Ahahahahaha, I almost forgot to update today...whoops! But a lovely follower reviewed and BAM! Here it is ;)
"Why do you want to hurt me?" I murmur, only vaguely aware that Kol's leading me into a second song – at the moment I hardly care.
"I'm not," he protests clearly, seeming to believe the words too. "I'm trying to protect you from what I've seen happen to so many before you. My brother isn't a charity case, he's a killer, Leah. Whatever you think you can do to make him change, it won't work. He's lived through more years than all the people in this room combined; if he could have changed, he would have already."
"You don't know that. Maybe the right person, people, was never there." My fingers tighten on his lapels, using a strength that would have been crippling to mere mortals but could be like soft pressure to the Original. "You don't give him enough credit. He doesn't enjoy the pain he inflicts as much as you believe he does. Has it ever crossed your mind that he lashes out only when he's in pain? Have you ever tried to help him?"
The twist of Kol's lips says more than the words that follow it. "What help have I to offer?"
I make a conscious decision to stop moving, leaving us to stand like an island surrounded by flowing water in the middle of the floor. No one notices. "You're his brother," And because this possibly wouldn't be enough of an explanation for one as old as he, I continue. "You grew up together, lived with one another; probably know each other more intimately than anyone else either of you have surrounded yourselves with over the years. You're his family." I clutch at his slack hand in earnest. "Nothing can take away the fact that you share blood, experience, a life."
"And what will take away the memories of my brother trying to kill me? To kill my sister and mother?" Kol jerks his hand from mine, eyes blazing with fury. "You profess to know him, Leah, but you know nothing other than what he's wished to show you."
As soon as I hear the words I reject them. At times I accuse myself of these things, but hearing it from someone else feels wrong. Klaus tucked a blanket around my prone figure when I was immobile. Klaus cleaned my wounds. Klaus sits in his study, lonely and pining for a girl he could never have. Klaus cannot hide from himself and – as I've recently realised – if he cannot hide from himself then he cannot hide from me. "He's lonely and the lonely don't actively push away friends unless they're scared of what they can do to others."
"Need I remind you of the reason we're dancing?"
"No," I bite out, adding a glare for measure. "I remember perfectly well the circumstances of our deal."
For a second Kol verges on the precipice of continuing on that path anyway, yet something must sit differently with him. His face drops from the prissy scowl, "You are well aware of his love – infatuation – of Caroline."
It's a fact, I needn't answer it. "Some things one cannot change no matter their desire to." I hope I'm being as cryptic as I wish to be.
"You would put yourself through unnecessary suffering for someone who will never return your feelings? I struggle to see the sanity in your choice."
I do too, but I don't say so out loud. "No one ever said love was a smart thing."
"If this is your choice then I cannot change your mind." I begin to smile in victory, but stop when Kol holds up a warning hand. "But never let it be said that you weren't warned. When Nik is leaving your dead body in the forest, I will not be the one to blame."
A frown skirts my forehead, "And there won't be any blaming to be done-"
"Leah- oh, sorry!"
Turning my head to the side I nearly tell Matt to go away – the harsh command lingers on my lips, but I bite it back. Instead, I smile. It's a bit strained and perhaps a little annoyed, but it's the best I can manage in the moment. "Did you need something?"
"Are you free for the next dance?" He's wearing his jacket, the dark fabric looks odd on him – it makes him look like a Forks vampire.
My lips thin, "I was actually-" when I turn my head Kol is no longer there – its cowardly to leave in the middle of our argument yet I'm certain we'll have more than enough time together to fight over Klaus' intentions at another time. I sigh and glance back to Matt. I don't think he'd be too offended if I decline in favour of following Klause and Caroline; yet how desperate must I be to want Klaus in my line of sight every second of the evening. "Just…one, I'm a bit tired," a lie, but Matt doesn't need to worry about that.
His brows arch, "You don't need to, really. If you need to sit for a while that's okay, or you know…if you want to leave. You can do that too."
The strain leaks from my lips until the smile is somewhat less harsh. "I think I'll live through one dance, Matt," Taking the initiative, I hold up a hand.
Matt clutches at my fingers, a cautious grin on his mouth as he places his other hand on my back.
The song had already begun and Matt sways me a few feet in the relatively same area. I can't help but compare this steady rocking to the dramatic flow Kol had swept me into. Neither can I shove away the sheer sense of wrong that comes from having Matt so close. With Kol I'd barely noticed it; half the time we were arguing anyway. But now, as the heat of the moment simmers into chilly peace, I want to scrub myself down and bathe in bleach.
