Last chapter was... :(
I tried something different with my writing style for this one. I hope this makes it up to you, yea?
As Klaus nears us I feel my heart seize up in my chest. His eyes are narrowed and wild, absolutely terrifying, the eyes of a murderer, a predator.
I stumble, lurching forward. A part of my soul cries out to Klaus begging him to stop, just as my mouth was attempting to. I grab for his arm, trying to pull him away. But arms pull me back, curling around my chest like steel vines. My eyes widened and I uttered a cry of despair. "Please!" The word slips from my lips. I don't want Klaus to do this. It would kill me, kill us.
"Leah!" Klaus commands, his pale face is dark in the night. Eyes blurred with tears, Klaus is a hazy blob moving toward me. My shriek turns into a sob and suddenly the arms slip from around me. I stumble at first, but without my allowing it, my arms strike out at him, swinging with the force of the swords Klaus kept on the walls of his study. "Stop it!" he growls, capturing my hands easily and keeping them captive as I struggle.
I don't want to hate you! My mind is frantic. I didn't want to hate Klaus… How could he do this? My stomach lurches and I try to pull myself away from him, it is futile. Please, don't make me hate you. The shrieks of anguish and dismay could hardly be mine, but they were, I know they are. "No!" I lamented as I thrashed against Klaus' hold. "How could you? How could you?"
"Calm down, Leah!"
And all I needed, wanted, was for him to hold me close and tell me it would be okay. Even though it wasn't okay. I wasn't okay. Klaus wasn't okay. Nothing would ever be okay again. Of that I was sure. But it's all I could dare to hope for, even though the part of my heart was shattered is crying for me to hate Klaus. There was a bigger part, a disgusting, twisted part of myself that loved Klaus too much to even consider detesting him.
The intensity of his stare burns me. It crawls under my skin, eating my muscles and turning what little sanity I had left into a throbbing pain through my abdomen.
But it's real. So real. Blood gushes down my stomach, spreading over my thighs.
Klaus falls back, dead. Dead.
I reach out to grab him, claws like a vultures talons extending, dripping. Dripping with blood. With life. Hisminehers. Ours.
I jerk back and gasp, eyes snapping wide and my hands rising to empty air.
The unoccupied room plays back my ragged breaths and, trembling, I push myself up. It's dark, night still clinging to the world like an unwelcome uncle. The world outside the window looks like it will never give way to dawn.
Moving slowly I sit on the edge of the bed, hands still shaking as they reach for the light.
It throws shadows across the room, making them seem tangible.
My heart gallops wildly, a mixture of terror, shame and relief so strong that my mouth tastes of ash.
I sigh, lowering my head. It's been a week since Jane's attack, a week of hell. I don't remember too well much after leaving the beach. There was a period of silence that continues to this very moment, a period of silence in which my Forks friends came looking for us. Apparently they'd heard Klaus's howl.
I'm glad. But they were too late.
Too late. Nonono. Hayley please. Wake up.
It's a blur of concern and raised voices. And then I was in Mystic Falls, Hayley nothing a commemorative photo in the foyer and just like that the world seems to have churned to a stop. Where Klaus put the hybrid's body, he never said; I know for sure though that the Cullen's burnt what was left of Jane and the other vampire, who I was informed, was Alec. I remember him from years back as nothing more than a pale face among many. Eyes dead, soul coveted in darkness. He was the one who could paralyse.
Frozen. Trapped. Stoppleasestop. No more. Why? Why? Ohpleaseno Hayley!
It was a ceremony I would love to have seen, but anything beyond Carlisle trying to fix my ill-healed bones escapes me. That same sympathetic look.
Leah, stay. Don't go again, can't to lose you. Mom won't survive it.
Despite Carlisle's efforts there's one stabbing sensation in my lower back that's been coming and going for the last two days.
Blood like water. It trickles from me in mocking certainty that I'll never have peace. Why me? Why this life?
In two days they'll expect me back at the Grill, Matt could only take my shift for so long and I really can't afford to stay cooped in this house for much longer either. The tense quiet between Klaus and myself has grown from cold fury into practiced avoidance. A fact that I know is probably my fault and I've regretted since it started. But I haven't worked up the words to ask for his forgiveness. Actually, I've shied away from it.
