Chapter seven

Kyle blinked his eyes open in confusion. "Huh?" There were various aliens in the room, and when he looked to the side he saw that Cartman was once again in his white bathrobe.

"Yeah, Some more shrimp would be good."

"Of course, sir."

"Cartman, what the hell's going on? What are all these people doing in here?"

"Ah Kyle, you're awake. Don't mind them. They're just gonna serve us from now on."

"What?!"

"Yeah, let's just say… I have some connections." Cartman said, playfully elbowing him and winked at him.

"You know what, I don't want to know." Kyle said, hopping out of bed. "I'm gonna take a shower." Kyle undressed, and stepped into the shower and washed himself. When he was done, he turned the water off.

"Your towel, sir."

"Thanks." Kyle said, taking the towel, and began drying himself. "Wait what?!" Kyle looked over shocked to see an older alien in a suit beside him. "Get out!" He yelled.

"As you wish, sir."

Kyle stormed out of the bathroom, and headed to the cafeteria. Hearing no word from Cartman, nor knowing where he was, or wanting to for that matter, Kyle agreed when Stan asked him to come protest again today.

Stan, Butters, Kenny, a few others and himself were at the park for less than an hour when a bunch of cars showed up, and more dark blue aliens in suits stepped out. All the protesters immediately picked up their signs, waving them around.

"Dude, not more of these guys." Stan said, getting up from the ground as well. "Go away! We'll never let you cut down these tree's!"

Along with the suited aliens, someone else stepped out of one of the cars, wearing a suit himself, his hair carefully parted to the side.

The boys jaws dropped. "Cartman?!"

"Ah, Stan, Butters. I see you're still playing your little game of save the environment."

"It's not a game, Cartman, It's serious. And what the hell are you doing with those guys?"

"What do you think, hippie? This entire forest was planned to be cut down a week ago, And we're all here to tell you to take your flower crowns and cardboard signs elsewhere, and let the grown ups get to work."

"I can't believe you're on their side!" Stan yelled back at him, "Don't you care about the environment at all?"

Cartman looked at his fingernails. "Hmm… Do I care about the environment, let me see… nope."

"Fuck you Cartman, were not leaving just cause you tell us to."

"Mmph!"

Cartman glared at the group. "You have to!" Cartman looked over at Kyle. "Kyle, you're with me on this right?"

"What?!" Stan shouted, looking at his friend, "No way! Kyle's with us! Right Kyle?"

Kyle looked between Cartman and his best friend. And then back at Cartman. "Dude, of course I'm with Stan on this."

"What?! Kyle! Don't do this!" Cartman said, desperately, "I thought I could count on you!"

Kyle curled his hands into fists. "Well you thought wrong! I'm sorry Stan, but I can't be around this asshole for another second." Kyle said, before storming away.

"Fine! Be a jew about it!" Cartman yelled at him angrily.

Butters ran after Kyle.

Kyle angrily walked in straight line with no particular destination. He just wanted to get away. Away from Cartman. The person he thought was his friend. Kyle kicked a rock as he walked. How the hell could Cartman do this? This whole time, he was working with those scum, and the expected him to just abandon his best friend last minute and join him.

"Kyle wait up!" Butters ran up to him.

"I don't wanna talk right now."

"But Kyle, where are you going? Aren't you gonna stay at the park with us and keep protesting?"

"Not right now. I'm too mad."

"Oh, uh, I see…" Butters rubbed his knuckles together nervously. "Where are you going?"

Kyle looked straight ahead. And up a bit. "I think I know exactly where I'm going."********

Cartman tried to call Kyle with his pager for a third time, but had no luck. "God dammit." He muttered. Cartman turned to Butters. "Butters, you were the last person to talk to Kyle. Did he say where he was going?"

"Oh, uh, All he said was that he was leaving. He said that he wanted to get as f-far away from you as possible."

Cartman's eyes suddenly went wide. "Wait, fuck, he couldn't have meant… no way did he actually…"

Cartman cursed under his breathe, and got into one of the cars. "Rubio, Drive!"

"And where would you be doing today, sir?"

Cartman pointed in the direction Kyle had left in. "That way. And just keep driving."******

The car slid to a stop when it simply ran out road to drive on, and Cartman jumped out. He ran up to the female alien guarding the access to the door that led out of the city.

"May I help you, young man?"

"Yes, was my friend here? He's about my height, same age?"

