Heyy so it'd be super awesome if you all reviewed. I want to know how I'm doing? I know it seems like a summary of the episode in certain parts, but that's only because you guys know what's going on... (for the most part) sooo yeah review plz feedback would be super appreciated!

episodes in this chapter are: When the Levee Breaks, Lucifer Rising

I do not own Supernatural

They trapped her in the panic room.

They didn't understand what she was going through. She wanted to get stronger in order to kill Lilith, that's all this really is! She wanted to be strong enough so she could have her revenge. Lilith was the demon who had ruined her life, and she was going to bring her down.

At first, the hallucinations started off with Alastair. He tortured her, drew scars on her. It was all very painful, and very real. At first she didn't think it was a hallucination, and she was convinced that he had appeared and she was tied to a post.

The next hallucination was herself, questioning her own intentions. It was actually a younger version of herself, interrogating her.

Why did she do this? How could she? What happened to being normal? What about Jessie, what would he think? She'd try so hard to being normal and having a normal life before. Why was it different now?

No escape, there's just no escape. How could Bobby and Dean do this to her? They were killing her.

The next hallucination was actually comforting. It was her own mother, for the most part, from what she could tell from the pictures and stories that her brother told her. She said everything would be ok. Dean was wrong, and she understood her precious daughter. She even received a forehead kiss from her.

It gave Sam hope.

The next thing she saw were thick, black lines like blood-vessels crawling up her neck after a glance at the mirror. It couldn't be good, whatever it was, so she stood and hurried to the door. "Guys! Help! Bobby, Dean! Help!" She screamed and pounded against the door. Then, she was flung against the wall and blacked out.

When she awoke, she realized she was chained to a cot. No surprise there. They thought she was a monster.

She bit back a sob. No, that couldn't be, right? They should be able to understand her, and the pain she was going through.

"We had to. The demon blood was flinging you all over the room. Tell me something, Samantha. Why did you do this to yourself?" Dean asked grimly.

Seeing him again after all this time did not give her comfort. It made her enraged, especially for putting her through this torture. "You know why." She spat.

"Right. 'Kill Lilith'. The big excuse. But why? What, revenge? Right?"

"Of course."

"Revenge for what? For sending me to hell? Did you happen to notice I'm back? Alive and kicking. So what's the point?"

Part of that was true. But she realized that there was another side to all this. Sure, Dean was back, that made her glad. However, there was a much larger point to all of this. "Point? How about 'stop the damn apocalypse?" Saving people, that was part of the family business.

Dean had been walking around her in a semicircle, and he seethed, "My gig. Not yours. The angels said so, remember? God picked me, man. So you got any other fantastic excuses? Hmm?"

Sam bit her lip and looked away from him. "I know why you really drink that blood, Samantha."

"Just leave me alone." She muttered.

"Makes you feel strong. Invincible. A big bad wolf in a world of little pigs."

"No. You're wrong, Dean." She said quietly. This was wrong, all wrong. She wanted to save the world, make a difference.

"It's more than that, isn't it? It's because your whole life, you felt different. Am I right?" He said, bending to her height for a moment to find something in her eyes. "A girl in a world of men, always feeling under appreciated."

"Stop."

"Oh, I hit a little close to home, huh? Not different because you were some lonely kid or because of your weirdo family." He said nonchalantly.

"Stop it." She balled her fists.

"Because you're a monster."

Dean would never say that. She could feel tears trail down her cheeks. "Shut up! Just-shut. The hell. Up."

He grinned. "You were always a monster. And you only feel right when you're sucking down more poison and more evil." Sam rattled her chain, trying to slip her wrists out. She wanted out. "Monster, Samantha. You're a monster."

More and more tears fell to the floor. "Dean, no."

The real Dean would stop. Hell, the real Dean wouldn't have even started. "And I tried so hard to pretend that we were siblings. That you weren't one of the filthy things that we hunt. But we're not even the same species. You're nothing to me."

"Don't say that to me." She sobbed. "Just don't say that to me."

Suddenly, he was gone. She let out a shaky breath, it really was just another hallucination after all. In fact, the room remains empty for awhile. She only waited in baited breath for the next person to show.

Then, the bonds snap open on their own. Even the door slid open on its own.

She stood cautiously, knowing that she didn't do such a thing. "Hello? Someone here?" Cautiously, she escaped, wiping any remaining tears.

She ran out to the nearest car, and prepared the hotwire to jumpstart it. At least, until she all too familiar sound of the cocking of a gun. She froze, and turned slowly to see that it was Bobby pointing the gun at her, something she never knew she'd live to experience. "Uh-uh, Samantha. The only place you're going is back inside with me."

"Bobby, please." She protested. "I can't go back in there."

He hesitated. "Damn it, girl."

"You…. you won't shoot me." She realized.

"Don't test me." He growled, aiming the gun at her heart.

She felt the tears about to break again. "You won't do it. You…. you can't do it." She was confident that he wouldn't, but just the fact that he considered shooting the gun made her double-take.

Her entire family distrusted her.