In one way my anger isn't misplaced, but it is trivial and silly. Klaus had been fighting his own battle and as much as I wished he'd been there for Hayley, he couldn't be. It was something he mourned himself, my blaming him was not doing any good. Not to mention how selfish it is for me to be angry at him for not being at two places at once.
Why didn't I move? Hayley, please forgive me. Please.
The blame, I know, should be mine. If I hadn't been so reckless in first obtaining the vampire's notice, if I had moved to protect Hayley myself she would still be alive.
Just a second. A second faster. Don't freeze. Move. Move! Save her.
I cannot imagine how Klaus must feel with his guilt, my burden on him, my own is crippling.
Sorry. Sosorrysosorry…
Pushing to my feet, I step into a pair of slippers and sneak from the room. I know for certain where Hailey used to keep a stash of chocolates and biscuits, not that she was ever under any threat of Klaus eating any of it.
Just eat something. So thin. Don't die. Please don't die too.
Right now my craving for comfort food is at its peak; I've never desired caramel, marshmallows or chocolate this much.
Her room is quiet and cold, devoid of life. I hug myself as I navigate the clothes strewn floor.
I cringe when I notice the open book on her bedside table; she'd obviously thought she'd be back to read it when we returned from Forks.
Forgive me.
The draw containing Hayley's hoard is half stuffed with scarves I never saw her wearing, the colours as numerous as the birds in the sky. I rummage through them and finally close my hands around the A4 yellow box. It rustles as I pick it up.
Yellow for yearning. Blue for broken. Red for death. Life. Lost life.
Cautiously, I seat myself on the edge of Hayley's bed. There's a part of me that finds this ridiculous, but still I reach for the lid and proceed to sort through the array of candy wrappers and chocolate logs. I bypass the liquorice and pluck at the marshmallow centred chocolate dome.
Comfort. Not mine. Don't deserve this. I'm sorry. So sorry.
I know I wasn't necessarily quite about it, but when I hear the whoosh of air that accompanies a high-speed vampire's arrival I still tense in shock.
Sorry.
I can feel him watching and I know he knows I know he's here.
It's an eerie feeling.
Sorry.
With cream on my lips and chocolate melting on my tongue I stare into the darkness of Hayley's room. The guilt of being caught eating a dead woman's candy stash couples with my guilt of her death as a whole.
Forgive me.
What must Klaus think of this pathetic sight?
I struggle to take steadying breaths through my nose, feeling the remorse of this moment turn my stomach to lead, the sweet decadence in my mouth to poisonous depravity. All the same, tears rise to burn the back of my eyes.
My fault. It's all my fault. I'm so sorry. Forgive me.
After a moment I hear him walk away, the walk of a man and not of an Original. Wood protests lightly: first the floorboard on the landing, then the rush of a door opening and closing.
With the click of the door, the tears start to fall. I wipe at my mouth furiously.
This is betrayal.
This is ridiculous. We're being ridiculous, or rather, I am. This is my fault after all.
For a long few minutes I sit there with my face in my hands, silently weeping as the sweets sit neglected at my side.
I'm so stupid.
I'm sorry.
This situation is hopeless.
And the stupid bloody-persistent pain in my back makes me want to curl into a ball and just…just die.
So sorry.
The Grill has left me tired and stinking of fries, a fact that I hadn't missed from my time away. With my sudden change in appetite though any and everything smells good. I think I ate about half the food in the house before I left for work and still I sweet-talked chef into making me a few 'snacks'. Generally, as a shapeshifter, I ate quite a bit, but this is a lot, even for me.
I admit that it's likely a coping mechanism to deal with this weird hormonal turn my body seems to be taking, brought on by stress and too much crying.
My fault-
When Klaus comes into the kitchen, where I'm whipping up my second banana sundae that evening, and says my name, I nearly jump out of my skin.
Klaus.
