Ya-hoo! Here it is :) Hope y'all enjoying 2016 so far!
The snowfall in Forks looked like a vague shower of salt: thin, streaky, and somehow lacking the bitter cold of the Mystic Falls flurry. Even the ground disagreed with the season. Where in Mystic Falls the earth was adorned with a carpet of fluffy white, Forks' streets were polished black.
So much so that Alice had paid extra careful attention to the road and Jacob had reached behind him to clutch Nessy's hand every time the car's tires failed to grip the tar.
The drive was long, torturous in its ability to keep going. More than three times the overwhelming sense of loss prompted me to beg Alice to turn around. Which she very nearly did. I would have been back in Mystic Falls at this moment if Renesme hadn't placed a comforting hand on my arm every time my vision started to waver in panic.
The reception was warm and tedious. The pack and half of the Forks population, it seems, had gathered to greet me. Granted there were tears when Seth curled his arms around me and I realised he was nearly taller than I was. I clung to him a tad longer than anyone else. The vampires seemed eager to leave us to our reunion and made off with Nessy as soon as they'd all managed to say their welcomes.
Charlie and mom stood holding hands just some ways behind the pack and when I finally got to embrace my mother she showed me the diamond decorating her left hand. Despite my shocked 'congratulations' a churning thought in the back of my head reminded me that if this was real it would mean Bella was my step sister in the making. I tried not to express my disgust out loud.
And, of course, there was Emily. I strutted past Sam as if he wasn't even there and took my cousin into my arms. Her swelling belly made the hug awkward, but at the very least she clung to me just as tight as I did to her. I offered her a mild smile when we pulled apart and placed one hand on her stomach.
Without any prompting she offered the answers to questions I had no courage to speak. "It's a girl,"
My chest tightened and my stomach felt unruly but I managed to say I happy I was for her. Internally I fought the urge to turn around and smash Sam's face in. They couldn't have a girl, what if she ended up like me? What if she had to ability to shapeshift like her father? The girl would be trapped in a world of men, confined to only ever love one person completely. I wished I could blame it on Sam alone.
Most of the week was friendly, relaxed. Seth refused to leave my side for once and there was more 'family gatherings' than in the better part of my life.
The precipice came when Jacob offhandedly mentioned that I'd imprinted.
I'd expected the shock that took over all their faces, but when Paul sprouted a comment that finally I'd get over Sam the tension became tangible. My throat was frozen around a spiteful remark and my eyes widened with dismay.
Across the circular gathering Sam seemed to clam up.
Emily, bless her heart, tried to defuse the situation. "That's great, Le-le, who is it?"
Yet but this time I had no wish to discuss the other man in my life who did not care for me. I stood, excused myself as politely as possible without meeting anyone's gaze and made my way outside to the forest.
As soon as I hit the tree line I pulled off my top and pants, threw them haphazardly against a tilted log and took off into the cover of vegetation.
The change soaked from my skin until I was on all fours and tearing apart the underbrush with my heavy steps. Unthinking I veered off to the right, following a familiar path deeper into the forest. The perimeter line rose to my right and I followed the boundary up to the edging cliff.
I took a sharp turn left, found myself skirting the area in which I'd confronted Jane. Four paws leading me, I slammed to a stop when I reached the other end of the reservation. Billy's house. Snorting from exhaustion, I strode across the small clear and prowled the ground outside the small house. The garden looked wearier than before I left and the walls could use a new layer of paint.
One of my paws slid through a slick spot of mud and my snout met the ground with an audible clack.
Covered in muck, I returned to Seth and my small house. The windows burnt with light and when I entered mom stood from the kitchen table and hugged me, mud and all.
"I thought you ran away again."
Over my mother's shoulder I saw Charlie picking at a salad, the wrinkles around his mouth more than they were previously. "I…I'm sorry, I just needed some air."
"It's okay, sweetie," she pulled away and ushered me to the bathroom. "Wash up and join us for supper."
A simple washing turns into an hour. With water tapped into the bath up to the brim, I sat and watched the singular drip that oozed from the tap every few minutes.
Outside the bathroom noise had risen with the arrival of the pack. Seth's offbeat laugh beat down the door and there was the familiar hubbub of chatter. So surreal in its ability to make me nostalgic and yet eager. Has Forks always been this loud? I believe so, but after the quiet of Mystic Falls it was overwhelming. Another sound breaks the chatter. A chorus cry of: Nessy, quickly followed by a small girl's laughter.
Klaus, my mind sighs after I shift and water sloshes over the side of the tub. I sink down until my ears are consumed by water. The roar of noise dies down into bleary mutters. The silence reminds me of his study. His face. His stupid smirk, the one that made my heart beat faster and my palms sweat.
I chew at my bottom lip, the memories bordering on physical pain.
Why did I leave? For the pack? For Sam, as Klaus suggested?
'You'll finally be able to get over Sam.'
I cringe and water laps over my temples and into my eyes.