Bobby sighed, beat. "We're only trying to help you, Samantha."

She took in a shaky breath. In that case, maybe a bullet would be preferable.

She took the gun, and aimed the barrel so it was a point-blank shot. "Then shoot."

Bobby looked pained as Sam stared back at him. He ended up lowering his gun, and she took the weapon, throwing it to the ground. Not saying another thing to him, she went back to hotwiring the car.

She drove to a hotel, and paid for the room Dean didn't expect her to get. She called Ruben, because she was just deprived of demon blood and she needed some now.

Later, she learned that Lilith was the key to keeping Lucifer in the cage and preventing the apocalypse. She needed to stop her, and Ruben believed that she was nearly strong enough, too, which gave her more confidence.

They lay side-by-side in bed, after Sam had her share of demon blood. Ruben told her how they could reach Lilith. However, according to him she needed a lot more blood than what he could give. Sam sighed. "Samantha. Come on, it's okay." He said soothingly, running his fingers through her hair.

That wasn't it. It was Dean. Her big brother, the one who looked after her her entire life. "I know I need more. I get it. I know it's okay. I just-I wish he'd trusted me, you know?"

"Sorry."

"I just hope...you know, when all this is over...I hope we can fix things."

After a while, Sam decided she needed something other than demon blood to drink, so she left the motel room to find the nearest drinking fountain. When she came back, she never expected Dean to be there, fighting Ruben. She panicked and tried to stand in between them. "No. Let him go. Just take it easy."

Even though she wanted to see him, to explain what she was going through, seeing him now made her nervous. She knew that the Dean she saw back in the panic room was a hallucination, but what did he truly think about her? Did he think she was a monster, especially for defending Ruben?

"Well, it must've been some party you two had going, considering how hard you tried to keep me from crashing it. Well, solid try, but here I am."

It was kind of surprising, he wasn't supposed to figure out which room she was staying in. She didn't expect him to figure out she was staying in the 'Honeymoon Suite'. "Dean, really, I'm glad you're here. Let's just talk about this."

"Soon as he's dead, we can talk all you want." He said, glaring at Ruben.

"Ruben, get out of here."

Without protest, he escaped.

Sam turned to Dean, but hesitated. The scene in the panic room came back to her mind. "He's poison, Samantha. He's ruining you."

"It's not what you think, Dean." Sam protested.

"Look what he did to you. I mean, he up and vanishes weeks at a time, leaves you cracking out for another hit-"

"He was looking for Lilith."

Dean stared at her. "That is French for manipulating your ass ten ways from Sunday."

It really was the panic room all over again, she realized. She looked away from him and muttered, "You're wrong, Dean."

"Sam, you're lying to yourself." He approached her cautiously. "I just want what's best for my little sister, I want you to be ok. You'd do the same for me."

"Just listen." She said through gritted teeth.

Suddenly, she realized she was holding Ruben's knife, which had originally been in Dean's hand. Frustrated, she tossed it to the bed and didn't dare look up to Dean. "Just listen for a second." Finally, she looked back up to him. He looked tense, and disappointed. "We got a lead on a demon close to Lilith. Come with us, Dean. We'll do this together."

"That sounds great. As long as it's you and me. Demon SOB is a deal breaker. You kiss him goodbye, we can go right now."

Her face fell. She needed Ruben, they didn't stand a chance without him. "I can't." She said quietly. Dean nodded, and turned. "Dean, I need him to help me kill Lilith. I know you can't wrap your head around it, but maybe one day you'll understand. I'm the only one who can do this, Dean."

Dean didn't believe she could do it, did he? Or was it something else?

"No, you're not the one who's gonna do this." Dean said, turning back around.

"Oh, that's right. The angels think it's you." She understood now. Dean thought he could do this on his own, he was on the side of the angels. Since she was working with Ruben, her points were invalid. Or was he such a stick in the mud that he thought he was the only one strong enough to face Lilith?

"You don't think I can?" Dean asked skeptically.

"No, you can't. You're not strong enough."

"And who the hell are you?"

She shrugged. "I'm being practical here. I'm doing what needs to be done." In fact, those were her mother's words to her back in the panic room. She was right.

She was going to take initiative for once.

"Yeah? You're not going to do a damn thing."

"Stop bossing me around, Dean. Look. My whole life, you take the wheel, you call the shots, and I trust you because you are my brother. Now I'm asking you, for once, trust me."

Dean had the same look Bobby had on earlier. Then, she knew, and a single tear unwillingly escaped, creating a hot trail on her cheek. None of her family believed she could save the world on her own. They had no faith in her. "No. You don't know what you're doing Samantha."

"Yes, I do."

"Then that's worse."

"Why? Look, I'm telling you-"

"Because it's not something that you're doing, it's what you are! It means-"

She couldn't believe him. It was the panic room. However, at least this Dean had the decency to cut himself off. She shut her eyes, blinking out a few stray tears. "Say it, Dean. I want to hear it."

"It means… you're a monster."

