Skyfall

Chapter Forty-Two

Harvey looked into the back of the car. While they separated into two cars and headed to a church service for Katie's funeral, this time they all came to the funeral home together in a larger car. Marcus didn't want a big service moderated by a priest like Katie had, he made that perfectly clear in his note. So they honored his wishes and settled on a small gathering of his family and friends at the funeral home.

Rebecca had set the whole thing up and he felt guilty that she was doing all of the work. But to be honest, he found it difficult to concentrate on anything but his own issues for more than a few minutes.

The past couple of days had felt like they were dragging on forever. It felt like it was just yesterday that it was Friday and his biggest concern was trying to figure out why Rebecca was acting weird. Now it was Monday and that was the least of his concerns right now. He still wanted to know what she was going to tell him before his mom came in and told them that Marcus was dead. But another part of him didn't want to know because he felt like he couldn't take much more. He just wanted to be left alone.

It was stressful enough to know that they were now going to be in charge of Ethan and Olivia for the rest of their lives. While he loved his niece and nephew, he didn't sign up for getting custody of them. He thought that he would be handing them back to Marcus at some point, or even to his mom if the clinical trial worked.

But now he and Rebecca had an instant family, complete with two kids. It was a lot to take in. There was so much logistically that needed to be figured out. He was glad that Rebecca said she would take care of it. If he had to try and find them a new place to live or pick schools right now…well he just couldn't do it.

Marcus' suicide note haunted him. He was keeping it in the glove compartment of the car because he didn't want anyone to find it. His mom had asked to read it several times, but he couldn't let her. She could never see it. He was ashamed of her reaction if she found out that he was the reason Marcus felt so hopeless and feared she would hold him responsible. They were close now after so many years of being apart. He didn't want to take the chance that she may decide to cut him out of her life. He couldn't handle that. It was the same reason he wasn't sure he wanted to tell Rebecca.

He was ashamed of his actions. Memories of his last argument with Marcus filled his head, coupled with the image of seeing his lifeless face at the rehab center. He wasn't sleeping and barely eating.

They pulled up to the funeral home and he got out first, opening the door for Rebecca. His mom got out after her and gathered Ethan and Olivia. They all headed into the building and he felt Rebecca grab a hold of his hand, giving it a soft squeeze.

He felt bad. She had been trying so hard to help him, letting him have his space and not crowding him too much. But he could see in her eyes that all she wanted to do was talk to him. He just couldn't talk yet and he wasn't sure if he would ever be truly ready to talk about it. He could tell that she was hurt by the fact he wasn't talking to her about it, but it just wasn't an option for him.

There were already at least two dozen people already inside milling around the room when they entered. He recognized maybe half of the people that were in his brothers' life. A few moments later, Donna approached them, giving both him and Rebecca a quick hug.

"Everyone else wanted to come today too, but I know you wanted to keep this as small as possible so I convinced them to let me come and represent the firm." Donna explained. "How are you both doing?"

He shrugged.

"We're still trying to process everything." Rebecca spoke up. "Thank you for coming, Donna."

He looked over at his longtime friend and smiled at her. "Yeah. It means a lot that you came."

"Of course." Donna nodded. "If you need me, I'll be over here."

Once Donna walked off, he felt Rebecca lightly drag him into the corner of the room.

"Are you ok?"

He looked at her face. She was worried about him and he knew that she only wanted to help him. But there wasn't anything she could do to help him. He managed to put a small smile on his face and nodded. "I'm ok."

He could see that she didn't believe it. But she let it go for now. She hugged him tightly and he took a moment to enjoy having her in his arms.

"We are going to get through this like we've gotten through everything else." She told him.

"I know." He felt bad for lying again though because he honestly wasn't sure how to get through this.

Rebecca re-entered the funeral home slowly. The memorial service was still going on inside, but she needed a moment and some fresh air so she escaped. From out in the entryway she could still faintly hear the speaker. Not ready to go back in yet, she stared at the sign directing mourners to the right area. To the left was the Mckenzie memorial service. On the right were the directions to the Specter memorial service.

She didn't think this day would come. She hoped this day wouldn't come. But here it was. Today was just another day in a string of bad luck that had befallen the Specter family.

She knew she should go back in there, sit in the front row and listen to the people saying good things about Marcus. It was expected of her to be in there. There were people in there who needed her. But she didn't have it in her anymore to be the strong one. It was exhausting and she honestly didn't have the energy. She just needed a break.