Sam isn't Klaus. Klaus is my soulmate. Klaus is the insufferable vampire overlord that makes me laugh on occasion, cry on occasion, feel alive…always.
I duck my head under the water and surface again, spilling more over the edge of the tub.
When I left, he seemed so indifferent. Part of me knew he was probably faking it, but a large part of me preferred to believe he didn't care. If he cared I wouldn't have left, I tell myself with little to no conviction.
If Klaus cared…I wouldn't feel an ache in my chest whenever Emily and Sam shared a kiss, whenever they looked fondly at my cousin's growing belly. Perhaps is Klaus cared, I would be the inspiration for his drawings and I wouldn't throw these in the fire as I had Caroline's. But if he cared I wouldn't be back in Forks, I wouldn't feel empty and lonely and scared every second of every day.
My hand trembles around a bar of soap and I grip it tightly as I scrub my skin raw. Pruned finger tips pause at the raised skin of a scar on my shoulder.
Sam's mark. Emily has one on her face, for everyone to see. Disgust curls in my belly. How can I still wear this when Emily is pregnant, when they're both so happy? When I have Klaus?
I take careful precaution to clean my shoulder of blood – the wound should seal within the hour at most. All I need to do is prevent anyone from realising that I had a wound in the first place. I use two sanitary pads and a wad of bandages to keep them in place. The bath I rinse down and I dispense half the air freshener to dispel the tangy metallic taste in the air. If the mind numbing smell doesn't keep everyone from talking then the bitch-face I adopt should do the job.
Dressed as warmly as possible, I step from the bathroom.
Down the hall Seth sticks his head from the kitchen and quickly retracts it when he sees my face.
By the time anyone comes to fetch me from my long-abandoned room, the wound has sealed and I neatly do away with the evidence.
There's a soft knock and mom's face appears around the door. She smiles, one of those light-up-the-room smiles. "Can I come in?"
Throat creeping closed, I nod and move up so she can sit next to me on the bed. She hurries into the room and takes her seat beside me, instantly pulling me over so I can lean into her smaller frame.
"I was scared when you left." She strokes the back of my hand and I cannot find my voice to answer. "Seth is younger, but you were my first baby. You'll always be my baby, Leah. I don't know if I ever told you how angry I was when Emily and Sam started dating."
Breath hitching, I shake my head against her shoulder.
She hums, "They're a cute couple now, but at the time, whenever I saw your lips do that trembling thing and you're were raw from crying. I got so mad," her fierce declaration is amusing for a woman of such quiet countenance and I choke out a laugh. "Don't laugh, I'm serious,"
"I know," I manage to say around my thick throat.
"Good," she wraps an arm around me and fiddles with my hair. "Did Seth tell you? He met a girl at school,"
"What?" I croak and twist my head to look at my mother. She looks amused, but worried.
"She's nice, pretty. Her family lives off the reservation."
"What about-"
"He isn't imprinted." Mom interrupts, her brows jumping as she sighs. "I don't want what happened to you to happen to that girl, Leah."
I swallow and tuck my head against my mother's shoulder. An ache blooms in my chest. "It will, inevitably."
Another sigh, she sounds as if she's carrying the world. "I keep wondering if the girl's mother will be as angry as I was. Not that I could blame her, but I'd rather it not be Seth she's angry at."
"It's his choice, he knows the consequences." The words sound hollow, even to my ears. "When he meets 'the one' he'll just have to deal with it."
"I'm sorry," mom whispers, leaning her cheek against the top of my head. "I shouldn't be bothering you with this."
"It's…okay, you shouldn't have to worry on your own."
She huffs a breath and I feel it stirring my hair.
Voices continue to waiver outside the room.
"I hear you imprinted," she says eventually.
I stiffen before forcing myself to relax. This is my mother for crying out loud. "Yeah,"
"Is he nice?"
My brows skyrocket and I consider lying. "Not really."
She makes a low sound of protest. "Does he at least make you happy?"
I suck on the inside of my cheek for a moment, trying to find the best way to describe it. "He…he makes me feel…strange." I clear my throat, heat burning my chest. "I mean, there are times, when I'm mostly annoyed with him or…or when I just want to cry because why doesn't he love me? You know? But then he says something really sweet, in a weird, round-about way. And I love him. I love him a lot and it hurts most of the time. Why can't he love me back? Why does this always happen to me? Did I do something wrong?"
"No," my mother reassures, squeezing one of my hands and pressing feather-light kisses to the top of my head. "You've done nothing wrong, baby."
"Then, why me? I left Forks to get away from this nonsense, but it followed me there and got worse too."
I don't realise I'm crying until mom lifts my face in her hands and wipes at the tears.
"So you ran again?"
My mouth opens and closes, "I…I didn't. I'm just-I needed to see you and Seth."
She gives a knowing nod, her face the very picture of a wise mother although her cool hands grip my cheeks. "What you need to do is tell him how you feel, Leah. There's no way he will know if you don't tell him."