"Hmm…" She tapped her pencil against her chin. "Why yes, I think I know who you're talking about. Is it that boy over there?" She pointed over where Kyle was sitting on a rock, about 10 meters outside of the city.

Cartman banged on the glass door. "Kyle, you get back in here right now!"

"Shut up, you're not my mom!"

"God dammit…" Cartman muttered. He turned to the alien. "Well, open the doors!"

"Identification number?"

"0342."

"Alrighty then." She looked Cartman up an down. "You sure you want to go out there?"

"What? Yes I'm sure! I have to get my dumbass friend!"

"I heard that!"

"Alrighty." She said with a shrug, and hit a button. The doors slid open, and Cartman stepped outside, and approached Kyle.

Kyle was facing away from him, but could still hear him getting closer. "I don't want to talk to you right now, fatass!"

"Kyle, get back inside! It's dangerous out here!"

Kyle turned around. "I don't care!" As he said this, Kyle saw something out of the corner of his eye, but then it was to late for him to react. Suddenly, everything went black.******

"Ugh…" Kyle blinked his eyes open. His head hurt, and he touched it to feel a bandage wrapped around it. He was in a hospital room. He noticed someone beside his bed.

"Cartman?"

"Thank god, you finally woke up." Cartman stroked his cheek affectionately.

"What happened?"

Cartman pulled his hand away. "Well, you being the dumbass you are, you thought it'd be a good idea to leave the city, and basically got bitch slapped by a big motherfucking ass rock. I mean, jesus christ Kahl, what the hell were you thinking?"

Kyle rubbed his head. "I did?" Kyle tried to remember why he left the city limits in the first place.

Cartman wrapped him in a hug. "I'm just glad you're okay."

Kyle shoved him away. "Wait a second- you're the reason I left in the first place!"

"Don't pin on me Kyle, I didn't make you do anything!"

Kyle balled his hands into fists, and not caring about his injury, hopped out of bed. "What are you playing at, Cartman? First you join those dirt bags, and then expect me join you?"

"You don't understand Kyle, I'm doing this because I have to! And so do you!"

"I don't have to do anything!" Kyle said, storming out of the room.

"You're making a mistake, Kyle!" Cartman warned, but Kyle wasn't listening.

"Kyle, your back!" Stan said, as Kyle approached.

"Yep."

"What happened to your head?"

"I got hit by a rock, But I'm fine."

"Yikes, ouch."

"Hey, Cartman left looking for you." Stan chuckled, "I was almost worried that he had talked you into joining him and leaving us."

"Wait, what time is it?"

"It's already almost curfew. We waited hoping you'd come back."

"B-but now, we really gotta head back to base…"

"But we'll return tomorrow?" Kyle asked.

"We sure will!"

"Good."

As they walked home, Stan abruptly asked, "Oh my god, was Cartman the one who hurt you?"

"No, nothing like that. In fact, I'm pretty sure he saved my life…" Stan gave his best friend an odd look. "But It doesn't matter, I'm still pissed at him, just as much as everyone else."

"Y-yeah, he's a no good, uh, mean spirited traitorous backstabber!" Butters pitched in.

"Well don't worry Kyle," Stan said, wrapping an arm around his best friend, "We'll show him that we're serious, and not leave the park no matter what he says. Space trees aren't just gonna save themselves, after all."********

That night at Dinner, Cartman was nowhere to be seen, nor that evening, night, or even next morning.

For the next few days, the days were fairly uniform, consisting of now half their class showing up at the park to help protest, and their being an all out yelling match between the suit clad aliens and Cartman against the lot of them and the other protesting aliens.

"You idiots don't understand, this planet's entire economic position in this galaxy is based off of it's production yield!" Cartman shouted.

"You don't even know what half those words mean!" Stan shot back.

"I know enough to know that if you idiots keep this up, we're all going to be screwed!"

"You've just been brainwashed by a greedy corperation to think that!"

"I have not!"

Things escalated to their highest when Cartman showed up with a gun.

"Dude, you can't shoot us! This is a peaceful protest!"

"Actually, considering you're on government owned property, the government has allowance to take whatever actions it deems necessary. And, by being in association with the highest ranked cooperation in the galaxy," Cartman cocked his gun, aiming it at the group, "means that I am the government. And I deem this necessary."

"Dude, he seriously might shoot one of us!" Clyde said, in a panicked voice.

"No he won't." Kyle said cooly. "He's too much of a wuss."