So she went over to the couch by the window and sat down. It had been one hell of a ride the last few months.

It had only been a few months since things started to go wrong, but with the way time dragged along, it felt like years had passed. She was so deep in thought that she didn't notice Donna approaching her until her friend sat down next to her.

"Hey." She greeted.

"Hey. I was getting worried about you." Donna said. "You've been gone for a while."

"I'm sorry." She apologized. "I just needed to get away. I hope Harvey isn't too mad. I know I should be in there with him."

"I think he is probably more worried than mad. And he has the support of his mom so I think he is alright for the moment." Donna explained. "Are you ok?"

"No. To be perfectly honest, I'm not." She scoffed. "I've been trying to be the one who consoles everyone else…Harvey, Lily, Ethan and Olivia…I've been trying so hard since Katie died to be there for all of them. I even tried to be there for Marcus. But I obviously failed him."

"You didn't fail him." Donna pointed out. "You did everything you could to be there for him. But he made his own choices. That's not on you."

"Maybe, but maybe I could have tried harder." She conceded. "And now that he is gone, I'm still trying to be there for everyone and make sure they are ok. Bouncing around from person to person to make sure that they are in a good place emotionally and taking care of themselves is exhausting. I'm trying to make sure they are eating and sleeping and they aren't getting too depressed. Plus you add in the fact that I've been working almost around the clock trying to take care of Harvey's and my clients for the last several weeks and coming up here every weekend. It all adds up to the fact that I'm just exhausted."

"I bet you are." Donna nodded. "Especially since you are now pregnant."

She quickly turned her head to look at Donna. "What?"

"Well you are, right?" Donna laughed.

"I…but…" She sighed, knowing there was no point in lying to her friend. "How did you know that? I haven't told anyone about it."

"You have a certain glow around you?" Donna laughed. "No, I realized it last week when you stopped drinking multiple cups of coffee a day, instead switching to ginger tea or lemonade. It's what Rachel drank a lot during both of her pregnancies. Plus you have been going to the ladies room more often. I assume to throw up?"

"Yeah." She nodded.

"And you probably left in there because you needed to come out here to throw up, didn't you?"

"That's just freaky that you know all of that." She smiled.

"I'm no longer just the Harvey whisperer. I've also become the Rebecca whisperer too now." Donna smirked.

"But if you knew all of that, why didn't you say anything?"

"I was waiting for you to say something first." Donna shrugged. "Then I got impatient. So how far along are you?"

"Seven weeks." She admitted.

"Does Harvey know?"

"No." She shook her head. "I found out last week. I was going to tell him in person this past weekend when I came up for a visit. I was just about to say it but then Lily came in and told us about Marcus. I haven't felt like there's been a good time to tell him since then."

"There's never going to be a perfect time." Donna pointed out.

"I know." She nodded. "But this is one of the worst times. Marcus is dead. We already have to pack up the kids and move them to New York City. And we need to find a bigger place to live as well as figure out what to do with Marcus' house and the restaurants. I need to find the kids a school to go to and then figure out child care for after school. It's stressful, and I'm not certain he will be happy about this. He asked for six months before we even try to get pregnant. It hasn't even been half of that and now I'm pregnant. Plus with getting Olivia and Ethan…it's a lot. I'm worried it will overwhelm him. I know it's overwhelming me."

"I know you are worried about that, but you still need to tell him."

"I will." She promised. "I just need to find a good time to do it. I'm worried about what his reaction is going to be. He's hanging on by a very thin thread right now and I'm worried this will make things worse for him."

"He will be surprised but I don't think he will consider this a bad thing. You need to tell him soon or else he might think you are hiding it from him and that won't go over very well." Donna patted her leg.

"Is it bad that I needed a break?" She asked quietly.

"No." Donna shook her head. "It's not bad at all. You have to take care of yourself too, especially now that you are pregnant. But do you feel like going back inside yet?"

"Yeah." She agreed. "Let's go."

They stood up to go back in, only to find that they memorial service was now over with and people were starting to file out. She gently pushed her way through the crowd to get back to Harvey.

"Are you ok?" He asked when he saw her.

"Yeah." She nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to miss the rest of it."

"It's fine." He nodded.

She couldn't tell if he meant it or not so she made a mental note to ask him about it later on.

"C'mon. Let's go to the reception." He said.

"Ok." She nodded, grabbing his hand and they walked behind the kids and his mom back to the car.