I turn to him, spoon suspended in the air, dripping melting cream to the floor. For the first time since Hayley died, I really see him. And it makes my heart crawl into my throat, because Klaus looks bad, real bad. He looks sunken and hollow, his eyes jumping from side to side looking everywhere except at me.
He must know. Know that it is my fault.
My fault.
It makes me want to cry. Granted, I feel like crying most of the time.
I've never seen him like this though, like a scarecrow of the man he used to be, just a shadow of the mighty Original Hybrid. And I know that the crease between his brows isn't an indication of deep thought but the evidence of hurt and grief. All I want to do is run across the room and throw my arms around him, comfort him, tell him that it was all going to be over soon.
I should have done something.
We both lost Hayley, but she's the last person he had. I still have family in Forks, a pack who would welcome me with arms wide open. Klaus has no one. Not anymore.
Just me, and look at what a wreck I am. I don't even know if he'll want me here anymore if he understands the scope of my part in Hayley's death.
Betrayal. How could I? She was his. All his. It's my fault.
I close my eyes and sigh, licking my lips, because suddenly they feel rather dry. "Klaus," I greet softly, restraining myself from the very thing I longed to do. I might have blamed him, blame myself, oh God how I blame myself, but this distance between is ludicrous.
After a terse moment of silence he enters the room further, he rests a hand on the back of a stool and I wait for him to sit. He doesn't. Klaus' fingers curl into the wood and I hear the low groan of the furniture splintering. I stare at him panicked and mournful. Wondering whether he'll accept a sundae as an apology, because I don't seem able to put into words what is in my heart.
Oh God. I'm so sorry.
This man used to be so strong, so stubborn and difficult, had I reduced him to this? Klaus lets out a heavy sigh before lifting his eyes to me, they waver for a moment but he regains his focus. "I think you should go now,"
What?
"What?" I croak and clear my throat, shake my head. Sundae completely forgotten, I step forward, my eyes wide. Horror, pure confusion, rises in me like a tsunami. Oh no, oh God, no please. The spoon's cool edges bite into my palm. "W-why would you say that?" Even to me it sounds pathetic.
His eyes lower then spring back up to mine, there's a determination in them that has been missing for far too long and I'm not sure whether I should feel glad or mortified. "I realise that you're not happy here anymore, Leah." He pauses, "I'm telling you that you can leave now. You should get away from all this absurdity, away from me."
I gulp and my eyes sting with tears. Damnit, why am I crying so much? "No, that's crazy," I step forward slowly, "I can't go,"
Don't make me go. Please don't. I want to be here…with you.
"Yes," He interjects and his lips firm. "You can. You must. I understand that the imprint may make it difficult, but you can overcome it. I release you from it," He waves his hand as if banishing some smell in the air. "From your promise never to leave me, there are times when promises should be broken,"
A promise. It's more. So much more than a promise. I'm all he's got.
Suddenly I'm more angry than terrified, I stomp my foot and glare at Klaus through my gathering tears. The imprint isn't that simple, besides it's not the only thing keeping me here anymore. There's so so much more to this than my soul being bound to him. I slam the spoon down on the counter and the metallic clang makes me fury hotter. "I made that promise with every intention of keeping it!"
"And I appreciate that," Klaus mutters, his lips form a troubled smile. "You have no idea how much you've come to be an important part of my life, Leah-"
"Then why are you telling me to go?" I demand as water starts to roll down my cheeks. I don't understand. Does he want me to go? Is he saying this because of me? What I did, or rather the lack of what I did?
It was my fault. I could have… I could have…
Klaus sighs and shakes his head, "Because what I want…isn't best for you." Before I can interrupt again, he holds up a hand, palm towards me. "You deserve to be happy, to find a place where the supernatural can't ruin things. I want you to find someone who will cherish you and appreciate the way you overthink everything."
"The supernatural follows me everywhere, Klaus." I sound whiney, tragic at best but I didn't think I would need to point this out to him of all people, but with the way things are going it seems relevant to voice. Most of the horrible things that have happened to me are in reality my fault, every almost-death, every ache, they were products of my own doing.
If Klaus thinks for one moment that Mystic Falls is the source of my problems he is sorely mistaken.
