Alex left Paris in a much better place than the state he'd been in when he'd arrived. He and Cassian had met up first to patched things up, not as in back dating but they had cleared the air. James and the other guys had kind of expected teen super-spy boy but were perplexed by the insular, quiet and jumpy Alex. Cassian had been a real friend and acted as a buffer, he passed on the news that Alex was not 100% after four weeks in residential therapy after trying to top himself. It turned out Cassian was also an former alumni of that particular funny farm. He had gone for intensive counseling there to help him get over Point Blanc Academy. Alex found out Paul Roscoe was studying in London and he promised to keep in touch. He was at Brunel, doing Electronic Engineering.
After three weeks at Uni, Alex had almost washed out, but his tutor had recognised the signs of discontent and in tutorials had posed questions to reassure the fresher and Dr. Carl kept him occupied with work, work and more work. Alex had expected to be stretched mentally by the coursework and he was. It was strange but he had picked the hardest maths course to extend himself on purpose.
Alex had decided not to date at Uni, just concentrate on making friends. The fact he was living in accommodation with four other disabled students, none of whom were studying maths seemed to create a divide between halls and studying. Churchill was close to the Faculty and his rooms were wheelchair accessible in case he could not wear his prosthetics and had an adapted shower. He had not tried out for sports instead had spent Wednesday afternoons in group talking about coping strategies, his feelings and past fuck-ups. Three mornings a week he swam at Parkside and the weekends he cycled around. As then end of term approached he was counting down the days until he saw Tony again. His flight to LA booked since September. By the Christmas holidays, Alex felt he had run a marathon just by completing his first term. He had stuck it out, not been in any fights, not done anything stupid and had been a good boy by keeping up his correspondence with everyone. He had a tentative relationship with Tony's new boyfriend, Gerard, who like a ghost had sat in on the family sessions during his stay in clinic last August. Alex had been welcomed into the man's home. The man had finally broken the ice by explaining he had never expected ever to be in the strange position of being a step-father or any type of parent. He had no siblings and was fascinated by Tony's devotion to the boy he had adopted. Gerard had asked Alex, if he thought Tony would adopt again. Alex had stated completely honestly that Tony needed a baby girl, one to take to dance classes. Gerard had taken these words on advisement before asking if Alex wanted family. The eighteen year old had frozen, before stating in all honesty that becoming a father was the last thing on his mind as he could not maintain a decent relationship with anyone, so kids, family and such were just impossible. He'd had the possibility of the perfect, attentive and gorgeous boyfriend with Cassian but Alex deep down still hated himself with such a passion no amount of love or understanding seemed to shift.
It was deja vu at the airport. Tony stood in arrivals, tense and fully aware of the two photographers laying in wait. Such was the life of an actor with a full work book, good reviews on two well received recurring guest roles on prime time TV shows. Alex's little blip in the summer had made it into the tabloids in Britain and the US. The actor had a premier of a movie he did eighteen months ago in Westwood in three days and Alex, uncharacteristically, had agreed to accompany his papa and had not even asked if there was any zombies in the film. Maybe Alex was growing up or just falling back into bad habits of moulding himself to be the person he thought Tony would like, be proud of, want to spend time with. Tony wanted the prickly, difficult teenager Alex had been when he'd relaxed into family life at 15/16, the open edgy boy had disappeared behind at best mute indifference and at worst compliant and invisible.
The two hugged and then Tony broke to look at the young man before him. "You've lost more weight? Are you eating?"
Alex shrugged. It wasn't like he wasn't eating, just being super fussy. He had a stash of snacks, popcorn and stuff that did not need cooking. "I eat. I just haven't been swimming as much." It was a weak excuse for picky eating. "The staff at Churchill have been great with my eating difficulties. I tend to stick to vegan rather than have to explain about milk protein allergy."
"Umm, you better start eating sushi again. Some oily fish is good for the brain. Grades? Dare I ask?"
"2:1/first borderline so far. I even like the immense amount of coursework." Alex had a stash of assignments to keep him on his toes over the break.
"OK. Straight home for a rest then. I have missed you baby boy."
"Less of that, Papa. If Gerard calls me that I'll scream."
"Gerard is not one for terms of endearment."
"Physical guy, huh?"
"Oh, be quiet, trouble. Smile at the press as we exit and then we can relax."
…...
Alex squirmed as his papa smoothed his hair and smoothed over invisible creases in his penguin suit. ""Quit fussing. I look fine."
"Umm, you promise to be on your best behaviour."
"Yes, papa. No swearing, no sarcastic comments, smile and look brain dead. I got the whole drill down pat for the team publicity before Athens." Alex beamed at his father and then scowled when Tony went to check if the car hard arrived.
"I saw that!" was Tony's only comment.
Alex watched the film, too dark and horrifying for his personal tastes. Alex liked zombie films for the buckets of gore and cheesy dialogue. Tony played a right bastard. Not his papa on screen at all. Tony squeezed Alex's hand in response to his son's sudden grip for reassurance. The lights came up and Alex stated quite seriously "Shit, Tony. I'll have nightmares tonight. You were truly evil. Worse than Miss Stomachbag at Point Blanc."
"Really... worse?" Tony patted Alex's leg before whispering to his son. "You are never too old to be sung to sleep, if it would help."
Alex looked at Tony. He was in reality eighteen but forever frozen as a fourteen year old, hurt, damaged and afraid. "You must not spoil me so. But you really are the best parent here by a mile."
Grin fixed Alex hung back as Tony circulated and networked. He went and ordered a mineral water at the bar. The film was an art house piece, not mainstream at all. Tony was going to the Berlin Film Festival to promote it. Alex, with his drink in hand, watched his Papa smile, be attentive, polite and gregarious with easy. Alex wondered if he would ever be comfortable at these events. Maybe it was just the difference in schooling, but Alex knew if he was playing spy games he would be networking. The difference was that life was not the game it had been. Alex was not living on that knife edge any more. All he had to do was was live life to his own game plan now. Three, four or even seven years at Cambridge, if he did a Phd. He then thought to his winter project on the maths of encryption and code breaking. It was even more fascinating than complex geometry.
Alex then noted the entertainment was karaoke. He smiled. Alex could sing. Deep and in tune not as melodious or with the range of Tony but they had sung together on occasion. Alex went forward and looked through the list of songs. He smiled and picked out one of Tony's favourites. The slush fest of Gabrielle and Out of Reach. He let the the intro wash over him, no one in the room interested in the guy on the microphone. Alex and Tony were both guilty of liking Bridget Jones.
Tony turned when he recognised his son's singing voice. A smile on his face for the fact Alex was actually reaching out to him with his choice of song. The last time Alex had sung in public had been the Brookland's school production of Evita, when Alex had played a very surly Che.
The Director, Mike Leonard, came up to Tony. "So, some performance skills have filtered down to Alex. How has be been since rehab?"
"Oh, Alex wasn't in rehab. He tried to kill himself. Took an overdose of his prescribed painkillers and sleeping tablets. His medication is now only handed out in non lethal doses. Luckily we have moved past that particular crisis. Alex is a strange mix of clingy and independent. He was abused most horribly before I adopted him. Sometimes he can't understand that he is wanted and loved. You see a fine tall handsome young man. In the mirror Alex sees his nightmares. That boy has shown me how to be a better human being, a parent, and how to fathom true evil. Those that destroyed and hurt that beautiful boy are truly monsters."