Everyone looked at Kyle in shock. "Uh, dude? I don't really don't think you should provoke him…"

"Why not? He's not actually going to do it." Kyle walked up to Cartman, until he was only a few inches away. "Are you?"

Cartman grit his teeth. "Don't push me Kyle."

"Is that so?" Kyle asked, stepping closer, until the barrel was against his shoulder. "Do it. Shoot me."

The tension in the air was almost tangible, and after a moment, Kyle rolled his eyes, "See, I told you guys he wouldn't-"

His words were interrupted by the deafening sound of a gunshot, followed by dead silence.

It wasn't Kyle he had shot, but rather one of the alien protesters a few meters away. The alien fell to the ground, with a sickening thud.

Everyone's eyes went wide. "Holy shit dude!"

As everyone ran up to the fallen protester to help him, Kyle looked back at Cartman. He grabbed onto Kyle's sleeve, balling the soft material in his fist.

Cartman stared at him with desperation in his eyes, and for the final time asked:

"Kyle, Join me." Their was a note of desperation his voice, "Please."

Kyle yanked his arm away. "Your on your own Cartman."

"You don't have to do this, Kyle!" Cartman spat, "If this planet fails at being profitable, then it will be- "

"Shut up! I don't believe a word you say!"

All eyes turned to the two.

"And stop singling me out for help, because quite frankly, I, I…" Kyle searched his mind for the right words, "I hate you!"

For a brief moment, a look of hurt flickered across Cartman's face, which he quickly masked with a look of anger. He gave the group a distasteful wave, "Screw you guys." He said, before leaving for the final time.*********

The next day the suited aliens and Cartman were nowhere to be seen, and as such, everyone was taking it easy. It being a quiet day, the kids sat around bored.

"Is there anything I can do?" Kyle asked impatiently.

"You could put some eco friendly signs in the ground." Craig said.

"Fine, I'll go do that."

"Uh, I'll help." Stan said, getting up.

As Kyle angrily hammered a sign into the ground, clearly letting out some steam, Stan loitered behind him, holding materials and tools.

Stan looked around, but the two of them were basically alone.

"Um, Kyle?"

"What?"

"Can I uh, ask you something?"

"I'm not really in the mood to talk right now."

"Well, yeah, I know. But it's just… well I was curious about something."

"What?"

Kyle began hammering another sign into the ground.

"Well, it's just…" Stan toyed with his hands nervously. "Remember how, a few weeks ago, you and Cartman came over to my house and told me that the two of you… did stuff together?"

"What about it?"

"Well, uh, you said the two of you… kissed? Is that really true? Have you really kissed Cartman before?"

"Stan, I really want to talk about Cartman right now-" The two's conversation was interrupted by the screeching sound of tires sliding against asphalt as a shiny black limo parked haphazardly against the curb, and an alien in funny clothes stumbling out.

"Who the hell are you?" Stan asked the stranger.

The alien looked down at the two. "Who, me? I'm the mayor of this town."

The two gawked at him in disbelief. "You're the mayor?"

The alien looked around nervously. "This is the last park I was gonna check… looks like there's protesters here too…" The man's voice wavered and he muttered something unintelligible.

"Wait, if you're the mayor, then don't you agree that these trees shouldn't be cut down?"

The man looked down at the two, giving them an obscure look. "Shouldn't?" He asked. He rubbed his hands nervously. "No, no… Should've been cut down… City needs money… Gonna be shut down…" The mayor muttered a few more unintelligible things, before quickly making his way back to the sloppily parked car and driving off, swerving as he drove away.

"The hell was with that guy?"

Before the two could process what had just transpired, the ground shook in a quick jolt, knocking them both off their feet.

"What the hell was that?" Kyle asked, and tried to stand up, but a second jolt swiftly knocked him down again.

"I think it's an earthquake!"

The two, along with everyone one else in the park, covered their ears when a deafening loud hum filled the sky.

"The hell's going on?!"

When the noise finally stopped, everyone got up, and gathered together. "Dude, the hell just happened?"

"M-man, that r-really freaked me out!"

"That was just an earthquake, right?"

"If it was just an earthquake, then what was that sound afterward?"

"There's only one thing we can do, Stan." Kyle said to his best friend. "The mayor seemed to know something. We have to find him. I bet he knows."

"Yeah, you're right!"

"Does anyone know where the mayor's building is?" Kyle asked their group.