I could have saved her.
"Hayley-"
I hiss, "She's dead, I know that. But that doesn't mean that I want to leave you." I frown because for a while it did.
What if…?
"Do you want me to go because of her?" I'm a trembling mess and I stare at him, he does blame me. He does. I step forward, desperate for forgiveness, for a chance to stay. Please, please, don't make me leave. "I've thought about it, I've thought about it so damn much and it bloody hurts. If I'd done something…" I shake my head, dashing away tears. "We both lost Hayley that day and I know it's my fault, I know-"
He's closer, pushing my hands away from my face as I try to combat rising sobs.
Don't make me go.
The scowl on his brow does nothing to ease my anxiety. "Stop it," When I whimper unintelligibly he cups my face in his hands. "It's as much your fault as it is mine, Leah. We both failed Hayley that day, but I don't blame you and I would not force you to leave for such a reason."
"But you said-"
"I want you to leave because I can't bear to see you like this. You are unhappy-"
"I'm not,"
I am. But you're worse.
"You are," His lips twist into a smile.
I sniff, "Only because you hate me."
His brows rise, "Where did you get such a preposterous idea?"
"I killed Hayley," I cry, "You want me to leave, what else am I supposed to think?"
Every reason. He has every reason to hate me. Kol. Caroline. Hayley. Hayley. Hayley. Hayley.
His hands tighten and their grip makes me flinch in pain, I deserve it though, so when his eyes fill with anger I don't try to struggle against the hold. "You're being remarkably pig-headed…which is pretty normal actually." He sighs, "You are supposed to be glad that you can leave me, be free of this accursed imprint of yours."
With I whimper I reach up to grab his wrists. "That's not how it works… I love you, Klaus. Your telling me to be free isn't going to take away my feelings, love is not that fickle. Not my love."
It's not a curse.
His eyes close and his head comes forward, I catch my breath and feel my lips tremble when his forehead presses against mine. "You need to go, for Hayley."
For Hayley…
Everything inside me squeezes as more tears gush to the surface. I understand what he's saying though; I understand that he wants me to live a life worthy of the hybrid. Hayley never assumed her own freedom because of her loyalty to Klaus, much like mine will keep me trapped in this haunted mansion. I release his wrists to mirror his hold on my face. Beneath my fingers his skin is rough with a few days of growth. "Klaus…"
I'm sorry, but…
I breath in the sound of his shallow, near non-existent breathes. With eyes closed I keep myself linked to him through the touch of our hands and foreheads alone. "Klaus, for Hayley…" I feel when he jerks, a movement of betrayal to his own words. "For Hayley I will not allow you to be alone and cold. For her I'll be loyal and supportive. But-but for me, for you, I will stay. For us I'll continue to tell you I love you until you start to believe it, and then every day after that I'll remind you. I'll remind you that you can be loved, that it's okay to be loved. Because I love you, I love you more than I can ever express in words. I love you with everything I am and it's not a love governed by the imprint or a dead girl's hopes for us. I just…I love you."
I can't leave you.
I stop speaking, my voice unable to carry enough emotion, my touch unable to carry enough of the rawness within my heart. I just hope that somehow, somehow he can feel it: the depth of this thundering heart of mine.
You deserve better, but I'll wait. I'll wait for you.
The silence is thick and nerve inducing; I can taste it on my tongue. Bitter and sour. Painful at best.
His fingers move and I know I'm going to cry because this is the moment when he rejects my feelings, the moment in which I loose whatever I had left of him.
"Leah,"
I'm sorry...
I force my eyes open, only a moment before he closes the space between us.
The kiss is soft, gentle and desperate in a way ill-fitting of such a powerful creature. It's nothing like our mistletoe kiss, nothing like the one shared on the beach. It's…somehow different, I'm not sure how but it is. With new conviction I close my eyes and lean into it, not sure where this is leading and not knowing if it is a goodbye but savouring this opportunity all the same.
He pulls away, just enough that when he speaks I can feel the movement of his lips. "Stay."
It tastes of forgiveness.
Plot is happening... :)