She raised a fist, but then she saw a tear slide down his cheek. However, she couldn't stop herself and she threw the punch. The demon blood coursing through her encouraged her anger and bloodlust.

They ended up in a full-blown fist fight, ruining the hotel room. Sam, however, ended up winning for once, leaving Dean beat down on the floor. Sam stood over him, eyesight blurred from angry tears. "You don't know me. You never did, and you never will."

She walked to the door.

"You walk out that door, don't you ever come back!"

She paused, gave him a final glare, and exited the hotel room.

Hey, it's me… uhh…

Look, I'll get right to it. I'm still pissed…. And I owe you a serious beatdown. But… I shouldn't have said what I said… You know I'm not Dad. We're… we're family. And… no matter how bad it gets, that doesn't change. Sammy, I'm sorry.

Sam and Ruben figured out where and when Lilith was going to appear, through some interrogating of course. They also learned that Azazel, the demon who had killed her mother and boyfriend, (and even herself, at one point, indirectly) made occasional visits to the place.

After sucking down another demon, (even though it had retreated to the hosts' subconscious, Ruben convinced her that it was going to be ok) she had enough juice to take on Lilith. So, they entered the sanctuary she was residing in.

Sam advanced on Lilith, and flicked her wrist, flinging Lilith to the wall. She just… felt so powerful.

She could end it all right now. "I've been waiting for this… for a very long time."

Lilith smirked. She had a female vessel this time. "Give me your best shot, then."

Sam reached out her hand, throwing out all her power at Lilith. Lilith writhed and screamed as a white light filled the room, but when she heard loud banging, she lowered her arm. "SAMANTHA."

"Dean?" She turned, and hesitated. What was he doing here? How did he know to be here? He wasn't going to be too happy seeing her using her power like this.

Ruben came up to Sam. "What are you waiting for? Do it, now! Now, Samantha!"

Dean wouldn't appreciate this.

Lilith busted out laughing. "You turned yourself into a freak. A monster. And now you're not gonna bite? I'm sorry, but that is honestly adorable."

Enraged, she turned back to Lilith, and finished off the job. She wasn't a monster, she was just doing what she believed was right. She didn't give a damn to what Dean thought of her, she was doing the world a favor.

Eventually, Lilith lay there lifeless, and blood poured from her body in a steady stream, creating patterns in the cracks. Ruben watched in awe, Sam watched in confusion. "What the hell?"

"I can't believe it." Ruben breathed.

"What? What did I do?" Sam asked, not quite understanding the situation. For some reason, she doesn't feel like killing Lilith did the job. She felt incomplete, she felt guilty, her chest felt heavy.

"You opened the door. And now he's free at last. He's free at last!"

Sam paled. Who's free at last? No… he couldn't mean Lucifer? "No, no, no. No, he - Lilith - I stopped her. I killed her!"

"And it is written that the first demon shall be the last seal. And you bust her open." Ruben said, shrugging.

Sam clutched her head. She betrayed Dean for what? For this? All she wanted to do was prevent an apocalypse, not start one!

"Now, guess who's coming to dinner."

"Oh, my god."

"Guess again." Ruben said, grinning.

"Y-you bastard! You lying son of a bitch!" Sam cried, and thrust her arm out. However, all she got was a severe pounding in her head and ringing in her ears.

"Don't hurt yourself, Samantha. It's useless. You shot your payload on this."

"Don't call me Samantha. You're… you're not allowed to call me that anymore. And you… y-you poisoned me!" She clutched at her head. The pounding hurt, so much that she crumpled to the ground. The temperature of the room seemed unbearably hot too.

She had ruined her relationship with Dean, just for this. Because of her selfishness. Sam felt fresh tears begin to form, from the pain. There's just so much pain right now, pain and regret.

Ruben kneeled so he could level with her. "No. It wasn't the blood. It was you... and your choices. I just gave you the options, and you chose the right path every time. You didn't need the feather to fly, you had it in you the whole time, Dumbo! I know it's hard to see it now... but this is a miracle. So long coming. Everything Azazel did, and Lilith did. Just to get you here. And you were the only one who could do it."

"Why? W-why me?" She groaned.

"Because... because it had to be you, Sam. It always had to be you. You saved us. You set him free. And he's gonna be grateful. He's gonna repay you in ways that you can't even imagine."

By then, Dean finally broke in and drew the knife. Ruben turned to face him, and smirked. "You're too late."

"I don't care."

Dean advanced on Ruben as Sam restrained him from behind. As a team effort, they killed Ruben, who ended up dead on the floor.

Sam turned to Dean. "Dean, I'm… I'm sorry…" Her voice wavered, and she must have looked as broken as she felt, since Dean's face immediately softened when she spoke.

The room began to shake. "Samantha, let's go."

He took her hand, and began to leave the room. However, Sam was stumbling from exhaustion, so Dean had to support her. She lost balance and fell to the floor, Dean coming down with her. "Sam-"

"Dean, he's coming." Sam said fearfully, gripping his jacket tightly. He squeezed her shoulders, comforting her the slightest.

However, everything flashed to white.