked to her left to see Alice sitting there like she'd been there the whole time. "ALICE!"
"Hi." Alice replied, smiling even more. Before Alice could say anything Bella practically pounced on her with a hug attack. Alice merely chuckled. "You know, Bella. This is the reason people talk about us."
"How did you get here? How? How long have you been here?" There were way more questions Bella wanted to ask, but those were currently the most prominent in her mind.
"I just got here. I used the underground tunnels. The only way to really travel in this area." Alice replied.
"Hey, get off my girlfriend, you hussy." Rosalie teased, with a grin. To be honest, she'd missed Alice as well. Not that she'd cop to it.
"First of all. Your girlfriend's technically on me. And second of all, call me a hussy again and I'll tell you all the naughty things that Tanya is planning to do to Mike in the very near future when they're alone due to all that vagina talk." Alice couldn't help but chuckle at the genuine blend of fear and disgust as Rosalie looked back to see the look that Tanya was giving to Mike.
It wasn't until then that Bella realized she actually was, in a sense, pinning Alice to the floor. In a flash, she was up and helping up Alice. "Welcome back Alice." Emmett voice, with a smile of his own.
"Good to be back, Em." Alice replied.
"Am I the only one curious as to how she actually was able to sneak up on us like that?" Mike asked, sceptically. Sure, he was only a beginning tracker, but even if Alice used underground tunnels that they didn't know about, he should have smelled her getting closer and definitely heard her when she entered the room.
Alice shrugged, but did so with a subtly devious smile. "It wasn't my fault you were all so entranced in your conversation."
"We were, weren't we?" Tanya stated, now thinking about it. "Why did we find Bella's vagina so interesting?"
Bella let out a long sigh as she held her tongue. She soon found herself distracted by a very familiar smell. And the sound to follow. "That was my doing actually. Just made you get really into whatever you were talking about at that moment. Just in case anyone was curious if I was here too." Jasper said, smirking as he leaned against the door.