Craig stepped forward. "I do. I ran into when we were all exploring."

"Do you think you can lead the way?"

"Sure."

Stan, Butters, Craig, and Kyle all walked to the mayor's building, and stepped inside, taking the elevator to the top floor, and stepped into a small office, where the same Alien from before dug threw a cabinet, unaware of their presence.

"Um, ?"

The alien jumped, "Eep! Oh, It's just you kids… can I help you with something?"

"Yeah, we want to know the hell's going on." Stan said sternly.

The alien rubbed his hands together nervously, "Wh-what do you mean…?"

"That noise! And the ground shaking! What caused that?"

"That was, uh, the united galaxy committe leaving. They had no plans to ever come back, so they didn't care if they made a lot of noise."

"You mean those evil corporate guys who were wearing those dumb suits?" The mayor nodded. "Well thats good, isnt it?

"Not exactly. They've cut off all funding to our planet and have taken every space vessel with them, so we have no way of-"

The mayor's voice was cut off by the sound of all four boys' pagers beeping. "Shit dude, we better leave now if we wanna be at base in time." Stan said. "We'll be back if we have more questions." All four boys left the office.

"Oh, if only you knew…" The mayor whispered to himself. "If only you knew."********

All fours boys lined up with everyone else, and the man they had gotten to know as paced back and forth.

"Well, children, I'm happy to see that you all arrived on time but I'm afraid I have some bad news."

Everyone was silent except for Craig. "What?"

"Well, It just so happens that the united galaxy committe has both dropped funding for this planet, along with taking every space vessel we had. So, basically… Even though we had planned to have you all to leave in four days, that is no longer possible." The man wrang his hands behind his back. "So basically… you're all stuck here. ...forever."

Everyone had a distraught look on their face. "Wait, but can't they just send another space ship here in four days?" Stan asked, his theory making perfect sense in his own mind.

The man took off his hat, and ran a hand thru his hair. "Like I said, they cut all funding to us. They were the ones funding this program, so… It doesn't look so good for us."

"So what, theyre just gonna abandon us here?!"

The man put his hat back. "Look, if I hear about any changes I'll let you all know immediately. But for now, your all excused, so just go eat dinner and go to your rooms."

There was a solemn atmosphere in the cafeteria that evening, as all the boys filled their trays with food, and sat down.

"Guys, look it's Cartman. Sitting alone over at that table." Craig said.

Sure enough, Cartman was sitting at a table, alone, eating like he didn't have a care in the world. No longer was he wearing a suit, but had returned to the same orange coveralls everyone else was wearing.

"Holy shit! Was he in line up? I didn't even notice."

Stan got up and walked over to the brunette. "Cartman, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you have left with your corporate buddies?"

"Didn't you morons hear?" Cartman said, addressing the entire group, "They cut funding to this planet. That includes me. I'm no longer associated with those assholes."

"You guys managed to piss them off enough to get them to completely abandon this planet, and leave us here."

"Uh, I guess we owe you an apology."

"Damn right. If you guys had just listened to me, we pry wouldn't be in this mess."

"Hey, don't blame us! How the hell were we supposed to know you were telling the truth? You lie all the time!" Craig said.

"Yeah!" Clyde agreed.

"Well it doesn't matter now anyways." Cartman said, returning his attention to his food.

Stan returned to his table, and the group solemnly ate. Stan nudged Kyle. "Aren't you gonna apologize to him?"

Kyle stirred his food on his plate. "I still don't want to talk to him."

Stan gave his friend an empathetic look. "You should. This is the first time you guys have been in this big of a fight in like forever." Kyle stayed silent, and Stan shrugged, returning to eating his dinner.

Later that night, Stan rolled over in his bed. Feeling cold, he reached out for more of his covers. "Here, you go." A voice said, handing him more of his covers.

"Thanks." He muttered, pulling the blankets over himself. He had almost drifted back to sleep when he shot up. "Wait-what?!"

In his bed lay Butters staring up at him. "Butters! What are you doing in my bed?!"

Butters sat up too. "Um, sleeping?"

"Butters, go back to your own bed!"

"I can't! Someone else is in my bed!"

"What? Who? And why?"

"Haha, well that's kinda a funny story…" Butters said rubbing his knuckles together. "Craig took my bed because Annie took his bed, because Red took her bed, because Kenny took her bed, because Jimmy took his bed, because Bebe took his bed, because Wendy took her bed, because Tweek took her bed, because Token took his bed, because Clyde took his bed, because," Butters took in a deep breath, "Kyle took his bed."