Klaus should be the only one touching me. It's stupid; I shouldn't feel as if I were being disloyal to Klaus – he probably wouldn't care if Matt stripped me on the dance floor and every man in the room ogled my backside. But the sense of wrongness doesn't ease and I find myself longing for the end of the song with a vehemence that frightens me.
It's the soulmate thing, I remind myself – if this was meant to calm my jittering nerves, it doesn't work. All it reinforces is that for the rest of my life I truly will be alone. Not only has my soul and heart betrayed me, but now my body is trying to escape on the 'Klaus is Everything' train as well. At this rate I'm going to end up as Bella and I'm not too keen on running off to Italy to throw myself at a half-dressed vampire.
My eyes peek over Matt's shoulder as we shuffle in a turn. The door lies innocently closed, taunting me.
Matt's hand slips slightly lower down my back, unintentionally. My stomach twists anxiously. It's not the end of the world. Klaus doesn't care, so neither should I. Plus, he's with Caroline. They're probably sipping cocktails – from blood bags or something - and Klaus is fine. Klaus is probably happy. Nothing to worry about.
I gnaw my lip as the song continues.
God, this is the longest piece of Christmas carol garbage I've ever heard.
Finally, Matt pulls slightly away from me with a grimace. He stops dancing, looking awkwardly off to the side. "You obviously don't want to be here, Leah." He clears his throat and lifts sincere eyes to meet mine. "Not dancing with me anyway." I open my mouth to protest the truth but Matt beats me to it. "It's all right, I don't mind. I get it. If I had the opportunity to dance with Elena, I would. So go on." He drops his arms, steps back and gives me an encouraging grin. "Go get him."
I don't wait on a second offer. I'd like to say I wanted to stay and comfort Matt; that I felt the bond of a kindred spirit…but all I feel is relief to be out of his arms and on my way to Klaus. Perhaps later I'll feel bad, not now though. Right now I need to see Klaus and this single minded thought drives me past the entwined couples littering the dance floor.
My feet tap a silent pattern across the hall; they hardly use much effort to dodge swaying couples in the midst of staring into one another's eyes. Before a moment's breathe can part my lips, I'm waiting at the back exit in vain hope for instruction. Surely nothing could be afoot – I doubt Caroline would attempt to hurt Klaus (or succeed). Although now that I think about it Klaus might be temporarily incapacitated of sanity while with the blonde. But to ease my conscious I'd have to go check on the Orginal's safety with my own eyes.
It's nerves – or absurdity – that leads me to open the door through which Caroline and Klaus disappeared. "Please, let this not be stupid," I whisper; cringing at all the things that have already gone wrong in such a short time. I'd rather not have my neck broken again, that's for sure.
The night is frostbitten and the air bares its icy fangs at my exposed skin. I don't shiver, but a droplet of frozen apprehension drips down my spine. It urges me to turn back and go inside.
I sucked in a sharp breath and pursed my lips, rounding the corner. Breath formed cloudy, white puffs by my nose and mouth.
Yet nothing could have prepared me.
Klaus had Caroline pressed against the wall and maybe I'd have thought it an intimidation tactic, if it weren't for her hands in his hair. And his hands on her hips. My throat felt tight and my stomach clenched in dread, my fingers curled into fists, digging nails into palms. Klaus pushed closer and Caroline urged him forward by tugging at his hair.
Panic rose in my chest, burning a blazing trace through my heart. Klaus and Caroline… His head lowered and Caroline lifted her face to meet him. I could see so clearly the way their lips connected, how her eyes fluttered closed and Klaus' cheeks crinkled with a small smile.
I lifted one trembling fist to my equally shaky lips, cutting back the gasp for air my lungs were failing to complete. This was wrong. My face scrunched and my heart stuttered. This was so very wrong. Whether it was wrong of Klaus and Caroline to seek each other's touch or if it was wrong of me to watch, it hardly mattered.
It was all just so very, very wrong.
There's no reason for me to feel surprised – so I don't. But latent self-pity wells up like bile in my throat. It takes physical withdrawal in order to escape my gag reflex.
I turn on my heel. The feeling of being fake returns with full force. This dress. These shoes. The damn snowflakes in my hair…they're all fake. This isn't me. Leah Clearwater doesn't dress in pretty frocks of white and glitter.
I need bare skin, worn jeans, a faded shirt. Fur.
The last is the easiest to achieve and when I reach the street my body twists in the air. For a moment I forget that there may be people around and honestly it's not the most important thing on my mind.
See you in 10 days :)