Stan stared at Butters, feeling very confused. "Whew, that was pretty hard to say!"

"Wait, then who's in Kyle's bed?"

"No one. I think he just doesn't want to be in there right now because his room is connected to Eric's room.

"Are you serious?" Stan said, getting out of bed, and walking to Clyde's room. Kyle was laying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling when Stan approached him. "Kyle, don't you think this is a bit ridiculous? Just apologize to him tomorrow."

Kyle turned away from his friend. "I don't know, Stan. I told him I hated him, remember?"

"So what, you two used to tell each other that you hated each other all time." Stan said reassuringly. "Now can you please go back to your own room? I'm sick of Butters spooning me while I try to sleep."

"Okay." Kyle said, getting up, and walking back to his own room.

"Good." Stan said, and walked back to his room. He shook Butters awake. "Butters, tell everyone they can go back to there own bed now." He told the blonde, "And that includes you."

"Well, okay…" Butters said groggily, and got up and left. Stan layed back down in his now empty bed. He could hear the shuffling of his school mates as he drifted off to sleep."********

The next day, When Kyle woke up, he still didn't want to talk to Cartman, and just silently sat down for breakfast with his other friends.

Everyone was silent until Craig asked, "So.. what are we gonna do today?"

"I don't know." Stan said, "Maybe go back to the park?"

"Why?"

"The other protesters might know what's going on, so we could ask them."

"Okay."

When the group got to the park, there were fewer protesters than before. In fact, there were only a few left. They decided that not all of them needed to go around asking what was going on, and decided to elect Butters to do so.

Hours later, when Cartman showed up, he had an annoyed look on his face.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" He asked the group, who were all lying in a circle under a tree, staring up at the leaves. "After hearing that we're all stuck here, this is how you spend your time?"

"Nah, Butters is asking around if anyone can help."

"Butters is lying down with you."

"Have you ever noticed how pretty trees are?" Butters said.

"You guys know that there are riots going on all over the city, right? Do you really think it's smart to just lay around like sitting ducks?"

Stan sat up. "Cartman, aren't you… mad at us?"

"Yeah, It's our fault this all happened." Craig added.

"Coarse I'm pissed! But lying around isn't gonna do us any good, is it?"

"I guess not…" Stan stood up. "C'mon guys, Cartman's right. We should probably get up."

The group stood up. "Where should we go?" Stan asked.

"Hmm… just follow me…"

The group ended up in a fast food restaurant, sat at a large table, devouring lunch.

"Your right Cartman, this was a really good idea." Craig said.

Their lunch was interrupted when a monotone woman's voice spoke loudly from seemingly every direction. "Attention residents of Kucrion, this planet will be obliterated in T minus 72 hours. Please remain calm, as obliteration will be instant and undetectable. Thankyou."

"What the fuck? Where is that coming from?"

For the next few hours, the same voice repeated the remaining time every hour, subtracting the total number of hours by one each time, effectively freaking out the group of kids.

When five o'clock rolled around, everyone lined up in the hall, ready to ask just what the hell was going on.

" , what the hell's going on?" Stan asked.

"Well children, this is kinda hard for me to tell you, but unfortunately the U.G.C. has decided that due to this planet's no longer being of any use to them, they're gonna destroy it, along with all of its residents. From what I can tell this planet's gonna be nothing more that dust in less than 68 hours."

Everyone looked at the man with horrified expressions. "Wait but, isn't anyone gonna come rescue us?" Stan asked.

"Sorry Kids, but I really doubt that. You can all spend your time in here for the next few days if you want, but I'm not gonna be here anymore, it's every man for himself!" The man shouted, before running out of the building.

What followed was an array of screams shouts and yelling from the group.

"I don't wanna die man!"

"We're all gonna die!"

"I wanna go home!" Clyde whimpered in a puddle of his own tears as he rocked back and forth in the fetal position.

"Fuck this." Cartman said, and left for the cafeteria.

Everyone else eventually ended up there, but no one was touching their food, Except for Cartman who was chowing down, and didn't seem to give a damn.

The room was completely silent. It took a full twenty minutes for anyone to speak up.

"So this is it huh?" Kyle said. "It's over."

"Kyle, don't say that." His super best friend chipped in, trying to be optimistic.

"No, he's right." Craig said. "It's all over. For all of us."

"I'll never see my goldfish again." Clyde said, sadly.

"Mmmph mmph mmph mmph."

"I-I'm sad I'll never see my parents again."

"And you know wh-what the worst part is? The food. I mean, what's up w-with that?" Jimmy said. Every looked at him, confused. "Oh, I mean, these are qui-qui-quite solemn times for us all."

Everyone waited, but when nothing came, they all looked at Cartman, expecting him to add to their exchange of pity.

Cartman returned their looks with a glare. "Oh, screw this, I'm going to bed." And left.

Kyle laid in his bed, staring up, but periodically glancing at the door that separated his and Cartman's rooms. He feared confronting the boy, but decided to try. He got up, and walked up to the door and pressed the button, and stepped into the brunettes room.

"Hey Cartman." He said, sitting on the edge of Cartman's bed. Cartman was lying down but facing away from him.

"What do you want?"

"I was uh, just wondering how you were doing?"

The sound of rioting could be heard outside.

"Fucking terrific."

"Look, I'm sorry that I didn't believe you earlier. We all are."

"Whatever. It's not like I care what you guys think of me."

"Yeah, that's what I figured." Kyle said, "But then why are you acting so standoffish?"

Cartman pulled his pillow closer to his chest. "Cartman?"

Kyle was a little bewildered by Cartman's silence, until he heard the sound of a muffled whimper.

"Dude, are you okay?" Kyle asked.

"Just go away." Cartman said, his voice wavered slightly. "I don't want to talk right now."

Kyle picked his brain for what he could say or do to correct the situation. He reached his hand out toward the boy. "Cartman, I-"

Suddenly, Cartman sat up and threw the pillow at Kyle in a fit of anger. "I said go away! Just leave me alone you stupid ginger jew! I don't want to see you right now!" Cartman yelled, not bothering to wipe the tears out of his eyes. He crumbled back down on his bed, facing away and holding himself close, trying to hold back the sounds of himself sniffling. "...Just go away…"

Kyle felt a pang of empathy for the boy, and tested the waters by crawling on the bed and laying behind the boy. When Cartman gave no negative reaction to this, he rubbed the brunettes arm. "Dude, It's going to be okay."

Cartman made a sound like he was trying to hold back a whimper, before flipping around and burying his face in Kyle's chest, and beginning to cry.

"-Woah!" Kyle said in surprise, but held the boy close, and shut his eyes tightly, trying to hold back all the emotions he to was feeling. But being held in Cartman's arms made him feel so safe and warm, that he wasn't sure he could.

He felt a single tear roll down his cheek, but did his best to focus on comforting the hefty brunette in his arms.*********

Stan tugged on his friend's arm. "C'mon Kyle, wake up."

"Wua-huh?" Kyle sat up and wiped some of the drool from his chin.

"Look, I don't wanna know, alright? But you need to get up. There's gonna be a meeting in the cafeteria in five minutes, so hurry up. I'll see you there."

"Okay, I'll be there." Stan left, and Kyle shook Cartman awake. "Cartman, wake up." Cartman opened his eyes and sat up. "Meeting in the cafeteria in 5. See you there." Kyle said, before leaving to get ready.

The two boys got to the meeting just in time, and sat down with all their other friends.

"What are we gonna do? We can't just st-stay here!" Tweek said.

"Yeah, but there's a bunch of rioting outside. We can't just waltz outside as we please." Stan replied.

"Maybe It's not so bad." Craig reasoned.

"Oh really?" Red asked, and pulled the large curtain to show a window, where they got a full few of the fire layden, half destroyed once-metropolis. As if on cue, A bottle crashed thru the window.

"Holy shit."

"Quick, someone patch that window!" Stan shouted, and a couple of the boys got to it.

"Oh god! We really are gonna die!"

"Now now, c'mon guys, we've gotten thru worse!" Stan assured the group, "Besides, we have our pagers, I'm sure those will come in handy if we split up!"

"Are you implying that we," Craig gestured to the lot of them, "are going out there?"

"Well we can't stay here." Kyle said.

"Kyle's right." Stan said, "That's why our best bet is to split into groups and with as much caution as possible, ask around to see if anyone out there knows a way to stop the U.G.C. from blowing this place up."

"Well you do what you want but us girls are staying here where it's safe." Annie said. "Yeah!" the rest of the girls cheered. "And were keeping Timmy here with us!"

"Jesus christ, Timmy's here?!"

"Timmy!"

"Fine," Stan said, "But the rest of us are gonna try to find a way off this planet before it's bombed. Right guys?"

Everyone looked around. "Uh, sure."

"Alright. Jimmy, Kyle and Token can be a team one, Craig, Tweek and Cartman can be team two, And that leaves me with Butters, Kenny and Clyde, and we'll be team three. Now let's head out!"

As the groups dispersed, being as careful as they could, Cartman grabbed Kyle's arm. "Kyle, come with me."

Cartman began guiding Kyle down a specific path.

"Where are we going? What about our groups?"

"Were ditching' them. We'll have a better chance of succeeding if we split up even more. Besides, I have an idea."

"The mayor's office?" Kyle asked, as they stepped inside the building. "Man, this place is a wreck!"

"Yeah, now try to find the mayor, he's pry hiding in here somewhere."

"Good idea, let's try his office."

The two stepped inside, and found the man rustling around in his desk, frantically shoving items in his pockets.

" ?"

"Gah! Oh, you kids startled me!" The alien said, clutching his chest.

"How could you let this happen to your city? I mean, have you looked out your window? The city's full of rioting and fires! Can't you do something about it?"

"I'm afraid not, kid. And what would be the point huh? This whole planet's gonna be nothing more than dust soon, thanks to the U.G.C. deeming us 'unnecessary.'"

"But can't you do something about it?" Kyle asked, "I mean you're the mayor!"

The alien shook his head sadly, "Nothing I can do." The man jammed another item in his pocket, "Well, except this."

Kyle took the paper from the man's hand. "What's this?"

"It's an offer the U.G.C. made to me a long time ago. They were asking to turn our planet into a extraction unit where they would harvest all the planet's oil and natural resources in return for continuing to send funds to our city."

"If we told them we accepted this offer, would they change their mind about blowing it up?"

"I imagine." The alien replied.

"Then why the hell haven't you done it yet?" Cartman asked,

"I can't without the approval of the majority of the citizens, and when this was up for agreement, almost everyone voted no."

"I'm getting the distinct impression that everyone in this town is actually really stupid." Kyle said comically before slamming the paper on the mayor's desk. "Well hurry up and tell them you accept!"

"I can't without the citizens approval-"

"You're not going to have citizens if you don't!"

A familiar female voice could be heard over the entire city in that moment as it said: "Time until complete planet obliteration has been changed from its previous 57 and a half hours, to one hour. Here at U.G.C. we recommend you use this time to say goodbye to loved ones, or practice your religion of choice."

"Holy shit dude!" Kyle said frantically, "Dude, you better do this now!"

"Alright, alright," The mayor nervously took his phone out of his pocket, and dialed the number

The three of them could hear the sound of ringing on the other end when the mayor seemingly randomly freaked out, and let the phone drop onto his desk. "Look kids, I'm sorry, but I just can't deal with this kind of responsibility!"

"Where are you going?!" The mayor pressed a button, opening a pair of slide doors and crawling into what looked like a small escape pod.

"Sorry Kids, but your on your own!" He said before shutting the hatch and shooting away into space.

"Son of a bitch."

"Hello?"

"Cartman, quick, the phone!"

Cartman grabbed the phone, and the two stood close and listened.

"Is this some sort of prank call?" An annoyed female voice asked, in a tone that only an angsty teenager could make.

"It's not a prank! The mayor was calling your corporation, but he just left. Were calling to agree to an old deal to save the planet Kucreon from being destroyed."

"That so?" The voice asked. "Does this deal have a name…?"

"Uh, yeah it does." Kyle looked at the paper. "It's called the payment for resources deal. Were calling to approve it."

"And you are..?"

"What do we tell her?" Kyle whispered. Cartman took the phone.

"Eric Cartman and Kyle Broflovski from the intergalactic child exchange program."

"...Alrighty. Let me contact the head of the office for you boys." The two waited for a few moments until the woman returned to the line. "I'm afraid that you two aren't in a position to verify that deal. Only the Mayor is in position to do that."

"The mayor's gone! He left in some sort of escape pod."

"Well, the only other option is for whoever's next in line to verify it, which in your case would probably be the mayor's advisor."

"Shit, I don't even know if he has one!"

Cartman began rummaging thru a filing cabinet. "If he does, it would be recorded in here- aha!"

Cartman pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Kyle. "This is the guy."

Kyle looked at the name listed on the paper. "Hey, I think I've seen this name before!" Kyle grabbed Cartman and began dragging him out of the room, "It's a long shot, but I think I might know where this guy is!"

The two entered one of the few fast food restaurants that had not been burnt down or destroyed, and slid off their helmets, but stopped in shock at a table. "Stan?!"

All seven boys stopped eating and turned to look at the two. "Oh, uh, hey Kyle."

"What the hell are you guys doing here?"

"We uh, got hungry." Stan admitted.

Kyle stared at his best friend in shock. "Are you guys serious?!" Kyle glanced over the table again. "Wait, where's Kenny?"

Stan looked around. "He's… um…" Stan pointed at a window. "He's right over there. See? Safe and sound."

"Why is he outside?" Kyle asked.

Kenny waved at them all before a giant flaming barrel landed on him, crushing him to death.

"Oh my god! They killed Kenny!"

"You bastards!" Kyle said, before adding, "Oh right! I'm sorta in the middle of something right now!" And walking up to the counter.

"Christoph?"

"Hello, may I take your order?"

"No, I'm not here to order food. I wanted to know if you were the mayor's advisor, Christoph Henderson?"

"Used to be. But He fired me a week ago." The man said.

"Oh. Did he tell anyone?"

"I don't think so."

"Then it never happened. As of now you're still his advisor." Kyle turned to Cartman. "Here, Cartman, hand me the phone."

Cartman did, and Kyle spoke into the phone, "Hello? You still there?"

"Unfortunately." She groaned.

Kyle handed the phone to the man. "Here. Tell this woman you're the Mayor's advisor and that you approve the payment for resources deal. It's this planet's only hope."

The man took the phone. "Uh, okay, H-hello? I'm the mayor's advisor, Christoph Henderson, and I'm approving the uh…" The man read the paper Kyle set down for him, "The… payment for resources deal?"

"Just a minute." The woman said.

The speakers over the city spoke again. "Planet obliteration in T minus 25 minutes."

"Holy shit, dude hurry up!"

"...Alrighty, your offer has been cleared. Looks like any and all plans to obliterate planet Kucreon will soon be cancelled, and ships will be on their way to begin preparation for resource extraction."

The familiar monotone woman's voice over the city spoke up once more, "Attention Citizens of Kucreon, due to altered circumstances, This planet is no longer subject to its previously predetermined destruction. Please return to your normal daily activities. Thank you."

As if on cue, the dark clouds over the city parted, allowing a ray of sunlight to fall over the restaurant.

"We did it!" Kyle said excitedly.

"Haha, Yeah, we did." Cartman said, letting out a chuckle of relief, before Kyle ran up to him, and wrapped him in a tight hug.

"I'm so happy!" Kyle said, before pulling back and kissing the boy in his arms.

"This is the weirdest dream I've ever had." Clyde said.

"This is the second time I've seen this!" Butters said a bit too enthusiastically.

"Oh, dude, Butters, I did not need to know that." Stan said.

Cartman gently pushed Kyle off him, blushing slightly. "Jesus Kyle, remember where we are…"

Kyle blushed a little too. "Oh yeah…" Kyle stepped away from him, and addressing no one in particular began to say, "But you know what? I learned something today. I learned that-"

Cartman grabbed his arm, tugging. "No, Kyle, were not… were not doing that today."

"But-"

"Let's just head back to the base."*******

All of the children boarded the large vessel, ready to return to their home planet.

Their guidance counselor tipped his hat awkwardly. "Well I'll certainly miss you guys. Even though I, uh, abandoned you… but hey that's in the past."

"Alright, everyone take a seat and buckle up." A large female alien said in a bored voice, and Kyle slid his seatbelt on.

"Wait, so is what we did good or bad?" Stan asked everyone.

"Well we did save the planet from being destroyed, but now it's heavily polluted and going to be stripped of all its natural resources until it's nothing more than a barren wasteland."Kyle explained.

"So, basically… we kinda screwed this place over?"

"Yeah, kind of."

"Whatever. Screw this planet." Cartman said, putting his feet up.

The large door closed, and the inside of the shuttle went darker.

"Gee, I sure hope I don't get space sick."

"Shut up, Butters." Cartman said.

The shuttle burst to life emitting an almost deafening noise. But even so, A countdown could still be heard from outside. 3… 2… 1…

With a sudden jolt from the ship, Kyle felt something hit his head, and then everything went black.